| I seem to lose lays when the sticky icky green is involved. A lot. SUPPOSEDLY herb leads to sex, right? Not in my experience. I've had one sexual experience while stoned (which was AWE-SOME), and now three near-sexual experiences. The first two near-sexual experiences both involved car extractions to smoke up (slam fucking dunk, right?) followed by LMR. Like, early LMR. I got it while making out with the girls.
The third near-miss was last night.
I hit the Quarter for the first time in a good long while. Specifically, Lower Decatur. Ahh, home sweet home. Ooh, what's this? The Whirling Dervish, which was shut down a few months ago, is now open again under a new name: Rubyfruit Jungle!
...that sounds like a gay bar.
I went in anyway. This is the DERVISH. It is my HOME. What the hell, do I think I'm too good for my HOME?
Sure enough, it is a gay bar. But it's mostly a lesbian bar.
I've had some experiences in lesbian bars before. I used to get drunk off my ass and stumble into this one lesbian bar that was right near this other bar that I used to go to. I ended up being really popular there; I'd hit on the lesbians in a crazy, over-the-top but nonthreatening way, and they all thought I was hilarious. So I can at least make friends there. And hey, maybe one of the dykes will point out the one straight girl in the bar to me. 'cause there's always one.
In any event, no direct game in here for me. I'm just running around between lesbian sets, asking about the bar and telling stories from when it was the Dervish. Just being social and having fun.
I end up in set with some dude and some girl. The dude was obviously gay; the girl wasn't. Turned out she was bi. Awesome. They were just friends and hanging out together; the dude was from out of town, the girl lives here, they know each other, and they're out partying together.
They invited me back to where the dude was staying to smoke up.
AWESOME.
There is no way that this can go wrong. NO POSSIBLE WAY. I've got a flirty vibe going with the girl, I've got the approval of the dude, and we're all going to get high together. Game on.
I've been in situations like this before, and it always works out GREAT. Whenever I hang out with a girl and there's a gay third wheel of either gender, the gay one is always cool about keeping the vibe good and making him/herself scarce when it's action time. So this is gonna be great. Gay people make great wings.
I eventually find the dude's house (I went back to my place first to get my stash; I didn't want to bogart all of the gay dude's weed, I had some to share). I go in, and... no chick.
Gay Dude: "She got tired and had to go home."
Oh. Of course.
So instead of banging a bi hottie, I ended up smoking ganj and watching Code Monkeys with some gay dude. Then I went home and went to sleep.
CURSE YOU, DEVIL WEED!
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