Objection: "we do not connect too much"


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PostPosted: Sun May 07, 2017 12:59 am 
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She said that she wanted to focus on her studies. I knew that it was obviuosly an excuse. I kept digging and she finally told me (after I had asked) "the thing is that I think that we do not connect too much. It is not because of your attractiveness"


What do you think guys, that is the objection here? Lack of value? Lack of romance?.

Okay, I am not gon' give any details about the whole context and how our date went and what I think that my mistakes were, coz I dont want to conditionate you to think in either or other way (Yes it does, so I'd like to know your opinions before knowing the details).
I'll only say that we kissed, and dated twice.

Is it a problem with the rapport/romance? The value? Her shields (she thinks all i look for is seX)?

Thanks guys


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PostPosted: Sun May 07, 2017 1:13 am 
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It sounds like she's not viewing you as a sexual being. Kind of like she's saying you're attractive but not sexual attraction isn't there.


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PostPosted: Sun May 07, 2017 1:14 am 
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There's no such thing as "romance" in pickup. I think qualification is probably where you fucked up. Because you attract, you get some mild interest and a kiss or two, but then you think you are golden and go straight for seduction. You missed all the rapport building and push pull portion of the process.

At some point with any chick you have to leave them guessing. If you don't, and you make it a predictable and obvious road to sex paved with telegraphed intent and no excitement, then she'll lose interest and tell you she doesn't connect or isn't interested and let you know that she knows all you want is sex.

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PostPosted: Sun May 07, 2017 1:56 am 
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If after kissing and the girl says there's no spark/ connection/ chemistry then the reason is directly related to the salivary transfer that occurred during the kiss. Your testosterone level is too low. This happened to me a few times in the past when I was down on my luck and failed to move the interaction forward after the kiss close. Some HIIT exercises for 2-4 weeks will remedy the problem.

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PostPosted: Sun May 07, 2017 2:05 am 
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puaninja wrote:
There's no such thing as "romance" in pickup. I think qualification is probably where you fucked up. Because you attract, you get some mild interest and a kiss or two, but then you think you are golden and go straight for seduction. You missed all the rapport building and push pull portion of the process.

At some point with any chick you have to leave them guessing. If you don't, and you make it a predictable and obvious road to sex paved with telegraphed intent and no excitement, then she'll lose interest and tell you she doesn't connect or isn't interested and let you know that she knows all you want is sex.


I worked hard on qualification, but only on the part of "Flattering her", I assume that I did not create too much deep qualification as well as romance (Getting to know each other deeply).
I thought that just with "flattering her in an alpha way" would be enough.... is not?

Thanks for replying


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PostPosted: Sun May 07, 2017 2:11 am 
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I swear you guys are jumping through too many unnecessary hoops by worrying about qualification. This isn't a qualification issue. She was qualified enough because they've dated twice. She already knew she was qualified. The OP was good enough for going out with twice. There was a lack of sexual energy between the two of them.


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PostPosted: Sun May 07, 2017 10:24 am 
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JackZero wrote:
I swear you guys are jumping through too many unnecessary hoops by worrying about qualification. This isn't a qualification issue. She was qualified enough because they've dated twice. She already knew she was qualified. The OP was good enough for going out with twice. There was a lack of sexual energy between the two of them.



She told me that se was so shy (and she lacks of sexual experience).
Imma add a piece of information:
1-on the date, I talked about another girl I made out with in the past. She has confessed me through whatssaP that she got mad and that it was a bit of an asshole.
2- Mmm i dont know if there was a lack of sexual energy, or maybe she saw that I was moving too fast or going just for sex, going straight for sex, (more that their shields and the lack of romance could allow). Coz as soon as I started the date, I was like "Lets look for a bench" (which Obviously was intended to have a makeout session. And she does know that haha)
In fact, I invited her to my home.
She agreed at first, very compliant, but she was starting to be nervous with the idea and then I told her that it would be better to get out.
She said that "We know each other from little time. Idk if You'll do anything bad to me there" "i hope you understand bla bla"

We"re having a conversation through whatssap right now. (We both delay in respondig so there is time to think over the response haha)
The thing is that I want to make sure of what the objection is, because depending on it, my responses have to be in either or other way. (If it is a lack of romance and activated shields, and that she thinks that all i want her for is sex, I"ll have to focus on romance, acting shyer, flattering her, talking cornier, not talking sexually yet.... if it is lack of sexual energy or value, i'd have to do the opposite. So before screwing up adopting one style or the other, I'd like to know what you guys think)


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PostPosted: Sun May 07, 2017 10:50 am 
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Sounds like it can be any number of issues.... nobody in this thread is necessarily wrong.

It can be your hormonal levels.
It can be a lack of sexual tension/sexual attraction.

I'd like to add that the lack of a necessary spark is simple... a connection, a bit of tension is part of it but so is your ability to build rapport. To make sure there is some common ground.

Connecting with someone is very simple it's about you guys having solid rapport, you guys sharing moments, you flirting and building tension.... having a good time together on two dates along with a good conversation does just that.

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PostPosted: Sun May 07, 2017 2:09 pm 
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Do you have a dick? Does she know you have a dick? Does she make your dick hard? Does she know she makes your dick hard? Does she or does she not get turned on due to the fact that she makes your dick hard?

Ask yourself these questions then you tell us what's missing.... based on what I've read, you got no bawlz.

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PostPosted: Sun May 07, 2017 2:21 pm 
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I dont know how to say this correctly, but jeez man...you just sound like a turn off. You're looking for benches to makeout at the start of the date? Where's the tension? Then chick stops replying and you hound her for a reason why? And the chick has to say "its not because of your attractiveness"? That sounds to me like a chick is looking at you as a a sensitive guy that she has to add that on for. And you're STILL texting her. You push things in a bad way. This is not behavior to turn someone on. Kissing at some bench, isn't a turn on, especially the way you go about it. You're a bad seducer...and even when the chick is gone...you still present yourself in a bad way. You're thirsty as fuck and this is your 3rd thread on this same situation. That's desperate to be so invested in one chick...and odds are that desperation came through...in your robotic "escalation" and your conversations. Stop being thirsty.


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PostPosted: Sun May 07, 2017 5:01 pm 
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Yea I think it's all coming to the surface now. Pretty much everyone in this thread is touching on it.

Remember when I said to keep her guessing? Right now she is on to you, bigtime. She's knows everything is geared towards isolating her and getting physical. She knows that all she is to you is a piece of meat. Her defenses are up, it's not fun for her, and you are failing as a result.

What you need to do is a 180 in her mind. Sit her on a bench or whatever, but instead of escalating and putting your arm around her, tell her some crazy story about how you were beaten as a kid or how stressed out you are about something horrible that is happening to a family member. She'll be immediately drawn out of her defensive-girl-on-a-date mode and sucked into your emotional turmoil. She will come alive in that moment because that's how women respond to emotional shit. That conversation, that interaction, is where you establish the necessary connection that you need in order to form the beginnings of a sexual bond.

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PostPosted: Sun May 07, 2017 5:43 pm 
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puaninja wrote:
Remember when I said to keep her guessing? Right now she is on to you, bigtime. She's knows everything is geared towards isolating her and getting physical. She knows that all she is to you is a piece of meat. Her defenses are up, it's not fun for her, and you are failing as a result.


Dude, girls want to have sex with the man who can turn them on. You're implying that girls don't like sex which isn't true at all. Majority of girls want to have sex with men who turn them on.

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PostPosted: Mon May 08, 2017 3:40 am 
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Monsignor Crisanto wrote:
puaninja wrote:
Remember when I said to keep her guessing? Right now she is on to you, bigtime. She's knows everything is geared towards isolating her and getting physical. She knows that all she is to you is a piece of meat. Her defenses are up, it's not fun for her, and you are failing as a result.


Dude, girls want to have sex with the man who can turn them on. You're implying that girls don't like sex which isn't true at all. Majority of girls want to have sex with men who turn them on.

That's part of it. But if that were true then every girl would just go up to the alpha male she likes and ask him to fuck. Or let him game her with no resistance once he approaches her. But it doesn't always work like that. You still have to play the game and go through most of the sequences.

Not all girls are in a heightened state of sexuality, ready to have sex as soon as you prove your masculinity to her. They have hangups and personal history and all kinds of things that prevent their head, heart, and body from being where it needs to be for them to be ready to give it up.

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PostPosted: Mon May 08, 2017 7:18 pm 
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puaninja wrote:
Monsignor Crisanto wrote:
puaninja wrote:
Remember when I said to keep her guessing? Right now she is on to you, bigtime. She's knows everything is geared towards isolating her and getting physical. She knows that all she is to you is a piece of meat. Her defenses are up, it's not fun for her, and you are failing as a result.


Dude, girls want to have sex with the man who can turn them on. You're implying that girls don't like sex which isn't true at all. Majority of girls want to have sex with men who turn them on.

That's part of it. But if that were true then every girl would just go up to the alpha male she likes and ask him to fuck. Or let him game her with no resistance once he approaches her. But it doesn't always work like that. You still have to play the game and go through most of the sequences.

Not all girls are in a heightened state of sexuality, ready to have sex as soon as you prove your masculinity to her. They have hangups and personal history and all kinds of things that prevent their head, heart, and body from being where it needs to be for them to be ready to give it up.


I totally agree. Imma add the conversation that we are having these last days (we both last like 3-4 hours in responding. Coz her phone is broken) on whatssap

Well... I am also gonna say 2 more things which I think that are the responsible

1-I may have looked like all I wanted her was to fuck.

2- I talked her about another girl I made out with in the past.(on the 2nd date). I noticed her upset/bothered/angry after that, though she hid it.
She started to say things like "Oh You only want me for X" and to be less compliant
(X is not sex, but a nonimportant thing related with a joke that I made, the important is the rest of the message, and the kind of voice she said it with, which sounded upset/sad).
(It's been like 2 weeks since that date, and now we're having the whatssap conversation that Imma leave on the next comment)


Btw: ok I just saw that I already gave that 2 pieces of information.
Well anyway, she got more affected by that thing about the girl I made out with, than I thought


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PostPosted: Mon May 08, 2017 7:27 pm 
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I: you're the first girl whom I message after a double blue checked... I must be becoming insane haha
(Ok for those who are gonna say "Dont feed an interaction if she doesnt" "Are u crazy? You re gonna lose value..Now she will look at you as a needy worm... Worm!! You should jump from a bridge". Well for those who are that radical, when the objection is not the value but instead, shields, or that she has felt rejected, or even that she sees you with too much value; She is also gonna leave blue checks!. I know from past experience)

She: I am priviliged haha

I: I notice you distant

She: Idk.. I am really lazy on whatssap

I: I think that I know the true reason:
I: I am also quite lazy. But my sexy male's intuition never lies...

She: haha reaally? so what is it according to your male's intuition?

I: It is that you dont want to give me back my 3$ hahaha
I: hahaha na.... I guess what is ... But I want you to tell me

She: hahaha well by the now I am not that poor
She: And what do you guess... I am curious

I: Tell me first and I will next... open up with absolute honesty..Im not gonna get mad or something

She: It is gonna look like an excuse but lately I dont have time enough... due to my family who are in hardship, studies, the job..

I: Im sorry to hear that referred to your family
I: Anyway if you dont want that we see each other again just tell me.. Im not gonna get mad

She: hahaha shit happens
She: The thing is that now I want to focus on my studies and helping my family

I: Well I send you the biggest hug. i hope that you allovercome it
I: Lol it wasn't what I believed then

She: haha thannk youu:)
She: what did you believe?

I: (btw: If you need to vent or something, feel free to do it. I'll love to listen to you)
I: Well... I think it was coz... you know.. when I told you about that girl I noticed you really angry.. I thought for a moment that I was talking to the evil hahaha
I: I know how you girls are and I know that now you'll deny it. be honest haha

She: haha did I really look that mad??
She: Well the truth is that I found it from you a bit of an asshole but idk...
She: I didnt know that I seemed like if that affected me that much

I: I know that I was a bit douchbag/asshole. It wasnt my intention to make you feel that way. Just the other way around, I think talking about the sexual past is a way of building trusting and confidence. It is a value which I really appraise, and that few girls have. (here I wanted to see if she "fell in the hoop", I mean, if she says smtng like "No no I also think that value is important" or similar.)
But yeah I admit that I was an asshole and I apologize. I wanted to build confidence/trusting. You know that I was really loving * 2 HADAS* and the last thing I wanted was to hurt you.
Friends again? I'll give you the best massage to compensate you
(I said "Friends" but not meaning its literal meaning)

She: hahaha wow how good you write and express yourself... your university's assignments must be the best
(I've rewritten the whole text coz Im translating it from french, but yeah it looked really formal and cool in that language)
(I also understood by this compliment, that the value was not the problem indeed)
She: haha yes sure. You dont have to apologize, some things you told me impacted me a bit... but from the day that I met you I was really nice to meet you, for that reason I met up with you
She: Only thing is that now I dont see myself with time to be with someone in that way... but friends is terrific/cool !

I: Well Well...For me, having a serious relationship is something that is upon the initial chemistry between two persons, and over the time.. so much time.
(I intended to mean that now it is too soon to have anything serious. Coz I think that she thought from the beginning that we were gonna have it)
I: well you know that I am a guy who likes to improve himself and also curious.
The real reason has to do with attraction or that you see me as an asshole?
Im not gonna get mad, nor you"re gonna break my heart, nor Im gonna need a psychologist specialized in relationships hahaha be honest

She: *A shitty joke about mine (the one about the psycholgist)* haha it is not a problem with your body haha it is just that I think that we are not for each other (In reality she didnt tell me that "we dont connect too much" the thing is that at first i didnt know how to correctly translate haha)

I:Idk... I had never felt something so special when stroking a neck. Maybe we should not lose everything after the destiny made that the touch of my fingers and your hear come across.
I: oh well it was Obvious that it was not about my attractiveness hahaha na jokin'.
I: What I see is that you re not so sexually comfortable yet

She: Hahaha noo no I dont want to end up badly with you, coz I think you re so so nice :)
(she says so due to "Lose everything" (what i write))
She: maybe maybe hahaha

I: Ok ok agree... just friends (winks) hahahaha na jokin'
I: hahah I found it cute, coz I could see that you want something else, not just fucking
I: btw fuckk I didnt make you that question.. nothing sexual though haha
(It is a question that I told her on our 2nd date that I wanted to ask)

She: hahahah Ooo no way, I am really stubborn in that aspect
She: I have to think it over a lot before doing anything with a guy.
(I see here that she "passes into the hoop". like she tries to show complience with my expectations and standards.)
She: I am really curious for that question !

I: Wow how romantic.. I got my heart broken in the past for that reason.. I hate to say this but I am a Teddy bear inside haha
I: Well it is happening to me only with you.. but the thing is that Im really shy of asking it.

She: Hahaha wow yeah I am more romantic of what I'll ever admit
She: How weird coz it is usually the other way around.
She: come onnn askk pls


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