I'm getting counseling. And medication. And I'm not going to zen buddhism, it's a religion and I have mine. I know you're fed up of me not taking the advice everyone gives me, but it's a lot harder for some people to go approaching. Some people read the game and halfway through go out and approach. Others finish it, keep reading other material, and then never approach. What I have is not an "inner game" issue. Inner game does not exist, or at least it never existed until a guy who wrote a book on tennis sold a few more copies of it through pickup. What I have is clearly a psychological issue, that I've been trying to address through pickup but this is not the solution. It's like a bucket full of holes. I patch a tiny hole up, and the water comes out the bigger hole even more. I know I'm not the only person with this problem. I can't be. It's not approach anxiety, or approach excitement, or whatever you want to call it. It's an issue that's ruining my life. And it isn't as simple as saying "I WILL approach today" and forcing myself to do it. I think that approaching or speaking to people would be a negative experience for me and drag me back into depression. PUA's always say that it takes like 200, or 250, or 500 approaches to get good and not get blown out. I know that even if i tried my hardest, I would manage about 3 approaches, and cos i got blown out, I'd give up, go home and feel like total shit for about a month. I don't know if it's a form of OCD, if I'm manic depressive or anything. All I actually know is, I can't help this. I can't change it myself unless I want to go through extreme pain emotionally that will do more harm than good. Chief, do you know what it's like to be depressed? Do you know what it's like when you try and improve and everything knocks you back so you're worse off than you were before? Do you know what it's like to be well known for your appalling social skills? The last question does have a sort of irony to it, but still. My friends group know me as "the guy who never gets any girls". I don't wanna change my friend group, as has been suggested to me so many times. I don't want to go out without my friends either, because I wouldn't speak to anyone. Pickup has made my life considerably worse in a way. I love reading the material, it's so interesting, I just love it. And listening to or watching some people talk about it is just as good. I love it all. The Game is one of my favourite books ever, and I can re-read it so many times and it's still just as good. But, with pickup, I've ended up spending money on products I don't need, I've wasted so much time reading, listening, writing, and being on the forum chat. Learning about "approach anxiety" probably worsened my form of it. And now whenever I see a girl, I just think about picking her up. I've read so much, and can regurgitate a lot of it, but I never know what to say to the girls I see. And I wouldn't say anything anyway. I'm lying when I say I don't wanna be a PUA. I do. I would love it. But it's trying to make me run, before I can walk. Hell, I can't even crawl yet. Speaking to people, for me, is the scariest thing in the world. I have trouble walking down the street to my local shop. That's scary for me. So going to speak to a total stranger, who's going to judge me, on my bad looks, on my mediocre dress sense, on my bad body language, on my strange voice, and on my terrible conversation is not something I want in my life. I know these are things I can change (except my voice), but I don't know how to change them without having to go out and speak to people, and improve on the things I suck with. Well that's pretty much all I wanted to say, Chief. I don't know why I said it, but I felt like I had to make it clear exactly how I feel about everything.
From what I hear (and others may have noticed and commented on this as well.) is that you currently... And I'm guessing in the past, make a lot of negative assumptions and predictions as to the way things will turn out if you try something new. Pick-Up is based largely on SELF HELP. And in order for any of the suggestions that have been presented to you to work... You must HELP YOURSELF. Not to offend you... Because I view you as a brother on the road to shedding his insecurities and barriers... But when I saw you say that your problem isn't inner game I chuckled to myself... Not because I find despair humorous, (I suffered from DEEP DEPRESSION from the age of about 9 until I was 28) but because I know that once you realize that you problem is ENTIRELY INNER GAME... You'll start making the changes in your thinking that produce more positive feelings. Pick Up is about transformation. The reason we choose different names when we become PUA's is to shed the old identity of insecurity and fear. We literally realize that we are awesome... That we can and will be whatever we choose to be in this life... And we CHOOSE to be confident. We CHOOSE to be charismatic. We CHOOSE to be seductive. Once you realize who you REALLY are... And see that he is likable... Comfortable... Fun Loving... And not who you thought you were (lame, boring, scared, awkward.) you'll stop telling yourself that things will go to shit... You'll stop telling yourself that you can't... You'll stop telling yourself that she doesn't like you. Will you immediately start bagging 6 chicks a night??? Probably not... But then again... WHO THE FUCK AM I TO TELL YOU THAT YOU WONT!!!??? The point is... You'll start feeling a lot better once you start identifying with the best you. The guy who's charismatic, smooth, and relaxed.