Introducing myself



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 Post subject: Introducing myself
PostPosted: Tue Sep 12, 2017 11:08 pm 
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Joined: Mon Feb 27, 2017 9:47 pm
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Hello!
First off I would like to apologize for the long text and any grammar errors as English isn't my native language.

I would like to introduce myself to this community , since there are many people here going through the same that I am right now.
I'm currently a 20 year old student living in Holland. I started reading about pick-up when I was about 16 years old but never really applied anything of it. The thing that caught my eye the most was the path of self-improvement that a lot of people doing pick-up go through and I wanted to do the same with my life but never really did.
When I was 17 year old things were going well for me : I had recently moved from my mom's to my dad's and even thought I didn't initially wanted to move it turned out for the best. I changed schools and became pretty popular and even got a girlfriend(I had a girlfriend before, but that was when I was 14 so that was too young to count) which I dated for a year. All was going well.
When I turned 18 things started to change for me. My home situation was kinda shitty because my step-mom was cheating on my dad and he knew but couldn't do anything about it as he got his visum in the Netherlands through her(we're from Brazil) and if he moved out or separated from her he would lose his visum. This led to a lot of frustration at home which I picked up as I already had a difficult situation with my mom. Because of this frustration I started making bad life decisions. I stopped going to the gym,started smoking a lot of weed, and became dependant on my girlfriend for happiness. Because I was so dependant she started to feel less for me which led to her breaking up with me, and doing some pretty fucked up things which i'll explain later.
After my girlfriend broke up with me and I didn't really have anyone to go to to talk about my problems so I started getting depressed and stopped going to school because of it. This caused me to get expelled from school and even though they let me come back after 2 and a half weeks thing started going downhill from there. My father couldn't take it anymore and left on a random night without saying anything. I stayed at our old house with my stepmom and younger brothers for about a week but she kept trying to provoke me to get back at my father and eventually we got in a fight and I had to leave. Without any place to go to I stayed at friend's houses for a while untill finally I found a room wich I was able to rent. I somehow managed to get my diploma that year but still life felt empty. On the day of my graduation I was working with my dad and he promised me that we would go and rent a tux for my graduation but we had to work late due to unexpected things at work, so we didn't make it in time. A friend of mine,let's call him Bob. had offered to borrow me one so I was going to call him and ask about the tux but before I got the chance to do that I ran into some other friends and they told me that Bob had fucked my ex girlfriend at a party a week before that. I was absolutely devastated with everything going on, especially since Bob was one of my closest friends and he didn't even tell me himself.
After that I spent the whole year being depressed, a social outcast, and just a big pile of shit in general.
The only person who visited me and talked to me in this time was Bob, who of course was feeling bad about what he did.
After the year had passed I decided to turn things around and to start working on myself. I started going out more, talking to people, enrolling for higher education, buying decent clothes for myself and whatnot but still I felt the weight of my shitty past years on my shoulders.
I decided to start reading self-development books again and trying my best to become the best version of myself, and this is where I am today.

I'm currently still struggling with a lot of issues: I have social anxiety,with the last 2 girls I tried to have sex I couldn't get him up properly(Embarassing I know), which I'm guessing has to do with perfomance anxiety even though I'm not bad in bed, even if I say so myself :D , and because of this I'm on a dry spell of a whole year. I struggle with having good relationships because in my mind people're going to fuck me over anyway.

Even though I have these problems I'm determined : I'm going to become the best version of myself. One way or another I'm going to face my demons and beat the shit out them. I won't go back to the negative spiral of which my life consisted. I won't accept anything less than what I deserve. And I'm going to fuck a whole lot of girls doing it.

Hope this didn't sound too rant-y
TL;DR : went through a lot of shit but that's motivating me to become the best version of myself.


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