How to take over a group?

Irony · Posted: Sat Oct 07, 2006 5:04 pm Post subject: How to take over a group?

Ok, so I'm leaving the country and going on a tour of London and Paris- day 1, I want this tour group to love me since I'm going to be traveling solo- any ideas?

Since people on this thing are from all over the world- on our first meeting, I was thinking about dressing like Uncle Sam and proposing a toast to the group with something like "Since we're all coming from different countries and cultures- I'm sure this is going to be a learning experience for everyone involved- so please, feel free to ask me al the questions you want about indoor plumbing and how great it is to be an American."

~Irony

Ambition · Posted: Mon Oct 09, 2006 12:05 am Post subject:

What you need to remember as an American travelling abroad, is that many foreigners will be intimidated, at least at first, by your glorious heritage. These are people, many of whom have never seen an American before, at least outside of television and films. So you already have a lot to live up to with that first impression.

Now while it may behoove you to attempt to level with some of these "backwards" folk, or maybe even try to learn a few simple phrases in their native tongue, I must advise against it. If you wish to appear to be the cultural god that is your birthright as an American citizen, you need to capitalize on your strengths, of which I'm sure there are many. (<----- This run on sentence brought to you by a NYS Regents High School Diploma)

For example, I have heard through my reliable American sources, that remote nations such as Australia, New Zealand, and Canada, are now receiving television transmissions of popular American TV shows. I imagine they must still be quite behind the times, however this is perfect for you. As a technologically superior being, your Cell Phone is a working replica of the communicator prop from the popular 1960's television series Star Trek, which might already be on the air in their country. Don't expect everyone to have seen it however, only the extremely wealthy can save up enough cattle and goats to buy a tv.

Another grand idea might be to toast to American military dominance around the globe. Watch as your fellow travelers stare at you in shock and awe as you raise your glass to the wise planning, cultural sensitivity, and freedom spreading being conducted right now around the globe by our soldiers.

Lastly, consider ending your toast with a gentle vignette about how one of the most amazing things about America is the seperation of church and state which has been a prevailing force in domestic and international policy. Tell them about how when our president doesn't talk to God while he's on the job, he waits till he goes to sleep at night to receive military planning from him.

Don't forget, you sell the sizzle, not the steak. So a couple of things that might help add to the effect of the toast:

-An American flag dropping on the wall behind you.

-A marching band playing "The Stars and Stripes Forever" as you rise for the toast.

-Having a bald eagle swoop down from the rafters before or after your speech.

-Set off fireworks.

-Set off a canon.

-Have the Blue Angels flyby overhead.

-Commision the Blue Angels to skywrite an American flag with jet smoke.

-And of course, if it seems your crowd can't understand you because you don't speak their crazy "backwards talk", be sure to continue on in english, just LOUDER and. . . .SLOW . . . ER. . .

Irony · Posted: Mon Oct 09, 2006 8:48 pm Post subject:

here's the only problem I see with your idea- odds are this toast will be made inside of a restaurant- bald eagles have 7 feet wingspans.  It would be difficult to get that fucker to land on my shoulders without knocking over people's wine glasses, but I think it was a great plan, regardless of how poorly thought out it was.

And you're right- these outsiders still think that the US is paved with roads of gold.  Imagine that?  That's because the "English" they speak has a tough time interpreting sarcasm/figurative language.  Now this is a tough concept for modern folk like us to fathom- but to bring it up to our level, it's like trying to install MS Office 2004 on a computer with Windows 3.11- it's just not going to "get it."

But you're right- I am going to have to speak LOUDLY and SLOWER- the effects of this are two fold.  One, the loudness- it backs up the prominence they have already bestowed upon me just for being from the richest and most philanthropic nation in the world.  Two- by dumbing down my advanced linguistics for their benefit- it's a reminder that I am a superior being and, above all, generous with my time and intellect.

And if that fails, I'll just tell them I'm MacGyver- and they'll beg for my autograph and semen.  I'm not bringing a cell phone though- since they'll expect me to have one- I'll just tell them a secret American lab installed one in my head- so I'm actually dialing, having TELEpathic convos, and a dialogue with them simultaneously.

And for a DHV I'll swallow a an American quarter to show how rich I am.

Thanks Ambition.
~Irony

Shaft · Posted: Mon Oct 09, 2006 10:03 pm Post subject:

Well first of all I got to appauld you on your arrogent American attitude. Bravo... I am glad there are still people like you that back up the American Stereo-Type. First of all your Source about other countries forgot on thing... up here in Canada we still in igloos and don't have electricity. You also forgot about European countries... they have weird currency called Euros... wtf is up with that.. Not to mention they ALL love Americans.. so proudly wave your American flag where ever you go shouting America Rules. Trust me girls will love it. I mean there is nothing better then Americans. I feel so happy to live just north up in this cold barren land we call Canada, when I hunt polar bear I think what a wonderful place America is. Your nation is the best in the world... and all those other nations appreicate it... like Iraq... Afganistan.... EVERYONE. George Bush is the best person in the world.... GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!

Ambition · Posted: Tue Oct 10, 2006 11:31 pm Post subject:

Shaft,

I am touched by your words, (albeit still curious how you managed to find an operating computer in that barren frozen tundra that is Canada.) Perhaps if your migratory polar bear hunting patters ever lead you southward, you can visit the gate that will (hopefully) soon be erected between our two nations, and stare at the glory on the other side.

-Ambition

Shaft · Posted: Wed Oct 11, 2006 12:38 am Post subject:

I am using Geese that message back and forth on there great treks. They take my messages that I scroll into deer pelts and take them to Alaska... the only place near my country with a computer... its a long process and many geese die.....

sharpluxe · Posted: Tue Oct 17, 2006 7:59 pm Post subject:

in all seriousness, i would avoid anything over the top, as Americans are pretty over top in relation to the rest of the world. For example, when i was in Paris, we heard a group of loud college aged students carrying on about somethign or another and the French knew that they were american just by the way they acted. I would be high energy at all times and always smile to everyone but being American doesn't help anyone gain popularity over there. Even if you talk shit about Bush (which you shouldn't). Try to get other people to be over the top and they will love you for it. So try and convince other people to hit on girls or do stupid things that you would only do in America around your close friends. It will lighten up the athmosphere of the group and help everyone form bonds with eachother. Best of luck to you, and enjoy the trip.

Irony · Posted: Tue Oct 17, 2006 8:39 pm Post subject:

That's great advice- this is my first time out of the country, so it's going to be a whole new perspective. Thanks again.
~Irony

Shaft · Posted: Wed Oct 18, 2006 6:12 am Post subject:

Best advice.... say your from Canada... .

sharpluxe · Posted: Mon Oct 23, 2006 11:46 pm Post subject:

haha canada eh? I suppose they're in better standing with most people our age than America is. Try to avoid anything having to do with politics though, and economy (everyone's jealous that capitalism works).

Shaft · Posted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 3:43 am Post subject:

Lol ... capatalism works... really... What books have you read that it works... I am afraid to say that every book I have read... Communism... well beats out capataslism every time. Capataslism only favors those who are already rich.... But ya... if you want.. go to Europe and boast you are American... I dare you.... actually do it in every reasturant, bar, or store.... I am not being rude... just do it...

sharpluxe · Posted: Mon Oct 30, 2006 6:08 am Post subject:

I'm not boasting about being American, I don't want to sound like that's what I'm doing. (Although I am proud of it) But capitalism does work. America has one of the strongest economies in the world and the largest defense budget. Without privatized medical care and other services it wouldn't be like that. The revenue that the US government generates through taxes due to privatization is incredible. I believe the last government that tried to out-do the American government in the defense budget is now a large collection of countries that are in even worse shape. Need a hint? Think Cold War.

As a disclaimer, I'm not claiming that the American government is better than any other one or that America is better as a country, or that American people are better. Personally, I don't like the way that this country is heading in terms of government, but when it comes to economy, its hard to argue with the results. 200 years and we already have the largest defense budget in the world. You can't just look at the past 7 years and call that how it is. The burst of the Technology bubble, the big hit we took after September 11, 2001 and the conflict that we're currently fighting on terrorism are all affecting things negatively, but as history shows, economies work in cycles and, post war economies are booming. So yes, capitalism works.

Shaft · Posted: Wed Nov 01, 2006 7:07 am Post subject:

Arn't you guys massivly in debt though? Just cause you have the biggest defense budget doesn't mean anything man. As for... you know what... I am just going to stop myself.

Irony · Posted: Wed Nov 01, 2006 7:45 am Post subject:

seriously- this started as a pua forum post and we turned into bill o'rielly on david letterman. although i am an enthusiast of political banter that is not what this board is for; lol.

as far as having a massive debt- yes we do, but the chinese bought a majority of it- no one holds a greater stake in the success of the American econonomy than the chinese.

but back to what this post originally was aboutt...

being high energy, smiling, and a dash of c&f went over spectacularly on the trip- i didn't even have to tell anyone i was from canada!

thanks to all who helped.

Straycat · Posted: Thu Nov 30, 2006 6:13 am Post subject:

Hey folks, i would have some imput on whatever the original subject was, but due to my primitive up bringing in Australia, as Ambition so eloquently pointed out, i have a total lack of brain power, and am at a loss to say anything of real use. HAHA

but seriuosly dude if you want them to respect you, dont back up the all american steryotype. shatter their beliefs. they will respect you all the more for it.

All the best
Stray

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