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wildbil
New to PUA Forum
Joined: 05 Sep 2007
Posts: 11
Reputation: 19  
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 Posted: Thu Oct 04, 2007 2:19 am Post subject: major approach anxiety! |
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I have major approach anxiety. IF my wing opens, I can get in and run the conversation with no problem. It is the initial 5 seconds when the world is on your shoulders and you are approaching and initially talking. I feel like I am not going to call random people in the phone book.
So How do I get over the A.A.? |
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Surreal
Member of PUA Forum
Joined: 07 Sep 2007
Posts: 117
Location: Arkansas
Reputation: 16.5
votes: 2
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| Posted: Thu Oct 04, 2007 2:45 am Post subject: |
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Like nike says.. "Just do It"
Other than that read some material and go in prepared you'd be surprised how much confidence you can build by having a gameplan. |
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VanHaven
Member of PUA Forum
Joined: 22 Aug 2007
Posts: 170
Location: Lubbock, Texas
Reputation: 47.5
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| Posted: Thu Oct 04, 2007 3:27 am Post subject: |
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| Ask yourself, has there ever been a time your life when someone approached you with a smile on their face and a warm confident vibe? And when they did how did you react? I'm sure it was with kindness. All women will react in the same manner save the fact their grandma died or something. |
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Rev
New to PUA Forum
Joined: 30 Sep 2007
Posts: 28
Location: baltimore
Reputation: 8.9
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| Posted: Thu Oct 04, 2007 3:53 am Post subject: random people |
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| i had a big aproach problem. So to deal with it i went to random men and women in the mall said hi and tried my best to interact with them. At first it was nerv racking but after a couple of tries it got easier. You have nothing to lose the worst they can do is shut you down and walk away. And so what if they do just go on to the next set and try again and again learning with trail and error is the greatest way to learn about yourself and see what works and what doesnt. |
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uglykid
New to PUA Forum
Joined: 04 Oct 2007
Posts: 20
Location: Fort Collins,CO
Reputation: 15.5
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| Posted: Fri Oct 05, 2007 11:45 pm Post subject: |
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hey guys im new here so i dont know too much, but i do know that approach anxiety sucks. i got over approach anxiety about 4 years ago, but after dating the same girl for 3 years its back. now im out again working to overcome it. the biggest cause for my anxiety is my confidence level. when you are confident about yourself it makes approaching people much much easier. here are some tips that helped me the first time.
1. the 3 second rule. <--- GOLDEN. think back to a time when you had that anxiety. what were you thinking? if you can remember then you didnt use the 3 second rule. the point of this rule is to stop you from convincing yourself that something bad is going to happen... dont think.. just do. the longer you wait the more anxiety builds, so if you move on 1 second youll have even less anxiety then if you waited 3 sec. maybe try going out to a bar(or other place) with plenty of potential targets nearby. get an opener ready then turn around and pick the nearest set and instantly open.
2. approach someone you know and are very comfortable with, but pay attention to the details. like how did you walk up to that person, what did you say, how did you feel, what was you body language like. the big thing is to remeber how that person made you feel when you were approaching them, then recall that feeling before you approach a set.
3. i also tried to convince myself that i had know motives when approaching someone. this way there is no failure. if you have a motive to do something then you tend to expect a result. achieveing that result is either a success or a failure. and with no motives you dont have to worry about if your going to succeed or not.
hopefully that helps a little.. p.s. please ignore any spelling errors.. im an engineering student  |
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