| Okay, I reallllllly need your help. I'm tottally at a loss, and hopefully someone on this forum can point out where I'm going wrong. This may be a long post, but PLEASE stick with it, and let me know if you have any advice!
Heya,
First off, I'm new to the forum. So hi guys. (I'm English by the way, not weird. (Maybe they're the same thing;)))
I've been into picking up women all my life really, but been interested in PUA techniques etc for about two or three years now.
Basically I was really into this girl, who wasn't into me as much, and although at the time it seemed normal; I was doing all the wrong things, the exact opposite of what I should have been, and after I got over her, David DeAngelo got me into all this kind of thing.
I've never really had a problem 'pulling' women and in clubs I always seem to manage a kiss close with a stranger.
However, I've wondered for the last year or so why I always have so much trouble building relationships with women.
Maybe 10 or 20 % of women I get the numbers of, I end up going on 'dates' with, or meeting up. I always seem to have no trouble K closing with them, and although I'm still often VERY nervous when they first arive, I conceal it quite well.
Basically, my problem is that;
I've known this girl for a few months now, though we've been loose aquaintences, I've had her number for ages, and recently we've started texting like every day, (This has been going on for about a month or so), I've been away with the army, and my grandad has died, plus she's been busy with college stuff, so we've only met up twice.
The first time we met up which was just less than a week ago, this went really well, we met in a coffee shop, then went to a pub, where I bought her a drink, and then we went to a park and sat on a bench by a river, where we kissed immediatelly, and were doing all the romantic things couples do for about an hour, kissing cuddling, holding hands, talking about the future etc.
I don't think it could have gone any better.
She text me that night saying she had a good time, was looking forward to meeting again on friday etc.
I then met her four days later, and things went okay; I guess I wasn't that into it, and she wasn't really making me laugh, and wasn't particularly interesting, and so I wasn't trying as hard as I maybe could have to keep her interested. We didn't seem to have as much connection this time, but still, we were together for about an hour or so, which although wasn't very long, was longer than the planned half hour. (Since she had to go home quickly and pack to go away shopping for the weekend with her friend).
Although it could have gone better, we kissed again and said goodbye, and she text me again later, thanking me etc.
It seemed like the girl was interested, and like we were both viewing eachother as relationship material.
That night, I went out with some friends and kiss closed a chick. I didn't feel that bad about it to begin with, since me and the girl I'm seeing, aren't in any relationship. However, I did feel very tiny bit sleezy because of it, and I knew I wouldn't want it to happen to me. I guess I realised that I sort of did it as a defense mechanism.
Subconsiously I suppose I thought that while she was away for the weekend, she may well kiss a guy in a club and then I would be the one looking silly. Maybe I have trust issues. But she doesn't know, and more than likely won't find out. If she does, she may feel gutted, or she may not care.
Anyway, since then (That was Friday, and it's now late Sunday night), we've been texting as normal, but there seems to be no connection, no chemisty, no spark. It's like I want her to be really interested in me, but I've sort of ran out of things to say.
I do really like the girl, and I want to meet her again, and hopefully soon. But I dont want to suggest a third date, since I suggested the first and we agreed on the second. I want her to ask me, is this wrong?
I also think we're definitely both losing interest in eachother because we don't know how we feel. This is an arkward one to play, since; I do genuinely like her, and want to tell her. However I know that a common mistake guys make is trying to talk about their feelings to early on in a relationship; and I don't want to be that soppy guy I sometimes make myself out to be with girls quite quickly into dating them.
She sort of just feels a bit colder the last day or so. Just little things like; not trying to be as funny in texts and stuff. Not being as bubbly on msn, and putting as many kisses and stuff when she say's goodbye. I asked her what she's got planned for this week? hoping she'd mention the possobility of meeting up, and she just answered with quite a closed jokey sort of answer, which wasn't very funny.
That all sounds pretty petty, but it's just an example of the kind of 'vibe' I'm getting all of a sudden.
It's like the relationship has gone cold, and to advance it, we need to discuss how we feel about eachother. However that's best to be done in person, isn't it? and yet, if we are to see eachother in person again, it looks like I'm going to have to instigate the third date, in which case, she'll probably lose interest in me (if she hasn't already).
Can you understand this ludicrus paradox I've got myself into, and give me a way out? If there is one?
Maybe I'm being melodramatic, but I like this one, and I don't want to mess things up.
I've highlighted the main questions that need answering to put my mind at rest.
Maybe she's gone colder because she does like me and is playing hard to get, to try and get me to confess that I like her as much as she likes me?
Maybe she isn't playing any games, she's just a bit busy, and is happy with where the relationship is going steadily?
Maybe she has gone off me, and doesn't have the nuts to tell me, so is just acting off?
etc.?
Worst case senario:
She tells me that she doesn't like me, doesn't want to see me again, and she starts hanging out with some other lad.
It'll take me a week or so to stop thinking about her alot of the time and stuff, and it would, in all honesty, but quite painful, BUT, it won't be nearly as anoying as how it feels at the moment with all this indecision, and uncertainty.
If you've read this far, then Thanks, I really appreciate it, and if you can offer any advice or guidance I'd be over the moon to hear it.
Cheers guys,
Dan
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