Rather miserably at that.
As I sit here retrospectively with dimmed lights and a laptop in my lap (dim lights are not sign of depression here, it just feels better like this
), I am left asking myself two main questions:
Did I fail?
Did I make any mistakes?
Definitely not. I didn't try hard enough to actually get to a point where I could make mistakes. Read on...
Ok, so I decided yesterday that Sunday will be the day I will try and turn things around, try and take that step, a giant leap.
I woke up with messy hair, nervous looks and an unshaven face. It was time to change all three. Hair were washed and gelled up, looks altered to seem more pleased and 'happy', face, shaved, with a tiny goatee sort of thing under the lower lip. It actually looked pretty decent.
Since my favourite shirt was still not dry from yesterday's washing, I picked an alternate color(black), to top it up with a black T.H. jacket. It was smooth. It is highly unlikely that would see the word smooth again in this post.
Walking up to the mall was rather nerve racking. With my tiny brain processing a thousands thoughts a second, I had already failed. Like the quote in the OP says, if you think too much, you have already missed the point of the task.
Sadly, this is me, I am a thinker, a philosopher, an AFC. My battle lies within, my issues lie within, I know that. I also know that I deserve the best, I know that I should be able to get it. I have a willingness to acheive it, but not will power to actually make it happen.
This is me.
To continue the story, well, I tried to keep eye contact (and a smile on my face) with almost every woman I saw, it sort of worked once, where as I was crossing the road, me and this girl just looked at each other while we met half-way, only to go our seperate ways.
In the entire time (about 2 hours), I spoke a few words to only a coulpe of girls. I did exchange a few pleasantries with a couple of shop assistants on different occasions, but really could not take it beyond that. The only witty thing I said during all that time was when this woman wanted me to sign the payment slip (after I paid by debit card):
"Hmm..I have never really had to pay for my autograph before". She sort of laughed away, she was a bit distant at that time.
So anyways, Ihave failed, but the question is will I try again? Definitely.
Soon? Can't say.
I struggle by myself. I have always been the sort of person who feeds off other people's energy. I struggle to initiate something myself unless there is a catalyst, or an initiating force. I understand that a change is required, and I am willing to make it happen. But can I go the distance to make it happen? I dunno..I need a push.
I like and can play with words, I can make words seem like more than just that.
But sometimes words just don't quite cut it...