How to get out of the boring conversation?


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 28, 2016 5:01 pm 
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I am getting used to making openers and having the same old boring conversation about where you are from, what do you do for work, etc.

But how to I expand beyond this?

Having these interview style conversations is not getting me laid.


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 01, 2016 1:47 pm 
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Here..

I just wrote this on another post. It was pretty much the same question as yours:


Drop the lines and get standards.

When you're only approaching a girl because you find her physically attractive your mind will have trouble coming up with anything to say because your motivation to approach had nothing to do with your thoughts, it was pure visually based.

When you actually know what kind of "Attractive" woman you're looking for because you have standards; you'll find it much more easier to engage in conversation, because you won't be boggling your mind with what to say to impress them or contact with them; you'll be approaching and evaluating them based on the list of standards that you require from a woman for you to take interest in them. It become about YOU, what YOU'RE looking for, and if THEY fit into your life. Its no longer about them and you waiting on them to approve of whatever it is you're saying to them. You become self approved, you become the evaluator, the one hosting the interview and not the one seeing if you're going to get hired for the job. Most guys approach woman as if the woman is the boss and they're trying to get hired for a position that there is no space for. When you have requirements beyond the surface you become the boss thats giving them an opportunity to be invited into your world.

So this isn't a technical issue. Its more of a mental thing. You have no idea why you're approaching women other than the fact that you get erect and you think they're attractive. That approach can work and does work here and there, but its hit or miss. You're playing a numbers game. And its their game. You're not there to impress, you're there to inspect.

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 02, 2016 12:23 am 
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Those are good points.

I think I need to ask myself what do I actually want/need from a woman.

And also what I have to offer them.

I think I've been scared to screen for my own standards because if I'm too picky, there will be no one left.

No girl is perfect and neither am I.


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 02, 2016 1:08 am 
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Just say what you're thinking.

Honesty is the cure for the mundane.

I was at my favorite bar a few nights ago, eating. Saw a beautiful woman on an obviously awkward first date. The guy was doing 90% of the talking...it was painful to watch.

I paid my tab, and then her date went to the bathroom. I got up, introduced myself and told her if I didn't have a girlfriend I'd "totally rescue her from the boring ass date". She just burst out laughing and took my hand. I smiled and walked out.

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 03, 2016 4:35 am 
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Okay but what if she DOES meet my standards.

Then what do I talk about?

This is where I usually freeze up.


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 03, 2016 8:50 am 
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I get where you're coming from. Some posters won't understand you because holding a conversation is easy for them and they give you answers based out of their realities.

I started off as a bad conversationalist too. I first got over it by reading Dale Carnegie's how to win friends and influence people. This sort of conversation won't get you pussy by itself though because it's all about smiling at the right times, and prompting the woman to talk about herself. All that does is get you a friend, but it handles one aspect of the mating dance which is getting the woman socially comfortable with you.

I also trained my body language to project attractive qualities like confidence and independence. This took care of attraction. Finally, I combined in Vin Dicarlo's kino escalation ladder. Which provided me the framework for physically escalating interactions to sex.

I didn't flirt or do shit other than let women talk about themselves, and kino escalate.

Honestly this didn't improve my "conversational" skills at all as far as progressively using talking to carry a conversation. It's more like being a conversational guide. I didn't like not being able to properly participate in conversations, even though I could guide it well enough to make it go on forever.

My first breakthrough came from the conversation cure by Vin Dicarlo. It provided me the tools on how to actually hold conversations and his program was set up so that you did drills, training each skill as it went along. At the end of it I became a motor mouth!

Not only do you learn the how to's of talking, but the way the drills are set up you just develop a habit of talking by the time the program is over.

I've proudly stolen that methodology for learning stuff whenever I'm learning new game techniques. Drills work...

The program is cool because you end up with a really natural style of speech, stating your opinions, building chemistry, telling stories, using cold reads and more. It's really good, and since there aren't any rigid guidelines on how to precisely use the talking techniques you end up talking in your own natural manner.

I honestly believe it's the best pick-up program in the world that focuses on teaching guys to have conversations.

After going through it I suddenly had the ability to participate in a conversation and make it go on forever if I wanted. Which was something that felt like a super power to me at the time.

I should revisit that program soon... I've used the stuff from it for so long I've completely forgotten what I learned from it. It'll be interesting going back through with my current perspectives.

I still use the Dale Carnegie stuff every now and then if I'm feeling lazy. Prompting others to do all of the talking is just so damn easy. People love talking about themselves.


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 04, 2016 1:00 am 
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Here's my night: First I wanted to thank Eddie for telling me that I shouldn't be trying to impress every girl. I should be seeking ones that might match with me or that could serve some purpose in my life. There are a lot of girls like that, I think. It's a matter of whether they're willing and if I could serve some purpose in their life as well.

It got me thinking of what I have to offer. I'm not quite sure. What should the answer to this question be?

Here are other random thoughts from the night:

I shouldn't go out trying to get laid or find "the one," there's years to do that. At this point, I should just try to be a normal guy and maybe a little bit social.

I don't hang out with other guys. I always go out by myself. I hate when guys sit next to me. I don't really know how to fight, but I could probably take half the people that are out, but the other half I feel like kind of a pussy because I know the law protects me. Why am I mentioning this? I don't know, but you know how testosterone can get high in atmospheres like this and one thing can spill into something major. This matters because girls judge you on this. If you're a little wimp, then girls won't like you as much as if they knew you would win the fight and can protect yourself and them. I don't think other guys trust me.

I basically never smile. This sucks and I'm not sure there's anything I can do about it.

At one point, it occurred to me why girls would enjoy being single and able to sleep around as they chose rather than be bogged down in a relationship. Unless, of course, the relationship involved good sex, then they might want that. Many girls these days are too busy with their job to think about having children or getting married. I suppose these are just the times we live in.

There's no reason to ever be impolite or rude.

I still don't know what to talk about. There was one point where a cute bartender was sitting in front of me. If I knew anything to say at all, I easily could have started a conversation at least, but I am still AT A LOSS FOR WORDS 24/7 AND I HATE IT.

At this point in my life, I should be bringing a new girl home every night. I think the key is to be a chill guy and not judge their sexuality and let them be themselves.

Then, on the ride home, something occurred to me that was important. I started seeing the real world. The world where people get shot and killed in car accidents and that is the world that these people in bars live in, too. The "pickup artist" atmosphere (bars, clubs) is fake and the people are more than likely expressing a fake version of themselves.

One time it occurred to me to just start passing out business cards or something. I have no idea.

Maybe this just isn't for me, but that sucks because I really want it to be.

I have no idea how to talk to girls or what to talk to them about. There is always an awkward silence or me just forcing the conversation. Nothing ever goes smoothly or naturally, in fact, quite the opposite.

I also know that I'm good in bed, though, so if that's what they're after, they can get it from me.

I have no game at all. I simply don't know what to do. Can anyone help me at all? I really want this to work.

Also, I don't think I come across as alpha. I seem weak and quiet, but I don't think this is entirely the truth, it's just how I come across.

I'm pretty sure there was a point here somewhere. Can anyone offer me any piece of helpful advice?


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 04, 2016 2:19 am 
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HockeyFan987987 wrote:
I have no idea how to talk to girls or what to talk to them about. There is always an awkward silence or me just forcing the conversation. Nothing ever goes smoothly or naturally, in fact, quite the opposite.


Okay.

Quote:
I also know that I'm good in bed, though, so if that's what they're after, they can get it from me.


Ahah, okay. You can't talk to girls, so what makes you think you can fuck them properly?

If you're afraid to lead and initiate a conversation, you will fail to lead in bed. Both require the same level of confidence, self-awareness, and charm.


Quote:
I'm pretty sure there was a point here somewhere. Can anyone offer me any piece of helpful advice?


Yes. Start picking up 5's and 6's until you get good at fucking and talking to girls. They'll tolerate your lackf of confidence. Hit the gym consistently. Focus on your goals. Tell attractive women "hey" or "hello" whenever you walk by them in stores or the street.

Your lack of confidence and insecurity permeates this thread. I can only imagine the vibe you give off when a pretty woman is in front of you. Maybe like Charlie in It's Always Sunny when he sees a woman he likes.

Get your ass into a gym and start pounding weights. Toughen up. Dry off from your showers with sandpaper. Wash your hair with river muck and gravel. Stop playing fucking video games. Read a few books. Check out "Oryx and Crake" by Margaret Attwood or "Rendezvous with Rama" by Arthur C. Clarke. Smoke weed and read, or read sober.

Do anything to wipe away the Baby Huey vibes.

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 04, 2016 2:35 am 
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The fact that you're telling me I play videos is laughable.

I know I'm good in bed because girls always tell me I am and they always call back for more.

When I was 19 (I'm now 29), I was with a girl who had been with tons of guys and she said I was 3rd best in her life.

I have amazing stamina and can fuck real hard.

I don't even know where my sticking points are for 5's and 6's. I really don't know where to put in the effort. I want to, but don't know where.


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 04, 2016 2:44 am 
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HockeyFan987987 wrote:
I know I'm good in bed because girls always tell me I am and they always call back for more.


Alright. so what did you do to get these girls? You had to of talked to them, right? Remember what you did.

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 04, 2016 3:15 am 
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Tinder. You just get lucky sometimes.

One of them texted me back about a month later wanting a threesome, but her friend got in trouble and couldn't.

Maybe I could get BETTER in bed just like I can get BETTER in conversation.

Maybe I should treat conversation like I do sex. Just hammer hard. Ask question after question like that guy Tyler Durden does. Rapid kino escalation even with 10's.

The difference is that over text I can be as sexual as I want. I have no trouble being just like "hey wanna fuck?" Whereas in person I'm quiet, timid, and shy. Who knows, maybe THAT'S ALL IT WOULD TAKE IN PERSON!!!!!!!!!!

IS TO ASK!!!! But that's like impossible for me to do for some reason. I'm just not comfortable asking for that face to face. Yet over Tinder, I can be a super creep.


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 09, 2016 3:17 pm 
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Talk to women the same way you talk to your male friends. Gave you the same advice before.

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 09, 2016 10:41 pm 
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1.) Approach any girls you find interesting.
2.) Talk to them like new friends.
3.) Playfully, casually try to seduce the one you like.
4.) Stay relaxed and cool in the face of unexpected, weird, or mean shit. 5.) Keep doing this over and over until something hooks.

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 09, 2016 11:59 pm 
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Mr. Assertive wrote:
1.) Approach any girls you find interesting.
2.) Talk to them like new friends.
3.) Playfully, casually try to seduce the one you like.
4.) Stay relaxed and cool in the face of unexpected, weird, or mean shit. 5.) Keep doing this over and over until something hooks.


Can you explain what #3 might sound like? That's where I'm lost.

I'm more of a "small talk artist" at this point.


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 25, 2017 10:31 am 
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One thing I noticed from getting messaged by almost 100 potential sugar babies is that girls are just as bad at conversation as I am. They say all the same boring stuff to me that I would say to them. The same stuff that makes me feel bad for being boring.

They say "hi, how's your day, what are you up to"... and if they want to get real creative, they ask me "what do you do" or "where are you from?"

And this is the little effort they're used to putting in and expecting everything to be given to them. Makes you think....

(btw, these are the same lines that girls use in bars if they want to get to know you)

Perhaps I'm overthinking this conversation thing. But it is necessary to say SOMETHING out of this ordinary besides an exchange of cash for sex.


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