Attracting someone you met online, how do you do it?



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PostPosted: Thu Dec 31, 2015 1:02 am 
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Disclaimer: I'm a complete beginner at this, please indulge me. I tried looking for similar posts but don't know where to find them.

So, I met this girl online at a common interests forum and am clueless how to proceed. Problem is, she lives far away so we only get to 'talk' online. I've been reading some of the beginner guides here and a lot of the stuff seem to emphasize stepping up one's game IRL (mannerisms, confidence, speech, 'appearance', etc.) and it makes perfect sense, buuuut, there's really only so much you can do in front of a dumb old keyboard and I'm not sure whether I should risk a 'random' trip to the area to meet her, maybe on a sightseeing/business trip or something.

Now, I know this smacks terribly of oneitis but hear me out first. I'm salesman by profession and between my job, gym, and self-study (business stuff) I hardly ever encounter girls I like (read: complete utter nerds) ever since I broke up with my last girlfriend.

Well, I added her (new girl) on FB, chat her up randomly when I feel like it, throw some harmless barbs here and there, talk about common interests sometimes but still mostly feel clueless as to how to proceed. How do I gauge her interest? How do I know if she's receptive? Should I be blunt? Is there a time-period I should capitalize on? How do I attract her? (known her about a month or so). I usually initiate convos, though sometimes she does, too. Typically, I just chat her about random stuff just to get her in a conversation, common interests (sometimes) poke harmless fun, hypothetical situations, etc. and then typically ditch the convo in the middle when I have to do something else, though sometimes I do it intentionally when I sense she's sorta enjoying the conversation. Also, I try not to ask her about personal stuff and usually leave her in the dark about my own details, besides a few simple facts just to establish a basic identity of sorts.

About the girl: seems terribly shy, pretty sure she's a bookish introvert, one of those indoor, sentimental types, if you will.

Finally, I seriously don't mind passing her up if she's not interested, I just want to know how to improve my odds.

If there's any threads/posts/guides you can refer me to, please point them out! Thanks a lot in advance!


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 31, 2015 1:18 am 
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abaltair wrote:
Disclaimer: I'm a complete beginner at this, please indulge me. I tried looking for similar posts but don't know where to find them.

So, I met this girl online at a common interests forum and am clueless how to proceed. Problem is, she lives far away so we only get to 'talk' online. I've been reading some of the beginner guides here and a lot of the stuff seem to emphasize stepping up one's game IRL (mannerisms, confidence, speech, 'appearance', etc.) and it makes perfect sense, buuuut, there's really only so much you can do in front of a dumb old keyboard and I'm not sure whether I should risk a 'random' trip to the area to meet her, maybe on a sightseeing/business trip or something.

Now, I know this smacks terribly of oneitis but hear me out first. I'm salesman by profession and between my job, gym, and self-study (business stuff) I hardly ever encounter girls I like (read: complete utter nerds) ever since I broke up with my last girlfriend.

Well, I added her (new girl) on FB, chat her up randomly when I feel like it, throw some harmless barbs here and there, talk about common interests sometimes but still mostly feel clueless as to how to proceed. How do I gauge her interest? How do I know if she's receptive? Should I be blunt? Is there a time-period I should capitalize on? How do I attract her? (known her about a month or so). I usually initiate convos, though sometimes she does, too. Typically, I just chat her about random stuff just to get her in a conversation, common interests (sometimes) poke harmless fun, hypothetical situations, etc. and then typically ditch the convo in the middle when I have to do something else, though sometimes I do it intentionally when I sense she's sorta enjoying the conversation. Also, I try not to ask her about personal stuff and usually leave her in the dark about my own details, besides a few simple facts just to establish a basic identity of sorts.

About the girl: seems terribly shy, pretty sure she's a bookish introvert, one of those indoor, sentimental types, if you will.

Finally, I seriously don't mind passing her up if she's not interested, I just want to know how to improve my odds.

If there's any threads/posts/guides you can refer me to, please point them out! Thanks a lot in advance!





I hate giving advice for these kind of situations where there is no chemistry or an actual situation that has been established. It is all hypothetical.

This will give you a better understanding:

viewtopic.php?f=53&t=189023

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PostPosted: Thu Dec 31, 2015 1:01 pm 
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Well, fella...

What can I even tell you here?

You are nothing more than aquaintances or maybe mild friends at this point... And you don't even know if there's interest. I'd say that's step number one. Have you talked on the phone? FaceTime?

Will you care about her If she's not interested? Cause prepare yourself for that too --- she lives far away... One of you is ultimately going to realize how not sustainable any relationship would actually be. And because of the distance it's not like you can set up a coffee date to see if there's any chemistry.

What you're asking here isn't pickup really. And I'd also venture to say anyone who is fairly into this stuff probably wouldn't find themselves in your pariticular situation - because there are girls everywhere. EVERYWHERE.

Find someone local, man. I know that's not what you want to hear. I know you'll ignore it or blow it off - but look at it logically: Even if this works out and you start "dating" - how long does that last? How often are you getting lucky with a girl thousands (?) of miles away?


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 31, 2015 1:57 pm 
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CharlesFinley wrote:
Well, fella...

What can I even tell you here?

You are nothing more than aquaintances or maybe mild friends at this point... And you don't even know if there's interest. I'd say that's step number one. Have you talked on the phone? FaceTime?

Will you care about her If she's not interested? Cause prepare yourself for that too --- she lives far away... One of you is ultimately going to realize how not sustainable any relationship would actually be. And because of the distance it's not like you can set up a coffee date to see if there's any chemistry.

What you're asking here isn't pickup really. And I'd also venture to say anyone who is fairly into this stuff probably wouldn't find themselves in your pariticular situation - because there are girls everywhere. EVERYWHERE.

Find someone local, man. I know that's not what you want to hear. I know you'll ignore it or blow it off - but look at it logically: Even if this works out and you start "dating" - how long does that last? How often are you getting lucky with a girl thousands (?) of miles away?


Yeah, I get your point. It certainly makes sense. Like I said, I'm new, and all this stuff helps. I'll be keeping my options open then. Yep, if there's no interest, I'll pack up and move on to the next. I just don't want to blow any chances I get. Thanks for replying guys, appreciate it very much!


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 05, 2016 1:45 pm 
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abaltair wrote:
Disclaimer: I'm a complete beginner at this, please indulge me. I tried looking for similar posts but don't know where to find them.

So, I met this girl online at a common interests forum and am clueless how to proceed. Problem is, she lives far away so we only get to 'talk' online. I've been reading some of the beginner guides here and a lot of the stuff seem to emphasize stepping up one's game IRL (mannerisms, confidence, speech, 'appearance', etc.) and it makes perfect sense, buuuut, there's really only so much you can do in front of a dumb old keyboard and I'm not sure whether I should risk a 'random' trip to the area to meet her, maybe on a sightseeing/business trip or something.

Now, I know this smacks terribly of oneitis but hear me out first. I'm salesman by profession and between my job, gym, and self-study (business stuff) I hardly ever encounter girls I like (read: complete utter nerds) ever since I broke up with my last girlfriend.

Well, I added her (new girl) on FB, chat her up randomly when I feel like it, throw some harmless barbs here and there, talk about common interests sometimes but still mostly feel clueless as to how to proceed. How do I gauge her interest? How do I know if she's receptive? Should I be blunt? Is there a time-period I should capitalize on? How do I attract her? (known her about a month or so). I usually initiate convos, though sometimes she does, too. Typically, I just chat her about random stuff just to get her in a conversation, common interests (sometimes) poke harmless fun, hypothetical situations, etc. and then typically ditch the convo in the middle when I have to do something else, though sometimes I do it intentionally when I sense she's sorta enjoying the conversation. Also, I try not to ask her about personal stuff and usually leave her in the dark about my own details, besides a few simple facts just to establish a basic identity of sorts.

About the girl: seems terribly shy, pretty sure she's a bookish introvert, one of those indoor, sentimental types, if you will.

Finally, I seriously don't mind passing her up if she's not interested, I just want to know how to improve my odds.

If there's any threads/posts/guides you can refer me to, please point them out! Thanks a lot in advance!


Don't half ass it. Either show interest and escalate the relationship, or move on. Personally, I'd say move on, since it appears you guys are a significant distance apart.

It sounds like she's just a random friend who probably isn't all that interested in you (sexually) and will be happy to continue to maintain a friendship via online methods. Go meet new women OP.


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PostPosted: Sun May 29, 2016 6:10 pm 
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online dating,those two words don't even go together in the same sentence


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 10, 2016 11:35 am 
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kidfromcro wrote:
online dating,those two words don't even go together in the same sentence



Speak for yourself, I've been laid from online dating at least 60 times and no, they were not all single scummy mummies with no friends.

You're like those people who thought cars' would not replace the horses. Go WITH the wave, not against

Just don't depend on it, diversify.

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PostPosted: Tue Jul 05, 2016 10:11 am 
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i agree with a previous post that you need to try and escalate the relationship. nothing is going to just happen if you dont try to push it. you need to make her interested, talk on an almost daily basis, if you arent talking to her on the phone then start now. i wouldnt randomly turn up near her on a "business trip" without first having good rapport and regular contact, not just texting.

long distance is a ballache, even if it is only a couple undred miles, so obviously only pursue it if you're interested in a proper relationship with the girl and even then you need to think about how that would work and wether or not you see either of you making the sacrifices that come with the 2 of you living closer or with the other.

be more forward, step things up but remember to not be needy.. regular contact doesn't mean constant contact or expecting her to be available to talk whenever you want.

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