Heywood Jablowme wrote:
You're only in the 'Friend Zone' when you choose to be. The friend zone is a situation in which one member of a friendship wishes to enter into a sexual relationship, while the other is not aware or just does not.
If you never make a move, or take a risk she'll never be aware. That's choosing to be in there.
If you DO make a move, and she rejects your advances yet you remain in the friendship, you again chose to be there as well.
Does this mean profess your undying love? NO!
Don’t scare her away.
You HAVE to let her know you are attracted to her.
Express your sexual intent and attraction all you want.
That is perfectly fine.
But, don’t let her know you want more than that.
To do this you need to know how to flirt with women.
I haven't put her on a pedestal either, it's not like I'm obsessed, I always fancied her but I was aware she was in a relationship so tried not to hit on her much out of respect, and never being sure what was on her mind either.
I call bullshit. You're contradicting yourself, after writing a mini novel asking "How to get her", you can't turn around claim indifference.
Your goal shouldn't be "How do I form a loving relationship with her?"
It NEEDS to be "How do I get in her pants?".
I have a similar conundrum. Can you advise me?? I mean I met a girl at university who had a boyfriend who seemed to think highly of me and showed interest. At the time I was more nervous around women and also concerned about passing my final exams lol. But either way she kept in touch and seemed to like me. Even though she seems to make lots of friends, I did feel like there was more of a rapport between us even though I spent less time with her and didn't do all the fb stuff everyone else does (in fact I'm not even on it now). Once she asked me to show her how to bowl/skate at this group activity (good sign right?) of all the guys there. I flirted, but lightly given her relationship status. It's actually been 3 years now where she actually emigrated with him after graduating. She occasionally visited here and I met up (as part of a group, save for 1 occasion where I met her alone and discovered she was single, but had no place to go and bang, not to mention she was only seeing me before going to see her folks).
Now she has actually moved back here. One thing is she is incredibly enthusiastic in texting, sometimes excited, long texts. Then recently she became less prompt time wise, but obviously read it (WhatsApp blue ticks), yet long responses. But I felt pretty disrespected.
I have the attitude of "I WANT TO BANG HER" that you talked about. But it's a question of logistics. See she lives in city C. I live in small town B. The capital is city A where other friends also live.
It's easiest for me to commute to the capital A. Trouble is I am trying to see her alone and at least flirt/convey I like her and touch her more now. She keeps talking about meeting up and even throws in the whole "hope i can see you soon"/"Hope to see u soon" often. Asks me when I'm free. I actually did agree and said let's grab food, what's her schedule like", once when I had got back from a work trip. Yet got blanked for the first time ever. For a month. She has NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE. So f**king rude of her. She actually gave some weird response and acted like it was totally normal just asking me how I am and saying work is busy. Yeah that's bs. I responded about a week later, making a light joke of it and said another time maybe. This time she responded fast, sent some insanely long message about enjoying her new job etc blah blah. I don't buy the busy thing though, my job is much busier and my other life and yet I will reply to friends or lovers promptly.
She still kept asking me questions etc. And texted me to let me know she would be in city A at a certain date (but far in the future). I wasn't sure in case it was a group thing, so asked what she was there for, she gave some response a week later! Very weird given she usually responds within about 60 seconds or few hours at most. And certainly only BLUETICKS my message when she is going to reply. Not what she was doing now and blueticking and responding later. Her last seen time updates btw on WhatsApp.
Anyhow I said yeah and threw in let's do something the two of us. I actually didn't initiate new years wishes this time and she did, she even flirted by text too. Trouble was when it came to the proposed meet date, a few weeks before, some friend (who I barely know, she's her friend) set up a group chat and asked who's free to meet the girl. In the event of 10 people, only the original sender was free.
So i had to contend with that nonsense (which I basically ignored until I was directly asked if I was free about 2 weeks later) and trying to arrange a solo meet directly by text. But the girl having been so excited asked me twice about don't I want to see the others. In the end, having told her twice, I acquiesced only once I asked my uncle indirectly for some advice (I'm currently looking after him as he is sick, that's why I moved out of the city), who said be sociable and go for a group thing. I figured I might get to see her alone afterward. So acquiesced in the group chat. Partly because I'm also flirting with another girl who was in there and who I've met alone and didn't want to look unsociable by not replying at all to a direct question.
In any case, the girl then flaked and she's never done that to me ever in all the years I knew her, by suddenly asking me what I think of visiting this other friend in her town (further out for me than city A). I thought at this point, is she mad??! I gave her one last chance and asked her what time she's going there, trying to figure out how to just meet her separately or at worst some group meet back in the city afterward (which I was not keen on). No response not only from her but the other girl either other than a new group chat for us 3 and more gibberish about the same so called plan (with no time).
In the end, I just messaged both the group chat and my girl, saying go ahead I'll see you some other time. I ignored her response (first time I ever did that) asking me why in the group chat (not directly to me where she just sent a sad face crying). She ended up organising another group event this time messaging the group, not me about who's free. I said I wasn't. Even when asked weeks later and just before directly, I said, I'm busy, I'll see you another day. But one thing was that she actually messaged the group for a holiday, and specifically mentioned me with a wink face saying I know you're having a good time. It was an inside joke between us about being up to mischief. I replied there to wish everyone and privately messaged her a flirty thing. No response. But like I said on new year's, last year and many other times before that she has flirted (even when she had a bf) back. She did the same for my birthday in january, but messaged me on the group chat for some reason?! Wtf. But still a flirty message.
I'm in the process of meeting a different mutual female friend soon. Again distance is an issue since she lives with her folks outside city A where I see her. No real place to bang, but I enjoy her company. I actually met her when my original proposal to meet the girl fell through and we had a good time, might even have been a date come to think of it, though I hadn't known she was single till I met her and found out! This other girl kept playing with her hair and laughing (I kept thinking she must sound great in bed) and I flirted with a sexual line too at one point. Sadly she went on a long holiday to see her grandparents in asia, but I am trying to arrange to see her now she's back when I have a free weekend (my work is pretty busy).
As for the original girl, I wished her happy birthday on the the 17th of feb to which she replied within 30 minutes enthusiastically and saying hope she sees me soon, (and had sent some valentine msg, perhaps that was an error but never mind, she did reply, though a day later sigh with a long response). This time I didn't respond to that and left it at that.
I'm currently wondering what to do in terms of whether to text her or how to respond how to meet her alone. Like I said, she does flirt and she does seem to be sweet toward me. A bit of cheekiness in flirting sometimes (with the troublemaker thing). I haven't typed all the texts she sent, and I am weary you may simply say she is not flirting. But you have to take my word for it, that she is very friendly and too friendly to me to simply be disinterested completely. It's just it's so mixed. I feel like there is something there sometimes and other times not. I flirted, and maybe got carried away given she is single. I wish she had been single when I had my bachelor pad in city A or when we met so logistics were better. But it's crazy.
I don't buy the blueticking me on WhatsApp and being busy if her last seen updates. Also that she doesn't always respond late, only when it comes to logistics??! Yet her responses are so long and excited??! Other times she responds faster than when I can type (literally last year she came online WhatsApp before I could respond to her text fully!!). Another time last year, she had this slightly flirty and meaningful conversation (whilst she was abroad and texting me at 1am her timezone) about her new job and moving back here etc.
Wish I knew what to do or how to bang. I mean the other girl responds when she reads (so she may bluetick me either a few hours or day later, but replies then. She doesn't read me and ignore or delay). The other one seems flirty, but is so bubbly it's hard to tell. But she went with the solo meet with no question asked. This girl seems to want to see me, flirt and plan just with me, but when it comes to coming to city A, suddenly I'm the optional extra??? WTF?
Please advise? Also pls note these are both innocent girls who are fun (I IMAGINE THEM TO BE VERY DIRTY AND WANT THEM TO BE WITH ME), but innocent in public who have had only 1 bf and from fairly traditional asian families. I do flirt and am known to be a GENUINE gentle guy who is very fun and very flirty. But I generally keep private and don't share my information about dating etc with everyone on fb etc.
What to do about both girls, especially sweet girl turned insane?