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Desire2Fclose
PUA Forum Enthusiast
Joined: 29 Jun 2007
Posts: 43
Reputation: 9.2  
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 Posted: Thu Jul 12, 2007 11:42 pm Post subject: My life and my PUA goals |
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Hey everyone,
I should have mentioned this right off the bat when I joined this board so someone could help me out.
Let me be up front. I have three kids (twin daughters and a son). The twins are by one woman, the son by another, and I am with neither. Also, I don't have full custody of either but I DO see them all every Monday through Wednesday.
Let me interject here that my goal with PUA skills is NOT to bang as many women as possible. God knows if I did that, I might come across one or more who is a psycho, who would seriously fuck my llife up. Which naturally means my kids would be affected too. I don't need that. I planned on using my PUA skills to scope out a girlfriend.
However, here's the thing. I don't really count my kids as "baggage," but I know the women I try to date might feel that way, especially if they are early- or mid-20s. They might think I have too much drama going on and bail after the first mention of kids. (Now I know how so many single mothers out there feel. I didn't ASK for things not to work out with the mothers of my kids, and now I am paying the price by being judged as not worthy of anyone's time.)
I'm not sure what kind of advice can really be given here because whoever I date will have one of two responses: either they will be cool with it and see me again, or they won't. One of my friends said "don't just bring them up out of the blue, let it come up naturally in conversation." But here's the thing: what if we go five or six dates before it comes up? I'm not about to withhold that because I LOVE my kids, nor am I ashamed of having kids. If you lie about your kids just to get laid...well, that doesn't make you much of a father, in my opinion.
Still, it does mean I have one more hurdle to jump than your average PUA. I mean, if I was looking to just have a string of one-night stands, it wouldn't matter as much. But I'd like to find someone to be with me for the long haul.
I'm not sure what anyone will have to say to this. Like I said, there is really no advice anyone can give. The woman will either accept I have kids and see me again...or won't. Guess I'm just seeking some words of comfort or something. Who knows. I am confused beyond belief. |
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ming
PUA Forum Zealot
Joined: 16 Jun 2007
Posts: 368
Reputation: 64.1
votes: 3
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| Posted: Thu Jul 12, 2007 11:55 pm Post subject: |
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Mate -
this goes far beyound anything i can say or recommend - cause i have NO experience with myself or my friends that is in a situation that even comes close to this.
All i can say is welcome to the gaming community and congratulations on being honest and open about what you want out of your time within it. I feel many people arent real with what they want - or even know.
I think anything i write about this situation you already know the answer from yourself or your friends (although i like the idea of being honest and upfront)
anyway,
goodluck man |
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diapente
PUA Forum Enthusiast
Joined: 12 Jul 2007
Posts: 72
Location: Pennsylvania
Reputation: 15
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| Posted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 12:01 am Post subject: |
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I think that if some girl is miffed or scared that you have kids - good riddance! It's a pretty effective screening measure to weed out the girls who you don't want as a gf. If a girl doesn't like you cuz of your kids, do you really want to be around her?
It's like any thing that you personally cherish that a girl might not like. Fuck her if she doesn't like it, move on to the next girl, maybe the next one is more mature. |
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Monkey
Dedicated Member
Joined: 02 Aug 2006
Posts: 623
Reputation: 91.1
votes: 7
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| Posted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 12:13 am Post subject: |
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Alright. I can tell that this is an issue for you, but I need you to take a step back and look at it from a different perspective. You're seeing an extra hurdle. I'm seeing a self-limiting belief.
Be confident in the fact that you have kids, man. That is part of your reality. You have three kids, and the women who date you are just going to have to deal with that. Make it clear. You spend time with your kids; tell stories about them, about how you care for them and protect them. Mystery has said that you need to demonstrate to a woman three things: you are the leader of men, prove that you have preselection, and that you are the protector of your loved ones. You get two of those for free, because you have kids.
You have preselection because at least two other women have chosen to sleep with you. Not only that, but they carried your child to term. That is a _huge_fucking_deal_. Not only are you preselected, you are desirable enough to other women that they want to have your children. I wish I had that sort of a DHV-story in my pocket.
And you get to prove you are the protector of your loved ones because from Monday to Wednesday every week, you protect your loved ones. Tell stories about your kids getting into trouble and you having to get them out of it. Tell stories about making sure your kids are safe at the beach, at the park, in your back yard.
Make this a part of your reality: your children make you more attractive to women. |
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Desire2Fclose
PUA Forum Enthusiast
Joined: 29 Jun 2007
Posts: 43
Reputation: 9.2
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| Posted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 1:46 am Post subject: |
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| You guys are right on several points. First of all, obviously some women is NOT worth seeing again if she is going to freak out about the kids. And yes, Monkey, some women do see a guy being a good father as more attractive. All I meant is that I will be tearing through a lot more dates than most of you guys because I'm willing to bet a good portion of the females I meet will be out the door once they hear I have three kids already. Like I said, if they want to bail on me for that then they aren't worth dating in the first place. However, it also means I have a longer search ahead of me. |
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Monkey
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Joined: 02 Aug 2006
Posts: 623
Reputation: 91.1
votes: 7
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| Posted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 6:44 am Post subject: |
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Not really, man. Hard qualify. Don't even let them get to the second meet if it's that important to you. State your intention:
"Any girlfriend of mine has to get along with my kids. What are three qualities you possess that would make me want to introduce you to them?" Hard qualify the shit out of them. You'll burn through more approaches, but you won't have to waste your time on second meets that don't go where you want them to. |
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