May 6th 2015
I'm fucking pissed because I just got down typing a long elegant entry that didn't save because apparent I wasn't logged in yet. So here I go for the second time in a quicker dirtier fashion.
I just got back from another psychologist I've been meeting with. He gave me some solid advice. If anyone has negative beliefs about therapy or buy into stigma towards it I highly recommend you discard those beliefs. The way I see it I always want the best. I want the best products, the best people, and the best consults in my life. I could ask keyboard jockeys about life's philosophical questions, or I could ask a professional. (No offense keyboard jockeys).
Anywhom I bounced some philosophy off his head and got some insightful feedback. First off I've made the personal decision to avoid clubs from now on. One of the driving factors was my anxiety towards my tinnitus (severe ringing in the ears due to hearing loss). I won't go into depth (unless someone wants to PM me) but basically I recommend protecting your ears if you choose to frequent clubs. Taking myself out of the nightlife environment has already improved my wellbeing. I'm planning on leveraging my decision and challenging myself to socialize in alternative, more low key, settings. I think there is a power to meeting people and potential love interests doing shared activities that speak to your personal identity.
I also talked to him in depth about masculine/feminine polarity, partying, slutty behavior, and monogamy. First off he laid down the fact that men used to fuck indiscriminately until they figured out that fucking causes babies. Complex and growing societies need parenting to make the wheels turn. So monogamy was born out of necessity for youth development.
As far as party sluts go and LTR's, he said this. It is possible for girls to lose themselves in that environment and not find their ways back. Partying and sleeping around is not good training for ultimate long term relationships and child rearing. However, he made the distinction that there is a difference between visiting that life and renting an apartment and living in it. To boil this down, I asked him if he had the choice would he choose the girl that: 1) Lost her way and went towards the wild side for awhile but then returned? Or 2) A "good girl" that never strayed from her path. He said option 1 everytime. The first girl was able to make a more qualified decision about what she wanted for herself. He told me about examples of many high school sweethearts that feel like they "missed out" down the road. I can identify with this on a personal basis. Living the party life allowed me to better define my personal values and boundaries. Without it, I would not know for sure where I stood.
There is a favorite quote of mine from Carl Jung...
“No tree, it is said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell."
Just saw this as a sticky bud...
Yeah man I'm definitely down to chill anytime!
Girls love sex...
Brutal honesty lives here...
I'm glad you both said these things actually because they represent the contrasting ideologies that I was striving to negotiate. Unfazed
Sex in and of itself is an enjoyable activity that both sexes should enjoy. I think what is important is to examine a person's why
for having sex.Tr@veler
You and VP have both agreed on this belief "That you will never get over a girl's past" before. I think the immediate mistake here is that you are attempting to interpret a fatalistic belief as a universal truth. The heart of PU is the assumption that you can evolve from being an "AFC" to a more self actualized individual that is more attractive to women. We would all agree that a woman should accept you for the competent individual that you have BECOME and not the "AFC" that you were. I think that it is only fair that you give another person the same opportunity. I do think what you are saying has some aspects of truthfulness, but I think it should be more nuanced. I would say "You will never get over a girl's past if her current self and aspirations do not compliment your's
". It is crucial to be present/future oriented here.
To be honest I think getting over a girl's past if you have feelings for her depends on a few things. I think first and foremost how you were brought up has a lot to do with your ability and speed of getting over it. If you were brought up in a conservative environment it will be much more difficult to shed those beliefs.
Secondly I believe that the amount of feelings you have for her is also a factor. I have been in circle of PUAs in Vienna and met a guy there who has a lot of respect in that community because, well, he's fucking good. Now he has a gf. Long story short, he split up with her 3 years ago after a 10 month relationship, fucked around 20 chicks, then got back with her because he loved her so deeply. She, on the other hand, fucked 3 guys, and guess what? He had the same feelings you, VP, and I have/had. He experiences fucked with his head, even though he had more than 6-7 times the experiences she had.
When it come to pure fucking, a girl's past does not matter. In fact, it is easier for a guy to respect her more and stay in the mentality of "Sex is fun, everyone should be allowed to have sex with everyone you want", however when feelings are involved, specifically if feelings of ltr are involved, it is a different story. Suddenly the male brain goes, "She is mine, I need to protect her, I want her to have my child and only my child". And of course she probably isn't seeing anyone, however the past experiences make you feel like she cheated on you all those years, even though you didn't even know her. Surely you can relate to these feelings? You begin to ask why you couldn't have met her earlier, would she have liked you back then? She had an ex-bf? He must have been more of a man than you were at the time...bladibla. A lot of stuff.
I have done extensive research into this and also a lot of self experimentation with thoughts and changing beliefs. I am MUCH better now, but I am once again on the PUA path which I love. I am still together with my gf, but a lot of things are happening where I am not happy with her and I see an expiration date. Unfortunately the open relationship we had didn't go down well and my image of her got even worse. However, it was a learning experience nonetheless. I have still not gotten over the past, however, and I think I need a lot more experiences in order to get to the point where something like that truly doesn't matter.