| Right so anyone that has read my last few posts will know that I am
A. A massive whore bag
and
B. Just starting a relationship with a yummy mummy.
It just so happens that I get checked out every few months when I am single for STD's, I look at them like a dental inspection and am forever telling my mates that they should get tested. So tomorrow I'm off for a couple of tests and thought "Hmmm as my friends are all big girls about going to get STD tests and have never had one until I told them exactly what happens and pointed out the myths, maybe it would be a good idea to share this knowledge with a group of other men who enjoy liasons with various women". But my local football team didn't want to speak to me so I came here instead.
Right oh, number one the feel around.
The Dr or Nurse will have a look at your man bits for any unusual marks or scars that could indicate some infections, if you are lucky they will also give your balls a squeeze to make sure you have no lumps that shouldn't be there, if they don't suggest that they do or give you a leaflet on how to do it yourself. I suggest doing it in the shower as the warm water will relax the scrotum and make it easier to manouver. Testicular and prostate cancer is one of the biggest killers amongst men in our age group, don't fool yourself that you are too young, my younger brother nearly had to have one of his nuts cut off a couple of years back and is only now in his mid twenties.
The cotton bud.
Yes this will go down your urethra, completely depends on who is doing it as to how they do it, I've had a swab on the outside, one on the tip of the urethra and one interesting time when I thought she was trying to clean my bladder through my penis. It is slightly uncomfertable, but only slightly, keeping in mind it is nothing about the size as this organ is actual stretchy so it can pump out your love juice, it's just because it is a little dry so is an interesting sensation.
The umbrella.
This is the massive fear that men all seem to have about some bizarre medievil tool used to scrape the inside of your favourite body part, in reality it is a thin piece of plastic not unsimilar to a cocktail stirrer only a bit thinner and with a flat end, this will touch the inside of the very end of your urethra and is about as painful as sneezing.
The piss test.
This is the hard part, trying not to piss all over your hand as you have been waiting with a full bladder in the waiting room for the last hour. Other than that the easiest test you will take unless you are doing a degree in Philosophy.
The blood test.
This is one I will admit freaks me out, but that is only because I have a phobea of intravenous needles due to an accident several years back, I tend not to have this done every time I go but talk myself into it about once a year. But I do also play it safe and only have unprotected sex in a relationship where we have discussed all this stuff and are both given a clean slate before hand.
Waiting on the results.
Cotton swab, umbrella swab take about 1-2 weeks and check for chylamidia and gonorrhea.
Piss test, one will usually go straight to a lab technician to check for anything unusal in the urine like blood, high protien count or pus. These are all indications of a non-specific urinary infection (NUI) and if posative you will probably be given a blanket antibiotic until the other sample comes back and you know what it is.
Blood tests vary, HIV results can take 2-3 weeks in my experiance but also be warned that they will not show a posative until about 2-3 months after being exposed to HIV or AIDS. If you think you have come in contact with HIV or AIDs and can get to an ER within 72 hours there is a cocktail of medication that can be given to combat it, after that unfortunately at the moment there is only SPAM to help reduce the effects.
Getting yourself checked out is not only a smart thing to do for yourself but also a common curtosy for all those HB out there who want to share your favourite anatomy part.
I am not a qualified GP or Sexual health Nurse, I was however brought up in a medical family and served as a Medic in the Armed forces and have dealt with most of the STD's under the sun with men in my care (luckily never HIV or AIDS) so if you have any questions feel free to ask and if you feel embarresed about posting in this thread I am happy to calm any fears through private messages.
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CHAT