Jealousy ?



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 Post subject: Jealousy ?
PostPosted: Tue Sep 05, 2017 11:30 am 
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Joined: Tue Sep 05, 2017 10:57 am
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Posted this in general but thinking it should go in here...

Hi everyone, I’m wondering what peoples thoughts on jealousy are?

Bit of background – I’ve been dating a girl for about 4-5 months now and things have
been going well. We meet up a couple of times a week at my place and her place,
we don’t live in each others pockets or anything like that and we both do our own thing.

Now this weekend just gone I had a social event with some of my old friends I haven’t seen for a while, we all got together
and went away to a music thing for the day.

We talked a bit on Sunday when I got back and she told me that she had a guy over
on the Saturday night. I thought she was being a bit weird but I didn’t push her into telling me, it
just didn’t exactly come out as if she wanted to tell me.

I used to be a huge AFC and I would have immediately called her out on it and completely made
an idiot of myself, luckily I’ve learnt (through experience!) not to let it show and to be the ‘cool’ guy.

I haven’t mentioned anything to her but I can’t help but feel a little bit jealous, is this normal?

It’s not a guy she’s really mentioned before which is weird and he lives about 3-4 hours away.
They both cooked food and had a nice meal at her house/room (she lives in a house share so only has her room
and the kitchen). Now, I don’t know many guys that would travel this far for just dinner? Maybe I’m wrong.

Now I think about it, most of her friends are male… am I missing some red flags here?

Another thing is why she did it the day I was away? I don’t exactly want to associate going out with my friends
with her having some guy round her house.

I am the type of guy who prefers to find a girl I really click with and keep them around, I just enjoy that side
of things and I’ve never been good at being abundant. I understand that abundance mentality will help with
jealousy, but what if that’s just not who I am? I would feel guilty about potentially ruining something good.

I would be lying to myself if I said it wasn’t on my mind – how do I clear my conscious without calling her out on it?

What would you do in this situation?


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 Post subject: Re: Jealousy ?
PostPosted: Tue Sep 05, 2017 1:50 pm 
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Posts: 209
I'd personally dump her. Her having a guy stay over for dinner while you're away is the biggest red flag going IMO. Fuck being the cool guy in this instance, she's disrespecting you and your relationship. You're being AFC by NOT reacting to this IMO.

Who is this guy anyway? Have you met him? Has she told you about him before?

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 Post subject: Re: Jealousy ?
PostPosted: Tue Sep 05, 2017 1:58 pm 
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Slick_uk wrote:
I'd personally dump her. Her having a guy stay over for dinner while you're away is the biggest red flag going IMO. Fuck being the cool guy in this instance, she's disrespecting you and your relationship. You're being AFC by NOT reacting to this IMO.

Who is this guy anyway? Have you met him? Has she told you about him before?


We've never actually had the discussion about being exclusive, so it's not as cut and dry
as that but we are really close and we're both the type where a label doesn't really change
anything, so I strongly believe this would have happened even if we were together 'officially'.

I've never met him. I've heard about him once (forgot to put in original post) and she described him
as a guy who sleeps around a lot, which obviously adds fuel to the fire.


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 Post subject: Re: Jealousy ?
PostPosted: Tue Sep 05, 2017 2:00 pm 
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This is your gf?


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 Post subject: Re: Jealousy ?
PostPosted: Tue Sep 05, 2017 2:04 pm 
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So you're FWB with her then? Not in a relationship so she can do what she likes. As can you. If you want her to be your girlfriend, have that chat with her, but it sounds like she is past that point and has other ideas.

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 Post subject: Re: Jealousy ?
PostPosted: Tue Sep 05, 2017 5:59 pm 
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So because you're afraid to come across jealous you're just going to let her do anything she wants? In my opinion thats 10x more AFC than pouting like a bitch about it. What you're saying here is you're AFRAID of what she's going to think and so you'll just letting it go until you find the perfect way to bring it up? Please tell me your joking.

A woman is going to do what she can get away with bro. If she can have the best of both worlds she's going to take it. Like who wouldn't? If i told my girl, im currently having a threesome and she was okay with it, and still wanted to be my girlfriend, and perform all of the girlfriend duties like nothing happened why on earth would I stop? It is only when boundaries are drawn that behavior changes.

You have every right to feel how you feel and voice. And if she doesn't respect it than she's just NOT the woman for you. There will be another. Theres nothing AFC about not feeling comfortable with your girlfriend having dinner with another guy in her HOME. Wake up bro...

And don't you for a second thing she won't look at you and think to herself.. " Wow, my boyfriend is kinda weak. I just told him i had a guy over my house for dinner and he didn't say anything. I wonder what else i can get away with". You give someone a foot, they'll take you mile. It's not about insecurity, its about respect. And out of respect for you, if she cares about you, she'll compromise on some things she may not agree with because of the respect she has for you, and vice verse. But this right here is an offense bro.. Check that and you'll be on a slippery slope.

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 Post subject: Re: Jealousy ?
PostPosted: Wed Sep 06, 2017 2:54 pm 
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To be honest the main issue here, regardless of if you are exclusive or not, is that she straight up tells you she has another man over.

If you are exclusive that is disrespectful and like Eddie said you need to be a man and tell her that is not appropriate.

If you are not exclusive she still has no business telling you.


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