My Journey to Becoming the Icy Zen Master


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 25, 2015 11:56 pm 
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June 25th 2015

I just had my posts wiped before I submitted it again :oops:
I really have to start saving drafts.

So I will try to distill everything I had typed out. (These posts are mostly for myself and to crystallize my own thoughts about everything...not too entertaining).

I am at the point with TMC of trying to negotiate how to interact with her going forward. I am also challenging a lot of of my previous personal beliefs.

Long story short I asked her more in depth about the events that led to our downfall in detail to gain greater perspective. (Knowing it had no effect on the outcome).

Basically she answered all of the points I brought up. Most of it boiled down to the fact that I was putting off the strong sense that the relationship was over, and she wanted to make friends (of either gender) to remind herself that she would be okay if I left. She admitted that she went about it the wrong way, and failed to communicate about the things she did out of not knowing how to bring it up. She hadn't been put in the those situations before.

So I guess at this point I'm torn between the concept of friendship. I'm torn between treating the seeds of emotional infidelity the same as if they actually occurred. At what point is cheating truly cheating? I'm also having the feeling that in order to even be friends, I want to know the whole truth of the matter.

I don't fear that I will relapse, and I firmly believe that we didn't work due to incompatibilities that were not worth the effort required to overcome. It's the fine line between acceptance improvement. The developmental view of the West versus the fruititional view of the East.

Should we always strive to make the unconscious conscious, or should we accept every present moment unconditionally? I am currently reading a book that is giving me fascinating insight into this duality. The fact is that these questions can't be resolved and never will be. They simply are. Life is a paradox.

-Edit-
I just had a bit of an insight. I was thinking about the concept of wanting to see what your girl said to perhaps a girlfriend about how her honest thoughts towards the relationship and if she had FEELINGS of wanting to cheat. Then I thought about the fact that if you take this further, even if a girl doesn't SAY she has had passing thoughts of being with another guy, it doesn't discount the possibility that she could've THOUGHT about it and not told anyone.

I am not ignorant, I know that I admitted to having THOUGHTS about fucking another chick. When I thought about it more, I agreed with myself that it would theoretically be best if you were 100% honest with a partner about what you thought.

The kicker to this, is that both partners must have the skillset to frame feelings/thoughts/emotions against the larger context (developmental approach). Equally important; If you choose to not think of things in this way, it would be advantageous to think of reality as perception, and that every moment is unique (embodiment). If you are able to embody yourself in the moment, then each moment is truly unique and happiness lies within the present anyway.

Basically from the developmental view, me and TMC were not on the same developmental step of awareness. I constantly complained that she would react emotionally without putting things into greater context. She didn't seem to have the same depth of awareness that I had. This wasn't that I was necessarily "superior" but it more felt like we weren't on the same wavelengths. This would cause insurmountable incompatibility until we both found ourselves on the same step.

Another point from the more developmental perspective, is that TMC was always going to approach our relationship from a point of greater neediness (or lower self esteem). She lacked the family support that I had, so on that level my relationship with her was always inappropriately satisfying a need of hers for connection (that had nothing to do with us and our qualified compatibility). When the need for a partner is greatly disproportional, one person will always be acting out of need/fear and not well informed choice.

This makes for poor relational dynamics. Think about it. It's like if you choose a girl because you feel extremely needy at the time, versus choosing a girl because you might have some neediness, but you receive a bonafide feeling that you two are on the same wavelength).

From the fruititional approach, we were not adept at embodiment. We were unable to embody ourselves in the ever present moment of happiness and embrace the possibility that all reality is ultimately an illusion. More simply put, we didn't acknowledge that we were not on the same rung of the staircase, and we were unable to take solace in the fact that the staircase is circular in nature regardless of upward momentum.

This is some abstract shit, but this intersection of paradoxes can be illustrated by this picture.


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 17, 2015 12:40 am 
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July 16th 2015

I'm doing the majority of my posting offline for myself nowadays. I don't really see the point in continuing to post on a pick up board when I don't support the concept of "pick up". However, I decided to add a few updates.

I'm single and back to open socializing. I ended up going no contact with the ex because, unsurprisingly, she was not going to accept our split. The decision was a simple one after she confessed to purposefully flirting with other guys publicly via social media and acting like she didn't care to make me jealous and get me back. She said a male coworker told her to try it. The dude was probably a forum member. (lol).

I'd like to make a point that manipulation is not attractive. I know there can be a fine line between improving communicative techniques and "manipulation", but this difference lies within intention. Intention is another shifty and ambiguous topic, but I do believe it is possible to boil down intentions to what is most true about what you wish to accomplish.

In this case, the ex wanted to do literally ANYTHING possible to get me back. What does that subcommunicate? She has no values for herself. She is willing to pacify immediate emotions in exchange for long term integrity. If you guys backtrack to my pathetic episodes with 27 year old chick and SG, you will probably pick up on the sense that I did the same thing. And I did. And it was embarrassing. But I'm a better person for going through it and being able to reflect on my behavior once emotions faded.

There's an old saying that you have to make something else more important than your relationship if you want it to work. I firmly believe in this. Some therapists call this "effective selfishness". In order to give 100% of your participation to another person, you have to unconditionally invest in yourself. You can never be more invested in someone else than you are in yourself. It's actually nearly impossible to do.

But what about blue pilled betas that give up everything for a woman they care about?

These guys aren't actually more invested in their woman than they are in themselves. They are more invested in their own neediness and they use the false premise of "true love" in an attempt to cure this neediness. If they find a girl that sticks around, it is usually because she is using the relationship to fill a void in her heart as well. And voila, you have the making of a codependent relationship.

I'll get back off the pulpit.

So the point is that I don't fuck with manipulative behavior. If I get a whiff of it, I know that it shouldn't be entertained. Obviously this is a much easier thing to accomplish when you are the one doing the breaking, but I know from past experiences how important it is to ground yourself in your own values when you are the dumpee.

Manson's Law of "Fuck yes or Fuck No" remains a great reference tool for evaluating relationships. My ex was a Fuck no from the start...and if she did seem to be a "yes" it was for the wrong reasons.

So I am back on my path. VP is single too again...but I don't know if he's going to come out of the woodwork. He's practically about to enroll in the witness protection agency because his ex is tripping so badly.

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 20, 2015 2:29 pm 
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EnsoNytes wrote:
June 24th 2015

My breakup with TMC

I officially broke up with TMC as of yesterday morning. I will summarize the events that lead up to this break up to lock in the story of what happened.

So me and TMC were growing distant. I felt unable to commit myself entirely to the relationship due to dysfunctional cycles that were recurring. This started to take an effect on her. She also had a poor support system. She was desperate to make more friends and seek that connection elsewhere if she wasn't getting it entirely from me.

So I encouraged her to expand her support system. She hung out with our mutual guy friends at parties, and started hanging around her new volleyball teammates more.

Long story short, I started getting uneasy feelings about all of it. I started getting hints from social media that she was doing things with people that she didn't not explicitly tell me about. And one day I noticed she had a pin code on her phone when she never used to. She later claimed that she locked her phone because her managers at work would take her phone when she was texting. I couldn't help it, but I ended up telling her my phone was a clean slate, and hers should be too. She resisted showing me her phone, but eventually did.

I then found about five primary pieces of evidence that caused disturbance. One, she was talking to this guy named Alex fairly regularly about personal topics. "Don't worry Alex, you don't need someone in your life right now. There are good girls like me out there". Two, she spent the night at some volleyball dudes house with her friends and didn't tell me about it...and probably never would have told me about it. Three, that night she said one of the guys took a break to himself out on the balcony. She went over to see what was wrong and they started "talking about life". He tried to make a move on her and she apparently rejected it and walked out. Another thing I would have never known about. Four, I found through those texts that our mutual (ish) guy friend got drunk one of the nights she was partying with him and slapped her ass. In her texts, she said she "let it slide once". She also had that guy friend as her phone background. Five, the next day I melted down on her knowing all of this would probably be the tipping point I needed to make up my decision about walking. I told her that if there was any slim chance I could wrap my mind around this and try to re-commit myself to the relationship, I had to see the entirety of her text messages. She said yes, but when I got to the thread between her and the girlfriend of hers involved with all of this shit, she wouldn't let me see anymore. She said that the girlfriend told her personal things that she promised she wouldn't share with anyone.

I was running on pure panicked adrenaline, and semi knowledge that I was talking to a girl that would be my ex at that point. So I practically begged her to show me those texts and that I would consider staying with her. It would be her shitty new girlfriend that she met just recently (and fucked the brother of the guy she was talking to (Alex) who was also talking to TMC) or me, her boyfriend of 8 months. The guy that 'was her best friend and meant everything to her" (TMC's words). And she said no. She couldn't do it. So we were done.

The first day of this was hard. The feelings and physiological symptoms I experienced were familiar. Cycle back a few pages of posts and you will find my entries about being dumped after having flings with a few girls. I felt sad as fuck. I felt needy as fuck. I felt restless and that something I needed to have for a state of well being existed somewhere outside of me and I needed to find it immediately. You can't just undue almost 9 months of an intimate relationship. My relationship with TMC was the most intimate relationship I've had to date.

I still feel bad today. But I just got back from Doc Tree. My discourse with him really set my mind straight. For a bit there, I was seriously worried about relapsing. I felt I HAD to have her back in my life.

This is the biggest thing I took from Doc Tree. My entire relationship could be summed up in three, seemingly meaningless events.

First event. We were driving back from our trip to northern AZ. It was a unique trip, and we had a good time. It was cool. On the drive back, she was drinking out of a Starbucks cup, and it was empty except for ice. She fell asleep. I put trash in her cup naturally assuming she was done with it. She woke up and started drinking it (kinda funny in hindsight) and I told her yo wait I put trash in it. She get mad immediately. Why did you do that? You KNOW I like to eat the ice when I'm done drinking it. Here we are, getting into an argument over her not being able to chew on her leftover ice, on a truly unique roadtrip. It was one of the many moments where it hurt because I knew that I didn't want to be with someone that couldn't let something so small slide for the greater happiness of the situation.

Second event. We got done playing volleyball and we agreed to give each other massages. I gave her a damn good massage. She even said it was the best I had given her. When it was my turn, she didn't naturally reciprocate. I had to ask. After I asked she seemed pleased to do it, but she did a half assed job. It reminded me of the times when she would blow me (which had to usually be negotiated in some fashion beforehand) and she would make sure she could watch TV at the same time. Haha.

The last event was when we were trying to decide what to watch on TV the other night. I suggested something and she said no. Then she suggested some animal planet show. I agreed (I like animals bros) but I just didn't like the sentiment. She would always be bitchy up front and apologize later.

My convo with Dr. Tree was the thing I needed to set my mind right again. My feelings were not ill advised. I was the helper in the relationship, and she was the one receiving the help. This WAS our relationship. I thought I could transform it to something else. Something more equal and mutually fulfilling...but that time never really came. And it wasn't going to come. If one of your baseball teammates can't hit a baseball as good as you, you can teach him/her how to hit. If they continually miss the ball though, you are going to have a losing team. It sucks having a losing team.

Another thing I came to realize is that by being the "helper" you are not unique. The relationship isn't build around unique character traits that are mutually fulfilling. It is built around you helping the other person and continuing to do so because you feel you are doing a good thing by it. The kicker with that, is simply helping is not unique.

She is continually texting me and pleading that I remain her friend. She said she won't be able to get through this without me...I'm her best friend. I know better though. It crushes me to think about, but I know that if another guy steps in and fills my role, all of the shit she is saying now will fall by the wayside. And this is a realistic reality...because my role was the helper. There are a lot of helpers out there. If I withhold support, she will look for it elsewhere. It is not my personality or unique character flaws that kept her with me. It was simply support. I can't completely blame her though. I set this frame. This evolved out of a time when I just wanted some love and support too. Now I am experiencing the repercussions.


Quote:
I felt unable to commit myself entirely to the relationship due to dysfunctional cycles that were recurring. This started to take an effect on her.


Hmmm....I think it is helpful and instructive that you noted this, although I'm not sure if you realise how much of an effect that it really did have.

Quote:
I told her that if there was any slim chance I could wrap my mind around this and try to re-commit myself to the relationship, I had to see the entirety of her text messages.


No offense bro, but this just reeks of insecurity. Even if you saw every single text message and everything was great, the seeds were already planted long ago. Giving in to insecure thoughts simply encourages them later down the line.

Quote:
This is the biggest thing I took from Doc Tree. My entire relationship could be summed up in three, seemingly meaningless events.


I don't think a relationship can be summarized through a couple of random events, and I do think that these events were truly rather meaningless. Yes, there are some people who don't automatically reciprocate, and while that would be great in all situations it doesn't necessarily mean that they are uncaring or selfish.

I'm not trying to say that you were wrong, or right, to break up with TMC. What I do see is that there are flaws in your behaviour and attitude towards relationships, and I'm not 100% sure if you've completely recognized these flaws or taken the steps to fix them. I hope you do come to the realisation and work on that so for your next relationship things will be smoother and you'll have more success.

Peace


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 21, 2015 1:14 am 
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ChocolatePUA wrote:
EnsoNytes wrote:
June 24th 2015

I don't think a relationship can be summarized through a couple of random events, and I do think that these events were truly rather meaningless. Yes, there are some people who don't automatically reciprocate, and while that would be great in all situations it doesn't necessarily mean that they are uncaring or selfish.

I'm not trying to say that you were wrong, or right, to break up with TMC. What I do see is that there are flaws in your behaviour and attitude towards relationships, and I'm not 100% sure if you've completely recognized these flaws or taken the steps to fix them. I hope you do come to the realisation and work on that so for your next relationship things will be smoother and you'll have more success.

Peace


When I asked to see her phone it was absolutely insecure! I knew it was insecure at the time too. At that point I knew at the back of my mind I was past the point of any return though. No point in saving dignity. I rode the wave of insecurity knowing things were broken beyond repair. I needed a reason to pull the trigger on walking from her...and she ended up giving me a reason. That is a personal flaw of mine, I should have walked a long time ago.

As far as the the several examples I gave about shitty little things she did, those were just a few prime examples that summed up the entirety of how she behaved. It was never even about reciprocation necessarily (which I do believe should be fairly equal in any relationship). It was about the fact that she had a low level of self-awareness, and a generally negative attitude. I know that whenever I post on these boards lately it is to post feels, but I'm a pretty upbeat dude. She had bad vibes and I couldn't change that, nor was it my job to.

I appreciate you chiming in. I love feedback.

I'm curious to get your perspective. What are the personal flaws you perceive I have in regards to relationships from a third party reader?

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PostPosted: Wed Jul 22, 2015 2:18 pm 
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I get the feeling that you still harbour unrealistic/idealised expectations that are preventing you from having a "happy" and "normal" relationship. Don't get me wrong - we ALL have idealised expectations at some point, I'm just not sure that you have fully come to terms with which expectations to keep and which to throw away. This is all part of growing up, so I'm sure you'll be fine as you continue to gain experience in the relationship scene.



EnsoNytes wrote:
ChocolatePUA wrote:
EnsoNytes wrote:
June 24th 2015

I don't think a relationship can be summarized through a couple of random events, and I do think that these events were truly rather meaningless. Yes, there are some people who don't automatically reciprocate, and while that would be great in all situations it doesn't necessarily mean that they are uncaring or selfish.

I'm not trying to say that you were wrong, or right, to break up with TMC. What I do see is that there are flaws in your behaviour and attitude towards relationships, and I'm not 100% sure if you've completely recognized these flaws or taken the steps to fix them. I hope you do come to the realisation and work on that so for your next relationship things will be smoother and you'll have more success.

Peace


When I asked to see her phone it was absolutely insecure! I knew it was insecure at the time too. At that point I knew at the back of my mind I was past the point of any return though. No point in saving dignity. I rode the wave of insecurity knowing things were broken beyond repair. I needed a reason to pull the trigger on walking from her...and she ended up giving me a reason. That is a personal flaw of mine, I should have walked a long time ago.

As far as the the several examples I gave about shitty little things she did, those were just a few prime examples that summed up the entirety of how she behaved. It was never even about reciprocation necessarily (which I do believe should be fairly equal in any relationship). It was about the fact that she had a low level of self-awareness, and a generally negative attitude. I know that whenever I post on these boards lately it is to post feels, but I'm a pretty upbeat dude. She had bad vibes and I couldn't change that, nor was it my job to.

I appreciate you chiming in. I love feedback.

I'm curious to get your perspective. What are the personal flaws you perceive I have in regards to relationships from a third party reader?


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 22, 2015 11:39 pm 
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ChocolatePUA wrote:
I get the feeling that you still harbour unrealistic/idealised expectations that are preventing you from having a "happy" and "normal" relationship. Don't get me wrong - we ALL have idealised expectations at some point, I'm just not sure that you have fully come to terms with which expectations to keep and which to throw away. This is all part of growing up, so I'm sure you'll be fine as you continue to gain experience in the relationship scene.


I'm sure there is validity to that. Do you have specific examples?

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PostPosted: Fri Jul 24, 2015 1:44 pm 
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EnsoNytes wrote:
ChocolatePUA wrote:
I get the feeling that you still harbour unrealistic/idealised expectations that are preventing you from having a "happy" and "normal" relationship. Don't get me wrong - we ALL have idealised expectations at some point, I'm just not sure that you have fully come to terms with which expectations to keep and which to throw away. This is all part of growing up, so I'm sure you'll be fine as you continue to gain experience in the relationship scene.


I'm sure there is validity to that. Do you have specific examples?


The counting sex partners thing is one example...you have admitted that it is toxic but what have you done to move away from that mentality? Your idealised belief of her being almost virginal, to some degree, before finding out that she's had a few casual sex partners.

You have admitted that you realised how it's affected you, I just get the feeling that it's a mindset that is still deeply engrained and may come back to haunt you in future relationships.

I'm happy to be corrected if I'm wrong.


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 24, 2015 9:29 pm 
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ChocolatePUA wrote:
EnsoNytes wrote:
ChocolatePUA wrote:
I get the feeling that you still harbour unrealistic/idealised expectations that are preventing you from having a "happy" and "normal" relationship. Don't get me wrong - we ALL have idealised expectations at some point, I'm just not sure that you have fully come to terms with which expectations to keep and which to throw away. This is all part of growing up, so I'm sure you'll be fine as you continue to gain experience in the relationship scene.


I'm sure there is validity to that. Do you have specific examples?


The counting sex partners thing is one example...you have admitted that it is toxic but what have you done to move away from that mentality? Your idealised belief of her being almost virginal, to some degree, before finding out that she's had a few casual sex partners.

You have admitted that you realised how it's affected you, I just get the feeling that it's a mindset that is still deeply engrained and may come back to haunt you in future relationships.

I'm happy to be corrected if I'm wrong.


Haha. Yeahhhh. I still bat the idea around a little bit. Number of partners alone is not a comprehensive indication of anything for sure. I'm gonna drop a fresh post that I'm sure will stir some controversy.

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 27, 2015 10:43 am 
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July 27th 2015

Again, I had another elaborate post typed out when I got logged out. So I'll just get the point across that I wanted to discuss from my last post and give a summary of the shit that has happened.

VP is in love with a tall pure nerdy chick and it is wonderfully romantic.

Some chick off of tinder wanted to fuck me and I kindly refused.

So this is the point I wanted to make.

Why? Because I don't value casual sex. Casual sex being defined as fucking girls I don't actually like. You can't determine if you actually like or are apathetic towards a chick until you discover if there is connection there. Get to know her, share vulnerabilities, mutual interests, etc.

It's pre-qualifying. It's determining if you actually vibe a chick. I don't see the point in just fucking a chick to fuck her anymore.

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PostPosted: Thu Jul 30, 2015 7:34 am 
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June 30th 2015

I've been setting up day 2's lately.

I met up with a girl that I used to text when I was promoting. I never pursued her because I was in that relationship, but since that dissolved I figured might as well.

The D2 was at my fav spot. Haunted bar. I always sit in the back behind the fireplace where it is secluded. It looks like a haunted mansion library. Old dusty books line the shelves.

I chatted with chick for a bit over a drink. She had some interesting stories. She had a funny giggle. I didn't vibe her overall style though.

I ended up having a D3 with that chick at her place. Her roommate was there. We just kicked it and played video games. It was a fun time, but I made the decision that there was no long term potential. I could be friends with her...but I didn't really see the need. I've been wondering if I should try to make more female friends. I might play around with the notion. I just haven't ever seen why it would make sense.

I went on another D2 with a chick off online dating. As soon as I saw the chick waiting for me at the restaurant (it was a lunch meet up) I thought to myself...aw fuck.

She wasn't quite as advertised online. That's all I will say. Not ugly, not fat. Just not quite what I had in mind I guess.

She ended up buying my lunch. And insisted I order a drink. I offered several times to pay but she wanted to extend the gesture. I had to leave early because I had to mail something before the post office closed (which was true) and she got kinda salty. This was one of the chicks that I used the "I want you to be my pinky toe line". I felt bad because I didn't show up as advertised either. The poor chick wanted some good easy D. I offered to buy our next date. Maybe we could go bowling or something. I don't think there will be a next date though...

The chick told me where she worked. I think one day I'll go dine at her restaurant and leave her a fat tip to make up for leaving her with the check and no D. Balance out the karma a bit.

I got accepted to grad school so I will be going back in the fall. I'm pretty excited. I gotta lock down a solid side job and start getting some cash flow. I'm hemorrhaging money.

I've been talking to VP and we have both agreed that it would be beneficial to start hitting up solid activities that would most likely have better demographics of girls. I want to try going to some yoga classes, maybe do some volunteer work, keep playing pick up sports.

We have also been talking about going out soon with the sole intention of just being social as fuck. Make new contacts, maybe meet a few new homies.

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PostPosted: Fri Aug 07, 2015 11:34 am 
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August 7th 2015
5 Days Fap Free

I have joined the No Fap bandwagon. I am fap free.

The reason?

I guess came to the consensus that it would be more beneficial to channel all sexual urges into interactions with real women than through inanimate objects and virtual experiences. Time to cut out the porn safety net. The longing that is felt during dry spells should be a call to take real action. I would also like to add that the same personal dating standards should be upheld during no fap. Not whacking off and feeling desperately horny is never an excuse for banging girls that don't appeal to your standards.

I've been sparingly hitting the streets on weekend nights. I have been reminded that I really do wish to cut out the club/bar scene altogether.

I went out to the college scene first. I ended up rolling with a younger RSD affiliated dude. He was 19 I think, so he couldn't get into any of the clubs. That was perfect for me, I don't go inside the clubs anymore anyway. I'll only pop into low key bars at the most.

The first girls I talked to were a group of three standing on the corner. They were very tall. Not particularly attractive. I made some convo with them and carried on my way.

The majority of the girls i talked to that night didn't strike my fancy. I would talk to them anyway and usually ask them for 'dat instagram. I gotta build up them followers. F4F.

We ran into another RSD dude. An indian fellow. The dude seems smart, but he's way too...RSD'y. He ended up macking a drunk chick on the sidewalk. She was busted but I give him props for the efficiency at least.

Me and the other homie ended up walking towards the country bar. We saw two chicks walking towards our direction. They were also both busted but we were trying to remain social and talk to whomever (at least that was my intention). I made a point to say "Fuck the country bar" as we got closer. The girls clearly heard what I said and called me out. "Why do you hate the country bar? I'm wearing cowboy boots and I love jesus and moonshine and ropin cattle-" or some shit.

I don't really remember what she said.

Very early on in the conversation, she remarked how "how we were hot". She hesitantly asked if we were gay and when we confirmed that we were not, she was quite delighted. My enthusiasm remained lackluster.

Then I could see the gears start to churn in RSD homeboy's game soaked brain. Oh no...please don't. C'mon bro. Chick has a biblical font tattoo and looks like a bloated Sarah Palin with AIDS.

It was too late though. He wanted it.

We ended up sitting down with the chick putting her arm around the both of us. She asked how we met and shit and I told her we had known each other since the 5th grade and were finger painting buddies. I don't remember the specifics of the interaction...I probably repressed them...but RSD homeboy saw his opportunity and swung. He started tongue boxing busted country gal with me and the girl friend as the unfortunate witnesses. If the motherhen hasn't swooped yet, a sloppy makeout will usually be all the evidence she needs to slam the slut friend with a veritable case for leaving.

"Oh my gosh Becky. Ok. Let's go! I'm tired!"
"No I wanna stay. I'll be fine".
"Oh no. Not again!" <the implication Susan made there was that this was not Becky's first rodeo>
"I'll find my own ride. Really its ok Susan. Go."
"Fine!".

I was taken back. I couldn't help but take notice of how half-hearted of an attempt the motherhen had put up in preserving her slutty friend. I think it was actually the least resistance I had every seen a MH put up in all of my days seducing. I was a little butt-jelly that it didn't go this way when I had tried to pull in the past. Granted this was a very unattractive girl, but that never inhibits female camaraderie. Homeboy was fishing with dynamite no doubt. I was intrigued nonetheless with the speed of abandonment.

Then homeboy tried to get chick to mack me.
Swerve girl.
I'd rather drink a lava lamp and fuck a golden retriever missionary than put my mouth on you.

I guess homeboy ended up pulling the chick back to his pad (I didn't know what happened for awhile because I ended up running away).


The next night I went to the snob strip. Back in my old stomping grounds.

Scene hadn't changed much. I had the pleasure of witnessing the typical kodak moments that can be appreciated on a Saturday night. Some chick projectile vomited while walking. Another passed out cold and rag dolled to the ground.

I was then chilling outside, when some brunette chick walked out of the club alone. She appeared to be tipsy, and on the phone trying to get in touch with someone. Her frustration mounted. Meanwhile, I was mostly preoccupied watching this random thirsty bro try to hit on whichever girls crossed his path. This wasn't the "let-me-try-to-spark-a-unique-connection-via-my-infectious-wit" game. This was the "My-Mercedes-is parked-right-there-get-in" game. I just thought to myself....somewhere down this guy's lineage, is the dude that invented rufilin".

My train of thought was interrupted when brunette chick told me "I will pay you to take me home". Me and Guru stopped talking, and looked at her. There was a pause. Then, if you listened very closely, you could hear tendons snap. It was thirsty bro's neck...snapping towards the direction of where that request originated. He said "I can take you" so quickly that there was no way he could have even thought of the response consciously. I then looked at him, and then back to her, and started laughing. I laughed so hard that I started to tear up. I had to walk away for a bit to regain my composure. When I returned, Guru had hung in there curiously. I guess thirsty bro had fucked off and the chick found her friends.

Later on, I sat down with Guru and started telling him how I have been chilling in a pretty dry period as far as girls go. Mostly because of my own doing, but I haven't macked anything new since the ex regardless. We saw two girls walk by and Guru initiated the chat.

Hey my attractive friend here is crying because he is super lonely.

Not bad. I could roll with that.

So we talked about how I only cried in the privacy of my own home for awhile, and one of the chicks sympathized with me because she was fresh out of a relationship. I didn't scope it at the time, but apparently according to Guru, chick had a fat ass. She ended up asking for my biz card and I gave it to her.

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PostPosted: Sun Aug 16, 2015 4:10 am 
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August 15th 2015
13 Days Fap Free

I had a D2 from tinder last night. VP and I agreed to stop saying D2 cuz it doesn't really make sense. Instead, for an initial meeting you could say D0, a second meeting (or technically a first date) D1, and a second date D2. So more accurately, a D0.

The chick had messaged me first and was actually decent looking. Kindve odd. I had started texting her up and she asked me to hang out at 2am one night. I don't think she was drunk (she could have been). I had to decline because I was getting up early the next day. Anyway, we schedule a date and she ended up flaking last minute. So we rescheduled to last night. She ended up showing around 10 minutes late. Out the gate, I was a lil irked at the chick. Her mood also didn't quite fit her text vibes. She was fairly reserved and deadpan. It could have been nerves. She was kinda young and admitted to never being on a tinder date before. Either way, we bounced around to a few spots. I ended up having a few drinks. She had one drink and wouldn't drink anymore. I was cool with it. After awhile at the third spot, she ended up saying that she had to meet a girlfriend in a few. I'm not sure if she was trying to cut the cord on the night, but logic would dictate that if she was having a blast she probably would have flaked on her friend.

So I said my goodbyes and bounced to SnobStrip. Nothing too momentous happened there. Except I got to witness another drunk chick bust her nose on some piping. It was gnarly.

Today I had an audition for a student film. I was in a bit of a hurry, and rushed to the audition room. After I opened the door to the building, immediately to my left, was a pretty cute chick at a desk. Brunette, kinda looked like my type. I didn't know why she was there, and I asked her where classroom #247. She said she was holding auditions as well, but I was too young to be the talent. She ended up giving me directions and I thanked her. On the way back, I passed her by again. I told her good luck with her auditioning and walked out.

After I had left the building, I stopped. I got that resentful feeling about letting the opportunity to talk to the chick slip. I went back and forth debating whether to just accept our passing encounter for what it was, or to take some purposeful intervention and go back to make a connection. I eventually decided to go back under the guise that I had left my phone in the classroom, and talk to the chick.

I hurried back, and swung open the door. Same desk, same place, different girl. That's how it goes...everytime.

So what is the fresh takeaway?
I use to beat myself up pretty bad over situations like this. Even if you walk on some cute chick, it is never a huge deal. Easy come easy go. That being said, here are the points I would like to make:
1. Try to be more mindful and present...especially in more fast-paced day-to-day activities.
2. As a stepping stone on top of being mindful, remember to take a moment to appreciate opportunities to be social.
3. I still have some work to do from transitioning to a "pick up only" mindset of interacting with people to a general social mindset, in which I'll more freely talk to whomever triggers interest in me, without a specific outcome. What I mean by this is when I make I fabricate reasons for not socializing with people in natural settings (compared to pure night time cold approach) I'm looking a gift horse in the mouth.
4. If you want to talk to a chick and you are hesitating, you should remember as a RULE that you will NOT get another chance to talk to her. Conditions ALWAYS will get worse...never better.

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PostPosted: Sun Aug 30, 2015 8:55 am 
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August 30th 2015
21 days porn free...I fapped to imagination

Yeah I slipped up bruhs. I was about to get wreckless with my D so I figured I should give myself a good fap or two to blow off some steam. I am still abiding by no porn though. In the book No More Mr. Nice Guy Doc Robert Glover recommends porn-free masturbation. The purist in me wants to stick to kicking porn for good to limit them imagination faps to a minimum.

A little insight I was reflecting on today was chunking and its relation to seduction. "Chunking down" is when you break a complex task into bite sized pieces. I also just got done reading a productivity book called "Getting Things Done" by David Allen. He talks about a lot of things, but one major part of the book is about "next actions". If you have an elaborate project you want to tackle, you have to boil it down into the most immediate next action to take to get it started.

So where am I going with this? Guys (myself included) sometimes may get intimidated by complex tasks. If I meet a hot chick, my immediate reaction may be that I would like to have sex with her. However, in that moment, that thought may seem so foreign and unobtainable. The path to fucking a random chick is paved with tiny baby steps. As far as logistics or "strategy" goes, this is pretty much as in depth as I will ever get. If you want to fuck a chick this is the process:
1. Starting a conversation.
2. Getting her number and setting up a date.
3. Going to said date and talking about whatever you want.

From there, you have two options. You can either try to fuck her on that date or set up a next date.
If you want to wrap the date up and set up a next one then you can do that. Eventually you will want to try to fuck her.

So when you want to fuck her, you are then faced with two options. Go back to your place or go back to her place.

4. If you want to go back to her place: Ask her what her favorite movie is. She will give you an answer. Then ask her if she owns the movie. If she owns it, then tell her you two should go watch it right then. If you want to justify it say it will be fun and spontaneous.

4. If you want to go back to your place: Ask her if she likes movies. Tell her you just rented a badass new movie and that you should go back and watch it.

5. Put on the movie and snuggle up to the chick. Then just make the move. Tell her to come here for a sec and just start making out as fuck. Escalate it as far as possible. She will either go with it or not. If not then don't trip. Watch the movie. You can open up dialogue about what she's comfortable with if you want. Essentially you could keep repeating the date cycle and jumping her bones until she either fucks you tells you to fuck off.

This is the whole damn process. Most guys adhere to some form of this. Meet chick, present who you are, attempt to fuck her. This is how it works. I always talk to VP about how girls have NEVER declined the invite to go back and watch movies with me. He says the same thing for the most part. Always assume girls know what's up. And always assume they want you to proceed unless they make it known otherwise. As a guy this is all you can do. This is how it works. Don't make it harder than it is. (Again this is a note to self).

I was thinking about all this today when me and VP were chilling at some chick's dorm room (that we had just met that afternoon). This shit is simple.

I'd like to let you all know that I will be closing out this thread soon. I am going to have a more personal presence in the community, but from a non-pick up perspective. I may start a new thread that more accurately captures what I am about now. I still want to help other guys out, and I will pop in here and there.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 02, 2015 4:09 am 
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September 1st 2015

I wanted to post up another quick insight from today. I can't speak for other guys, but I personally =can say that I've been stuck in the mindset of only making an effort to chat up girls that I am attracted to. I guess my two main reasons for this has been that I have never wanted to send off the wrong vibes to girls I wouldn't fuck with and I also felt that it was a waste of time/energy.

I am severely capping my dating potential by doing this. I still may not meet the girls that I am looking for in my immediate social environments (even if I "upgrade" my social environments). However, I may meet a girl that has a friend that would be more appealing. This is some basic shit but it goes back to why an overall social approach is always going to be better than a pick up approach. Girls love to play match maker. Finding quality girls can be as easy as charming the pants off the initial friend, and asking for an introduction.

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 21, 2015 6:33 am 
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October 20th 2015
72 days porn free...unless you count the times I whacked off to my own sex tape...which I don't

I just got back from a trip to Vegas. I hadn't been there since I turned 21. Me and a new buddy from the local inner circle checked it out. We ended up crashing an entrepreneur seminar. The registration was supposed to be pretty expensive and we just showed up and started taking notes.

I had to type up a paper for school while I was at the hotel. It was a little challenging, but I cranked that shit out. Me and homeboy did a lot of socializing. We actually ran into one of the guys from the Youtube channel Simple Pick up in front of one of the clubs. He seemed like a nice dude.

I ended up getting pretty drunk the second night. I got split up from my homie when I left the club. So I scoped the strip a bit. I ended up talking to these two chicks on the street. I asked them where was the best place to party. The cuter chick said they weren't sure, and that we should all find out.

So I mobbed around with them two. I ended up meeting a few dudes that were into pick up from my hometown in one of the lobbies. It was pretty crazy! Small world.

I sat down at a table with the two chicks and chilled out for a bit. A random homeboy sitting next to us started chatting up the less attractive friend. Thnx wingbrah!

Homeboy ended up striking out though. Chicks didn't vibe him.

The girls wanted to go back to their hotel and drink, so that's what we ended up doing.

Once we got back there we drank and talked on the bed. Long story short the Less Attractive friend went out to grab another bottle of wine, and I hooked up with the Cuter Chick.

LA came back with me and CC in the bed. CC invited LA to join us. They started making out and yeah...you can fill in the rest.

It was a wild time. I met some cool peeps and took a liking to some lounges/bars out there.

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