Artful Roger Journal


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 Post subject: Re: Artful Roger Journal
PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2014 8:03 pm 
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artfulroger wrote:
After my most recent journal update I realised, my sticking point is extracting emotion in the early stages of talking to a girl, all my questions revolve around seriousness - you know like asking formalities in questions etc. rather than the use of imagination or reliving great moments they've been through. I need to consciously break this habit. I really need to get better at story telling (and creative writing) to lead them through visual or audio mental journeys.


It's all about being interested in another person and being honest about it.

1. You asked questions. (Because you are interested in her.)
2. She answered. (Because she trusts you.)
3. You listened and assimilated her answers. By this, I mean that you hear her answers and automatically make assumptions about her. She didn't tell you that she was open-minded, you assumed it by the way she communicated with you. She didn't tell you that she was fun and out-going, you assumed it by the way she communicated with you.

And now here we are. . . this is the point of the conversation where many guys make some variation of the statement, "Wow, that's really cool," or, "that's very interesting," and move on to the next topic or question. But think about it. . . by making these statements, what we're essentially suggesting is that her answer really isn't cool at all. . . these statements are nothing more than a sugarcoated, "whatever makes you happy. . ." It means you don't give a shit. . .

So how do we show that we give a shit? You share #3 above with her. You show her that you listened and you show her that you took enough interest to what she said to make assumptions about her. Based on what you wrote about her, I already know that she's an old soul. She carries the knowledge and responsibilities of her old soul. I already know that she's got a smile that some people confuse to be smug . . . but it's more likely a smile of acceptance. She accepts things that are acceptable, she investigates into things that are not, and she attempts to share these things through her art. She doesn't realize how energy depleting this can be . . . to share your mind and spirit with others . . . to be happy and positive for herself and for others. So sometimes she hits the wall and gets slammed and she'll try to cheer herself out of it, but all she can really do is wait. It's simply her body doing exactly what it should given the circumstances it is given. For her to complete her spiritual journey, she'll need to pace herself.- These are my assumptions. How to communicate these assumptions to her?

"Do people ever tell you that you have an old soul?"

"I don't want to give you the wrong impression that I am comparing you to a man so first let me tell you that you are gorgeous. Absolutely stunning and beautiful. . . but you know you have that same sly smile that Buddha has? You know. . .it's that look as if to say, "Oh, I know some seeerious shit. . . Don't be coming around here with your bullshit because I know my shit." (What? You didn't know Buddha was a rapper?)

This is the idea. . .


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 Post subject: Re: Artful Roger Journal
PostPosted: Sun May 18, 2014 8:17 am 
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Thanks Kasabi, that's really helpful - I've tried to practice that just on people I know as well.

Went to a birthday on Thursday, didn't want to drink much but people kept bringing me drinks lol... So I got more drunk than I wanted anyway. I knew one person there, so I just saw it as an exercise to meet and mingle with new people. At first I was really stiff and my conversation sucked, I wasn't creative in what I was saying at all.

But soon after that I managed to talk to a couple of girls that were there, one notable interaction we'll call her M. She was a rich girl from chelsea, and studied biological medicine and then went onto work for a real estate agency that specialise in property for hotels or corporate clients, she's in the insurance sector. She really went into detail here about her job, and she seemed quite passionate about it, I kept trying to steer the conversation to less serious things. The most I got out of her was that she goes to the gym, and she wanted to lose some weight after working a really demanding recruitment job.

We then had a quick talk about the tinder app, she said she wanted to date some rich men or something along those lines. So I joked around you should have your expectations in your bio section "1. Lobster only, 2. Champagne dinners 3. No sex on first dates until criteria 1 & 2 are fulfilled. She laughed and we then some guy came over who is studying medicine she then spoke about her studies in detail for a while, obviously they could relate here but I was left on the outside, although I ended up giving him career advice for his job i.e working home visits and on locum for the NHS. She went off to get another drink so I changed to a different table.

I left shortly after that probably 20-30 mins. Anyway made an effort to say bye to her, and she said something along the lines of: we should get *birthday boy's name* to have a reunion soon, or some kind of meet up. I could have gone for her phone number here but I really didn't think she was interested, plus we never really spoke about anything we could go and do together. On the basis of that I think it would have been a dead number per say.

Friday

Went out for someone's birthday (again) and ex work college, who I would love to date. She's dating an ok guy, but he's just not trust worthy, and I know he'll mess her around - he's slept with 2 people he works with already. I really don't know why she's with him, I did have ample chances to go out with her last year but I was just oblivious. We still have chemistry though, at her birthday in the pub we were in, I got to dance with her salsa kind of style and I was spinning her around and pulling her close. And that spark was there still, mutual chemistry. I really wanted to ask her in private why she got back with this guy, they broke up in January and got back together in March time and went on holiday together. In fact I basically wanted to say to her, that I think she could do better and I could be that choice, but of course I didn't. I actually really want to date this girl, any advice on breaking them up? Or at least being a contender?

The only conversation I had with her was I found out she knew the girl I met on Tuesday and bonded with. They both went to the same Drama school, although 2 years apart. Apparently dated a friend of hers exboyfriend in between them splitting up and getting back together. I just asked what's she like? Should I pursue it, she suggested just asking her out (which I did today).

Anyway some of her housemates really fancied me, kept telling me how good looking and handsome I was. Was loving the attention. There was one I liked but she found out as I was 24 then was immediately disinterested, think she was about 29(ish), so didn't pursue.

Then I went to a bar with a friend of mine, and as I walked in befriended a group of guys as my base group. One guy thought I was the bomb, he was from sydney, Aus and pretty cool and we had a decent chat about something - can't remember as I was so drunk. Then I went hunting for a lay, I saw a girl staring at me so I walked over and she said to her friend "that guy's so fit" so I said Hi, my names ___. then she introduced herself, asked her one more question before getting really close and getting ready for the make out, then her friend pulled her away....

I went and spoke to someone else she was by the bar on her own, I just wanted another safety net, she was chubby and not too pretty. Anyway she had ok conversation, I loved that she was qualifying herself to me, she was really trying to impress me and asking me all the questions, and I was just totally aloof to the whole thing. Her self esteem was pretty low, and anyway I told her I was going to the toilet, she thought I wasn't going to come back! I was kind of planning on seeing what else was out there, on the way to the toilet. But then thought fuck it she lives just down the road, and I live 2 night busses away, so I just went back to hers and we had sex at night then again in the morning. I specifically told her I was single and wanted to stay that way the night before, she asked for my number in the morning and caught me off guard just as I was leaving so I gave it to her. She sent me a text before I'd even got home! Then 2 hours later a whatsapp of a salad and saying "Take this hangover" - haven't texted back and don't plan too, I was clear in what I said to her the night before. Good to see neediness and bad texts from the other side though.

Trying to focus on my studies now, an exam Monday then 2 in the next 2 weeks. Then I'm all done. To be honest really didn't want to go out and get that drunk or go home with anyone, I really need to well in these exams.

Here's the text convo with L from Tuesday. When at lunch we had a chat about cafe Nero and how they don't pay their taxes, they do loyalty stamps so I just sent her this picture:
ImageImageImage
Since I sent it late, I wasn't expecting a response right away - if she doesn't respond, I'll text her Monday or Tuesday asking "still have my partner in crime this Wednesday?"

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 Post subject: Re: Artful Roger Journal
PostPosted: Sat May 24, 2014 11:21 am 
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Today I was watching a video of a guy who made a 3+ years trip to 36 countries all around the world. It's safe to say that the things he's seen and lived in 1 month are probably more than I've seen and lived in 24 years.

I look at him and think "this guy is living life". I don't truly envy guys who have lots of money, get lots of girls and all that. Would I like that? Sure, why not, but quite frankly I think they're just living the same empty life we all are, except they have more stuff to distract them from the utter insignificance of human existence. They'll live a few years and then they'll be eaten by worms just like everyone else: they just won't notice the painful and boring walk to the grave.

But that guy (and others like him), now that's a life worth living. They are the ones who understand that life is not about the destination, it's about the journey. That's a fortune cookie message for most of us but those guys make a reality out of it.

I think of the primitive man, how he was born in Africa and traveled so far away, to every corner of the world, and I can't help but to think that human beings, kinda like birds, weren't born to sit still. I'll go further and say this is the reason why there's so many miserable people out there. We sit on our asses, eating, checking Facebook, masturbating (or trying not to), then once a week we go out, rub ourselves into a stranger, look at our faces in the mirror and say "fuck man, I'm living life". We've been taught to live like cattle and we've been taught to enjoy it.

Ok, I'm ranting here. Bottom line is that I wish I had the money, the knowledge and the balls to travel around for years and see the world. I think about it, but then I scratch my lazy ass and forget about it for a while. Truth is, I'm afraid of going out there.

Most of the time I feel more positive and upbeat than I sound here. I'm just bored and confused, though I do have plans for the near future.

Felt good to take that stuff off my of chest. Good old journal is still worth keeping for blogging every now and then.

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 Post subject: Re: Artful Roger Journal
PostPosted: Fri Jun 27, 2014 4:27 am 
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A rare update from me simply because I'm in the US. I'm working at a summer camp, but I felt this was worth documenting.

I made a girl basically fall in love with me. She has been with her boyfriend 9 years, she is the same age as me and we just got along like a wildfire, we had so many deep and meaningful conversations. It's at a point where I can't put it into words, I tried to not like her at first, I thought here we go: another one of those blonde, skinny dancer stuck up types. So I was just totally myself because I've been consistently meeting arsehole type girls, just showed interest in her life genuinely, and we had a lot in common and connected on a deep level.

It was strange because she never mentioned her boyfriend at first. Until we had a conversation late one night where we started going deeper into each other's backgrounds and love lives. This is when I found out she had a boyfriend, then it was the next night we met up again and she confessed everything. She told me she thought I was a great guy and that I was amazingly cute. She then apologized because she felt she was leading me on, and she didn't want me leaving the camp thinking about could have been. This felt like a bit of projection here, like she was confirming for herself nothing could happen. She openly admitted she was up all night and it felt like her heart was torn in two, and that she really couldn't decide where it lied. She kept pestering me to ask her if it was fate I had met her, (she comes from a religious background), I told her she was part of the journey of why I came out here. She kept ruing what was happening, she really wanted to see where we could go, and I did too - and still do, I don't really know where to proceed. She leaves on Sunday morning, and I have another 4 weeks here, it's fine though because I'm going to Philadelphia and we've already organized to meet. I had actually planned to check out Phili before I'd even met her, but it's nice to know that I'll see her again, but then again it doesn't matter too much if I don't. She said all she wanted to do was go for a drink with me, so she could get out of her professional role.

I've been thinking about this on a deeper level, and I kind of believe the reason we connected is because this summer camp is so isolated and out of the ordinary, we get along in our job roles and views of the world here, but as a partnership would we work outside of this microcosm? I don't know and then comes the issue of being able to meet up, our logistics are 6000 miles apart. I think she was just looking for excitement and I could offer that, I'm not from her town and I live a different way of life that's of interest and intrigue to her.

Perhaps just a summer romance I guess. Plenty of more women to meet and connect with when I go travelling the northeast of the US at the end of August.

Slightly annoying that this seems to be my sticking point now, getting a deep and meaningful connection and seeing it slide away from me. It's always seeing the ones that get away feeling you to rue the most.

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 Post subject: Re: Artful Roger Journal
PostPosted: Mon Jun 30, 2014 5:52 am 
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This is one of those simple pick up situations:

1. She wants to fuck you. You already know this because she told you... "Heart torn in two, blah, blah, blah" You didn't really think she was talking about moving to your Country?

2. She's hedging her risk. She has a boyfriend and she wants to fuck you so what does that make her? That's right a whore. Now what kind of nice, horny girl wants to be perceived as a whore? Hell, even hookers don't want to be called whores. . . well, maybe they do. . . but only to each other like the way black guys call each other the n word "affectionately".

3. So in this "out of the real life" situation, she wanted you to fuck her brains out and blame it on "chemistry". . . oh the heart + vagina torn in two! But afterwards (maybe a few good nights) she'd come to the realization that "We need to be adults . . it was a mistake. I have a boyfriend. We shouldn't have done this. You will always be in my heart. What we had was special." (I could fill this page with all the chick movie cliche's chicks spout in these moments. . . it's my conspiracy theory that this is only the reason why they watch chick movies. . .it's to plagiarize the cheese)

4. If you wanted her to suck your cock, you lost your golden window of opportunity. It's the perfect "out of town" guy fuck fuck situation. . . and everything I wrote above would have played out. In fact, in that 20 minute of tear squeezing wake up talk, she would have said all that I wrote above and more.

5. But all is not lost. If you want to tap it, you only need to repeat what you already did, including getting the two of you in a private situation where sex is possible.

6. She will play her part. . .and you should play yours. This is what I believe the pick up kids like to call, "Leaving her better than I found her." - But all you're really doing is feeding her fantasy. Have fun. good luck.


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 Post subject: Re: Artful Roger Journal
PostPosted: Tue Jul 01, 2014 5:02 am 
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Quote:
(I could fill this page with all the chick movie cliche's chicks spout in these moments. . . it's my conspiracy theory that this is only the reason why they watch chick movies. . .it's to plagiarize the cheese)


Not sure if this is funny or sad Kasabi. Probably both. I'd go farther than that but then it wouldn't be funny anymore ha ha

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 Post subject: Re: Artful Roger Journal
PostPosted: Thu Oct 30, 2014 10:00 pm 
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It's been along time since I've been here. 4 months. And I'm not sure why I'm back, I don't consider myself a PUA anymore, and I don't think I ever did.

My working holiday in the US was the best experience I've done. I got to work on a summer camp in the middle of no where in Pennsylvania and it was bliss to be out of contact with everyone and away from electronic devices like phones, computers etc. That was 9 weeks of bliss.

In that time a lot of things happened. I got promoted in my first 2 days there to Dean of the boys, so I was in charge of all male staff and boy campers. I lived in my own cabin in the woods, it was a great and a crazy experience something I truly treasure. I was loved by everyone there, being an English boy in the USA was very strange, everyone thought I was some kind of prince.

I got really close and connected with the co-dean of the girls area, to the point she was considering leaving her boyfriend of 9 years for me. Nothing ever happened between us, just a lot of chemistry and sexual tension - she was only there for 2 weeks and then she left. I felt a bit empty and frustrated she did. We kept in contact.

I then met another girl, and it took us about a week to have a conversation but we just had this connection before we even spoke. I spent one of my days off with her and just liked her from that moment, I wanted to spend every minute by her side - it was difficult not to appear needy. I knew she liked me back, I could tell by just the way she looked at me. From then I just created any excuse to be with her, I collaborated with her for a performance I played guitar and sung, she danced to the music. Then I created more excuses like asking her to teach me how to dance. So I started to learn some basic partner dancing with her. I taught her some guitar chords and got her playing. We went out a few nights as well and had some drinks, it took me like 2 weeks to make a move. And I did it sober, I kissed her when we were dancing, and it was an amazing kiss - something I'd been wanting to do for a while and a lot of passion just came out in that kiss. It took us the weekend she left to finally have sex, and it was incredible. She had an amazing body, but I had fallen for her mind more than anything, At this point it was the end of July and I hadn't touched or had sex since the end of May, so I was very ready to have sex. [In fact in some of the dance lessons I kept getting erections and she could definitely feel them on her leg haha.]

She was only there for 5 weeks, but they were an amazing 5 weeks with her. When she left camp, I was very lost and confused she had become a friend, and a partner. I felt like I had no one around anymore, I felt very lonely. We were a couple already before we'd even had that discussion. I booked a plane ticket to come and see her in Boston while I had 2 weeks before I had to come back to the UK.

After camp I travelled to Philadelphia, Washington D.C then onto Boston. The time from when she left camp to when I saw her was a long 3 weeks. Although I enjoyed everything I saw on the way, I just missed her constantly. When I got on that plane to head to Boston I was just so relaxed, she picked me up from the airport and I got in the car and kissed her, it was like nothing had changed. I had the best time in Boston with her, I had amazing dates with her, and the sex was incredible too, I mean we were at it like 5 times a day so no porn damage leftover in my system, I had no issues regarding ED or PE either, I was very much in control of my arousal and when I wanted it to end. Time with her stood still, I have never been so present with anyone in my life, I couldn't care less who was trying to get hold of me on the phone or what the time was, I had this sole focus on her and she did me. We were the perfect match.

We had an amazing date on one night, we went out for food and we went back to hers and sat out on her balcony drinking wine and listening to music. I put on the playlist we learned to dance to. And we started dancing to it again, by the 3rd song I could feel myself getting emotional and I broke down into tears in front of her. She was already crying and teary. It was just perfect, the time with her was incredible and I was so scared of going home and leaving her - it was inevitable and it wasn't my choice. The time I spent with her was exactly how I wanted to fall in love. It took until the 4th day there, where I initiated the conversation about being a couple (we were already acting like a couple from when we met). I told what I wanted, that I could do long distance and that I couldn't imagine dating anyone else. She was very much of the same opinion, she was scared I thought this was just a summer fling and that I'd go back to England with not seeing her again.

Leaving her was the hardest thing I'd done. I had to head to NYC for 2 and 1/2 days before getting my flight home. Getting on that plane home was the hard, I didn't want to leave, it felt like I built and started a new life in a different country, and that got swept from under my feet - like a rug being pulled out. I came back to nothing essentially, I had no job, no apartment/house, and no money. I had to live with my parents again something I hadn't done for 3 years, my ego was down and my self esteem was non existent. It took me 3 hours when I was back until I broke down into tears and cried for about an hour, I had left behind an amazing life and amazing girl.

I spent the next few weeks frantically looking at visas for both the US and the UK. It's insanely hard for either me or her to get one. The best route is marriage, and we spoke about marriage for a while and we decided to try that route. And the thing is it doesn't scare me at all, the thing that scares me is the thought of not having her in my life. And if I have to marry her to be with her then I will. We booked a courthouse/city hall wedding for the 9th Jan. I'm over to visit her for christmas and NYE, in that time I'll meet her family too. In the meantime, she's over here next month for days at the end of November, and I cannot wait.

We discussed about our marriage and said we'd like to do a proper one in a few years time. Where we can invite everyone we want to and can make it a special day. I plan to officially propose and buy her a ring though for her visit in November, something that doesn't look like an engagement ring so when I buy her a better one, it can be worn as a normal ring.

We looked at everything and predict that if the visa goes through we should be together by around June next year. We would apply in April.


Still I'm not sure why I'm back here, maybe I just needed to journal this. I plan to come back every now and then.

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 Post subject: Re: Artful Roger Journal
PostPosted: Wed Dec 03, 2014 6:54 am 
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I read your latest post a while ago and had many thoughts but didn't reply because your current situation isn't about pick up or even a relationship but more about YOUR life with a relationship. And there is nobody who can define or advise you about your life goals better than you. Just writing to let you know that I am keeping up with your journal. . . and if there are twists and bends that seem difficult, continue to post. As I have been through similiar circumstances, I, as well as a few others, might be able to offer some solutions.


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 Post subject: Re: Artful Roger Journal
PostPosted: Thu Dec 04, 2014 5:55 pm 
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Wow, deep post. If you care about her then I agree with your decision to marry her. Hopefully it won't die out.

Even though it's not related to PUA, please keep posting.

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 Post subject: Re: Artful Roger Journal
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2014 10:41 am 
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Well it's all going well thus far. Everything seems to growing stronger which is probably the opposite of what people expected (myself included). We were apart for 3 months before we saw each other again, this was last week. Things have just evolved so rapidly between us. Our communication is amazing, probably because over webcam the only thing we can do is talk. But we're both down to earth individuals and hate passive aggressive ways of proving points or using ammo for arguments. We'd rather just sit down and have those difficult conversations. Being with her is just so easy though, it's very natural and straightforward - we share similar tastes and values in the world.

Out of all the uncertainties in my life right now, having her as a reliable source is the one thing I truly know is consistent. I guess the good thing is, since my 3 month placement in the USA I've had to come back and do somewhat of a life rebuild. For some reason my current circumstances don't make me feel attractive right now. So I almost feel comforted she can't see me for what I currently define as me. But women tend to fall in love with your potential I guess. Basically I'm in a job that I'm just doing to get the financial evidence that I can support a spouse, I live back with my parents, albeit this was a financial decision that helps me 1. pay off debt and 2. afford more plane tickets. Basically feeling very stagnant and back stepping.

The one good thing for me on the career front is I have been building a freelance career on the side in online digital marketing. Since I have very little experience in this field I had to start off working for free, but I'm working with an entrepreneur right now who I am learning a ton off of. He's been a CEO and now does something closely related to his role there, he does coaching and has a very successful book. I shot out a proposal to him and he took me onboard with a view of paying me in the future. Once I've setup what I planned to do, I have a leg to stand on to say, "this is what I've done for you. This is what will take you forward. This is how much I need to be able to do that." There's an exciting opportunity he has going on with a reputable car company and probably a big payout I could be apart of too. That's well into next year however.

I also have a business venture going with a clinical psych in sexual health and we identified a market for sexual health products and we're in the launching phase right now. It won't make money for a while though.

I'm in a position where I'm slowly developing into the person and individual I want to become at just 25 ( this weekend). It's going to be a hard slog, but I predict I'll be able to have the career and luxury to pick and choose my projects to work on in about a couple of years and live comfortably.

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 Post subject: Re: Artful Roger Journal
PostPosted: Sun Feb 22, 2015 7:02 pm 
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This week my wife is currently in Central America on a trip as part of her grad program. I've not been in contact with her properly for a few days and it's been so horrible. I know she's ok - that's not the issue. It's I need to hear her voice everyday, it's one thing that keeps me going in this distance. She'll be back on Wednesday so I'll be able to talk to her as normal.

After being back for just over a month, I've felt my love chemicals run out. As in all the attention and love that your brain produces when you're with your significant other has now subsided and I feel very empty. I crave her touch and it's been difficult.

I've had this week off work and I've not been too busy really. In turn I've been irrevocably anxious and suffering from boredom. I've felt very isolated from the things I love this week. I've been trying to keep going but I've really been struggling. I guess the thing is I'm currently in a situation I can't really control, I just have to sit waiting. There's only so much progression I can make on my own.

I'm really trying to progress my freelance career and it is going forward. But for full time work I am trapped in a job I really hate. I can't change it just yet. I need 5 more weeks worth of work before I can look to change. The UKBA want to see the sponsor of an applicant in their job for 6 months at least. I'm so close now.

My body is calling out for the love and touch of my wife but it's just not an option. I'll be with her again in 5 weeks, which doesn't sound long, but to experience it, it is. The bonus of this though is we get to apply for her visa to come here to the UK. That'll be such a landmark, but I'm also terrified of the decision there is so much weighing on that. But I have been working hard on getting everything together already in advance. Now we can only hope for the best.

The weird thing is I'm really caught up on her sexual past. I really don't know why that is. It just keeps plaguing my mind. And it's not that it's bad. We have the same "count" if you like of people. But the fact she's almost 6 years older is probably a poorer reflection on me. I guess it maybe that she's had more relationships than me. I've only had one notable one, and one not-so-good but still crap one that happened about 13 months ago that made me miserable - you can find that misery that I wrote about here. I don't why this is bugging me, I can't get to the bottom of it.

I need to write here more. This was therapeutic.

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 Post subject: Re: Artful Roger Journal
PostPosted: Sun Feb 22, 2015 8:13 pm 
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Location: London
Hey buddy, good to see you posting again!

First off, if she is your wife, congratulations! Secondly, I noticed you talk about her sexual past and how it's bothering you. It is insane how this is an issue for almost every man. It has been an issue for me, it has been an issue for valleyplaya, and I think it is now an issue for Enzo. I know I am STILL not over my girlfriend's past, and I never ever will be. However I am also in a "looser" relationship. We are together, but she will be travelling for 3 months, in which case we have decided to be really open and hit on, kiss, and potentially fuck other people.

The past will never get out of your head. It is something that will stay inside of you, however it is your choice to focus on it, or to let it pass. It is extremely difficult with distance, because you crave that person, and your body is feeling a lack; it is as if she has decided to leave you! Obviously, she hasn't, but your body feels like she has, because you are not getting the physicality. Therefore your brain and body go into withdrawal symptoms, just like how it would be if she broke up with you, but not so intense since you logically know she hasn't. Therefore jealousy arises, but who can you be jealous of if she is seeing no one apart from you? Her exes obviously! Her past lovers! And your mind dwells on this as a second option due to all the withdrawal symptoms. It is all linked together. This is my theory at least.

Once she is back and you are physically together these thoughts will go away, simply because your brain and body are getting what they are used to and fixated on again. I, too, feel the depression that comes with not seeing your girlfriend. It is incredibly tough. It is a daily struggle, but also make sure you are moving forward. I have had a hard time with this, but always get myself back on track. Make sure you do the same.

Hope all goes well dude! And again, good to see you posting!


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 Post subject: Re: Artful Roger Journal
PostPosted: Sun Feb 22, 2015 8:28 pm 
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Location: New York, NY
Writing is a form of meditation. For me at least, it helps to bring scrambled thoughts into cohesive words and sentences. I can relate to your plight but I'll leave it in your ballpark to figure it all out, because I know you will.

I think what would make for better entries are "action steps", or in other words, " Now What ? ". We don't always need to do this but its nice to conclusively have a plan on how to move forward.

Good man, good man.

DA

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 Post subject: Re: Artful Roger Journal
PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2015 9:35 am 
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Joined: Thu Apr 19, 2012 12:03 pm
Posts: 200
Location: London
Tr@veler wrote:
Hey buddy, good to see you posting again!

First off, if she is your wife, congratulations! Secondly, I noticed you talk about her sexual past and how it's bothering you. It is insane how this is an issue for almost every man. It has been an issue for me, it has been an issue for valleyplaya, and I think it is now an issue for Enzo. I know I am STILL not over my girlfriend's past, and I never ever will be. However I am also in a "looser" relationship. We are together, but she will be travelling for 3 months, in which case we have decided to be really open and hit on, kiss, and potentially fuck other people.

The past will never get out of your head. It is something that will stay inside of you, however it is your choice to focus on it, or to let it pass. It is extremely difficult with distance, because you crave that person, and your body is feeling a lack; it is as if she has decided to leave you! Obviously, she hasn't, but your body feels like she has, because you are not getting the physicality. Therefore your brain and body go into withdrawal symptoms, just like how it would be if she broke up with you, but not so intense since you logically know she hasn't. Therefore jealousy arises, but who can you be jealous of if she is seeing no one apart from you? Her exes obviously! Her past lovers! And your mind dwells on this as a second option due to all the withdrawal symptoms. It is all linked together. This is my theory at least.

Once she is back and you are physically together these thoughts will go away, simply because your brain and body are getting what they are used to and fixated on again. I, too, feel the depression that comes with not seeing your girlfriend. It is incredibly tough. It is a daily struggle, but also make sure you are moving forward. I have had a hard time with this, but always get myself back on track. Make sure you do the same.

Hope all goes well dude! And again, good to see you posting!



Thanks. She is, partly because there's just literally no other woman I've cared about or loved more. It was a very easy decision, the hardest thing is being apart, I guess it's just a matter of time until we are together permanently, hopefully this year - July seems likely.

That's hard work being separated by travel, for me it was only a week. I wish you all the strength in the world. I certainly couldn't agree to what you have with her (i.e. potentially meeting other people).

I would actually agree with your theory in this case, I think it's spot on and something I've been thinking of in the past, perhaps not to the same precision, but I had awareness of where it was coming from.



Re: getting myself on track.

I knew I was anxious and have been executing action steps to bring it down, I now:
- Meditate for 5minutes every morning as soon as I wake
- Drink less coffee, I'm trying to enjoy it rather than need it
- Get at least 7.5hrs sleep every night
- Tried to make my morning routine automatic, and get a good breakfast in, 30g protein in 30 mins has been working incredibly


My future plans:
- Get back in shape, I haven't been to a gym or had a run since April last year!
- Turn my freelance stuff into paid work soon, I'm almost at a stage where I can do that

I think it's important not to throw everything in at once, otherwise that can be paralysing and more anxiety provoking.

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 Post subject: Re: Artful Roger Journal
PostPosted: Fri Jul 31, 2015 2:26 pm 
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Posts: 200
Location: London
So I'm here to check in, a crazy amount of 6 months later. A brief update of what I was up to:

- Got my wife into the UK. Researched and did the job of an immigration lawyer myself
- Finished working in schools. I'm done with that now I can't go back but also unemployed currently
- Started my own freelancing services, building a portfolio
- Found a schedule that keeps me incredibly happy
- Launched an online start up with a cofounder

However I'm here to learn goal setting and working efficiently. I'm not shy of working hard, but sometimes you just do work for the sake of doing work. Busyness is a form of laziness. So I want to focus my goals and have something to aim for, as I never learned how.

Now though I'm back for some goal setting and learning how to do it. I just watched a video on youtube of how an ex-facebook employee was working with Mark Zuckerberg. The Facebook goal was "to grow," so after hours of brainstorming and coming up with some incredible ideas, it was often 2 weeks of work were thrown out the window because they didn't focus on making them grow.

So here I'm trying to define some goals and work towards them for areas of my life that are important to me right now:

Goal 1:
With my co-owned online business (CSH we'll call it). I want to make 100 sales before the end of the year.

Current state of affairs:
- We have a website
- We have an email list of 1 person
- We have an almost finished product

How can this done?
Building a bigger audience. Through guest posting, media coverage and gaining a reputation in relevant forums
- Guest posting = find relevant sites and contact the editor, write a post and offer it for submission.
- Media coverage needs to start small, contact local editors of tiny papers and get in touch
- Building a reputation means finding the forums, and starting a Q&A with the clinical psychologist coming to answer all the questions they have for him.

What needs to happen first?
- Finish the product, get it to a rough draft position and get some beta testers to run through the program.

When will this happen?
- Friday 7th August. Have the diagrams finished and uploaded - then sent to the first beta tester



Goal 2:
I don't want to be an employee. I want to manage my own work remotely and be able to work anywhere. By the end of this year I want to have 3 paying clients.

Current state of affairs:
- I have a website with my portfolio and services offered on there
- I have done some free work to build my portfolio
- I have some good contacts

how do I get paid work?
- Get in touch with business owners (and keep contacting more)
- Offer them my services in how I can help
- Add case studies and testimonials to my site as I go along

What needs to happen first?
- Constantly contacting new business owners offering my services

When will this happen?
- I need to set a micro goal of contacting at least one business a day with a proposal of getting work. Minimum should be at least finding a business per day.


Now I've set this I need to make sure I'm accountable for checking in on this goal and making sure that I actually stick to it. That's the part I have issues with. Any suggestions?

Thanks in advance.

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