Just be yourself



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 Post subject: Just be yourself
PostPosted: Thu May 04, 2017 11:44 pm 
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I have been reading these forums for a while, and I would say 40% of people's problems would be solved if they just stopped putting up an act.

Example:
"This girl texted me. Should I answer now or wait 2 hours? If I answer now, she will think this guy is a loser"
My answer: do whatever you feel like. Stop analyzing it using logic. If your heart tells you to text her now, do it. If you don't want to text now, don't do it.

"This girl is at the hospital. Should I text her and ask her how she is doing? I want to make her think that I am caring"
My answer: Again, stop trying to put up an act. Do whatever you feel like. If your heart wants to text her, do it. Otherwise, don't.

"Two girls sitting at restaurant. Should I sit down or stand when talking to them?" (I believe the idiots at simple pickup say don't stand because it makes people uncomfortable. sit next to them)
My answer: Do whatever feels natural to you. If sitting is recommended by some "pick up guru" but feels unnatural to you, it will certainly come off awkward. So stand.

OK, the above examples I made up. I will also give actual examples.

The first post on the main forum: "holding hands, good or bad?" just do whatever feels natural to you.

The second post on the main forum: "how to approach at college library?" If talking like a loud motherfucker at the library feels right to you, then that's what fits your pesonality. so talk to her loudly.

The third post: "does going alone hurt your game?" if you need a friend by your side, go with a friend. if you prefer to do it alone, do it alone.

The fourth post: "woman changes time and location of date. What should I do?" If you are offended and want to cancel, cancel. If you're not offended, don't cancel.

I am just going down the forum posts and every single post seems to be of the same nature.

Bottom line: stop trying to do things "the right way." stop putting up an act. stop pretending to be someone you're not.


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 Post subject: Re: Just be yourself
PostPosted: Fri May 05, 2017 2:34 am 
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Shit doesn't work tho. Just today I was walking home from the gym and of course some random decently hot chick just happens to be on an intercept course with me walking to her car. Right when I happened to look over we made eye contact and she smiled, I did too. Then as she approached closer I could tell that her previous smile was her way of acknowledging the interaction and nothing more would be forthcoming. As soon as she got in front me I said "How's it going?" She just looked over and closed mouth smiled again and kept walking to her car. Didn't even answer me with a single word. And it was just a friendly greeting, no pickup line. Some people are just anti-social, have walls built up, and will not allow you to get anywhere with them just by playing nice.

So in this example we have a woman who probably gets hit on a lot, figured she might be hit on by me, and was already determined to not let what would otherwise be a serendipitous encounter with a nice attractive guy, amount to anything. Me, I was just being nice. Yes, I was in sweaty gym clothes, but I was being social, sincere, and did what came natural. And I got NOWHERE with her. This is how things will normally unfold for most guys.

If I was doing pickup at that moment, I would've stopped her and forced her to acknowledge me in that interaction. Sure, might have been blown out, but it would've been on my terms not hers. Pickup routines and game at least give you a chance to take a no-chance situation and turn it into a fighting chance. So that's why I feel like your post is wrong, albeit well intentioned. It just doesn't correlate to reality. Real life example right there, today.

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 Post subject: Re: Just be yourself
PostPosted: Fri May 05, 2017 5:27 am 
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puaninja wrote:
Shit doesn't work tho. Just today I was walking home from the gym and of course some random decently hot chick just happens to be on an intercept course with me walking to her car. Right when I happened to look over we made eye contact and she smiled, I did too. Then as she approached closer I could tell that her previous smile was her way of acknowledging the interaction and nothing more would be forthcoming. As soon as she got in front me I said "How's it going?" She just looked over and closed mouth smiled again and kept walking to her car. Didn't even answer me with a single word. And it was just a friendly greeting, no pickup line. Some people are just anti-social, have walls built up, and will not allow you to get anywhere with them just by playing nice.

So in this example we have a woman who probably gets hit on a lot, figured she might be hit on by me, and was already determined to not let what would otherwise be a serendipitous encounter with a nice attractive guy, amount to anything. Me, I was just being nice. Yes, I was in sweaty gym clothes, but I was being social, sincere, and did what came natural. And I got NOWHERE with her. This is how things will normally unfold for most guys.

If I was doing pickup at that moment, I would've stopped her and forced her to acknowledge me in that interaction. Sure, might have been blown out, but it would've been on my terms not hers. Pickup routines and game at least give you a chance to take a no-chance situation and turn it into a fighting chance. So that's why I feel like your post is wrong, albeit well intentioned. It just doesn't correlate to reality. Real life example right there, today.


1) I never said you have to be nice. Actually, being nice is very unnatural. Your animal instincts want to go and fuck her, not be nice (of course, I am not saying go fuck her because then you will go to jail)
2) you have no evidence that if you were doing pick up, the result would be different
3) I am not sure what you mean by "it would have been on my terms, not hers" how would it be on your terms?
4) you seem to be interpreting my post to mean "don't do pick up" that's not what I mean. I am saying "do pick up, but in a way that feels natural to you, not natural to some other guy"
5) I protected myself by saying 40%, maybe your counterexample is in the other 60%


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 Post subject: Re: Just be yourself
PostPosted: Fri May 05, 2017 6:30 am 
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Well you need to learn the best you and do what you feel like doing...

that said you're telling a bunch of needy as fuck guys who need approval to be needy... not really the most effective way to get chicks.

The reality is most of these guys on here have to figure out who they really are and figure who they really want to be... not for other people but for themselves. Most of these guys need to make a habit of going to the gym for themselves not to fuck women.

Guys need to go out and find a different hobby besides computer games or console games.

Guys need to go out and find what they love and are passionate about and do it.

Lots of these guys are so busy asking for approval that they don't know themselves. They don't know what they want, or who they are.

Honestly when it comes to fucking women you kind of react to the women in front of you for the highest batting average.

So first thing is they need to go find themselves... find who they want to be... then continually do the most they can for themselves on a daily basis.

When doing shit isn't about fucking women... then yes do whatever the fuck you feel like it.

But most of what these guys feel right is buying roses and doing shit for women to make them happy so they'll feel good. NOT a great route... you kinda gotta understand the Nice guy syndrome that undertones the community.

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 Post subject: Re: Just be yourself
PostPosted: Fri May 05, 2017 8:05 am 
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Being yourself would be a great piece of advice if people actually knew who their are. And if they did they wouldn't need the advice to begin with.

Guys need to self-develop.

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 Post subject: Re: Just be yourself
PostPosted: Fri May 05, 2017 8:10 am 
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poeticlyskuac wrote:
Most of these guys need to make a habit of going to the gym for themselves not to fuck women.

Guys need to go out and find a different hobby besides computer games or console games.

Guys need to go out and find what they love and are passionate about and do it.

Lots of these guys are so busy asking for approval that they don't know themselves. They don't know what they want, or who they are.

But most of what these guys feel right is buying roses and doing shit for women to make them happy so they'll feel good. NOT a great route... you kinda gotta understand the Nice guy syndrome that undertones the community.

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 Post subject: Re: Just be yourself
PostPosted: Fri May 05, 2017 3:43 pm 
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Being yourself is awful advice. Don't assume that everyone has some instinct to be good. Being good at anything requires effort, and yes sometimes you will have to change. It's one thing to be happy with your life, but another to believe you already know exactly what to do all the time. That's bs.

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 Post subject: Re: Just be yourself
PostPosted: Fri May 05, 2017 5:40 pm 
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R.C wrote:
Being yourself would be a great piece of advice if people actually knew who their are. And if they did they wouldn't need the advice to begin with.

Guys need to self-develop.

I agree with this and i'll go one more.

If you have friends? Do your friends think you're funny? Cool to be with? Then that's who you really are.

It's easy when with some new hot girl to forget who you are and to try to play a role, and when that fails to think that fuck, i'm not interesting, i'm not fun to be around with, so i guess i'll just go and have super fun with my friends :0

I used to think that the advice of "being yourself" it's the worst thing in the world, because by being myself i got in to the stuck points that i did. I thought i needed to learn something. But the advice is correct yet with a little *.

With women, don't just be yourself, be the best version of yourself. You are understanding and carring with your loved ones, be that with women; you are funny and teasing with friends, be that with women. The only thing that will be different with the women you want to fuck as opposed to your "daily life" is sexualization, and that is the easiest thing in the world: all you have to do is to get horny and she'll get it.


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 Post subject: Re: Just be yourself
PostPosted: Fri May 05, 2017 6:24 pm 
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New-Dawn wrote:
With women, don't just be yourself, be the best version of yourself. You are understanding and carring with your loved ones, be that with women; you are funny and teasing with friends, be that with women.


This.

This is what I'm aiming for. Since being on the forum, I've asked questions and have had a variety of different answers from people with very different personalities from both each other, and from me.

I'm basically asking 'what should I do?' to people who don't know the 1st thing about me. Obviously, this has helped me in some ways and I'm grateful for it, but it's also possible it might have held me back because I've been the best version of someone else.

The key to all of this is being confident in who you are, and displaying this confidence when speaking with women you're interested in. I have a brother and we're almost identical in every way. Looks, personality and interests. The only differnce is our confidence. He has a lot more of it and thus is more successful with women.


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 Post subject: Re: Just be yourself
PostPosted: Fri May 05, 2017 8:32 pm 
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Didn't even answer me with a single word. And it was just a friendly greeting, no pickup line. Some people are just anti-social, have walls built up, and will not allow you to get anywhere with them just by playing nice.


It's also possible she had Taco Bell for lunch then just 'sharted' and was scurrying to her car before there was any noticeable leakage. And is secretly hoping one day you'll cross paths again.

That's the thing. You never really know. So If you believe it will work, anything will work. So if you believe in yourself. Yeah just be yourself.

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 Post subject: Re: Just be yourself
PostPosted: Mon May 08, 2017 10:58 pm 
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Just be yourself on its own hasn't worked out well for me. I travel often, volunteered abroad, have a few extreme sports as a hobbies, try to keep contact with good friends and for the past 2 years have tried to approach in clubs and anywhere an opportunity arises. If it wasn't for this biological need, I'll easily be satifised with life from travelling and trying new things. However, never having a girlfriend or sex is slowly getting more and more painful.

Being a mathsy person, what mostly annoys me is that being at uni and going out so many times, I should have probably been able to pull out of luck. Which means that, whatever 'being myself' is currently, is actively damaging my chances of achieving my goals. What is even worse, is that I cannot identify and fix the problem.

I often miss hints or say/do things that kill off chances. Sometimes I instantly know when I've screwed up and yet I feel like I don't learn from it because I just do the same the next time. I either think too much or don't think at all and say totally stupid things.

On tinder I have had over 20 phone numbers and with majority agreeing to a date and then it never materialising. I actually think I have improved my chat a little until it comes to actually saying, ok at 8pm we are going to this place for drinks.


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 Post subject: Re: Just be yourself
PostPosted: Tue May 09, 2017 1:18 am 
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fakeuser wrote:
puaninja wrote:
I am not sure what you mean by "it would have been on my terms, not hers" how would it be on your terms?

When you let a girl walk in and out of your life without having the balls to try and game her, you are letting her go on HER terms. This means that you are conceding defeat before the battle even begins. She is the trophy, and you know that you don't deserve that trophy, so you let it be awarded to some other more deserving guy.

When you open the girl and try to game her, you force her to play the game. Even if she blows you out, blow outs are still a part of game. She has to feel the negativity and awkwardness of rejecting you and internalize that feeling. Those are YOUR terms. It's either: get with me, or prove to me that you really don't want anything to do with me. Every girl you game, those are your terms.

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 Post subject: Re: Just be yourself
PostPosted: Tue May 09, 2017 1:54 am 
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I support this post 100%. It's not what you do. It's who you are.


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 Post subject: Re: Just be yourself
PostPosted: Tue May 09, 2017 4:07 pm 
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First off, it's easy for anybody in this thread who's already pretty successful with girls, to say "just be yourself." You've already internalized what behavior is socially acceptable, cool, makes you an alpha, etc. You've also forgotten that you actually learned these behavior, either by trial and error, or by emulating someone else. That's the thing: in society, we learn how to behave, and people good at interacting are just people who have internalized fully the "good" behaviors.

Problem OP is referring to is not that much "being yourself" but more that newbies know that there is some behavior that is more socially accepted, more likely to give a good reaction, but they don't know which one. And because they don't know, they are scared to act, thinking "what if I chose the wrong behavior?", to the point where even simple decisions on how to act in that or that case have them asking on the forum "what should I do?"

What OP is saying is, stop asking yourself too many question, just do what you think is right. And if it doesn't work, try something else.

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