Forum rules


Relationship Subforum Rules

1. Posts about how to get a girlfriend will result in a ban.


2. Posts about your ex-girlfriend will result in a ban.

3. Any other posts not related to your current girlfriend will result in a ban.



Author Message
PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 5:39 pm 
Offline
PUA Forum Leader

Joined: Thu Jul 10, 2008 4:41 am
Posts: 1193
Alright boys, I have given a lot of advice in here! and now its time for me to receive some!

I just found out last night that my gf (for 3 1/2 years) who I currently live with has lied to me about having hpv and might have passed it on to me! (yes this is much like Tostrongs post) if you read it its much that same story as my own, I went for a check up to check a bump on my upper leg, the doc told me there is a chance it could be hpv, long story short I found out my gf has hpv and lied about it.

Now this is a big deal! but in most relationships it is something that could be worked though....however this is not the first time my gf has done something selfish and disrespectful, she has been talking with ex boyfriend and guys she dated which I was never comfortable with but trusted her 100% even though I cut out all my ex's from my life! and she has put her self in some questionable situations, she also hangs around friends who cheat on there bf's.

Now I have painted a horrible picture of my gf for you lol She does have a sweet side, she is very fun! and we have a lot of fun together! she is also a stunning women! very very attractive! and great in bed! and we have shared a lot with each other! when it comes to looks and personality she is my ideal women!

I am now on the verge of breaking up with her, Im 24, good looking, in good shape, come from a great family, and could have just about any women I want, I could have cheated on her multiple times! yet I chose to be faithful and do the right thing! I have stuck with this girl through all her faults! now she has crossed a line! I even told her once that I gave her 100% of my trust but once its gone its gone for good!

So guys I know 99% of you are going to tell me to break up with her, how the should I handle this? I wish I could make things work with her but it takes two people and she has never been a great gf to me, I love this girl! I wanted to marry her, this is going to be a tough decision! I have never had to deal with a break up this large before.


Top
   
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 5:46 pm 
Offline
Dedicated Member

Joined: Wed May 16, 2012 4:17 pm
Posts: 618
I feel your pain man. I already replied to you in the other thread.
Break up with this girl.
The STD thing, by itself, might be recoverable. HPV is not a huge deal for most men, and she might not be aware that in some cases it's a bad thing, so she did what most girls would have done anyway: kept it secret out of shame, trusting there would be no consequences. It is bad. Very bad. But recoverable given an otherwise amazing relationship.
Here we have a chick who talks to exBFs (and I assume it's not just "hi how's life?" kinda talk), who hangs out with cheaters, and might have even cheated herself.
Just walk up to her and say that given all these issues, you feel this relationship is a no-go. And want a break. Make it clear that you are not trying to negotiate a better position for yourself (as in, stop talking to your exes, cut your cheater friends out, ...), but really want an end to the relationship.
She will certainly try to "make you happy" by offering to work on the issues, but you need to hold your ground. Think about it this way, she should not be doing any of that because of the break-up. She should have worked to make you comfortable years ago. If she failed to do so, that's proof of flaws that go well beyond the occasional chat with an ex boyfriend.

_________________
nice guys don't get laid
"It's disrespectful not to bang them when they sleepover." (Hellhound)


Top
   
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 6:03 pm 
Offline
PUA Forum Leader

Joined: Thu Jul 10, 2008 4:41 am
Posts: 1193
Quote:
I feel your pain man. I already replied to you in the other thread.
Break up with this girl.
The STD thing, by itself, might be recoverable. HPV is not a huge deal for most men, and she might not be aware that in some cases it's a bad thing, so she did what most girls would have done anyway: kept it secret out of shame, trusting there would be no consequences. It is bad. Very bad. But recoverable given an otherwise amazing relationship.
Here we have a chick who talks to exBFs (and I assume it's not just "hi how's life?" kinda talk), who hangs out with cheaters, and might have even cheated herself.
Just walk up to her and say that given all these issues, you feel this relationship is a no-go. And want a break. Make it clear that you are not trying to negotiate a better position for yourself (as in, stop talking to your exes, cut your cheater friends out, ...), but really want an end to the relationship.
She will certainly try to "make you happy" by offering to work on the issues, but you need to hold your ground. Think about it this way, she should not be doing any of that because of the break-up. She should have worked to make you comfortable years ago. If she failed to do so, that's proof of flaws that go well beyond the occasional chat with an ex boyfriend.
Great advice man thanks! yeah her talking to her ex's shows me what little respect she has for me and for her self, I don't know why she does it? she knows they either want to get back with her or sleep with her, yet she still entertains them, giving them hope, when an ex's messages or text me I just delete it or ignore it....to me a relationship means I put my gf above all other women! she is my priority and in this case my gf put those guys above me and her own selfish agenda above me.....I don't know if talking to these guys made her feel good? I don't know if she likes the attention? there all a bunch of low value dudes...not very good looking, and have nothing on me! yet she chooses to talk to them knowing they want to fuck her or date her? that's a lack of respect toward me!

Her best friend (who I actually really like as a person) is sneaking around talking to ex bf's while she is with her current bf, she does this constantly, this is a girl who my gf hangs out with a lot! its her best friend....she puts my gf in bad situations and that to me does not seem like a good friend.

I do not tolerate cheaters! I have told my gf many times that what her friend is doing is not ok! and it very selfish and it shows the kind of morals she has, someone who acts that way does not care if they drag you in with them but of course she defends her friend lol

Don't mean to vent but its nice to get advice for once instead of give it lol


Top
   
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 6:27 pm 
Offline
PUA Forum Leader

Joined: Thu Jul 10, 2008 4:41 am
Posts: 1193
The crazy thing is before she met me she didn't finish highschool, and had a shitty job! since she has been with me she is in university working on an honours degree psychology, she is in the best shape of her life! (Im a strength coach), she has had the opportunity to travel and see things she would have never other wise seen if she was not with me, she has a great relationship with her father which before she met me she did not....in fact she didn't even talk to him. Her life is much much much better now! and she does not appreciate any of it!

It just goes to show you that women unlike men don't look at the big picture....you would think she would look back and think "holly shit I have an amazing bf! I am lucky and need to treat him well". what eles could you ask for from a guy? lol I would have been better off investing in my self instead of her, finding a chick with less issues who treated me well instead of dealing with her shit!

maybe I'm a little bitter but this experience has opened my eyes!


Top
   
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 6:44 pm 
Offline
MPUA Forum Enthusiast

Joined: Thu Jul 12, 2012 3:27 pm
Posts: 66
I understand you 100% man! I know what you are feeling right now although your situation sounds worse then mine and I am a little bit older than you so I might be in a different place in life.

From the sound of things you are a very high value guy! You have always given me great advice! so I am going to do my best to give you advice although its odd for me to give you advice (the student giving the teacher advice) lol but here is what I think.

In my opinion your gf plays the victim a lot and convinces her self it is ok to lie from time to time when if benefits her. If she does not appreciate you now just wait until you walk out on her and she will realize what she just lost...some people need to loose thing to understand what they had in the first place.

She will probably end up back with one of her looser ex's, or some other looser who she is not happy with. This girl has issues if she does not see what kind of guy she has! from what you posted her life was a mess before and now she is doing very well!

Its easier said then done but I would bail unless she does something drastic to show you she she can be trusted! and shows you how much she appreciates you.

Hope everything works out for you man! good luck! and follow your gut!


Top
   
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 6:50 pm 
Offline
Dedicated Member

Joined: Wed May 16, 2012 4:17 pm
Posts: 618
Quote:
to me a relationship means I put my gf above all other women! she is my priority and in this case my gf put those guys above me and her own selfish agenda above me.....
that's a lack of respect toward me!
reminds me on an argument I recently had with my own GF. her (guy) BFF was playing mind games and making her feel guilty because she stuck to our plans instead of adjusting them for him. so we ended up having this argument where I was like "you are never ever going to prioritize your friends over me, or I am gone. your friends are important, they matter, I respect that, and you can totally hang out with your friends anytime you like. but our plans come first. always."

I am glad we had that conversation early on, like less than 2 months into the relationship. Otherwise, I might end up 3 years from now realizing that I am an option for my GF (for whom I had to let go of a bunch of nice chicks I was seeing)

_________________
nice guys don't get laid
"It's disrespectful not to bang them when they sleepover." (Hellhound)


Top
   
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 7:33 pm 
Offline
Dedicated Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jul 14, 2011 3:38 pm
Posts: 752
Location: Sarasota, FL
None of your girlfriend's alleged faults would matter to me at all. However, ask yourself this, "Does this girl treat me well and make me happy when she is around?" If the answer is anything else other than a resounding "YES!", then downgrade her to FB and start dating other women.

Just my 2 cents.

-Wolf

_________________
Screening: drama-free-relationships-1-screening-vt124827.html
Bad Behavior: drama-free-relationships-3-the-soft-next-vt125554.html


Top
   
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 8:22 pm 
Offline
PUA Forum Leader
User avatar

Joined: Fri Apr 08, 2011 11:55 pm
Posts: 1273
Quote:
None of your girlfriend's alleged faults would matter to me at all. However, ask yourself this, "Does this girl treat me well and make me happy when she is around?" If the answer is anything else other than a resounding "YES!", then downgrade her to FB and start dating other women.

Just my 2 cents.

-Wolf
I don't think he's too interested in downgrading her to a FB. The mushroom growing on his thigh is a fairly persistent reminder that he needs to keep his hands off of her.


Top
   
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 9:46 pm 
Offline
MPUA Forum Enthusiast

Joined: Thu Jul 12, 2012 3:27 pm
Posts: 66
Quote:
None of your girlfriend's alleged faults would matter to me at all. However, ask yourself this, "Does this girl treat me well and make me happy when she is around?" If the answer is anything else other than a resounding "YES!", then downgrade her to FB and start dating other women.

Just my 2 cents.

-Wolf
I can't agree with you here although I respect your opinion I cant agree with it.

His gf has shown a lot of red flags and he has been trusting toward her, probably to trusting. This girl has shown a great deal of disrespect! what do I mean by red flags?

1. She lied to him about an std! this is the biggest red flag of all! she does not deserve trust after that....he did not choose to have an std she gave it to him.

2. She talks to ex bfs, and ex fuck buddies, its one thing to run into them in the mall and ask them how life is and another one to message back and forth leading the guys on, this is disrespectful.

3. She hangs out with other women who cheat, now this is not an issue usually but the fact that she lied makes it an issue because now how can he trust her with these girls? If she does not have enough respect to tell him about her std how can he trust that she will not put her self in bad situations?

4. He said she has a poor relationship with her father, daddy issues always worry me!

Remember that no one makes us be in relationships If you want to talk to ex's, and spread std's then be single and do it but don't drag another human into your mess of a life!


Top
   
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Aug 05, 2012 12:43 am 
Offline
New to MPUA Forum

Joined: Tue Feb 08, 2011 5:10 pm
Posts: 21
I'm not surprised most people here advise you to break up with this girl, but in my opinion you should really think twice about it.

The only concrete thing where she went wrong is by not telling you about the STD (which is, quite a harmless one compared to HIV or other STDs). I can imagine she is ashamed of it and I would definitely be angry, but if you've been together with this girl for 3.5 years, it should not be a dealbreaker to be honest.

Re. talking to your ex-boyfriends - That's a decision your girlfriend has to make herself. To be honest I do not think you are in any position to judge her on this. As long as she does not cheat on you, I don't see the problem. My current girlfriend stays in touch with some of her ex boyfriends / dates as well. She knew them before she met me, so who I am to judge who she should be talking to, especially when it comes to people she knows longer than me and has had a deep connection with.
I stay in touch with some of my ex gfs as well and I can tell you I'd never have any intention of sleeping with them again, but you had a great time with these girls in the past, so why cut it off?
The same goes for her girlfriends - sneaking behind someone else's back is really low, but it happens - and assuming she knows her friends for quite a while, you are not in a position to judge her hanging out with them.

Sure mate, I agree there are some red flags here and if you only met this girl recently, I would think twice about starting a relationship with her. But you've been together for 3.5 years - assuming she never cheated on you and you have an amazing time together, why end it?

---

EDIT: I just noticed the daddy issues and the 'never been a great gf to me'. To be honest if that's how you feel about her, ignore my advise above and find a better girl - you seem like a great guy. But if you feel like she could improve and truly loves you, go for it :)


Top
   
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Aug 07, 2012 5:36 am 
Offline
PUA Forum Leader

Joined: Thu Jul 10, 2008 4:41 am
Posts: 1193
Quote:
I'm not surprised most people here advise you to break up with this girl, but in my opinion you should really think twice about it.

The only concrete thing where she went wrong is by not telling you about the STD (which is, quite a harmless one compared to HIV or other STDs). I can imagine she is ashamed of it and I would definitely be angry, but if you've been together with this girl for 3.5 years, it should not be a dealbreaker to be honest.

Re. talking to your ex-boyfriends - That's a decision your girlfriend has to make herself. To be honest I do not think you are in any position to judge her on this. As long as she does not cheat on you, I don't see the problem. My current girlfriend stays in touch with some of her ex boyfriends / dates as well. She knew them before she met me, so who I am to judge who she should be talking to, especially when it comes to people she knows longer than me and has had a deep connection with.
I stay in touch with some of my ex gfs as well and I can tell you I'd never have any intention of sleeping with them again, but you had a great time with these girls in the past, so why cut it off?
The same goes for her girlfriends - sneaking behind someone else's back is really low, but it happens - and assuming she knows her friends for quite a while, you are not in a position to judge her hanging out with them.

Sure mate, I agree there are some red flags here and if you only met this girl recently, I would think twice about starting a relationship with her. But you've been together for 3.5 years - assuming she never cheated on you and you have an amazing time together, why end it?

---

EDIT: I just noticed the daddy issues and the 'never been a great gf to me'. To be honest if that's how you feel about her, ignore my advise above and find a better girl - you seem like a great guy. But if you feel like she could improve and truly loves you, go for it :)
I don't agree that talking to ex's is ok if one or the other partner is not comfortable with it. I never ever told her who to talk to or hand out with! I have her 100% of my trust but I did make it clear that it bothers me, the reason being is that her ex's still have feelings for her, its not that I am afraid they will steal her....I know I am the better man, its the fact that she entertains them, leads them on, and puts her self in bad situations. Guys don't talk to girls just to be friends and I know most of her ex's, most of them make it clear that they are still into her which in my books in not ok! that is the point were I expect her to say "I have a bf who I love and if you are going to flirt with me I cant talk to you any more".


Top
   
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Aug 07, 2012 5:55 am 
Offline
PUA Forum Leader

Joined: Thu Jul 10, 2008 4:41 am
Posts: 1193
I took the weekend to think things over, had some really good talks with my gf! she opened up to me about why she lied, she also told me why she talked to her ex's, and she then said she would delete them all which I told her she did not have to do, but she said she wanted to because I am the 1# man in her life and she would rather make me happy then talk to guys who mean nothing to her. She also said they had tried to flirt with her (I already knew this) and that it was not ok for her to put herself in a bad situation like that even though she had no feeling for them she admitted it was wrong.

She then went on to tell me she would earn my trust and she told me she will do what ever it takes! One thing that really saved our relationship for now was when she told me how much I meant to her, and it was the first time I had seen her really truly appreciate me and all I have done! she looked me in the eyes and said:

"I love you, I wanted to be with you forever! I WILL change for the better, im not just going to try, I am going to change" For me this was big! I felt like she meant it.

I am still hesitant to believe her 100%, I need to see her do what she tells me she will, and I am going to see if she really does appreciate what she has. actions are louder then words! and I will not be with someone who 1# I can't trust 100%, and 2# does not realize that I am a great guy!


Top
   
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Aug 07, 2012 6:09 am 
Offline
MPUA Forum Enthusiast

Joined: Thu Jul 12, 2012 3:27 pm
Posts: 66
Contrary to what some might say I believe when in a relationship, talking to ex's is a big no no! The reason is that usually one person or both still have feeling, either emotional, sexual, or both.

Most men cant be just friends with a girl especially if there is a sexual or emotional past! so its understandable and almost basic logic that you wouldn't be ok with a girlfriend talking to her ex's, especially if they are hitting on her!!!! Its one thing to talk to an ex which is already a grey area...but once they cross the line and hit on her she should have the common sens to tell them she has a bf, and stop talking to them! If a girl can't figure that out on her own then dump her ass!

As for friends that is a grey area! If your gf is hanging around with a bunch of cheating whores who want to drag her down then yeah I think its only right to speak up and tell her your concerns! you don't have to boss her around and tell her who she can and can't hang out with, but its very weak and beta to sit back and say nothing! a pack leader doesn't sit back and let his pack run into danger, he warns them so they can make the right decision, and if she makes the wrong one then she might end up loosing the guy she loves.

The bottom line is she messed up, she lied about something serious, and she did some stuff that she should not have, this is not dark one's problem its his gf's! he is the prize, he is the high value male, she needs to realize that and if not her needs to boot her to the curb!

Remember dark one you didn't mess up! she did! you have been a solid bf, she has been shitty to you! don't forget that you owe this girl nothing at this point!


Top
   
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Aug 07, 2012 10:12 am 
Offline
MPUA Forum Addict
User avatar

Joined: Sat Jun 11, 2011 3:59 pm
Posts: 262
in my opinion you are letting this girl off WAYYYYYYYY too easily.

The girl i'm with now is the girl i wanna marry but if i found out she has an STI and she's lied about it she goes, no arguement no nothing, just me straight up dumping her.

She now believe she can get away with anything and all she has to do is give you the puppy eyes and a quick blowie

If a girl KNOWINGLY giving you an STI is dumping material then i really dont know what is


Top
   
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Aug 07, 2012 1:12 pm 
Offline
MPUA Forum Zealot

Joined: Thu Apr 14, 2011 5:14 pm
Posts: 414
Location: Brazil
Quote:
in my opinion you are letting this girl off WAYYYYYYYY too easily.

The girl i'm with now is the girl i wanna marry but if i found out she has an STI and she's lied about it she goes, no arguement no nothing, just me straight up dumping her.

She now believe she can get away with anything and all she has to do is give you the puppy eyes and a quick blowie

If a girl KNOWINGLY giving you an STI is dumping material then i really dont know what is
Big +1

Even if you always intended to accept her back it seems like she got off easy.

We don't know your full situation but from what you have consistently told us it seems that you could do A LOT better.

I could not comprehend taking a girl back in this situation!


Top
   
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic  Reply to topic  [ 41 posts ] 

All times are UTC


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  

Can we be honest?

We want your email address. Let me send you the best seduction techniques ever devised... because they are really good.
close-link