Artful Roger Journal


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 Post subject: Artful Roger Journal
PostPosted: Wed Oct 24, 2012 9:31 am 
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Location: London
I've started this journal log to track my progress, mainly as my results are inconsistent and I want that to change.

I'm using a supernova theory to make a better life, so that as soon as I get bigger and better things in other aspects of my life, opportunities start to gravitate towards me. It sounds a bit idealistic, but it's worth a try.

Career:
- Put more effort into my studies (2nd year in Psychology BSc)
- Working part time in autistic primary schools all around London to get experience in the field. aim for 1 every 2 weeks.
- Writing voluntary health/pop psychology blogs for a website with 60,000 followers
- Long term: get at least a 2:1 in psychology, then get a job as assistant psychologist, before moving onto doing a doctorate in clinical psychology.

Health/Fitness/appearence:
- Cut down take away food
- Join a gym, and go 3 times a week
- Eat better, and cook with plenty of vegetables
- extend my knowledge of recipes because I enjoy cooking. Aim to cook something new every weekend.

Social:
- Get to know everyone I meet in social circles
- Get to know other students on my course to get invited to other social events
- Become a social leader, start being the guy who says "we're doing this after lectures"

Pick up:
- Try and make one approach every day
- Go out one day a week for a solid hour or 2 to "cold approach" just to get better
- Get better at what would be called "indirect game" using techniques from Kasabi's importance of you thread importance-of-you-vt147695.html . The reason is because there is a lot of hot teachers or assistants I work with so I don't want to risk my employment saying "I think you're hot, let's do something at the weekend," get to know them and then set up a date as a natural progression.

That's it for now, I'll add more as more comes to me.


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 26, 2012 7:17 am 
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So this conversation I'm putting in here because it didn't go well and there's probably a lot I would do different now, and hopefully I can learn from it. I worked with this girl on Friday last week, I thought there was mutual attraction, sexual tension from the first meet which started on holding eye contact just that little bit longer than normal. I have a friend who works in the same place, so I went there to "meet him after work" so I could chat to her and get her on a date.

Admittedly I'd been thinking about her a lot, mainly because I wished I asked her out - call it oneitus or whatever or maybe I just really liked her. So I thought about what made her so attractive to me and this is my reasoning's:

- she probably eats well and exercises (she was skinny)
- she moved from up north, adventurous and not scared of change
- she cares, if she works in that job role (as an assistant for autistic children)
- her job shows she's smart
- ambitious, she's just qualified as a teacher (for autistic children).
- passion, the cause means more to her than money.

Essentially ticking 6 of 6 things I look for in a woman.

So I hung around outside and my friend came out, told him I'll just meet him at the train station, briefly said what I was up to.

Now the conversation started a bit weakly, and it was awkward because she started phoning someone, luckily she either hung up or they didn't answer. Then I started walking with her to the bus and train station. Now there's no point in writing the whole dialogue just areas I could improve, I had my "list" in mind to see if it was true or my guesses were right.

I asked her how she got into her line of work to see if she had a passion for it, she got introduced to an agency and didn't have to be qualified "you could just turn up and teach" were her words; then she just moaned about work, especially the work load. At this point I should have commented on her modesty and pointed out that what she was doing was for a good cause, essentially flipping the negative vibe.

I tried to find her availability so asked about next week, it's half term and schools aren't back for a week, (so I was hoping to plan something). She mentioned she had another job for the holidays, (admittedly I wasn't listening and didn't here what she said) and a bar job. I asked her if she did all this just to pay rent? She didn't really answer. What I should have done: steered the conversation away from work, and asked how she has the time to do things she enjoys, and talk about hobbies get her excited about what she's interested in.

Kasabi has been helping me out, so I tried his suggested method in the "I like you, you like me" thread. I wanted to take her up to parliament hill, it's a good walk and view over London, and it's near my house too. I asked her if she ever goes to north London, that was a no. No matter so I told her about pariliament hill and how I've been wanting to go up there, and just as I was about to ask her, she interrupted me and spoke about something else. we were at the station at this point, so I just said "before you run off, do you want to go to parliament hill and then for a drink on Sunday?" She declined, because she had a boyfriend, I thought this was untrue, but didn't really test it. There was no point, the conversation was dull, and there was no attraction.

Things I've learned or noted
- I was too caught up in my head, thinking of what to say and forcing the conversation in certain directions, it felt a bit unnatural
- I said things like "oh right" and "fair enough" way too much as a reply
- she slowly crossed out things on the list of my perception of her
- I should have just spoken to her on Friday when the vibe was a lot better. So I should act on intent; but I'm glad I went back so it can put my mind to rest.
- my conversational skills need some work, not that I don't talk but I don't talk about the right things to get them excited or energetic.
- I didn't have to wait until last minute to ask her to go, if the mood was right I should have just done it on the bus or at the bus stop.


That's it.

Tonight, out to do a mixture of direct and indirect approaches and work on those too.


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 27, 2012 8:19 pm 
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Friday nights report

It was night of just having fun really, with a friend who brought someone who I hadn't met. We just had a few drinks at different bars, laughing joking and getting in a good mood.

We went to a few different pubs and bars but didn't really see any sets to approach until we went to a gay club. I suggested it, I heard of this place where professional dancers congregate and network - there were a lot of hot girls here, I'm glad this was true as it was a gamble. It was well worth the entrance fee.

1st approach

As soon as I got in, my wing told me to approach anyone so I did, I just went and sat down in a booth next to a blonde which I thought was a 8 or 9, turned out to be a 6. But Id already gone direct "You are, adorable I just have to meet you," before I realised this. The girl was friendly but I was way more interested in her friend, she was a 9. Then this older guy in his 40s or 50s comes over with champagne and 3 glasses, I'd "stolen" his set. Just as I'm chatting away with the blonde, I get introduced to a gay guy who comes over, he asks me if I'm ok with him being gay, I laugh and tell him I'm not one to judge, I befriend him quickly and start hitting on the blonde. I felt it was going no where so I eject, the gay guy yells "please don't leave me with them." I laugh because he clearly doesn't like the older creepy guy.

2nd approach
Warm up set done, I go and hit on a total 8/10 at the bar downstairs, opening with "You are so hot, what's your name?"
"I'm a lesbian" her response
"that's a weird name."
But I do notice her holding hands with the girl next to her, she tells me her name and I just make the decision to leave. There's plenty more hot girls here, and she probably was in fact a lesbian and it wasn't a shit test.

3rd approach
I learnt the most from this one as I got "AMOGed," this really opened my eyes. I went back up stairs and there was a solid 9/10 just my type on her own, the opener flew out of me like a reflex "your are so hot, I need to meet you" we exchanged basic conversation for a while, I was essentially building comfort. Then guy came over who she came with I think, the details were unclear from the classic Mystery "how do you 2 know each other?" they talked about growing up in Ireland for a couple of minutes leaving me out the conversation, I kind of stood there like a lemon, but she was on her phone not really paying attention to the shit he or I was saying, I told her she was being anti social then proceeded to talk to the guy, hoping this would show I was not craving her attention. Another guy came over, I was introduced he talked to the guy for a while, so then I spoke with the girl, it wasn't really getting anywhere and out of nowhere she says "I'm not looking for a one night stand tonight," I replied "I just came over to get to know you." Shit test failed in my opinion because she goes "awww," maybe a simple "I'm not that easy" would have done? Then she announces my opener to the friend that came over, I couldn't work out if she was impressed or undermining me.

Anyway, this other guy that came over late starts talking to me, this guy was a natural he's a dancer so has access to high quality women all the time. He was telling me of he's apartment in central London where he was able to get around 3 lays a week after shows. I complemented him on his solid routine. This girl over heard this and opened him, and he quickly dived on her, he knew what he was doing, his story impressed her and straight away he was really close and physically all over her - (I guess a bonus of being a male dancer you're touching attractive women all the time to the point it's natural). At this point his friend was being a good wing, and just kept chatting shit at me, this guy won by a mile. I stuck for 2/3 more minutes then bailed, lesson learned escalate straight away.

Approach 4
This brunette girl I saw on my way back downstairs, with a guy. 8/10, skinny and super hot. The guy moved over onto a different seat and began talking, she was on her own. So over I went direct opener. This time I made the concious effort and escalated physically straight away, shook her hand, and then immediately leaned in while talking and placed my hand on her lower back. I was just getting to know her, and we built basic comfort, she was making it difficult to talk to her, I think she was just awkward, but I kept making an effort to hit on her and get her to do the talking. I asked her for her number but she said she wasn't interested.

After analysing this now and reading 60yoc today - I realised the mistake was actually me and not her, I was way too inconsistent, I would physically escalate but I would be the one breaking eye contact, or dropping a joke or bit of humour in to get rid of the sexual tension. This must have left her with "what the hell does he want?" thoughts.

Approach 5
Still can't believe I did this, but I did the apocalypse opener, hot blonde girl 9/10. Consciously aware of making solid eye contact, with this and not breaking it.
"Hey, what's your name"
"(says her name)"
"I'm (my name)"
"what are you up to?"
"Going home"
"Do you want to come home with me?"
hesitates and says "no" in almost a disappointed tone.

I didn't do the usual and stick around just talk like nothing happened, I was pretty nervous so just found the 2 I came with and left.



What I learned
- Mainly from 60yoc, always be escalating physically right from the off,
- Seductive eye contact, I really need to do this and get close
- I questioned my ability to build attraction and realised these^ 2 points are missing and I will reassess.

Goals for tonight
- Test out some of 60yoc
- As above, get close and escalate every single interaction and to the point of getting rejected or closing
- Be consciously aware and not the one to break the tension, either through laughing or eye contact.

I'll post up my results tomorrow.


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 28, 2012 3:55 pm 
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Saturday night

Out with Tr@veller again last night and we were just trying to have a good time and approach girls we liked the look of. It took us ages to find a place worth staying, we did a lot of walking around and didn't really make any approaches until we ended up in one bar in soho.

1st approach
This I viewed mainly as a warm up, to get social. Just a simple (to 2 girls) "my friends grabbing a drink can I borrow you to talk to for a second." Introduced myself and got their names, just a conversation really no idea of pick up. The only things I focused onto improve were solid eye contact, and getting close. I did both of these quite well, as she was interested in me, admittedly it was low interest, but she was touching me a lot and she was getting closer - if she was more attractive I would have tried to either kiss close or number close.

2nd approach
This approach I thrived on. These 2 did not want to talk to us, and did not particularly like my opener "you 2 look bored, let us make you have fun." they reluctantly allowed us to sit on the table with them. I just practised solid eye contact here as I was sitting across the table and couldn't get close. These girls were just bitch shield and shit test after bitch shield and shit test. But I passed all of them, I put this down to I held the dominance over eye contact, I made sure she was the first to look away, and I just left sentences hanging so she had to ask me more, or reignited the conversation. It was totally against what she wanted, I just got this feeling afterwards that she thought she was better than me and constantly wanted me to suck up to her - I didn't let this happen.

3rd approach
Actually I was the wing in this situation, but this girl was just really cool. I wasn't really interested in her, and I wish I did some more escalation just to practice, but I mean she was cool we had a laugh and a good conversation - she was fun.

After this we left the bar, and looked for another. We tried approaching and looking out for girls that were DTF, on the street outside and around the bars in soho, piccadily and Leicester square. No success here really, some girls were nice to us for a bit but kind of didn't know the area and ended up just wanting to use us to get into a decent club or bar. It was about 3:00am here so I just went home.

Summary

I didn't get the kind of night I hoped for really, and I wish pushed a bit further with the escalation in the 2 sets just to practice. However my eye contact was so much better and I'm pleased about that.

Goals for the next week
- I have an assignment due in a couple of weeks, I'm going over to a friends tomorrow and we're going to work on that.
- Since I'm off work for the week as well, I will go to a place where a lot of women congregate and just look at them and just make up stuff, write it down all to get better at observational skills and cold reading.
- On tuesday I will join my student gym.
- I've got a few social occasions lined up, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. So If I get the chance to approach anyone I will.

The next post will probably be just what I've written down.


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 04, 2012 11:49 pm 
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Not too much to report on this week. Been working hard on the assignment I have for university, which needs to be finished next week as I'm away for the weekend with family. Also the day I planned to go to an area and make up openers and build a back story for girls, it was raining so hard so it didn't seem a good choice.

However onto my actual approaches from Saturday night:

I was out with 2 friends, at first then later we got into a bigger group of 3 girls and 1 of their bf's. On this night I didn't go out to get better I was with friends that had never seen me approach before so I would only do it if I actually liked the look of the girl. This was also back in my hometown where I grew up and girls have a tendency to think they're all that round there, bitch shield and shit test galore - probably comes from the "lad" culture, pretty much makes the girl a prize or a trophy.

Anyway 1st approach I was just being social getting warmed up just spoke to a girl on her own. "you look lost" was my opener, she just spilled some shit about ex-boyfriend wanting to get back with her, and arguing with the new girlfriend I stuck around for about 30 seconds more before politely excusing myself.

2nd approach
We were all on the dance floor at this point, and so I tried some dancefloor game (the tiny bits I know of it). There was a really hot blonde, it was around 2am at this point she was dancing on her own, so I assumed she was DTF. Went over and smiled, got close and said in her ear "you are way too hot to be dancing on your own" held my hand out she grabbed it, I spun her around and got close for a minute or 2 before she walked off to find her friend(s).
Admittedly I don't know what I did right or wrong here because I really don't know dancefloor game. However I'm glad I made the approach.

3rd approach
Well this was one of the girls who was in the group we met up with, I assumed she wasn't interested at first, I didn't really give her much attention, she was pretty but even better body. But this was definitely my first hand experience of realising for myself of how approaching other girls, gets the ones you're hanging with - interested and craving your attention.
On the dancefloor she was dancing incredibly seductively, so I thought fuck it I'll try so I faced her, spun her around and she loved it - we kept dancing and I slowly got close to her. But then she backed off like all of a sudden, I was a bit confused at the time but then found she was in a LTR, and one of the girls was her sister but I got on with her, so not much chance of cockblocking, if it went well.


Summary
- I tried some dancefloor stuff simply because I drank too much, and probably struggle to remember someone's name.
- I really don't know much about dancefloor game or how to dance, but the bonus is since I'm a muscian I find it easy to move to the rhythm of the beat, just need to know where to put my arms and feet.
- An extension of this^ I really enjoyed dancing with the girls, it's so much better than just dancing on your own in a circle. So I think I would actually consider taking some kind of dance class, for fun and to improve my chances on the dancefloor, but I've no idea where to start.


Other thoughts:
- I'm really lacking money at the moment, so it's stopping me doing the things I want. I will call my agency and try and get all kinds of work this week for a bit of security. I mean I have enough for rent, but not enough to do things I enjoy.
- I'm joining my student gym tomorrow, luckily the payout isn't until the 1st of each month so I'll have some money by then.
- The lack of money is playing on my mind and making me worried/anxious I'm trying to control it and be aware of it. Although I do psychology and have this knowledge, it's harder than I thought, but I will just try and become more self aware.
- I need to complete my assignment this week. About 1/3 of the way through - it will be done by Thursday because I'm away from Friday until the deadline which is Monday.
- I really need to do some day game, actually just had a thought come to mind, if it's raining when I want to go to a place, I'll just go to a starbucks for an hour or 2, and if I can't approach I'll just get my notepad out and scribble down my potential openers and observations.


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 07, 2012 10:44 am 
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Update
So I joined the gym and got some work this week, (yesterday and Thursday), so at least I know I'll have a little bit of money coming in. I also managed to play for a 5-a-side football (soccer) team last night too, that I used to play for but then I was back studying so couldn't attend.

I was working with a girl yesterday, she's not the hottest (but not ugly either) of girls but she seems like she's smart and good fun. I will be working with her again on Thursday, she lives really close to me actually so I will try and get an insta-date or her number, but I'm also considering keeping her as a friend, and letting her introduce me to her hot friends. I'll decide on our next chat, and see how screens.

Other
I'm currently reading How to win friends and influence people, I'm not far into it, but I am reading it how it suggests of underlining/highlighting, contemplating it and re-reading. I'll use this as a dairy for my thoughts and ramblings here. It's hard to balance uni reading and reading for leisure but I will aim for a chapter every 4 days, minimum one a week.

My thoughts on it so far, everyone wants to feel important or appreciated - which completely makes sense. So in turn this relates to PU world as everyone you meet is seeking validation. Also everyone criticises all the time or makes negative remarks, I'm going to try and catch myself doing this, and even find a positive in the negative. My goal essentially is to make people feel good around me.


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 07, 2012 7:25 pm 
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So after a heavy work out I went to Starbucks for about an hour, grabbed a coffee and got a good seat, looking over the whole place and just wrote down a story for 2 girls I saw. Kasabi has recommended this on the forum, and I've seen other people do this in their journals; I decided to give it a try.

5 Questions
1. What's their story?
2. Where is she from?
3. What are her loves?
4. What are her fears?
5. Where is she headed

Taking into account; gestures, clothes, expressions and the others around them.

And then idea is to think of openers, with the things you've written

First girl
1. She's early 20's and what she is doing right now is studying, with a laptop on the table and notebook on her lap. She's finding it hard to write her report, and constantly switching windows from her work to internet distractions.
2. She looks trendy and, she could be either from the North or East London, but she's currently living in the shoreditch area. She didn't grow up in London, she grew up in the suburbs and moved here for her studies and to get a new lease of life.
3. She's doing a degree in law but she doesn't love it, she just loves the idea that there's a definite job at the end; she wants stability more than anything. Blue's her favourite colour, it matches her top and holdall bag, she loves the polka dot pattern, as it's all over both her holdall and handbag.
4. She's scared of not being successful, her parents are paying a lot of money for her degree and that's her biggest fear; letting her parents down. She's not scared of being on her own but she is scared of falling into loveless relationship and scared of being trapped within it.
5. She's just a lecture and come here for a while to go over what she's just done and get started on her assignment with little distractions, with all her bags she's on her way to a friends, after she goes to the gym.

Openers:
- There's no way you're just working, how many times have you refreshed facebook?
- Have you come here for a distraction free study session? Let me ruin that for you.
- You must really love the polka-dot pattern, I thought that was the craze last year.
- Perfecting a goodbye letter? You must be running away with the size of that bag.
- It looks like you're re-writing the British law system with all those books.


Second girl
1. This girl is 22 or 23, this is her first job after university, it's flexible work so she's just come to starbucks to send some emails out to finish up for the day. She's sending emails back home to her in between work commitments.
2. She's from Spain, Barcelona. She's used to hot weather and she's wrapped up warm like it's winter inside. She lives in East London, in Hackney but she hates it.
3. She loves cities which is why she choose London, she got work over here because of Spain's economic crash. She loves and misses her family - she emails her mother and father separately. She has a stronger attachment to her father and discloses more about her personal life than she ever would to her mother.
She loves British music and tries to go to concerts often, she loves Coldplay and owns all of their albums.
4. She's scared of not making it home this christmas, she's working 2 jobs at the moment, she's paying for the tickets herself but she's struggling, she doesn't want to burden her parents with the price of the flights home - she's scared of losing her independence. Her biggest fear is never being able to live back in Spain, she's scared she'll get penned-in, in London with a with a family that's settled.
5. She's taking a moment out from her busy office to digest everythingthat's happened today. Once she's done firing off some emails, she'll go back to the office for an hour, finish up and go straight home. She has no plans tonight, she wants to stay in and cook something nice, but she will later skype a friend or family member back home.

Openers:
- Your boss must be a reasonable guy to let you out the office this early
- Looking at your clothing, you're used to warmer weather, I'll take a guess that you're from Spain.
- You're like the only person not wearing headphones, Coldplay not doing it for you today?
- I bet you work just down the road, but you live in Hackney right?


Other
I have a friend back home where I grew up, I asked him for dietary advice on food after work outs. He really know his stuff so using what I read and reviewed earlier in how to win friends... I showed true appreciation for his help and made sure I complimented him on his knowledge.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 08, 2012 11:47 pm 
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So this is just an update from Tuesday really, I worked with the girl again today (from tuesday), and we got on pretty well - I'm still not sure if I'm interested in her or not, but I do like her company and she does have a certain charm about her. Anyway when I was just asking questions and getting to know her she asked me about myself, and I told her that I'm a musician, and I do open mic nights, she said she wanted to come down and see some time so I said "Let me get your number and I'll let you know when I'm next doing it." - this will probably be in about 3 weeks.

So it wasn't really a day 2 or date as such but it's kind of keeping something on the backhand, and also since now I can see her out of work I can actually do some kind of escalation that wouldn't be sexual harassment.

On another note, I'll judge her interest by seeing if she wants to meet up next week. It will be a place near where she works, so it will be like going into work a bit early, and it's coffee place that's really quirky, she sounded keen to go when I told her about that place, so I'll drop that in a text at some point.


That will be it for this week, I'm away for the weekend and doubt there will be anyone to approach or "game" where I'm going - plus I'm with my family. Life will resume on Monday/Tuesday.


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 09, 2012 1:46 pm 
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Hey dude,

How to influance people.. is indeed a great book! If you like it you might also like:

Awaken the giant within from Anthony Robbins, A new earth from Eckhart Tolle, Concise art of seduction from Robert Greene, Never be lied to again from David J Lieberman, the way of the superior man from David Deida, Undercover sex signals from Leil Lowndes. Goodluck bro!

Cheers,

VincentVegaOC


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 Post subject: Re: Artful Roger Journal
PostPosted: Sun Nov 25, 2012 7:47 pm 
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Thanks for the suggestions^ I'll be sure to check them out.

So it's been a while since my last update, mainly as I've been really busy. I was away for a weekend and had a heavy assignment due in. All done now.

To pick up from last time, I drop that girl a text every now and then with something relevant, (and she texts back), just in the process of asking he if she wants to meet up. If not I will be seeing her when I'm doing an open mic night, playing guitar and singing in a couple of weeks.

I've managed to build good rapport with a friend of my house mates, they went to a concert together and she stayed over on the sofa. But in that time when they got back and the next day, I managed to get very good proximity, and get her really comfortable with my touch - she openly states she dislikes affection, so I would consider this an "IOI" I guess. However there wasn't a right time to make a move, as it was always the 3 of us, but I did as much as I could. I guess you would call this long game, but it feels worth it and I would go as far as saying I think she would be a good girlfriend (but that comes later on), and I'll see how far it can go. I'll see her again on the same night as my gig.

Which has given me an inner conflict here, about which girl to make the move on at my gig, if the first girl mentioned can't meet up with me, but she comes to the gig, it will be like who do I go for? What I want to avoid is making a passive approach, and just not doing anything, I've got a long time to think about it, so I will make a decision.


Summaries
Things I'm acheiving:
- Eating healthily
- Going to the gym 3 times a week
- Getting my studies done
- Approaching, and getting numbers; but probably not as much as I would like
- being social and meeting a lot of new people

_________________
My Journal is thoughts on life game and approaches: http://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/artful-roger-journal-vt148980.html


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 Post subject: Re: Artful Roger Journal
PostPosted: Mon Dec 17, 2012 10:21 am 
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So this is a long overdue update.

I've been so busy, working 4 days a week, then studying in the evening, my weekends have been so busy as well, family or friends birthdays, on every weekend for the past 3 weeks. So approaches have been next to none, yet I find myself where I can make it work with 2 girls. But I need to write it down to help process and hopefully see what I really want, and the best way to act on it.

The girl of the room mate situation has been developing a bit, and we flirt a lot, send each other pictures on photo stream of relevant stuff we like/talk about, I always keep sexual innuendos in there. Hobbit helped me out with this a little bit, and me realise it's got to the point where I just need to ask her out alone. I've met her in group social situations, but rarely been alone with her, now's the time to do just that, before I fall in the friend zone abyss.

I went out last Thursday, and something happened with on a girl on my course, I like to stay away from these situations because something bad happened earlier this year and I don't want the same to happen again. But this time was a little bit more natural, we were just out for some birthday drinks, and things just naturally escalated with this girl, we ended up kissing on the way home, I tried to kiss her at first turned and went in but she shied away, I walk on a bit and did the same again, this time she was receptive and kissed me back, but she got flaky just before we were going back to mine. We were at the bus stop, and she was holding onto me, we kissed a little bit and the night bus turned up, so I said "Let's go," she replied "Let's go?" I tried to be casual about it, "Yeah come on" I did this all with out looking at her, because I needed to get on and I didn't want to be hanging around a bus top begging/convincing her to come home with me. She didn't get on and ended up going back to hers.

However out of the 2 above I think I would rather see, room mate girl. Maybe it's because I know her a little better, and I think I just like her personality a lot more. I would try and see both, but my room mate would definitely tell number 1 and possibly give over more details than I personally would, even though I'm going to be as honest as I can.


Other thoughts:
- I've now worked a lot I don't need to worry about money issues over christmas.
- Also finished Uni for the year, so don't need to worry about going in, but I do need to tackle an assignment.
- Still going to the gym, and feel great because of it
- Currently still reading How to win friends... and I've incorporated a lot of it into my life, appreciative, smiling a lot, asking and listening about them - but that's also where I need to improve a bit more, my listening skills, I don't if I have bad hearing or bad concentration skills but sometimes I miss words or phrases.

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 Post subject: Re: Artful Roger Journal
PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2012 12:32 am 
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Location: London
Girls
Ok, I did have plans for something with room mate girl on Sunday, but they fell through - it was a maybe anyway from her but she had already something in the pipeline with friends, and she just confirmed it was going ahead - that's fine, it didn't matter to me about being second pick because 1. I have plans to fall back on anyway and 2. It's so busy this time of year, so any opportunity to go out with a girl I would.

The girl on my course, I've just been texting occasionally to keep things going, and I decided I will go out with her and push as far as I can. That's fine if things won't work out, but I'm being very passive about it and not asking her out, I don't know her well, so I will have to go out and get to know her properly, I can't promise anymore or less than that right now, and this is my honest answer to if she asks about relationships or where things are going. Another perk, is she works out a lot, so I can't stop thinking about how good she'll look naked.

On a side note, I'm meeting up with my ex of 2 years soon, not "re-bang" or anything like that but we broke up a year ago, and I using it as a great reference point to see how much I've progressed over that time, it's not to be friends again like some do, I don't think we will ever be friends, but I don't regret our time together at all, I just don't think I need to be friends with her.

Other

- I'm back at my parents for Christmas now, approaching will be slim because I'm hellishly busy.
- I'll try and rearrange the date with room mate girl
- Been working out a lot lately, and feel great because of it
- Bit more on the working out, I will be going to the gym with my buddy who does body building to try and grab some tips from him.
- Still searching for plans on new years eve...
- Trying to start reading 30 pages of a book a day, doesn't matter if I only do 10, as long as I pick it up.

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 Post subject: Re: Artful Roger Journal
PostPosted: Thu Dec 27, 2012 11:55 pm 
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So I let things cool down with roommate girl for a bit, after she declined the offer to go out. The good thing I suppose there is minor interest still, as she text me today, just a picture of some books, we both love the same author and now she has all his books after Christmas, a little back and fourth, but kept minimal. This situation just needs pure escalation and flirting now, I've been doing a bit of that over text, but I really need to do it mostly in person - I need to get her out alone.

Girl on my course, I'm going to find out her plans for new years, and invite her along to plans that are possibly happening, and if she's free. If not then I have no ideas for NYE.

Next few days
Friday night, I'm going for some drinks with friends and I really need to approach. It's in my hometown and since I'm staying with my parents, hers is the only option for a one night stand. To be honest I don't think I'll get one, but I'll just keep approaching as my minimum expectations as I really haven't done much lately - but I will really push as far as I can go with it.

Saturday night, I will try and push for a meet with roommate girl, I know she's free on Sunday so it's worth trying at least. If not I have a social meet with some friends I can go to instead.

Sunday, this is when I tried to meet up with my ex - it's the only day she can do, I pushed for other days, I don't know if she was politely shrugging me off, or she genuinely busy. Any way I left it with her saying, just let me know if she can do an afternoon meet. It's not important, it would be nice to catch up and I really want that emotional dexterity if I can do and be ok about seeing her, because I did invest 2 years of my life with her and she helped me be who I am today.


Previous approaches
on Friday 21st I met a friend down the pub, I just got back from London and he was with work friends, for christmas drinks. It was a bit random to go in but he works with a lot girls and since he's gay, he fills the stereotype and they love. There were 2 girls that I would happily approach and wanted too, but they left within 20 minutes of me getting there, to be fair they had been drinking since midday and it was 9pm. After that nothing could happen, there wasn't anyone else I found attractive or was available; any way I made friends with his work colleagues and used the techniques I'd read in how to win friends... and it got to the point where, when I saw him on Christmas eve night with some drinks with more friends, he said he got texts off people saying how fun, cool and friendly I was. I love that book.

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 Post subject: Re: Artful Roger Journal
PostPosted: Thu Jan 03, 2013 2:58 am 
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Friday 28/12/12

This was a bad night for me mainly as I drank too much and I was relying on "liquid courage," however I did my minimum which was a few approaches.

The night started off just drinking with my 2 good friends. We went to a pub, had a good catch up then headed to a better bar which was more lively. One of my buddies got into a conversation with and old friend he went to school with, her boyfriend was pretty annoying but he did one good thing and introduce us to a new group 4 girls, 2 guys. After the normal introduction of names, for this one girl we'll call D, the convo went:
AR: "You look like a student"
D: "Yeah I am."
held eye contact and let that linger
AR: "Nothing more to add?"
D: "Ha, I study textiles." Then in a good playful vibe added, "look we don't just sit around all day sowing shit together." (I knew this girl was fun, even when I glanced at her earlier)
AR: "whatever, I'm a total mumma's boy she taught me to cross-stitch - I know you barely move."
D: In a playful voice "Oh, I love a man that can cross stitch. What do you do?"
AR: "Psychology."
D: "Oh her too" points to friend. And then she walked off to do her thing.

At this point, we managed to get out the group somehow. so we drank up and went to a club.

The place we choose is normally way too busy full of guys and they are all wall flowers, sipping their drinks - but that night it was ok. Me and my friends got comfy on a sofa near the back I knew they would just stay here, so I sat with them for a bit had a drink and was ready to approach again. But just at that moment, I noticed my ex come in the club, it was a bad moment I felt my heart sink and my vibe was killed. She felt the same as I saw her face drop when she saw me, anyway to make it less awkward I decided to make an effort to talk to her.

We spoke about, things we were up to now briefly, who we were out with, how each other parent's/siblings were doing, how we'd been broken up a year, and NYE plans, all in about 2-3 minutes. Anyway she looked really weak to be honest, I think this interaction crippled her, I wasn't trying to show off or make her feel shit, I was interested, and genuinely wished she was doing well. From what she told me she was no different, and I just felt sorry for her, and that I wanted to help her out. It probably doesn't look like much on here, but her body language, tone of voice and speech all lacked confidence and strength - she wasn't happy. Anyway I went back over to my friends spoke to them for a bit.

I went to grab us 3 drinks, and then this is where I regret my intentions, I went approaching not out of fun but because I felt liked I needed to because my ex was there and she was with a guy, I could tell there was nothing going on but I felt like I needed to prove something, total moment of weakness.

Anyway I approached a girl I used know where a friend dated her for a bit, she's absolutely smoking and I'm not longer in contact any more caught up and got her number. No interaction worth noting here really.

Then approached the girl that did psychology, my opener was just "It's always nice to meet a fellow psychologist." She was shocked I knew, then I told her about talking to D. earlier. We had some conversation back and forth, she dropped in "I'm sorry I have a boyfriend" out of no where, "I don't want to be your boyfriend" was my response. It worked a treat, I noticed a change in her body language and she warmed to me a bit. However despite my best efforts to keep it going, she left for the dancefloor and apologised for doing so, I'm guessing she liked me, but she had a boyfriend, (and some drinks to deliver to friends). Sweet girl, I liked a her and we probably could have gotten on.

I saw D. again, I spoke to her and she was ruined, could barely get conversation out and we just stood there in silence probably trying to register what each other way saying - I was really drunk too, so I just said "go find your friends and dance." The conversation was going no where.

After this, I grabbed my friends and we danced for a bit too just for a laugh. We decided to leave about 30mins later, on the way out I saw my ex, collapsed on her arm in a chair, her best "friend" had gone home with some random and left her passing out. I just tapped her on the shoulder and said in her ear, "nice to see you" - it was incredibly patronising and I'm a little annoyed at myself for it. What I should have done is wake her up, put her in our cab, as she was going the same way and made sure she got home safe. Although we're not together I still care for her safety.


Thoughts and reflections on the evening

The lesson I've learned is always deal with your shit, after the break up I packed up my things and ran away to London - this was good in the short term for both me and her because I just disappeared. However we are suffering now because, we never dealt with it - but there was also no reason too, we have no mutual friends or anything. But where we grew up it's a medium sized town, everyone knows of everyone else really so it was always going to be a problem at times like this.

I tried to set up a casual meet up for a coffee just to catch up,and have a proper conversation. I made 2 attempts she was either evasive or genuinely busy, obviously busy time of the year so I'll give her the benefit of the doubt.

She just needs to recognise something and that's the problem, I was with her when she had this lack of intent to change or do something new and she still has it. She always has these big plans of doing something huge that will make her happy, studying nursing at university, cosmetic surgery (she's very self concious), and her new one going to Australia for 3-4 months. Her problem is she has zero inner game, I study psychology and I just see this, she's on the verge of depression and/or anxiety disorders. And that's the reason I care I wouldn't wish any of those on anyone. She is just constantly looking for an outside stimulus to make her happy, it doesn't work like that.

And because she has these behaviours, her "best" friend is someone who compliments this mindset, she's really not a good friend, but the reason they are friends is because they are both so off the rails in inner game that they support each other by having negativity in common. Here's a basic cycle of what's going on year after year:
- make big plans to do something 6-12 months down the line and not follow through
- fall out with her best friend over something minor, rekindle after 1-2 months
- Get horrendously drunk everytime she goes out, to the point of passing out in clubs (happened the night I saw her)
- trying to validate herself through physical/exterior things.

I want to help because I feel sorry for her and she deserves better. Basically I want to send of all that^ in an email to her, but I know I can't, she has to want to hear it.

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 Post subject: Re: Artful Roger Journal
PostPosted: Thu Jan 03, 2013 8:02 pm 
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So Saturday nothing happened as for 1. I was so hungover and didn't fancy the drive that came with the potential date I was intending. 2. I'd already organise to meet up with some friends.

Sunday was a "recovery day" in time for NYE, which turned out to be an amazing night because it was so spontaneous, I was just with one friend who came back to London with me.

31/12/12

So the night started out just at mine, we had a few drinks whilst franticly searching for something to do, this was all last minute and we didn't have tickets to anywhere, browsing through pages of events in London but no luck because entry to everywhere was £25+. We had a back up plan to meet a friend in Camden although we weren't sure if we'd get tickets on the door, or quite frankly if it would be that good. The original plan was to meet someone who's on my psychology course, at a pub then walk down to watch the fireworks at the Thames, then go clubbing afterwards. This was looking bleak, no contact of any plans for over 5/6 hours, we built our own night in the end.

We head out around 10:45pm, to a club I've been before, it's apparently a gay club - admittedly there a lot gay people there, but it's also one of the places dancers network in London, and dancers are generally straight women... My friend TJ, really wants to go so we decided it's a good choice and it has the cheapest entry fee, the intentions of the night have already been set, we were both pretty much looking for one night stands, he even had his contact lens solution in his pocket! In the meantime though, on our way - that is absolute carnage on the bus (classic London travel on NYE). TJ gets called "baby face" by a bunch of Spanish guys with stick on moustaches, it's admittedly quite funny. I throw some comments back and forth to a guy sitting down, who already looks wasted because he thinks I'm telling the truth about my "There's a moustaches only party in Camden." We jump off the bus and get on the tube and head to Soho. Also I texted the number I got from Friday, saying what were up to and she come and join, but she was at a party. At least it was a response I'll pursue that another time.

I finally hear back from my Uni buddy (UB) who's with his boyfriend, and he is in a pub in Soho; Convenient. The text conversation follows like this:
UB: Say 'insert Uni buddy's name' on the door
AR: Cool, are we guest listed?
UB: Warn you! It's camp, there's drag queens and gays. It's small, say my name on the door - it will get you in.
AR: Any women?
UB: Zero, Ha.

We get to the pub and I receive a text that says they are heading down to the river. It's now about 11:30pm and we won't make it to the river in time. And I have to say he wasn't holding back, it was exactly how it was described in the text above. As much I like to think I'm not homophobic, I felt really uncomfortable here, starting to feel bad about it, I was relieved when my gay friend TJ even admitted he did, it was a long 20-30 minutes to mid night. Although the bonus was we got a free champagne, (which tasted awful), it certainly wasn't worth standing next to drag cabaret for.

So after we neck our drinks we head out and catch a bit of the fireworks through a gap in the building at Leicester square, and shortly after make our way to the chosen club. The wild Goose chase continues in finding my friend, but we decide if the club is still cheap entry we'll go in, but if not meet him back at his for drinks. And the club was a measly £10 to get, some pubs were even charging that.

As we walked in, I have to say my hesitations about going there were quickly ridden off, there were some of the most attractive women I've seen even in just the walk inside. It was really a fantastic choice of venue, so after grabbing a drink, we head downstairs to the dancefloor. After TJ chats to someone he's met before we head to back of the dancefloor mainly as there's booths full of girls that I spotted.

There's an amazingly hot Brunette in a black dress, that I start dancing with straight away, I hold out my hand, she grabs it and I spin her around, and straight after I pull her in close "Why are you dancing on your own?"
B: "I'm with them" points to booth, (who I note there's an even prettier blonde in a red dress). "I have a boyfriend"
AR: "Oh me too! Let's double date." Admittedly not the best thing to say in a gay club.
B: "No sorry, I don't think so"
AR: "Fine, but we're dancing together."
She's hesitant at first, but then she eases into it a bit. After a couple of minutes and finishing drinks, we had back to the bar. Where I'm about to make another approach on another brunette, and then she turns and starts kissing another girl, shame as she was really pretty...

We head upstairs and TJ goes to get a round from the bar, I see a table of 4 girls. There's one girl with dark brown hair, who's just my type, quirky in her dress sense but looks fantastic. I approach with:
"Hey, I just saw you and wanted to come and get to know you"
"Hi, how's it going?" at this point I notice she's really drunk, but carry on.
"Good. What's your name?"
"says her name" I didn't catch it at first because of how drunk she is and it's unusual too, we shake hands. "Nice to meet you" with very strong eye contact.

At this point her friend to my right, butts in I'm assuming to cock block me. After some fluff talk with her, for about 2-3 minutes, about ages, jobs etc. she starts quizzing me on my approach on her friend. So I tell her "she's pretty and I want to get to know her." She's impressed with my honesty, and asks me what I think her friend does for work. My friend TJ is talking to the other 2 in the background, at this point I over hear a trademark "Heeeeey!"
AR: "Well she's definitely creative"
Friend: "yeah, good guess."
AR: "It's not entertainment, like music or acting"
Friend: "yeah carry on!" She actually got excited and impressed.
AR: "Must be a fashion designer then"
Friend: "Yeah, you're right. I'm impressed, it was a good guess."
AR: "Thanks. Well you just have to really look at someone, I'm sure you can do it too."

After this I talk to the drunk girl for a while longer, and the friend allows it, basically it's me getting the stamp of approval. And then she starts telling if I can cure her hiccups, she'll love me forever. I take this as a sign that she's going to be sick. Also at this moment, her friend tells me they don't like TJ, just on time for a really camp gay guy to come over and start bitching at TJ. I couldn't be bothered to pursue a potential vomit stained t-shirt, so we just leave, grab another drink and go back down stairs.

I dance with the girl with the black dress again from earlier for a few minutes, before I attempt to pick up a "celebrity" called Cheska, well not really she's just on reality TV, on that Made In Chelsea show, the only reason I know is because TJ gets excited and goes over and hugs her! Anyway she's with a dude in a white shirt. No idea if they're together or not, so I just make a move when she's on her own at the bar. It's super direct.
"Hey, you're so hot. I needed to come and meet you"
"I have a boyfriend"
"Oh cute a boy. How would you like to go out with a man?"
She laughs submissively, but strongly says. "I'm really taken"

I couldn't be bothered with that interaction any more, so just headed back over to dance with TJ and the brunette; at least I can say I hit on someone from TV.

I saw the blonde girl in the red dress from earlier, she was with a, let's say slightly chubbier girl. So I started talking to her, she was totally into it, and was flirting with me so I started flirting back, she had an accent and she was from Estonia. She was nice but I didn't see the blonde girl who I was going to ask me to introduce me to, however one thing I did notice, was the brunette I kept dancing with, was totally looking at me, from her body language I did sense a bit of attraction. So after I finished talking to the Estonian, I went back over one more time to see if I could push it for at least a kiss - it didn't happen. I grabbed TJ and we left it was 4am at this point, and we were hammered and tired so we left.


Thoughts, ramblings and a night review:

Despite not getting a number or anything else. It was a fantastic NYE mainly because it was just so much fun - I guess this is the definition of not really caring if you get the girl or not. This is important, if you start judging a successful night on how many times you get a number, kiss, or laid, you're in for real mental despair. Have fun first, and then think about approaching someone you look the like of.

However I do wish the fashion designer had been more sober because I feel we could have gotten on, but oh well, I could have gotten the number but I doubt she would have remembered me the next day.

Also that age old guy method of talk to the fat/ugly one first definitely gives the hotter girls a "I'm hotter than her, why isn't he talking to me" kind of feeling, but then she'll be more receptive when you talk to her, also because you've made friends with her, her potential to be a cockblock is a lot lower.

On the opening lines, the "I want to get to know you" seems to be more accepted, mainly it's intriguing for them, it gives them the impression that your talking to them just because they are hot, despite actually talking to them because they are hot. The good thing is, It's honest but it isn't too indirect like asking a girls opinion on something that you don't really care about.

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