ONLINE DATING QUESTION ~ ASK J SMOOTH!!!


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2012 10:56 pm 
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Hi JS, great thread.

I'm new to this online game as I have just recently divorced. I'm on Badoo which has an encounters section which randomly puts up women in your area that match your criteria for a potential date and asks you would you like to meet them.

So far two women found me in their encounters and I said i'd like to meet them. Cool.
Anyway, both messaged me first. Got a couple of laughs from the first one. She told me she spent her childhood in germany, so I'm going to ask her about that next. The other just sent a Hi and a smiley. Haven't responded yet.

Anyway, I was going through the encounters yesterday and saw a girl I recognise from a while back. She's comes across as cool from her profile too. She's a friend of a friend of an acquaintance if you know what I mean. How do you reckon I go about sending her a message without sounding like a weirdo/stalker?

P.S Cool videos.

Steve.


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 11, 2012 3:23 am 
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Socratic Methodist wrote:
Thanks JS!

I pretty much believe that they should be pulled into real life as quickly as possible, like you alluded to. And for the most part, the older women seem to take to this better. They are SO looking for that 'One', that they are up for anything. And given the higher quality openings, from me, that they are receiving - it just makes things go that much faster...

Have my first date saturday night, then a lunch date on sunday. tried to get one for friday(my birthday) - no takers. And then I have another one next friday night, and one next saturday night...so 9 numbers in 2 weeks(first week was xmas holidays). and have secured 4 dates out of the 9. One of the non dates is moving from florida to massachusetts, and wants to get together after she's settled. Not quite sure how the interim will be handled...but I have my fingers crossed....thoughts? comments?


Sounds like you are doing alright. Just put the Florida girl on the back burner for a while. Send her the occasional message to try and keep in touch but I wouldn't bank on her just yet. Focus on what you have in front of you.

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 11, 2012 3:26 am 
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steve19721 wrote:
Hi JS, great thread.

I'm new to this online game as I have just recently divorced. I'm on Badoo which has an encounters section which randomly puts up women in your area that match your criteria for a potential date and asks you would you like to meet them.

So far two women found me in their encounters and I said i'd like to meet them. Cool.
Anyway, both messaged me first. Got a couple of laughs from the first one. She told me she spent her childhood in germany, so I'm going to ask her about that next. The other just sent a Hi and a smiley. Haven't responded yet.

Anyway, I was going through the encounters yesterday and saw a girl I recognise from a while back. She's comes across as cool from her profile too. She's a friend of a friend of an acquaintance if you know what I mean. How do you reckon I go about sending her a message without sounding like a weirdo/stalker?

P.S Cool videos.

Steve.


Hey Steve,

Great Question! And thanks for the compliments on the videos. Well, I think the best thing to do if you message her is to message her like you don't realize you know who she is. If you message her and try to say hey aren't you that friend of so and so it's going to get a little weird. My thought is it'd be better to get to know her as if you didn't know that, and then on your date act like you just remembered who she is. Then you can see and gage her reaction much better where as online she could just stop talking to you all together, and we don't want that to happen.

Jon

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 15, 2012 9:44 am 
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Hey Js,

This isn't really a question about what to say, but I'm wondering how often do women usually respond?


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 15, 2012 9:09 pm 
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Good stuff man.


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 16, 2012 7:36 pm 
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Zhen wrote:
Hey Js,

This isn't really a question about what to say, but I'm wondering how often do women usually respond?


It depends on the site, it depends on what you are after, and what opening lines you are using. I think a great average is anything over 30% cause you are better than a baseball batting average.

The typical AFC using very basic opening lines, no real game at all, is probably running somewhere around 10-15% response rate on a given dating site.

Again, it depends on the website. There are some "single meeting" websites out there that are setup with a lot of fake profiles, spam bots, fake winks to you, etc. just to keep you interested in their site but nothing comes of it. Those kinds of sites you may not get anything cause only the "Fake Profiles" show for your area and no real people.

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2012 8:50 pm 
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Well, was chatting to a girl for three hours on badoo on wednesday. Lots of "lols" kisses etc. Got her phone number. I went online on Friday and she was messaging me, but I told her I was going out. She goes "talk soon xxx enjoy yourself."

I'm online tonight and I can't get a word out of her! Should I just bail out and open another day? Really I'd just like to get on the phone and ask her out.


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 9:32 pm 
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steve19721 wrote:
Well, was chatting to a girl for three hours on badoo on wednesday. Lots of "lols" kisses etc. Got her phone number. I went online on Friday and she was messaging me, but I told her I was going out. She goes "talk soon xxx enjoy yourself."

I'm online tonight and I can't get a word out of her! Should I just bail out and open another day? Really I'd just like to get on the phone and ask her out.


Yes, get on the phone and ask her out.

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PostPosted: Thu Jan 26, 2012 3:08 pm 
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I recently joined a few social groups in my city on meetup.com and although it's not a dating site, most cities do have singles meetup groups and the meets can provide a chance to mingle with females and run game, if a decent number of people show up for something organised. Where it differs, is you don't really need to approach, but you need to be be really good at conversing. It also helps that most people don't know each other, so are forced to get out of their comfort zones.

A lot of people join meetup.com groups and don't show up for meets. My question, is there's a lady in one group I'm in who I've seen once and am likely to see again, who I see has a dating site profile on a site.

She's a psychologist and has written an excellently worded profile, but in front of other people at a meetup, who could overhear me, I wouldn't want to say 'hey I saw you have a profile on such and such a dating site, so can I get your number, as we should date. What you said about being adventurous, having travelled overseas and wanting to travel more, was really well written'. This could make someone feel embarrassed while others are sitting round listening.

I don't currently have a profile properly set up on the same site, but it'd be awkward to contact, she doesn't answer, then I'd see her in person at meetups of the social group, that'd be rather awkward. If she saw that I had a profile on the site, I wouldn't really care.

She's ok, but I didn't get a chance to talk with her that much, the first time I met with the group. I kind of screwed things up anyway, by incorrectly guessing her nationality. My question is, do you address this with someone in that situation, if you get the chance to talk one on one, or not say anything at all and instead use what she's said in her profile, as conversation starters. I'd have to be rather careful and not make her think 'hey, this dude must have read my dating site profile, to know and be asking me that'.

From talking briefly at the first meetup, I don't think the lady is all that interested, plus she says on her profile, don't contact her if you're a player and I do currently want to play the field for the immediate near future, so I'm not bothered either way.


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 29, 2012 11:20 pm 
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This post is directed to JSmooth but anyone who has any opinion or feedback can feel free to comment on this.

I recently made a profile on Plenty of Fish. I have sent a few girls messages with moderate success in terms of responses. I have gotten a few to send me messages without sending them anything. The problem is that the site is saturated with girls that I wouldn't hook up with hammered (which is honestly pretty fucking terrible) and it has been only those that have been messaging me.

I have messaged the few hotties i have found and have gotten some good responses from the "OK" ones, but to be honest i really would have trouble going out with them as they are questionably hot (need more comprehensive photos). Maybe my standards are too high and I should just go out with them for practice. The ones who are clearly attractive have been hard to hook for me. Im sure because they get hundreds of messages per day (i made a fake profile to verify this and its pretty pathetic what i saw).

Im wondering if you could critique my profile and based on my personality, give me any ways to clean this up to look better for girls I message. Also, I saw your post about being very direct messaging online. I have tried this a few times but have gotten better responses (almost 100% success rate) when i say something indirect/friendly/playful. Do you have any recommendations as a basic strategy to work with on here?

Any other dating sites (preferably free) you would recomend checking out?

Anyway, here is my profile on here. Again, anything you think I should take out or emphasize more would be greatly appreciated as feedback.

"About Me:

I tend to take the road less in life. Im always up for doing something that i havent done before. I want to experience all of the great things that life has to offer and learn from the dirt as well. I am extremely ambitious and shoot for the stars with everything I do. I see this as an asset but it also causes me to a bit unrealistic at times. When i do things i go in head first and either find major success or find myself eating dirt.

Hobbies: I love to go out with my friends and see how ridiculous of a night we can have, im a certified skydiver, love to snowboard and wakeboard, play texas hold em poker, pick up a guitar from time to time. Im into anything that involves complex strategy. I think thats why I love to work on and expand my business so much - there are just so many variables to consider - to me it is really the largest, most complex strategy game this world has to offer. Plus if you get good at it you get filthy rich!

Goals: Honestly, and this may sound like im crazy and nieve, but I want to be the Richard Brandson of America. I want to build up an empire of businesses in various industries the way i believe they should be run. Outside of business Id really like to learn to fly planes, get certified to skydive in a wing suit, have houses/condos all across the world (colorado, vegas, LA, Miami, Nashville, New York, then wherever else I find myself extraordinarily attracted to), and ultimately surround myself with as many interesting incredible people as I can.

What kind of girl am I into? - I like pretty girls with bubbly personalities. If you fall into that category - congratulations! You are half way there with me. If your little, thin, and have blonde hair you can bump that up another 15%. Confidence is a major plus. I dont mind playing therapist sometimes but If it is a recurring theme in our relationship dont expect me to stay around long. If you dont fall into these categories, dont worry, you havent lost with me at all. These are just tried and true types of girls that I am attracted to and I like to have relationships with. Who knows, maybe I just havent met the right kinds of the other ones. If you think I'll like you, email me, I dont bite... unless you like that ;)

First Date:

I like good food, movies, massages, stargazing, parties, beer... once I figure out who you are and what you like then I will have an idea of a nice date to take you on."

Thanks in advance!


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 4:26 pm 
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VFresh21 wrote:
This post is directed to JSmooth but anyone who has any opinion or feedback can feel free to comment on this.

I recently made a profile on Plenty of Fish. I have sent a few girls messages with moderate success in terms of responses. I have gotten a few to send me messages without sending them anything. The problem is that the site is saturated with girls that I wouldn't hook up with hammered (which is honestly pretty fucking terrible) and it has been only those that have been messaging me.

I have messaged the few hotties i have found and have gotten some good responses from the "OK" ones, but to be honest i really would have trouble going out with them as they are questionably hot (need more comprehensive photos). Maybe my standards are too high and I should just go out with them for practice. The ones who are clearly attractive have been hard to hook for me. Im sure because they get hundreds of messages per day (i made a fake profile to verify this and its pretty pathetic what i saw).

Im wondering if you could critique my profile and based on my personality, give me any ways to clean this up to look better for girls I message. Also, I saw your post about being very direct messaging online. I have tried this a few times but have gotten better responses (almost 100% success rate) when i say something indirect/friendly/playful. Do you have any recommendations as a basic strategy to work with on here?

Any other dating sites (preferably free) you would recomend checking out?

Anyway, here is my profile on here. Again, anything you think I should take out or emphasize more would be greatly appreciated as feedback.

"About Me:

I tend to take the road less in life. Im always up for doing something that i havent done before. I want to experience all of the great things that life has to offer and learn from the dirt as well. I am extremely ambitious and shoot for the stars with everything I do. I see this as an asset but it also causes me to a bit unrealistic at times. When i do things i go in head first and either find major success or find myself eating dirt.

Hobbies: I love to go out with my friends and see how ridiculous of a night we can have, im a certified skydiver, love to snowboard and wakeboard, play texas hold em poker, pick up a guitar from time to time. Im into anything that involves complex strategy. I think thats why I love to work on and expand my business so much - there are just so many variables to consider - to me it is really the largest, most complex strategy game this world has to offer. Plus if you get good at it you get filthy rich!

Goals: Honestly, and this may sound like im crazy and nieve, but I want to be the Richard Brandson of America. I want to build up an empire of businesses in various industries the way i believe they should be run. Outside of business Id really like to learn to fly planes, get certified to skydive in a wing suit, have houses/condos all across the world (colorado, vegas, LA, Miami, Nashville, New York, then wherever else I find myself extraordinarily attracted to), and ultimately surround myself with as many interesting incredible people as I can.

What kind of girl am I into? - I like pretty girls with bubbly personalities. If you fall into that category - congratulations! You are half way there with me. If your little, thin, and have blonde hair you can bump that up another 15%. Confidence is a major plus. I dont mind playing therapist sometimes but If it is a recurring theme in our relationship dont expect me to stay around long. If you dont fall into these categories, dont worry, you havent lost with me at all. These are just tried and true types of girls that I am attracted to and I like to have relationships with. Who knows, maybe I just havent met the right kinds of the other ones. If you think I'll like you, email me, I dont bite... unless you like that ;)

First Date:

I like good food, movies, massages, stargazing, parties, beer... once I figure out who you are and what you like then I will have an idea of a nice date to take you on."

Thanks in advance!


VFresh21 thanks for the post.

Before I start critiquing your profile what are you after from POF? Do you just want to date girls, get sex, or get a relationship? The reason I ask is the way you set up your profile is a little different for each. Your profile as it is now is pretty close to what I'd do for a long term relationship.

As far as talking to the 6 & 7s and going out with them. Yes I would advise this and even go on some dates with them. The reason is it's kind of like practice for the real thing. If you get good at handling messages, dates, last minute resistence with 6's, 7's, and 8's then 9s and 10s are easier to deal with.

Take for instance right now I'm starting to learn how to run further. Well I can only run about a quarter mile right now before I'm weezing. Well it use to be I could only run for a minute. Then it was two minutes, now it's a quarter mile, etc. I keep pushing that failure point until that comes easy to me. So it may be a good thing to get really good with 7s and 8s before moving to 9s and 10s. Doesn't mean you can't try for them though. :)

Let me know what you're after and we'll sit down and work on your profile. Also a link to your profile via PM if you want would be helpful. Pictures make a big deal and so does the headline of the profile on POF.

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 7:43 pm 
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VFresh21 thanks for the post.

Before I start critiquing your profile what are you after from POF? Do you just want to date girls, get sex, or get a relationship? The reason I ask is the way you set up your profile is a little different for each. Your profile as it is now is pretty close to what I'd do for a long term relationship.

As far as talking to the 6 & 7s and going out with them. Yes I would advise this and even go on some dates with them. The reason is it's kind of like practice for the real thing. If you get good at handling messages, dates, last minute resistence with 6's, 7's, and 8's then 9s and 10s are easier to deal with.

Take for instance right now I'm starting to learn how to run further. Well I can only run about a quarter mile right now before I'm weezing. Well it use to be I could only run for a minute. Then it was two minutes, now it's a quarter mile, etc. I keep pushing that failure point until that comes easy to me. So it may be a good thing to get really good with 7s and 8s before moving to 9s and 10s. Doesn't mean you can't try for them though.

Let me know what you're after and we'll sit down and work on your profile. Also a link to your profile via PM if you want would be helpful. Pictures make a big deal and so does the headline of the profile on POF.


Thanks for the response JSmooth. Im really interested in all of the above. It depends on the girl im talking to on there.

I couldn't agree more on dating the other ones on the site for practice. I worry about not feeling any of that natural desire to escalate and having a problem with it though. I have had problems with that going out with girls im not really attracted to in the past and just treating them like friends the whole time. It makes me feel pretty bad about it too knowing that they like me. I dont really have a problem hooking up with them or having sex (especially when im drunk) but there is really no natural urge or desire to do so (unless im drunk) and I would prefer not to drink for that. What would you suggest in terms of a mental psyche out to get over this?


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 31, 2012 1:43 am 
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VFresh21 wrote:
Thanks for the response JSmooth. Im really interested in all of the above. It depends on the girl im talking to on there.

I couldn't agree more on dating the other ones on the site for practice. I worry about not feeling any of that natural desire to escalate and having a problem with it though. I have had problems with that going out with girls im not really attracted to in the past and just treating them like friends the whole time. It makes me feel pretty bad about it too knowing that they like me. I dont really have a problem hooking up with them or having sex (especially when im drunk) but there is really no natural urge or desire to do so (unless im drunk) and I would prefer not to drink for that. What would you suggest in terms of a mental psyche out to get over this?


Glad to see another Nashville native. Since you are looking mostly for dating your profile needs some tweaking. You don't want to give away too much in your profile and not leave you guys anything to talk about. At the same time we want to give enough away so they can connect with us some. For LTR's you generally have a longer profile like what you have. For dating it's not as urgent. That and this site doesn't work well for long profiles.

You have good photos. I would recommend changing up your headline if you haven't done it in the past week. Changing your profile heading helps a lot. Stuff that is a bit cocky tends to work better for the hotter girls. Things like, "The guy your mother warned you about." "I'm kind of an asshole."" etc.

Your first sentence in your profile really needs to grab the readers attention and set the tone for your profile. Maybe "Go Big or Go Home! I take the road less traveled in life going for the glory. You won't have to ever ask me if I'll go for the long shot because I always do. I have huge ambitions like being the Richard Branson of America. When I'm not working on that I love experiencing all that life has to offer. I totally downplay my cool shit like being a certified sky diver, snowboarding, wakeboarding, hold em poker, and playing guitar.

I'm into girls who are in shape, have bubbly personalities, crave adventure, and are confident in themselves. I not into drama so if you have daddy issues don't waste my time. If you think I'll like you, email me, I dont bite... unless you like that ;) P.S. I'm not into just hooking up so don't even think about it on our first date."

Your first date section is good.

Just shorten it up. Obviously what I have is just a suggestion using your words and just trying to sum things up. Don't worry about the I'm not into hooking up thing it's a false disqualifier. Doesn't matter if you do or not it's just there to keep the player vibe down. :)

Hope this helps you out! I get several dates off POF around here.

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 31, 2012 3:38 am 
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Glad to see another Nashville native. Since you are looking mostly for dating your profile needs some tweaking. You don't want to give away too much in your profile and not leave you guys anything to talk about. At the same time we want to give enough away so they can connect with us some. For LTR's you generally have a longer profile like what you have. For dating it's not as urgent. That and this site doesn't work well for long profiles.

You have good photos. I would recommend changing up your headline if you haven't done it in the past week. Changing your profile heading helps a lot. Stuff that is a bit cocky tends to work better for the hotter girls. Things like, "The guy your mother warned you about." "I'm kind of an asshole."" etc.

Your first sentence in your profile really needs to grab the readers attention and set the tone for your profile. Maybe "Go Big or Go Home! I take the road less traveled in life going for the glory. You won't have to ever ask me if I'll go for the long shot because I always do. I have huge ambitions like being the Richard Branson of America. When I'm not working on that I love experiencing all that life has to offer. I totally downplay my cool shit like being a certified sky diver, snowboarding, wakeboarding, hold em poker, and playing guitar.

I'm into girls who are in shape, have bubbly personalities, crave adventure, and are confident in themselves. I not into drama so if you have daddy issues don't waste my time. If you think I'll like you, email me, I dont bite... unless you like that P.S. I'm not into just hooking up so don't even think about it on our first date."

Your first date section is good.

Just shorten it up. Obviously what I have is just a suggestion using your words and just trying to sum things up. Don't worry about the I'm not into hooking up thing it's a false disqualifier. Doesn't matter if you do or not it's just there to keep the player vibe down.

Hope this helps you out! I get several dates off POF around here.


Alright I rewrote the profile and have to say - I like how it came out. My second draft sounded like a Mike Tyson rant but the third one definitely reflects who I am. The only problem I worry about is that girls will read this and think im a fucking lunatic because my life aspirations are so ridiculous. Now that I think about it i actually dont even tell my friends the real deal. I always downplay it. Im guessing you like the route though since you didn't mention anything about it in the first post. Anyway, thanks J, let me know what you think.


Possible headliners:

"Welcome to your dreams"
"Only an angel could catch me"
"Catch of a lifetime"


"About Me:
I go for the gold or don’t waste my time - Id rather be dead then not live for my dreams. I want to experience the best this world has to offer. Calling me ambitious is an understatement. I want to be the Richard Branson of America and then some.

Becoming a top class wing-suit skydiver is one of the many things on my “to do” list. Another is owning homes the world over that I fly to in my own mach jet – im the pilot. All this while I build up the the most diverse business empire in America.

My girl is one with a bubbly personality, confident, in shape, with a pretty face and gorgeous hair. I don’t have time for drama so if you bring it, don’t let the door hit you on the way out. If you think you have what it takes to be my girl email me, I don’t bite - unless you like that ;)

P.S. – Don’t expect to hook up with me on the first date."


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 31, 2012 8:31 pm 
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Not bad but I would actually add a bit more. I think you summarized it too much LOL. And be careful to looking for spelling and grammar mistakes you made. It does make a difference to people. Re-read it slowly a few times. :)

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