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Locke
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Location: New Haven, CT
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 Posted: Sun Nov 18, 2007 12:43 am Post subject: getting up after you fall |
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A simple oneitis thread.
I am going to skip the whining. I am not going to even go into the history of it. I just want to get to the "get over it part."
Ive ready some posts, and most seem to say just go out and get laid -insert number - and then see if you care.
I was on my way to becoming a PUA (or at least getting into the learning stages) when I met this girl. I instantly went AFC mode and kind of destroyed all progress. It has only been two weeks, but those two weeks were enough to bring me back to my hesitant little self again. I can't take the "f this many" advice, because I don't have the option to go out and "f that many."
This girl is very confused right now and I might have the chance to be with her once she stops crying about her ex boyfriend. In my mindset right now, I would be willing to put it out there and stick with her till she comes back around my way. I am not sure if that will even happen though. Is it recommended that I leave this mindset behind? I really like the girl, but sitting here hoping for rain in the middle of winter does me no good (sorta say).
At the same time though, I don't want to leave something that felt so perfect (for such a short time) behind. Especially if it can come back around again. |
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L.A. Tripp
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| Posted: Sun Nov 18, 2007 2:44 am Post subject: Re: getting up after you fall |
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| Locke wrote: |
This girl is very confused right now and I might have the chance to be with her once she stops crying about her ex boyfriend. In my mindset right now, I would be willing to put it out there and stick with her till she comes back around my way. I am not sure if that will even happen though. Is it recommended that I leave this mindset behind? I really like the girl, but sitting here hoping for rain in the middle of winter does me no good (sorta say).
At the same time though, I don't want to leave something that felt so perfect (for such a short time) behind. Especially if it can come back around again. |
Ok, she's confused. She's crying over her ex. Leave your current mindset behind. You are lowering your value to her by keeping that mindset. You are right in saying you're not sure if she will ever come back around. Most likely, to be honest, she won't. The chances are even less likely if you sit and pine away. As I said, doing that lowers YOUR value TO HER. Move on with your life. Put her in YOUR LJBF zone and make it clear to her that that's where she is. PERIOD. That's what she actually needs from you right now anyway. |
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Soma
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Joined: 02 Nov 2007
Posts: 145
Location: Colorado, USA
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| Posted: Sun Nov 18, 2007 3:27 am Post subject: |
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Holy shit, deja vu, I had almost the exact same thing happen to me recently. The girl I was gaming didn't have a BF but was hanging out with this guy she had mixed feelings about. She wasn't sure if she liked him or not, so I took advantage and ran a BF destroyer and made her doubt him even more. She said she was confused, so I just set a date with her and she never confirmed. I left it at that and froze her out- I don't have time for flakes like that. I honestly didn't expect anything more to happen between us.
But now, a few weeks later, she is trying to set dates with me. I kid you not. She just sent me a text today seeing if I wanted to go bowling next weekend. My lack of interest in her worked when I didn't intend it to!
So my point is if you don't try to set something up you will just end up in the LJBF zone. I didn't want that to happen and I don't think you do either. So just set a date and make sure she understands that she has to confirm, or RSVP, before you go- so you don't get stood up. If she doesn't go for it, then you tell her just to be friends and freeze her out. You have to act like you weren't bothered by the fact that she bailed and let her know you have options. It worked for me, but every girl (for the most part) is different. Maybe I just got lucky. Those are my thoughts, use them as needed. |
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Locke
Moderator
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Joined: 05 Aug 2007
Posts: 623
Location: New Haven, CT
Reputation: 102.5
votes: 7
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| Posted: Sun Nov 18, 2007 4:32 am Post subject: Re: getting up after you fall |
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| L.A. Tripp wrote: | | Locke wrote: |
This girl is very confused right now and I might have the chance to be with her once she stops crying about her ex boyfriend. In my mindset right now, I would be willing to put it out there and stick with her till she comes back around my way. I am not sure if that will even happen though. Is it recommended that I leave this mindset behind? I really like the girl, but sitting here hoping for rain in the middle of winter does me no good (sorta say).
At the same time though, I don't want to leave something that felt so perfect (for such a short time) behind. Especially if it can come back around again. |
Ok, she's confused. She's crying over her ex. Leave your current mindset behind. You are lowering your value to her by keeping that mindset. You are right in saying you're not sure if she will ever come back around. Most likely, to be honest, she won't. The chances are even less likely if you sit and pine away. As I said, doing that lowers YOUR value TO HER. Move on with your life. Put her in YOUR LJBF zone and make it clear to her that that's where she is. PERIOD. That's what she actually needs from you right now anyway. |
YOu are totally right, and I knew that all along. The problem is I have already made her clear on where I stand; I told her that I was into her (DLV'd...oops) a lot and she pretty much said she felt the same way. But she is having emotional problems and wont be able to have a relationship. Well phrasing it that way forces me to make a choice then.
I can stay friends with her (which would entail me to not act the way I want to act around her) or I can get her out of the picture. I don't want either. If we are just friends, i'll always want more (and I am sure she will mind fuck me some more - one day we will hook up, maybe the next she will be saying it wont work) or I can stop talking to her.
Decisions, Decisions. I totally knew it was going to come down to this though. I mean seriously, she practically dropped the L bomb on me, but then said "Love isn't all you need." What the fuck is that? *shrug* shit like this is good material for song writing. |
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Locke
Moderator
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Joined: 05 Aug 2007
Posts: 623
Location: New Haven, CT
Reputation: 102.5
votes: 7
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| Posted: Sun Nov 18, 2007 4:35 am Post subject: |
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| Soma wrote: | Holy shit, deja vu, I had almost the exact same thing happen to me recently. The girl I was gaming didn't have a BF but was hanging out with this guy she had mixed feelings about. She wasn't sure if she liked him or not, so I took advantage and ran a BF destroyer and made her doubt him even more. She said she was confused, so I just set a date with her and she never confirmed. I left it at that and froze her out- I don't have time for flakes like that. I honestly didn't expect anything more to happen between us.
But now, a few weeks later, she is trying to set dates with me. I kid you not. She just sent me a text today seeing if I wanted to go bowling next weekend. My lack of interest in her worked when I didn't intend it to!
So my point is if you don't try to set something up you will just end up in the LJBF zone. I didn't want that to happen and I don't think you do either. So just set a date and make sure she understands that she has to confirm, or RSVP, before you go- so you don't get stood up. If she doesn't go for it, then you tell her just to be friends and freeze her out. You have to act like you weren't bothered by the fact that she bailed and let her know you have options. It worked for me, but every girl (for the most part) is different. Maybe I just got lucky. Those are my thoughts, use them as needed. |
there was no ditching dude. I spend two weeks in the LJBF zone, worked my way into the "oh I want to be on the phone with you for three hours out of the day" zone, then K+(plus) closed. I totally AFC'd, but I actually enjoyed it. So many hours of the past month were very pleasant. And for me, pleasant-ness is rare. |
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Locke
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Joined: 05 Aug 2007
Posts: 623
Location: New Haven, CT
Reputation: 102.5
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| Posted: Sun Nov 18, 2007 6:55 pm Post subject: |
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haha, well....already on my way to being over it. The general concept is there when people say "go f-this many." You can replace "f-this many" with just "go do something that keeps your mind off of it."
Forgot how easy it was to put things aside when you are having fun or learning. |
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L.A. Tripp
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| Posted: Sun Nov 18, 2007 8:58 pm Post subject: |
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| Locke wrote: | haha, well....already on my way to being over it. The general concept is there when people say "go f-this many." You can replace "f-this many" with just "go do something that keeps your mind off of it."
Forgot how easy it was to put things aside when you are having fun or learning. |
Good frame to have. |
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