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 Post subject: My Journal
PostPosted: Sat Dec 14, 2013 10:40 pm 
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December 14, 2013

So I decided to start a journal as many others have done. It seems to have helped for many people although I myself have never done anything like this.

I guess I'll start out with an overview of where I am at in life. I am 34 years old, and I recently graduated from college. Just over one year ago I got dumped by my ex who was my first real "serious" relationship. We were together just over two years. Besides her I had two other LTRs that I would call almost "serious" meaning we lived together. Both of those earlier two lasted probably 6-8 months. I'm not sure how to say this without sounding like a dick, because they were all pretty cool chicks who I did like and come to love, but none of them were really the girl I would have chosen. My first GF I met on a telephone chat line because I was too timid and clueless as to how to let a girl know I was interested in real life. Surprisingly she turned out to be very pretty and I am glad that I found her. I was 21 at the time. The second girl approached me at a bar and I went along, I had a lot of fun with her but I never really felt physically attracted to her. Damn, that sounds shitty, but it's the truth. Anyways, I was 24 at the time and after her I didn't date anyone for seven years. In the meantime I got laid here and there, but most of the time I was lonely and depressed and went on very long stretches with nothing at all in the way of female interaction. Obviously I made do by masturbating and internet porn and other behaviors which I'm not too proud of. All of which I believe only pushed me further inward and made my situation worse.

So now here I am. I finally got my education but the timing of my breakup was inconvenient for someone like me who had a tendency for depression. She dumped me right at the end of my second to last semester. Basically, I was a total wreck for the rest of that penultimate semester and it didn't get any better during the final one. I procrastinated on every assignment; I couldn't sleep at all and was always exhausted at work. I can't believe I didn't get fired, I was late all the time and my job performance fell off considerably.

Somehow I managed to pass and got my degree. I was still totally depressed and borderline suicidal, I guess I still am really but it's gotten better. I don't want to die before I wake up anymore but sometimes I just feel bummed and jaded like what's the point?

Even though my current job doesn't pay shit I still haven't found a new one that my degree now qualifies me for. I know it's a poor excuse but I'm so depressed I lack the confidence and drive to actually start a real career.

I've been going out more trying to meet girls and I have had some success, but I have to have a buzz to approach. Most of the time I'll get a girl’s number, maybe even kiss her the first night, but then fail to take things further. The past few times I've gotten laid I'm such a wreck that I get really nervous when things get intimate and I'll have trouble being "ready". It probably doesn’t help that most of the time I’m pretty intoxicated as well. Usually it all works out but a few times I've had to call it a night which is embarrassing at the least and at the worst has probably contributed to not getting many second dates or whatnot. Not to mention what it does to my already messed up head.

This brings me to what I want to get out of leaning pick up, what my goals are, what I hope to achieve from this process. First long term goals.

1.) Finally become confident, happy, and truly love myself and life. This is the main one, if I achieve this goal all the others should fall into place. I really believe that there is something fundamental tied up in this, somehow my inability to express myself with women I am attracted to sexually is related to everything else I struggle with in my life. It might sound crazy but I know it's true.
2.) Find the girl that I want, that I chose, and start a great relationship.
3.) Secure my future financially.
4.) Start a family.
5.) Live a great life.

Now short term

1.) Be able to confidently approach any woman I want whenever I feel like it.
2.) Get better at making connections with not just the women that I am interested in but others as well.
3.) Get a new better paying job before March.
4.) Get back to a healthy lifestyle, less drinking, quit smoking.

So that's it for today. Tomorrow I plan on going to the mall and doing the newbie mission. I probably should do it today but I'm a bit hung over. But now that I've said I'm doing it here in my journal online I am held accountable. I plan on posting in the newbie mission topic tomorrow when I get home.


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 Post subject: Newbie Mission
PostPosted: Mon Dec 16, 2013 12:52 am 
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Dec. 15, 2013

Today was the day for my newbie mission. I woke up late but finally got cleaned up and left the house around 4pm. First I headed to the pet store to pick up some dog food. I noticed a few attractive girls and made sure that I was smiling and doing my best to have relaxed body language. However I noticed that very few women or people in general would make eye contact. So I didn't say hi to anyone here.

After that I headed to the mall. I admit that I did feel somewhat nervous as I was driving there, but I did my best to frame it as excitement. When I got there I made sure to walk a bit slower that I usually do and have a smile on my face. Again I notice most girls would not make eye contact. Should I just say hi if I see an attractive girl close by regardless of whether or not I make eye contact with her? It seems strange to say hi to someone who seems to be headed in another direction.

After this I talked to a couple cute salesgirls, a HB6 and 7. The second girl, the HB6, I made a purchase from, a case for my new phone. Her I chatted with a bit about random things so I felt pretty good about that. Stuff I wouldn't usually do like showing her pictures of my dog on my phone.

Later I was in a shoe store and there was a totally hot HB10, wearing leather pants and high heels, she looked Italian or maybe Hispanic. I was going to say hi or something to her if she would have made eye contact but she didn’t and seemed to be noticing me trying to, and then she quickly left with her friend a HB9. I continued on.

Next, I was in another store there was a two set of girls, a bigger girl and a HB7. I was going to open with “excuse me can I ask your opinion about these shirts” opener or something similar, but I couldn’t get up the courage. I left quickly because I felt like I was starting to look like I was stalking them.

After that I was in Spencer’s looking at shirts and there was a two set of girls, two HB7s. This time I successfully opened with the same line and was surprised at how well it worked. They seemed excited that I was talking to them. I was surprised at how well it worked also, but I managed to keep some conversation going for maybe 3 minutes but then kind of ran out of things to say. The one who was talking to me more was like “well I’m helping you shop but I need to get stuff for myself” and I was like “oh do what you need to do”. I know it could have gone better, I did get nervous. After that I noticed the two set from the other store earlier, and I was determined to open them this time, but we were at Spencer’s and they were looking at the sex toys and I felt awkward approaching in that situation.

All in all I think it went OK. There is certainly a ton of room for improvement, but I did some things that I never have done before and surprisingly (to me) it didn’t kill me, it didn’t even hurt. It actually felt good. As I type this I feel excited from just the small successful interaction that I had. I’d like to try this a few more times but my main question is about the eye contact thing, should I be waiting for that or should I just say “hi” anyway? I guess I can answer my own question, if I want to say hi to a girl I should just do it and who cares whether she’s looking at me or with a guy or shopping for sex toys or whatever. But I would like some feedback as regarding the eye contact/saying hi question. Thanks in advance for any insight you can offer. I will be posting again, I signed up for some emails on here and I have more missions to complete, my next one seems to be the same as this but using social momentum.


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 Post subject: Re: My Journal
PostPosted: Thu Dec 26, 2013 11:50 pm 
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Well I haven't been on the second official mission yet, but I came across another thread here that recommended going on 30 min. walks after work, and saying hi to everyone and approaching any women who are standing. Today after work I did this at a park. The first person I talked to was a girl walking her dog. I approached her and asked to pet her dog, and chatted with her for about 4-5 minutes. I felt a but nervous and probably talked too much and too fast, but I felt good about doing it. I continued walking around the lake and said hi to pretty much everyone, families, men, women, anyone. I didn't actually stop and talk to anyone else, but I felt good about this.

I noticed that people will usually say hi, smile and just be happy that you've said hi to them. Many people are listening to headphones and seem determined not to say hi to anyone. The few people who didn't respond I was surprised it didn't bother me at all. I plan on doing this again every day after work.


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 Post subject: Re: My Journal
PostPosted: Sat Dec 28, 2013 12:36 am 
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Nice field reports man. It looks like you're on the right track. Keep it up!

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Take intelligent risks and you will find the opportunities that others miss.


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 Post subject: Re: My Journal
PostPosted: Sun Dec 29, 2013 8:02 pm 
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Hey thanks Zephh for the encouragement, it does help!

Alright let's see, Friday I had to work late, so when I got to the park it was dark and there were not as many people there. I walked around the lake anyway, saying hi to most people I passed. I don't know what it is but sometimes it's really hard to say hi or hows it going to certain people. For example there was a woman in her 40's and three teenage girls walking ( I assume a mom and her daughters) they did not make eye contact with me but I said "how's it going?" to them. The mom gave me a funny look and the rest seemed not to notice and I have to say it made me feel pretty weird and I had a feeling the mom thought I was probably some pedophile or something. Anyways I did my best to be undeterred and continued walking. Said hi to most people but again whether it's body language or something intangible, it's harder to say hi to certain people than to others. Also other times it's a family with young girls and the girls will be the only ones who make eye contact with me and it feels odd saying hi to some 13 year old girl who's with her family, like I feel like a creep. There was this other woman I wanted to talk to, she was taking pictures, but I felt like I would be bothering her. I think when someone seems to be doing something rather than just walking I have a harder time approaching because I feel like I'm bothering or interrupting them.

The last people I talked to was a couple I walked up beside. It was actually a pretty good conversation we started talking about the art pieces that they have in this park. I talked to them for about 15 min as we walked and by the end the girl gave me their names and I told them where I worked (which is a bar) and told them to stop bye sometime, they seemed like really cool people. So it was a pretty good outing I felt. This weekend I worked Saturday as well but we were super busy and I had to stay late. Also I had arranged a poker game with my friends which I was late for so I went straight home, no mission this day.

Today is Sunday and I have quite a few chores to do, I'm not sure if I'm going to do the mission per se but I do have to go shopping so that should be a good opportunity to say hi to people and maybe strike up conversations. All in all I feel like I'm getting a bit more comfortable with talking to people. It's amazing I've noticed that I'm smiling more at people, they always smile back. I work downtown at a bar (I work in the kitchen not a bartender) and walking around work just smiling at any girl they always seem pleased and smile back.


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 Post subject: Re: My Journal
PostPosted: Mon Dec 30, 2013 1:38 am 
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Ok just thought I'd check in and report what just happened while it's fresh.

So I went out to do some shopping. First I went to Wal-Mart. As I walked in I tried to remember to have relaxed and confident body language. I said hi to a girl by the front door then went inside. As compared to the park I had a harder time saying hi to people. Many people seemed more distracted, like they're looking for something. Anyway I did smile and say hi to several people who would make eye contact. I noticed many times people will be in your vicinity and kind of look at you but not directly in the eyes. With these people I go ahead and say hi, how's it going and they always say hi. At Wal-Mart there was a girl who I would have approached but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I don't have any problem starting a conversation if a girl will make eye contact and say hi, but if they seem distracted or busy like this girl (who was shopping) I won't approach. And I notice usually the ones I do want to talk to (HB7 and up) are the ones who won't make eye contact. Also I notice I have to really keep myself from getting in a rush. I start out walking slow and notice that 10 min into shopping I'm walking very fast and trying to get the shopping done as quick as I can.

After this I went to the grocery store. Tried to stay slow and relaxed. I see a girl right when I walk in and say hi, she totally ignored it. It gave me a weird feeling, but I pressed on. Said hi to a few people. Then I notice two HB7s, I think they notice me. I head to the produce section and while I'm there they come into an adjacent section probably 20 feet away. I felt like maybe they were coming into proximity and I could have opened, but again because they seem busy and are facing away from me I don't want to approach. Looking back they were in the organic section and the easiest thing would have been to walk up and say "excuse me, do you think organic food really makes a difference?". I always think of what I should have said later. I also have a tendency to get mad at myself when I don't approach. One seemed like she was looking in my direction when they crossed the aisle where I was. It happened quick but I feel like I shied away a bit from just blurting out a quick hi, which is what I wanted to do. Then after they're in the only line open so I come up behind and put my stuff on the conveyor. Neither will look in my direction and body language seemed very closed off, so I didn't try saying anything. I feel like I should have approached much earlier, they noticed me, I know they knew I was looking. Since I waited so long they weren't feeling it, by then I had probably put off a creeper vibe.

Anyways after that I went and got gas. I was going to pay at the pump but I said screw it, I've got cash I'm going in. Here the two girls behind the counter weren't pretty at all, but I smiled and said hi to both. Made small talk as I was making the purchase. I think it was a good interaction.


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 Post subject: Re: My Journal
PostPosted: Thu Jan 09, 2014 10:08 pm 
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good job bro. i am in a similar situation. i am 30 and recently got out of miserable relationship of two years. i had to leave her because of her manipulation, deception and lies. could not take it anymore. after leaving her my confidence went all time low.

your posts gave me an idea of where should i begin.

good luck!


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 Post subject: Re: My Journal
PostPosted: Tue Jan 14, 2014 1:12 am 
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Hey thanks BB, it's good to know I'm not the only one walking this road.

So I haven't posted in a while. As everyone in the U.S. knows we had a super cold snap so I haven't been going to the park after work as no one has been there. I did got to the mall once, I think NYE, I was at a job interview so I figured it was a good time to swing by.

I was nervous walking in there, and didn't say hi or anything to anyone for like 10 min. Finally started saying hi to employees, old ladies, families, etc. After this I started saying hello to groups of girls. I have found that you'll get an initial eye contact from a distance and it seems best to say something at that point. On this particular day I hadn't come to this realization yet, so many times I would say hi I think too late and we've already passed. Later I talked to a a girl working there, she was a solid 9. Seemed like a really good convo. and I should have just asked for her number but I chickened out and instead asked about making a purchase there and if she was always working there or some crap like that. After that I continued saying hi to people and felt much better.

I have been to the park twice after work since my last post. Both times it's really hard to start out, I pass many people I want to say hi to at first but think of a reason not to. Both times eventually I warm up. The first of these two days was a Sunday and after leaving the park I see two girls and a guy running across a crosswalk. I yelled "you made it" and was smiling and the hot one, I'd say an 8 with a great body, turned and gave me a huge smile. I should have called her over or told her to wait or something, but I didn't. After this I crossed the street and there was a girl, kinda cute but only a 5. Anyway I'm talking to anyone so I start talking to her, and we walked and talked for like 50 feet then we came to my car. I asked her where she was going and she was like "to my car there". I said "ok bye then" and she walked off and I decided to say some more stuff to her. I was like "hey I work over here at this pub, come in sometime" and she started walking back towards me. She came all the way back to where I could have touched her, I think I might have. But I just got her name and was like "bye" so she left. I'm certain I could have talked her into goin g and grabbing a drink with me. Anyway the thing I noticed here is girls will show some interest, then always sort of try to leave or walk away from you, but really it seems they're just seeing if you'll pursue them. Anyway I felt good about these two interactions but I think I should have taken them both further. Next time I'm at the park I'm walking around and finally get warmed up. I passed a restaurant near there and I'm getting great eye contact with a dark haired girl sitting at a table with two other girls, they're all 7-8 range. The one girl who is facing me is smiling so big her friend who is facing her turns around and looks at me. I smile at all of them and give a very warm "hello" and they all say hello. Then I see a couple I know and talk to them by the entrance. I should have went into the restaurant and opened the set, but I didn't.

So I feel like I'm making progress but I can't seem to take the next step and at least actually stop and chat with more girls and go ahead and ask one for her number. In the meantime I still go out on the weekends I guess because I'm bored. I don't have much success. If I do get laid at the bars it's because a girl picks me out and I'd say this happens at the most once every 15-20 times I go out. I have a really hard time approaching attractive girls, but every once in a while I do, usually if I have a good buzz going. However it rarely goes anywhere and usually I say something stupid, like many times I'm trying to neg her but I'm not subtle at all and end up just coming across as a dick. Still I've definitely made more approaches then I used too. But, I think I need to focus more on the daygame at the park and similar places as going out and drinking is messing up the rest of my life because I'm sleeping too much and always late to work, etc. I still want to work on my night time skills as well but I think I need a small break and I need to cut way back on the drinking.

Alright that's it for now. In the future I think this is going to take a lot more work and dedication on my part. I need to start posting here everyday and do something to work on my game every single day. It's hard though as I'm looking to change careers, I have a job currently, I work out every day and I have animals to take care of. But, everyone knows nothing good comes easy. So I think a good place to start is to make at least a small post every day. That's a new goal.


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 Post subject: Re: My Journal
PostPosted: Tue Jan 14, 2014 11:46 pm 
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Today was probably the worst outing I've had after work. I've started to become conscious that I am pretty dirty after I get off of work. I work in a kitchen and my shoes look like shit. I need to get new work shoes but can't really afford them. Also I have a cold sore right on chin right now so I kind of feel like I look like shit. Anyways I said to hell with it I'm going to the park anyway it's all just excuses.

So I went, on the way down there I was in proximity to a few people who I should have gotten warmed up on by saying hi, but I made up a reason not to, such as 'oh this guy's homeless he might want money' or 'this is a family with young girls I don't want to look weird'. Anyway I kept on, and once I got to the park I finally started by saying hi to an old lady. After this I said hi to several people but only 1HB. She was really nice and said hello but she was power walking with her dog and continued on her way. A few other HBs were jogging the opposite and same direction as me. These girls never would make eye contact with me and I couldn't bring myself to blurt out 'hi' without some eye contact. Finally at the end of the walk there were two HB8s walking a cute little pit bull puppy. I was going to approach them and ask about the dog, I actually stopped and turned around as they were entering the park sort of behind me, but then I noticed an older guy I thought it was their dad and I wussed out.

I really get mad at myself sometimes in these situations. I don't know why the hell I can't just say fuck it and walk up and say something. After this there was a really cute girl, maybe an HB7 but she had really nice hair, she came along side and then was walking ahead of me. I was feeling so down from this shitty outing that all I could think was that I hated her because I thought she was pretty, then realizing how crazy that thought was.

It seems my emotions need to get under control. I was feeling depressed driving home after this. I suppose compounding my emotions is a situation with another girl who I am interested in. I got her number under a pretext, she was the friend of an acquaintance. I feel like I had a chance with her and might have blown it. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't somewhat obsessed over this girl, doing shit like looking at her FB (we're not even fb friends) and other shit she had online, idk some videos on youtube or whatever. I was alone with her in my car talking for like 15 minutes or so. At the end she gives me a real big hug and kissed me on the cheek (not just a peck she like put some lips into it), and I froze up, didn't even kiss her cheek back. This happens to me sometimes a girl will touch me, or put my hands on her, or maybe even kiss me, and I totally freeze and don't know what to do or say. It's frustrating to say the least when it happens, and I'd have to say that also sums up my basic mood right now: FRUSTRATED. I'm pissed that I'm such a bitch about things, that I can't approach people when I want, that I didn't try to kiss that girl or at least kiss her back on the cheek. I feel like I'll never get better at this, and I'm angry at myself, and women, and everyone. But mostly at myself like always which is probably a big part of my problem. After all if your mad at yourself, you don't like yourself, and that's pretty much the opposite of confidence.

Shitty day, I'm sure tomorrow's report will be better.


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 Post subject: Re: My Journal
PostPosted: Thu Jan 16, 2014 12:46 am 
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Today I headed to the park again. It was kind of cold so there weren’t that many people out. As usual I wasn’t saying hi to the first few groups of people I passed, but after a while I started saying hi to people who were making eye contact. People who weren’t making eye contact I couldn’t manage to force myself to say hi to. Finally I stopped and asked a girl, HB7, if I could pet her dog, and I chatted with her briefly. Then there was a guy with two dogs, and two 6s talking to him. I stopped, pet the dogs, and chatted with these people very briefly. Continued walking and now I was saying hi to most people, even some who were not making eye contact. Everyone who didn’t make eye contact just ignored me, it still gives me a weird feeling. Anyways after this I went shopping, didn’t really get a chance to say hi to anyone here, but a really cute HB7 came up in line behind me, she looked like she was about 19. Anyway I hesitated for like 20-30 seconds then finally asked her about her shoes, they were the same as mine. She was really nice and receptive and started talking to me about them. I felt nervous though and kind of took off during checkout without the receipt as I never declined the cash back. I went back and made a joke about it and said bye to the girl.

What I learned is I definitely get nervous talking to an attractive girl who is a stranger, and I want to eject quickly. I need to be aware of this and force myself to stay in the set, make the conversation go longer. Also I feel very awkward saying hi to people who aren’t making eye contact. I notice that part of it is I feel embarrassed that people walking behind me will see these people possibly ignore me. I think I need to start doing it anyway to desensitize myself to this specific feeling, which I think is at the root of any social anxiety/shyness that I may feel. Also I’m wondering if the park is the best place for missions, many people there are running/jogging/walking dogs /etc. which makes it hard to start a conversation that can last. I need to also start approaching attractive women and trying to start longer conversations and try to close. It’s great saying hi to everyone, but the whole point of this is getting more comfortable talking to attractive women so I can date them. I feel ok today, I’m glad I talked to that girl . at the store.

Also I found a local group of PUA’s from the forums here and I will be going out with these guys Friday. I’m looking forward to it as I think it should be a great way to improve more quickly. What else? I hadn’t smoke a cigarette for two days now but smoked ½ of one at work. But I think I’m quitting. Also I should be working on my licensing stuff for the new job I just accepted. One last thing I want to sign up for some boxing/kickboxing classes at a local MMA gym. I think it will be a great stretch of my comfort zone and it should improve my overall confidence. That’s all for today, I’ve still got to workout, walk the dogs, and do some homework tonight.

And oh yeah I need to figure out how to make my posts shorter!


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 Post subject: Re: My Journal
PostPosted: Fri Jan 17, 2014 6:26 am 
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Well today I didn't go to the park. I was exhausted from the night before.

Here's what ended up happening. I've also been looking to try and maybe meet some girls via online dating and I have been talking to one girl, who came over last night. Like a lot of girls online she looked a bit different from her pics, tbh she wasn't that attractive. But, I had sex with her anyway and I was up very late, then I was late to work. I don't think I should settle for girls who I don't find attractive, even if it has been awhile. I feel like it lessens my drive to go out and try to approach girls I am attracted to. I think online dating is a waste of time, I want to be approaching girls I see in public, online seems like a cop out.

Anyways I stayed up all nite, had to work at 9. I was late, and forget to bring a change of clothes. It was cold, I still have this cold sore, and I was tired, so I didn't go. Then I passed out shortly after I got home, just woke up awhile ago. Not sure how I feel about this, but I'm not too bummed out. But I really need to start working on my licensing for my new job. It should be my priority right now, but I'm clearly working on too many different things. I'm also set to go out with these local PUA's here tomorrow night.

Anyway that's all for now, make a new report tomorrow.


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 Post subject: Re: My Journal
PostPosted: Sat Jan 18, 2014 8:03 pm 
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Alright after work yesterday I didn't go to the park. But there was a good reason why I didn't. I work at a pub but I work in the kitchen, and I don't get a lot of opportunity to interact with the customers. However yesterday I was standing by the bar and a pretty cute HB7 who is a regular there was talking to my boss (who also works there). Anyways I could tell she was into me, well she was kinda drunk so idk if "into" is the right word but she wanted something. Like she kept pointing at me and she saying "this one is the one you have to watch out for", etc. So I hurried up and got off the clock as soon as I could and sat down to have a drink with this group. Of course she was totally drunk and her co-workers were asking her how she was getting home. Too late it seemed and in fact she left shortly after I came out there. But, she had been messing with this flag and I happened to be holding it, ans she came back for it. She was like "give me the flag" and I made her ask nicely, she did and I gave it to her. Then she goes to give me a hug and kiss on the cheek (I have never met this chick before) and I tried to kiss her on the lips. She avoids it, then goes back in for another and this time she kisses me on the lips. But after that she just leaves. I should have told her/suggested that she stay.

So anyway I ended up having a few drinks after work, it was late by the time I finally left and I was buzzed, but I still needed to go running and meet with these guys. So I didn't go to the park.

I met up with the guys at this college bar/club. It was more like a club with pretty loud music. Not my usual scene but I'm trying to get out of my comfort zone. It took me awhile to get warmed up but eventually I made a few approaches. Actually several times girls opened me. I was wearing a very bright red flash t-shirt and got several comments on it. But, what I noticed was I couldn't take the conversations beyond basic fluff talk. I think I need to use more routines and focus on sexual state more. What I feel like is happening now is I'm just shooting the shit and don't have a clear purpose in mind and I am not focused on the close, and eventually the conversation gets boring and one of us ejects. I need to remember to ABC. Then on the way home I stop at steak and shake and a car is parked with 3 girls waiting for their order. They open me, comment on my shirt. I should have approached, but I don't I go inside. Well I did have to piss very bad but I think this is another instance where I sort of freeze up when girls are even somewhat direct with me.

All in all a good night. Again I did quite a few things I have never done before and it went better than I thought it might.


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 Post subject: Re: My Journal
PostPosted: Thu Jan 23, 2014 4:26 am 
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Right so I haven't stuck to my goal of posting everyday. I am way behind studying for my license and seriously underestimated the amount of work required, so I have been hyper focused on that. I've talked to a few chicks online and got one to send me pics of her, I'll post about all that stuff later. For now I've got to get back to studying.


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 Post subject: Re: My Journal
PostPosted: Sat Jan 25, 2014 5:35 am 
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Joined: Sat Nov 23, 2013 12:42 am
Posts: 42
Well yesterday and today no mission in the park. I've been trying to focus on studying for the license so that was my excuse yesterday. I do need to study but I came straight home and didn't get started right away anyways. Today I actually did have to run and get to a fingerprinting appointment.

I can't lie though, I really don't want to talk to people many times. Today I was sitting in my car at a light, saw a guy I know, but I didn't roll down my window and say hi. Sometimes things like this make me think I do have a strong tendency to introversion.

I don't know I'm rambling. But as soon as I'm done studying for this license I'm going to be starting a new job, I have to still make time for my goals in PUA. That's all for right now but I am not giving up and I will be posting again soon. Back to studying...


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 Post subject: Re: My Journal
PostPosted: Sat Feb 01, 2014 7:41 pm 
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Joined: Sat Nov 23, 2013 12:42 am
Posts: 42
I haven't been doing well with my goal of posting every day, I have been trying to focus on studying for my exam but I haven't been doing very well at that either. I had a total disaster on Sunday the 26th.

It was kind of a microcosm of all my struggles. I studied all weekend, didn't go out Friday or Saturday night, stayed home and studied all night and day. So it comes to Sunday, studying all day. In one of my earlier posts I mentioned this girl I was interested in. Got her number under a pretext, let's just say she supplies a certain "product" for me. Had a chance to make a move on her and bitched out. So I needed to meet with her Sunday but I was totally exhausted. I should have stayed home and waited until the next day, but I'm thinking "well let me meet her downtown, maybe we'll have a drink and see".

I get to the bar and there's this girl who I dated about four years ago. Never banged her and she ended up dissing me. She's with this really cute Brazilian girl. So I start talking to them. Brazilian girl leaves early so I walk her to her car. Do I ask for her number or make any moves? No since I'm a total puss. Ok so I go back to the bar, talking to this girl I used to date. The other girl shows up. Whatever I'm already kind of drunk at this point. So I get what I need from her, and don't really flirt with her, IDK it's weird I feel like we're definitely in the friend zone. So she leaves I'm still hanging out with the girl I dated a long time ago. These other two guys I know start hanging out with us. One of the guys is hitting on her, he actually touched her tit while were are all talking. She gets mad at him (probably just to not look like a whore) but later they're dancing together and he probably fucked her. Christ why don't I just go ahead and make a move, fuck it touch a girls titty who cares!!

So anyway I'm so drunk I black out. Apparently I just walked off from the group (talked to the girl the next night) and got in my car. Drove home totally fucking drunk, ran over a tree somewhere and puked all over myself and my car. Somehow I made it home. Next day wake up to work calling me I'm and hour and a half late. Awesome!

So in one night I see a girl who I acted like a bitch with and never f-closed four years ago, even though we went on several dates and even took her to the beach. Remembering those dates I wasn't escalating at all. Never touched her playfully or overtly or whatever. Then walked this cute Brazilian girl to her car and don't express any interest (even though I was) and don't even try to get her number. As soon as she shuts the door and I'm walking off I'm thinking 'idiot, fuck, why didn't I get her number'. Then I get back to the bar the new girl shows up and it's in my face again. All these things can't be a coincidence. Not saying I believe in god or magic or anything but...

Well my life is totally out of control. That was the first time that I've been that late to work but tbh I've been late 5, 10, 15 min probably every day since getting dumped by my ex. I can never go to bed on time and I never feel good or at peace throughout an entire day. I'm so frustrated and depressed sometimes. I try to live in the moment as best I can. I try to look at this night as a learning experience. I just don't know what to do at this point.

Oh I did add the Brazilian girl on FB since I was too pussy to ask for her number. She added me a few days later. But I don't know if it's even worth pursuing since I've acted very AFC with her it's probably a waste of time to try to message her and see what happens. IDK I'll probably try it anyway, what do I got to lose.

Still been trying to do the mission after work. It's been cold and raining so haven't got many chances but I have went a few times. I think I should take a month off from drinking. No going out just doing the daytime missions after work. Well this post is way too long so I'll just end it here.

I will not give up. I will get good at this. I will face my fears, I will not allow my story to end this way damn it! Hopefully my next post will contain much better news.


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