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PostPosted: Mon May 28, 2012 11:32 am 
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Ok so I've no problem in getting dates and starting relationships. In fact I'd say I'm very strong in that area. However my last 4 relationships have had a very similar cycle...

The first three where freaks without doubt the fourth I'm not so sure about.

Here's the problem... I get them attracted which is not difficult. We start to date and I make them chase me a bit. I don't text much and I don't open up my emotions or even compliment them at all unless it's something sexual that I really enjoyed.

Then it gets to the 4 month Mark. It's been real steady, no issues at all, we are exclusive. They introduce me to the family it all goes well and I start believing that this is the one. Therefore I begin to open up and fall in love so to speak. In this stage I'm willing to help them out and begin to set aside time for them. I'd only be meeting once or twice a week previously.

Then all of a sudden there's this coldness and I've found out they have cheated or have met someone else and is considering it. Every time this happens I ask is there a problem and they say no but they will remain cold until I or they initiate the break up talk. The last girl just outright randomly never picked up the phone or opened her door ever again and I still dont know why...I'd just shown her dad around my business and had a great time with him.

I feel totally afraid to ever open up to a girl now as it seems like it's a one way ticket to getting cheated on or dumped! It's like as soon as the challenge is over then that's it...they want a new toy to complete.

I've also watched closely at some of my friends relationships that ended up in marriage and the guys opened up real quick (always first) and hung about with their gf 5 days a week from the 1st month onwards! Texting 24/7 and all that shit!

I'm so confused about the whole process of what to do after 3 months! I just want to be myself and to go through a relationship without always forcing myself to be a bastard!it is emotionally draining.

I'm honestly afraid to ever open up now!


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PostPosted: Mon May 28, 2012 11:42 am 
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Exactly what do you mean by 'open up?'

The reason I ask is because I get the distinct impression from the wording of your post that you are not honestly and openly expressing yourself in the beginning phases of your relationships - that you are acting and behaving in a way that your think she will find attractive, then slowly allowing your actual personality to surface over the course of the relationship.

This is best possible method to guarantee that you will have a shitty relationship because the entire beginning phase is effectively one big lie in which you behave incongruously with your true self, only to reveal it later and have her respond with one of the most infamous phrases in the history of dating: "You've changed."

When done properly, dating and seduction is a game of honest and open self-expression, and women you intend to date have a right to know what they're getting into BEFORE they spend four months with you.

Be unabashedly yourself, and not only will you avoid this situation, you'll also avoid girls whose personalities are incompatible with yours. And isn't that the point?

Your boy,
870

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PostPosted: Mon May 28, 2012 12:37 pm 
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I completely understand you point and it's a valuable one! Though I really am myself from the start. I tell them funny embarrassing stuff and they see all my nerdy interests. By opening up to them I mean that I'll show greater investment in the relationship.

For example before 4 months a girl says "drop everything and come over" I'll say sorry I'm busy (because I am) and I'll pop down when I'm next free.

After 4 months and meeting the parents she asks the same question then I'm like "yea sure, what's up?"

At the start I'll show affection with cuddles and kisses but I'll never say anything cute or be overly romantic apart from nice dinners and the usual stuff.


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PostPosted: Mon May 28, 2012 2:16 pm 
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So what you guys are saying is that I should just start complimenting and being there for the girl right from the very start?

Where's the challenge? That seems like a recipe for a 2 week relationship rather than a longer one?


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PostPosted: Mon May 28, 2012 5:28 pm 
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Website: http://www.myspace.com/loydlightanddark
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Just be yourself man; but be your best self.

I've been struggling with personality issues myself. The conclusion I've come to is to be your best self; be alpha, but be compassionate as well.

Joe Rogan said this awesome quote on his podcast: "All you have to do is what you already know you're supposed to do."

:)

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This isn't just about picking up girls; it's about building a life!


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PostPosted: Mon May 28, 2012 5:47 pm 
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Location: Springfield, Missouri, USA
Quote:
So what you guys are saying is that I should just start complimenting and being there for the girl right from the very start?

Where's the challenge? That seems like a recipe for a 2 week relationship rather than a longer one?
What we are saying is to be you. Stop ignoring your instincts in favor of what you think you're 'supposed' to do after a given amount of time in a relationship.

If your instincts tell you to behave in a way that is less attractive to women than what you're doing now, come back here and we'll figure out what internal beliefs are causing you to act that way.

This is the path to being a ladies' man instead of acting like one.

Your boy,
870

_________________
"Do not blame, call out, alpha male, superman, or water sprinkle any hoes. And what will be, will be." -Hobbit

http://tinyurl.com/c6lbje<-Member Journal (PMZ Only)


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PostPosted: Mon May 28, 2012 8:12 pm 
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oh boy.. this is the problem with learning game, PUA tactics, etc etc.

I have a feeling gtdave that youre not being 100% honest with us about exactly whats going on in your head. your true inner feelings.

the fact may very well be that you still lack inner game, and have learned some simple techniques on how to attract a female. so you run that "game", and shes into you for a short period, but once the initial infatuation subsides, she loses interest.

why? you have to CONSTANTLY challenger her and constantly REMAIN challenging to her. there is no certain month or timeline mark that allows you to 'relax and open up'.

i dont necessarily agree with the advice of "be yourself". because chances are, you were yourself for years and it got you nowhere, so you found yourself on a forum to improve yourself. thats the case with me.

the only way to keep a girl is to BE WILLING TO LOSE HER. this must be drilled into your mindset, your frame, everything you say and do, must reflect this.

and you better not just fake it, cuz that will get you into further trouble.

once you fix your inner game and mentality, then sure, be yourself.

the best way to do it is to ACTUALLY DO IT. learning PUA techniques alone will get you dates and shit, maybe get you laid, but sux for relationship/long term game/inner game.

best way to do it is find a purpose, and follow and pursue it religiously. be selfish. do what you want. take up cool hobbies, make new friends, be attractive to scoures of other women.

women come 2nd last if not last on my list of priorities. and Im in a ltr with the girl of my dreams.

btw this doesnt mean i treat her like shit. on the contrary i treat her very very well. i make her feel special, seduce her, make her feel desired yada yada. but theres always an underlying subliminal way to do those things. plus she will tell you how and when to do them if you listen to her emotions/actions and NOT her words


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PostPosted: Mon May 28, 2012 8:45 pm 
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Exactly what goes on in my head is that I don't really know what the right thing to do is!

Your right I used to be awful and get walked all over by girls and I blame this on my parents! They brought me up believing that girls want the uber soppy stuff! Love letters, poems and complete chivalry. Needless to say this got me nowhere! I'd come on too strong and try to define a relationship on the second date real AFC stuff!

So I got wise and suppressed the romantic stuff which produced an improvement!

When I'm with these girls I'm truly myself as I would be with my guy mates except there's kino, sex, cuddling ect. The affection is implied instead of said! I won't say the L word at all. Though when I do it seems to signify the end of things!

I act aloof but when the girls win me over with sex and sweet talk they run!! It's as if they realise that they've got me and I'm not going to cheat or leave so the competitive anxiety/interest dies!

All this is interesting guys and I want to get to the bottom of it because I'm currently going on two first dates this week!

Experimentation could be conducted lol


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PostPosted: Mon May 28, 2012 9:34 pm 
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Don't focus too much on details, i noticed from your posts things like "I don't say the L word", "I don't txt much", this itself is a supreme example of approval seeking.

You're doing all this to seek a girl's approval.

The Do's and Don'ts are mindsets to be considered in a more general way of thinking, it's not a step by step guide to get laid

Every rule of being an attractive man pours into one sentence, which is: Sincerely not giving a fuck anymore when it comes to women.

Your self should be priority #1


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PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2012 10:41 am 
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Joined: Wed Aug 03, 2011 7:14 pm
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Quote:
Every rule of being an attractive man pours into one sentence, which is: Sincerely not giving a fuck anymore when it comes to women.
I agree when in the attraction / pickup stage. A girl isn't responding to your game, who cares? There are plenty of others. You make an ass of yourself, who cares? You say something that offends them. I don't care. You are happy to take a risk with a girl. You are happy to go direct. You live your life and invite girls to join, great.

But when it comes to a relationship you two are forming a partnership, right? You help each other out, improve each other's life. I don't see how you can main a 'I don't give a fuck' frame because frankly you do; and if you don't you should. Be prepared to loose the girl? That's fine if I've been talking to her for 5 minutes, what about if I've invested 1 year? I have in fact just done this (decided to go travelling on my own to follow an adventure sport for the next 5 months) but it becomes so much harder.
Quote:
best way to do it is find a purpose, and follow and pursue it religiously. be selfish. do what you want. take up cool hobbies, make new friends, be attractive to scoures of other women.

women come 2nd last if not last on my list of priorities. and Im in a ltr with the girl of my dreams.
This is my major stumbling. If I did follow my purpose / hobbies religiously I would be permanently single. Why? Well I'm into adventure sports that take me all around the world. Before I got into PUA I was travelling 9 months of the year. Going to far flung mountain ranges is not really compatible with a relationship. I know my life is an extreme but a relationship requires a whole lot of compromise for me. It means I live in one place and take shorter trips. The major reason for me living in one place is my girlfriend. And so I can't help become a little needy. There's no way around it. When I break up I hit the road. Does this just mean I'm not ready for an LTR? It's going to be near on impossible to find a girl who could join me in this lifestyle.

As for the 4 month mark, I experienced this exact same thing. I played a near perfect PUA game (an early fluke) but it really didn't match up with where I was at in life. Discrepancies started appearing and her interest level dropped. To be honest I wasn't ready for a LTR. I wasn't comfortable enough in myself or my where my life was at. I realised you can't hide in an intimate relationship and that's a problem if you have any demons on insecurities.

But I learnt so much and was open and honest going into my next. That lasted 1 year. Again I learnt and know my next one will be even better. Perhaps LTR are like game but it just takes longer to learn because of the time frames i.e. sarge 10 girls in 1 night vs 3 relationships in 5 years...


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PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2012 2:32 pm 
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Quote:


I agree when in the attraction / pickup stage. A girl isn't responding to your game, who cares? There are plenty of others. You make an ass of yourself, who cares? You say something that offends them. I don't care. You are happy to take a risk with a girl. You are happy to go direct. You live your life and invite girls to join, great.
"I don't give a fuck" attitude is not about being totally ignorant, you are ready to love a girl and stay together, but if she fucks up, you drop her, it's like having a full cup of water in your hands, you're sharing it with some one who you love; if that person does not deserve that water, you withdraw it and share it with whoever you decide to.

It's just a way of not being needy in life, this attitude also includes other things in life, take a job interview for example, stop seeking approval, be yourself and TRUST yourself, things will always work to your favor, people tend to get attracted to similar personalities, it's called being totally genuine and transparent.


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