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 Post subject: Get Over an Ex
PostPosted: Tue May 22, 2012 11:38 am 
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Hi Guys, I'm having real trouble getting over my Ex despite my best efforts, the story is as follows. (If you get bored jump to the last paragraph thanks).

I'm 23, and this was the first real GF that I loved and had real feelings for, in the past I've just dated girls a couple months max then I move on, definitely had commitment issues. Although I was happy being single and living like that.

The Relationship.

I was friends with this girl at first and we knew each other for a few months, then we hooked up on a night out and started an intense relationship for about 6 months.

At 6 months (longest relationship I'd been in) I started to worry as I about to graduate in a few months and would be moving to a different University a few hours away, and she'd be staying, and I was also in love with her and this scared me a little, as I'd never said this to anyone. I panicked and she could tell as I went a bit cold with her, she text me asking if the relationship was a good idea or not and I went round to hers that night and broke it off.

Over the next week I felt numb, I went out drinking and hooked up with a random girl who came back to mine...this is when I realised I loved my Ex and that I was just scared and had panicked, so the next time I saw my ex a couple days later I explained that I loved her and I was just scared of the unknown future really and wanted her back. At this point she was dating some guy but hadn't slept with him.

A few days later she came back to mine and said she loved me and wanted to get back together, she asked if I'd slept with anyone and I told her yes, (some might disagree with telling her but honesty is the one thing I try to do), she left mine and the next day went mental at me, a few days later she slept with the guy she was dating which really hurt me.

So it should have been over then but we had a holiday booked together (volunteering thing) that we both went on, I told her not to see the guy until we got back and try and work on us, she agreed. Most of the holiday was awesome but stressful for a few reasons, and we argued a fair bit. The week we got back we didn't talk and then she fucked this other guy before telling me she didn't want to get back together (this really hurt too).

over the next month or so she stayed with this guy, and I tried to move on and was doing ok, seeing other girls etc. We hooked up around my birthday when she came round one day and then said she loved me and only wanted to be with me...we got back for a week, (most of which she was ill) but she was still talking to this other guy, I told her I didn't trust her and she said the same to me so we decided to end things...she's now back with this other guy after she said she wasn't going to get back with him (this made me think back to how much she's lied and fucked me around).

After I found this out I rang her up (I was more pissed off than I've ever been) and we had a 2 hour argument about how little respect I had for her, then I threatened to tell her new guy that we'd hooked up and she ended things with him to get back with me, and also that we'd hooked up a few times during their whole relationship. She didn't like this and I said she had the chance to tell him first (this was petty but I also thought the other guy deserved to know). Which she has apparently, and now 'HATES' me for, but they are back together after a couple days break so I doubt that she told him everything.

That's a long story, sorry for going on but I just needed to write it down and share it. Right now I'm dating a couple girls, one that I really like, and when I'm with her I feel great, but I have a lot of spare time during the days and I can't stop thinking about my ex, and can't sleep very well. I've cut all contact with her, and I'm trying to keep busy. I just want to get over her and I can't, I really don't want her back not after what she's done and what I've realised she's like. I just want to move on and I don't know how, I realise the whole thing is still raw, and when I think rationally about it I have a lot to look forward too, but I just can't shake her out of my head, so any advice on doing that would be very much appreciated.

Thanks for reading.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue May 22, 2012 12:35 pm 
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Joined: Tue Apr 10, 2012 11:30 pm
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Location: Netherlands
Were sailing the same boat bro. Iam 5 weeks from the break-up and still think about her but you are doing pretty good man! You cut all contact, things that remind you off her and seeing other girls.

Now besides cutting her out you must know that only TIME is the only real healer here but in the process just enjoy life to its fullest. If you want to improve anything about yourself now is the time to do so, keep improving and become a better man. Hang out with friends and meet as much chicks as you can.

Good luck and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, i hope you learned from the experience.

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Do not make external things like girls define your happiness or you will live a harsh life. Keep doing what you love and keep improving as a man.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue May 22, 2012 12:47 pm 
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Cheers man, It's just a new experience for me, and I've learnt a lot about relationships and myself from the whole thing, although one of the girls I'm seeing I'm really into, is it wise to get into another relationship straight out of a serious one?

I mean just look at my ex for example, she's already fucked her next relationship up because of me. Although I know that I still love my ex and as you said that will just take time to heal but I do know that I don't want her back.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue May 22, 2012 3:21 pm 
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I feel you man.

Its tough to lose someone you like.

You did well move on cut contact.

But like furioux told you, time is the only one can healer, it will get easier.

Turn that pain into something positive. Improve your life...

Keep as busy as you can find a new hobby.

DO EXERCISE, running gym soccer basket, anything.

Dont eat junk food... they are called crap food for something. Means they will make you feel like crap.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue May 22, 2012 4:36 pm 
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I feel you man, intense story, and clearly close to mine, first it was a few casual relationship, then came the big one, the irony is it also lasted about 6 months, and turned out to be a filthy liar, yes, i also raged on phone out of petty...

Time will heal everything up, focus on your life, work out, get rich, have lots of friends, and eat good.

You will get flashbacks which is totally normal, each time you do, just remember that it's an illusion of lusting for something that is lost, remember how filthy she was lying and manipulating you in detail, that helps, because that's rational thinking.

And i don't recommend pushing into a new serious relationship, i did that and it was as bad as the first long one, if not worse... Just relax, if the new girl loves you, stay with her, if she really insists on the relationship out of pure feelings, then sure why not, but never force a new relationship, make her initiate, always.

Best of luck bro, you're a good man.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue May 22, 2012 6:18 pm 
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Joined: Fri Mar 23, 2012 11:12 am
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MY man,

The fact that you made up your mind for yourself that you don't want her back and actually actively doing so is in my opinion a clear sign of a strong personality.
You have most likely learned A TON in this 1st real relationship, and you will come out stronger and better.

I'm in my 1st real relationship aswell and I have to say, being in a first relationship is like being in an" MIT-like school of pickup & life" for me, I can't believe how much i've learned and figured out about myself ( insecurities i thought i didn't have etc. )

Use that knowledge you have learned, and work your way up mentally. You will be happier then ever, look forward to that thought :)

Also,
I read earlier that you said you would never cheat on someone. Give your mom a hug for me, we're but a small number. Hope you find a similar girl!

Kind regards,
YC


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Jun 02, 2012 3:26 pm 
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Joined: Mon May 16, 2011 2:05 am
Posts: 56
It's hard and you're probably thinking she was specthe and that you're hurt is deeper than most people, but no we have all been through this. Time is the best cure. In the mean time make your self better and learn from the past. Wish you luck bro. Ohhhhhh cut the stupid love songs if you're on em.


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