Need advice on getting Ex Back, I am making progress! Thanks



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PostPosted: Mon May 15, 2017 3:56 pm 
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I met a girl on Tinder, we dated for 3 months. She is 25 and I am 35 so there's an age gap.
Things were going really well but then one day she just said that she needed to be single, that I was so much further along in my career and my life that it scared her, made her think about kids and marriage and she wasn't ready for that, even though I never pushed these topics. She said that she loved me and that I was the best guy she's ever dated and that maybe we could get back together in a while but she needed time, she even came over and spent the night the same night she dumped me. I discontinued contact, she started messaging me a week later and was just sending me nice messages, wishing me a good day, etc. I told her that I wasn't ready to be friends via text and froze her out for another week.

We started texting a few a weeks ago and building up rapport. About 8 days ago she was texting asking how I was doing so I said "why don't we meet up, and catch up in person" her response was "I don't think it's the best idea for me, I am trying to abstain from dating and kissing and boys". I said "Kissing? A lot of assumptions going on ;) I just thought it would be fun to catch up, lmk if you change your mind" She wrote back 3 days later saying "Maybe its presumptuous but I think if we hung out it would likely lead to kissing, I am in fact addicted to kissing" I wrote back with the OK hand emoji and nothing else, this was last Wednesday.

In the mean time I have been subtly doing things on FB, adding new friends mostly cute girls, checking into singles bars, restaurants, posting workouts from Strava. Last week she liked a post that my brother tagged me about a concert and then I posted an after-workout abs pic and she liked it within 30 seconds of me posting it. Mind you she has never liked a single thing I ever posted in the whole 5 months that we have known each other.

So yesterday she FB messages me to ask how work is going, I haven't replied. I haven't written her in about 8 days now and the last we spoke was her turning me down to hang out. she tends to message me when I post stuff or other girls like or comment on my posts.

My thought is is to wait 6 more days, so a full 14 days of no communication. Keep the FB campaign going, post a pic or something with another girl.

Text her this coming weekend and try to get her to hang out again. Any thoughts? Any ideas of what I should say when I break the silence? Should I even acknowledge the message asking about my job, or just pretend like I never saw it and start anew? I think I am close here, just need some help at nailing it.

Thanks!!


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PostPosted: Mon May 15, 2017 4:31 pm 
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snowpunk123 wrote:
I met a girl on Tinder, we dated for 3 months. She is 25 and I am 35 so there's an age gap.
Things were going really well but then one day she just said that she needed to be single, that I was so much further along in my career and my life that it scared her, made her think about kids and marriage and she wasn't ready for that, even though I never pushed these topics. She said that she loved me and that I was the best guy she's ever dated and that maybe we could get back together in a while but she needed time, she even came over and spent the night the same night she dumped me. I discontinued contact, she started messaging me a week later and was just sending me nice messages, wishing me a good day, etc. I told her that I wasn't ready to be friends via text and froze her out for another week.

We started texting a few a weeks ago and building up rapport. About 8 days ago she was texting asking how I was doing so I said "why don't we meet up, and catch up in person" her response was "I don't think it's the best idea for me, I am trying to abstain from dating and kissing and boys". I said "Kissing? A lot of assumptions going on ;) I just thought it would be fun to catch up, lmk if you change your mind" She wrote back 3 days later saying "Maybe its presumptuous but I think if we hung out it would likely lead to kissing, I am in fact addicted to kissing" I wrote back with the OK hand emoji and nothing else, this was last Wednesday.

In the mean time I have been subtly doing things on FB, adding new friends mostly cute girls, checking into singles bars, restaurants, posting workouts from Strava. Last week she liked a post that my brother tagged me about a concert and then I posted an after-workout abs pic and she liked it within 30 seconds of me posting it. Mind you she has never liked a single thing I ever posted in the whole 5 months that we have known each other.

So yesterday she FB messages me to ask how work is going, I haven't replied. I haven't written her in about 8 days now and the last we spoke was her turning me down to hang out. she tends to message me when I post stuff or other girls like or comment on my posts.

My thought is is to wait 6 more days, so a full 14 days of no communication. Keep the FB campaign going, post a pic or something with another girl.

Text her this coming weekend and try to get her to hang out again. Any thoughts? Any ideas of what I should say when I break the silence? Should I even acknowledge the message asking about my job, or just pretend like I never saw it and start anew? I think I am close here, just need some help at nailing it.

Thanks!!


I wouldn't classify as an Ex, It's only 3 months guy.

She's horny as Fuck Buck, that's why she's tailing you.

Tell her. "You should come hang out, IF you promise to keep your hands to yourself Missy!"

Then proceed to fuck her.

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PostPosted: Mon May 15, 2017 5:06 pm 
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Yeah, I hear you. We were exclusive for 3 months but dating for like 5, went on vacation over seas together, I met her family and vice versa so more like an ex scenario. Do you think I should freeze her out for the full 14 days, so another 6 days. Or write back to her lame text about my job now.


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PostPosted: Mon May 15, 2017 5:11 pm 
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Lame.

Send "I saw something that reminded me, of you!"

Let her sweat that one for a bit.

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PostPosted: Mon May 15, 2017 5:17 pm 
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I can jump Heywood's boat...

However I don't understand any of this shit... Why are you busy trying to impress?

Aren't there any other women out there? You're re-arranging your whole life to do shit to impress her. Don't you have your life to live? Don't you have shit to do? I mean like I got out and do my thing and I post my life not to impress some girl but because I like doing shit.

Perhaps you need to get out go do your own thing, find more girls to fuck, then you won't give two shits about her.... certainly don't wait around for her to be ready.

My problem with all of this shit is you're super needy, you need her to like your post need validation, need... need... need... by that I mean you're doing the right actions for the wrong reasons. You should not be texting her back because well she chose for it to be that way, not for freezing her out.

I personally would tell her flat out either you want to hang out and we can progress together or we are done being friends because I'm not going to wait around for you to feel your ready. I have my own thing to do, basically you can't need her.

I hope you got what I was saying... it sounds like you do have a life, I personally would just stop wasting my time waiting for her or doing things for any reason that pertain to her. She's 25 and she's acting 19 give her 2 years and she'll be ready but right now? you're just wasting your time.

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PostPosted: Mon May 15, 2017 5:37 pm 
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poeticlyskuac wrote:
I can jump Heywood's boat...

However I don't understand any of this shit... Why are you busy trying to impress?

Aren't there any other women out there? You're re-arranging your whole life to do shit to impress her. Don't you have your life to live? Don't you have shit to do? I mean like I got out and do my thing and I post my life not to impress some girl but because I like doing shit.

Perhaps you need to get out go do your own thing, find more girls to fuck, then you won't give two shits about her.... certainly don't wait around for her to be ready.

My problem with all of this shit is you're super needy, you need her to like your post need validation, need... need... need... by that I mean you're doing the right actions for the wrong reasons. You should not be texting her back because well she chose for it to be that way, not for freezing her out.

I personally would tell her flat out either you want to hang out and we can progress together or we are done being friends because I'm not going to wait around for you to feel your ready. I have my own thing to do, basically you can't need her.

I hope you got what I was saying... it sounds like you do have a life, I personally would just stop wasting my time waiting for her or doing things for any reason that pertain to her. She's 25 and she's acting 19 give her 2 years and she'll be ready but right now? you're just wasting your time.


I wanted to interject some of the same medicine, but I think he could fuck her again, well I KNOW I could! (In similar circumstance.)

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PostPosted: Mon May 15, 2017 6:46 pm 
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Thanks poeticlyskuac and Heywood!

You are absolutely right, in regards to my FB posts. All of the activities are stuff I would do regularly, I just never posted them before. I got divorced about a 1.5 years ago and that was a 5 yr relationship, since then I have done very well on tinder/bumble, etc. During the marriage I fell off on the social media scene. I did start posting to get my recent ex back but I am dating other girls. The great thing is I have had so many girls come out of the woodwork because of the stuff I am posting,asking to hang out, or just saying how they saw what great shape I am in, etc. So as poeticlyskuac said it all cool shit that I do and enjoy already. I have traditionally been more private about my personal life but with all the attention I have been getting I think I will keep this up for the long haul.

The only reason I have been trying to get this one back is she has a ton going for her and I dig her more than the other chicks I am dating and have dated over the past couple of years. That being said I am not putting my life on hold, I banged a new chick the day after we broke up. She is just one of the ones that is worth a little more effort and at the very least fuck her again but ideally date again.

I will probably try the "I saw something that reminded me, of you!" text. The text she sent me yesterday was "Hey, are you still working at XYZ" she knew I was applying for new jobs when we were dating, should I ignore this all together, it's kind of a lame attempt at keeping in touch. Since our last conversation was basically her saying that she couldn't hang because we would hookup....


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PostPosted: Mon May 15, 2017 7:13 pm 
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The way I see it, you have two ways to move forward here.

1. I'm gonna hold my breath, and wish 3 times that I can make this girl fall in love with me and think rainbows and hearts forever.

2. I'm gonna bang this girls till she walks funny.

Quote:
She is just one of the ones that is worth a little more effort and at the very least fuck her again but ideally date again.


Reverse your mindset here.
She is just one of the ones that is worth fucking her again but, but if we end up dating again, that's cool.

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In the hands of the right man, a woman is a 100 different women, limited only by imagination and his willingness to make her feel safe and lead her.


Last edited by Heywood Jablowme on Mon May 15, 2017 7:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Mon May 15, 2017 7:28 pm 
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You're totally right. I needed that. lol


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PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2017 12:12 am 
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So after I ignored her last message she messages me again just now. Yesterday she said "Are you still working at XYZ?" I left it on read. Today she messages "Because someone from there is going to interview me! :D" - I work for a large News corporation and she's an actress so I assume it's some small bs article. Regardless I work in finance, nothing to do with the news area, she knows this. Company is 60k people so she obviously just trying to get my attention.

Do I keep ignoring?

I feel like I can't send the "I saw something that reminded me of you!" text, would be way out of context. Not sure what she's trying to accomplish right now.


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PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2017 9:23 pm 
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As long as your messaging her "trying to get her hang out" it's going to fall flat. You can't keep going to the move that was just successfully defended, expecting it to work. When you learn to reply freely with no desire or no care whether or not you hang out with the girl or not she'll be the one asking you to hang out.

The story here is incredibly common. One of hundreds/thousands on the forum. Guy likes girl, guys gets over invested too soon, guy gets emotional(but claims he never showed it, but she felt it.. she feels what you're trying not to show), girl wants space, guy comes to forums asking what mind games he can play to get things back to where they were, guy gets advice, guy starts listening to advice, guy then thinks he has it under control, disregards the advice, acts on pure emotion again, guy ends up back a square one. It's the same story all the time.

Give the girl the space she wants. All small talk useless facebook/text conversations are just giving her the best of both worlds. She gets the freedom and the light emotional support from you. Somethings gotta give. Go build on your life, leave her be, and see what she's up to after you hit a milestone. If you still want to that is, but you probably won't.

The girl exited and so you took a hit to the ego. You will recover. These things happen, they make us stronger and we go on to live better lives because of them.

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