So I thought I'd aid myself in my search for an LTR by doing these steps from here in the hope to better prepare me:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the ... nt-matters

1. Figure out what you want - A general idea of what you would like from a partner is best. How would you like them to act? What would you like them to do? How should they treat you? What type of relationship are you looking for? Take a moment (or longer) and figure it out.

Well I'd like them to be caring at heart and emotionally open, also with a good sense of humour so it's not so serious all the time, a good fun vibe as well - we can go out have a good time together. I'd liked to be treated with respect at least, not to the point that they can't make fun of me - I can take a joke, but a nice mix of teasing and caring would be nice, appreciative I guess. It would be monogamous, and towards the reigns of an LTR, but I don't want anything that will last an eternity - I just want some fun companionship for right now.

2. Decide what you will give in return - There is no such thing as getting something for nothing. Dating and relationships are no exception. So, what are you planning to bring to the exchange? Be honest - don't undersell or oversell yourself. Think about all of the strengths, benefits, and positive qualities you have to share with a partner. Have a clear idea about what you are going to give back to them.

Well I'm a reliable character so they will be able to rely on me to turn up, remember important dates and to do certain things. Adventurous and open minded, I like getting out my comfort zone and really opening up to new experiences, routines aren't my strong point. Accepting, I tend to take people for who they are without judgement (to the best I can), I just let them be them around me. Committed, I'll want to be faithful and do the things I enjoy with them by my side.

3. Check your expectations - Take a good look at what you want versus what you're willing to give. Does it match up? Is it a realistic trade? It is unrealistic to expect to buy a mansion with pocket-change. But, it is also foolish to spend a million dollars on a shack. So, make sure the exchange you're planning is equitable and fair, for both you and for your prospective partners. Make it a good deal on both ends.

I guess this ties in with "managing expectations" within the community. I think right now I'm spending a million dollars on a shack, I'm way too overbearing in the early stages - probably come on a little too strong. I should take a step back, and just be a little bit distant. The problem is I think because I want an LTR now, it probably comes across as desperation.

What I need to do or I feel maybe effective, is just tell them exactly how I wrote it above, "I don't want anything that will last an eternity - I just want some fun companionship for right now" and probably sell my traits through saying what they are and just "being" what they are.

4. Know your dating market (what "they" want) - Here is where you take into consideration what your potential partners might want. But, you don't have to be so vague and guess about all men, women, etc. You know what you want. So, search for the people who match that and find out what they want. For example, if you want smart women...then talk to a few in your area and find out what they like. If you're looking for creative men, then check out what they are into. Shop around. Get to know the dating market you're interested in - and what they are looking to "buy" in return.

Not a lot I can do here, but ask and listen. Put the focus on them and see if we're compatible, then see if it's a good deal on both ends. I guess essentially asking what do you want relationship wise, and what do you look for in men.

5. Assess your options - Once you know your dating market, you can see who might be interested in an exchange. Find the partners that fit with what you want. Qualify and assess them. Then see whether what you're willing to give matches up with their wants too. Negotiate a little and see what works. Is it a good fit? Can you strike a deal? Is it a win-win? See what your options for "trading partners" look like.

This ties into what I've written above. But I just need to remember be patient and enjoy the process of meeting new people.

6. Pick an option or reassess your plan - If you find a good deal, go with it. Especially when the relationship is fair, satisfying, and the best alternative for both you and them. However, if you don't like your options, then it is time to rethink the steps above. Go through them again. Is what you want a little unrealistic? Do you need to give a little more to get who you really want? Are your expectations unrealistic? Do you need to try a different dating group, time, location to find someone to connect with?

I guess this is something I just have to be mindful of over time, and remember what I've written here and often revisit it and reassess if it doesn't go well.

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My Journal is thoughts on life game and approaches: artful-roger-journal-vt148980.html

You probably already know that there is a difference between the "pua" version of "needy" vs. our natural, human "need" for an emotional connection. The pua version of "needy" is an observable behavior that stems from ignorance and desperation. The NEED for an emotional connection is given to us by God. We are social animals. We NEED to bond with others; there is absolutely no reason to deny yourself of this. However, there is no reason to bind yourself to a relationship for the sake of an LTR either. Every guy who 'chases' an LTR often deludes himself to think, "This is the best I can get." - Some lie to themselves more than others... but if you've been to enough weddings... and witnessed their divorces years later, then you'll understand this.

What's the rush? How about scoring an actual date first?

Halloween

Went out for a club night at my student union. A lot went on, bumped into that girl I dated 3 times last month, didn't get a chance to talk, just some eye contact across the room.

Aside from that, used a classic PUA technique of a DHV (Using this <- sarcastically) by belting out a number on the karaoke they had there. After I did that I got approached by a lot of girls at the bar, telling me I was a good singer, I know it's a strength of mine and so I used it for fun rather than get girls to like me, but it worked a treat for getting girls to open me. I got into a new group of girls despite being there with all my female friends, and got to know all of them a little, one was super interested.

The girls I was with kept dragging me back over to them, as a few of them are single and have minor interest in me, I mean this in a non arrogant way, they see me as "would fool around with after a few drinks" just because it's happened with a 2 of them before.

So the night went on and I wanted to make a move on someone at least, so I was just waiting to choose and I chose poorly at that. I chose the one (S.) in my social group which ended in a bit of hurt feelings and tears from a girl who was with us (M.) and having boyfriend problems, just got emotional while being drunk, then the girl I was with (S.) got sketchy and undecided because she thought the tears were due to us getting together and M. had feelings for me. Ugh...

So then all doors were closed and I had to clear the mess up, walked M. and S. to their bus stops, because it was creep time in central London, we left at 2am, walked a mile for M's then another 1/4 for S's secretly hoping getting rid of M would help S come home with me, it didn't. S and me were holding hands all the way shared a few kisses, then she left on her bus. By the time I got home it was 4.30am...

Can't believe I made this mistake, as I found out the logistics from the random girl even. Out of town, staying in a hotel...
I just wanted the girl in my group because of unfinished business and she's really hot...

Lessons learned and the wheels keep turning.

What's going on now:

Tried meeting with the girl from last weekend today (saturday) but she had may too many drinks and is feeling rough so suggested same time tomorrow she'll come over, which works well as my SPAM is seeing her SPAM, so they may come together, if she doesn't come earlier. Was hoping I could actually get her alone first to just chat properly, would be nice to have sex with her again though, although that might not happen with a double date dinner.

I've been texting her, once/twice a day through out the week and I just feel like I'm approval seeking when ever I try to go out with any girl, this is really getting on my nerves. Kasabi you wrote it as "create excitement don't seek acceptance" maybe I'm just not a very good salesman at selling a good time. Could really do a little bit of advice on this, seems to be a major sticking point.

What I mean here is, I get caught in the mindset of well why don't we just meet for a drink/coffee to actually see if we get on or should I used your excitement technique to create a fun filled night. I think this indecision comes across in my language and behaviour simply because I really don't know where to go with it i.e. fun night or quick meet up.

I wrote this in bond's thread but I'll also put it here: Still feel similar to this^ when I'm organising what's going on with this girl, I just hate the waiting around for her to get back to me. Wish I could just like myself a little more, show and demonstrate that I can have a good time - I know I can, I always do, but as I said I'm just not the best at selling it.

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My Journal is thoughts on life game and approaches: artful-roger-journal-vt148980.html

A few thoughts to ponder... in no particular order.

1. Nobody gives a shit... period. That's it and that's all. All that shit you think about girl 1 feeling xyz for girl 2 and girl 2 feeling abc for girl 1 ... does not exist. This is a fantasy. Most people know it but they play along. Some are so delusional, that they actually believe in their own make-believe drama. The only reason that these people go along with the charade it is so that they can play their "roles" within their social structure so that they can fit in and live out their lives not having once made ONE DECISION for themselves. Ever wonder why political beliefs are so socio-geo-cultural specific? An entire town believes in certain political policies while 300 miles a way, another whole town believes the opposite.... do you REALLY think that any of those individuals have an opinion? They'll spend the rest of their lives thinking that their thoughts were there own. This is all for self survival. This is how desperate we have become.

2. This is why it's so easy, but comically sad, to derail somebody's belief system ... It's because they never believed in anything in the first place. Essentially, we are a bunch of reptilian brained lizards, swaying our souls one way or another day to day, just so we can get a 'pellet' of acceptance from those around us. If you figure out the realities of 1 and 2, figuring out some little ditzy girl at a bar is practically a joke.

3. Take a course in creative writing. Your communication skills are lacking. You want to get to know her better so you tell her, "I want to get to know you better." - There are a thousand different ways to present this idea. What you wrote is #1,000, with 1 being the best and 1,000 being the worst. For now, forget the psychology mumbo jumbo. You are not qualified to figure out your own psychology. Work on communications; this is tangible. This is something you can improve right now. You want to get to know her better? How? Would you like to interview her? What is it that you want to do with her? What is the point? Start writing. Just like the opener exercises, you should have a whole bunch of date ideas on the tip of your tongue, ALWAYS! Throughout your journey, I stressed this fact. How many date ideas do you have now? How many ways do you have to present the date ideas? This has nothing to do with your mindset or psychology. This is 100% homework. You've been digging into your brain but you haven't been doing simple homework. How long will it take you to write up a date idea? I'll time myself now:

They just redid the aquarium this spring. It's the first time they changed anything in 30 years. I went during the construction and it was horrible. You'd think they'd give a warning on the website. They just told me to come back in July and it will be worth it. They say there will be all new coral and new glass, blah, blah, blah. Oh, there's this club next to it. I was hanging out with the bartender and he told me that the mayor owns it. I say bs but the guy kept on saying that the mayor uses it to launder money. Whatever... that bartender might be in the harbor now... you know IN THE HARBOR... Too bad, he made an awesome ______ (whatever drink your girl seems to like... What the hell do you think she will say now? Oh my God! No way! Ha ha ha!) Now you just put the whole thing together.

^This took me 3 minutes. Come on... you should have 20 of these in your little book. You will naturally gravitate to just a handful of them out in the field. Do this exercise enough times and you'll be coming up with these on the fly, as you go. It's homework - practice - habit.

I was planning to leave out the psychology mumbo jumbo but... will add one fact. You've heard the cliche' that goes something like, "To love another, you must first love yourself." - Most people don't even understand what this is really all about. We'll discuss it in the future but simply put, ^this is a reality because you are her and she is you. You cannot love another while you hate yourself because this is an impossibility; this is an oxymoron. Any how, get going on the homework first.

Kasabi the interesting thing was just before my last post I was getting frustrated with not being able to sell my date ideas, to that girl I was commuting with and was going to use this journal to practice and have some ammunition for great places to go/suggest. It's good to know I was on the right track, admittedly may not have written it like this, but here it goes.

I just let this flowed without edit only grammar and spelling, going to write about some bars that I personally like:

- Covent Garden is the most touristy part of London, and you'll be lucky to actually find somewhere that makes you feel like you're not back home in [insert her country] and that you are in fact in the UK, but experiencing different culture is vital obviously. There's always one place I go where it actually makes me forget where I am, Henry's has a really nice laid out bar and the booths are so amazingly comfy - great for privacy too. But that's not the best part they have this cocktail bar right at the back at the bottom of a set of stairs that belong in a glamorous mansion, the guy there makes a killer [insert her drink of choice] and I could drink those all day...that's probably why I always forget I'm in covent garden!

- I love living in Camden, it has so much history. Coming here was daunting at first because it's so busy, but once you know some great places to go it really lives up to the expectation you're given. There's this one bar that claims it's the oldest in Camden, but I think they all do that... It looks a little shabby on the outside and but once you get in the vibes pretty cool, it's a great place for a weekend, on a Sunday they have this open mic night in the upstairs part, it's really close and personal so it's great to get into the music and see musicians trying out some new songs for the first time, I even did a couple of songs up there.

- I've been searching for the best burger in London for a long time and I think I found it at this one place the Blues Kitchen. The place does great food but if you stick around it gets even better at night, if you've ever wondered what it would be like in the "good old days" to dance to a live band that plays a bit of rock'n'roll and you can get your jive on then this is place; some people actually dance like they're in pulp fiction...I think you'll know where I'll be spending my whole saturday this weekend, want to join me?

- There's a place in Kentish Town right next to the tube, and it's one of the homeliest places I've been, I could happily put my feet up all day there. I got talking to the manager in there, as the ceiling reminded me of one those old gin joints with a big saloon bar, and he was telling me all about how he bought the place 3 years ago and it was shit heap, you couldn't say that now. It's got all these pictures of Che Guevara on the wall, and it's a pretty communist place when you really start looking at the decor, what's funny is it attracts all these elitist looking regulars because it's so fancy, and when you compare a pint of beer to a bottle of champagne on the menu, that's how you know he's into spreading the wealth and is communist at heart. So let's grab a cheap beer on the rich this weekend, I bet you've always wanted to feel like Robin hood.
This is really interesting and a discussion I'd like to take further. I see characteristics in people where I tend to be accurate in guessing exactly how they'll act or where they fit-in in society. I moved town a lot in the past few years and moved to London last year, and doing this I've seen the shift in those cultural beliefs from one town to the next, I've always just let those people be as they are, with their somewhat limited beliefs and mindset, the funny thing is they actually believe that you think the same as them too; at least in my experience, but it doesn't matter who's wrong or right - I guess this is what you mean when you can derail someone's belief system quite easily. I guess this where the reptilian lizard brain comes in, the ones that need the same routine everyday, the ones that drink the beer from the same pump every friday night and subsequently piss in the same urinal and get completely paralysed by the thought of going to the bar next door, but they don't know that they're scared of this change, they just rationalise to themselves that because they've never been "it's shit." The thought of going back to work on Monday is crippling for them, but deep down they love it because it will be exactly the same, this routine lasts 5 years before they eventually pull their head out their arse and ask themselves "what ever happened to going to Australia for 6 months?". This is exactly where I used to live.

What's going on now

That girl I hooked up with came with her friend on Sunday last week for a double date with my SPAM and myself, we had a few beers at a pub then we came back to mine and I cooked for everyone. She went home, but kissed me on the way out. This was so much trouble to meet up with her, she cancelled twice on me meeting up and then the third I just made do with the double date scenario. I suggested meeting on tuesday this week and she never got back to me, so I didn't contact her after assuming she wasn't interested... then my SPAM saw her Friday and she told him she felt bad for not getting back to me, and that all she wanted to do was just sit down and chat with me - essentially what I've been TRYING to do all along since we hooked up. She sent me a sincere apology on friday and suggested a mid week drink so we might be going out this Wednesday.

So something that I thought was dead and buried, which I held my hands up to doing the whole PU process wrong and admitted defeat and decided to move on.The girl I commuted with who said she'd text me about meeting up actually did, but a week late... we've been in contact and we've been texting the past week on and off. It's been really nice but by what's she's saying it sounds like she's been seeing someone else... Stopping off in Bristol on her week off, didn't mention what she was up to precisely and this weekend she's being 'whisked off away for the weekend', and they're paying for it from what I could make out from her words.
The thing is, she remembers a lot about me and really wanted to know about certain details like a social enterprise project I have received funding for (it joins both of our interests in psychology). By the sounds of this guy she's seeing he must be pretty wealthy if he can afford to do that, one thing I can comment on is and my own belief but money is just a peripheral to a real person, one of my strengths is the excitement and good vibes I can create when I'm with her because I know from her texts she was enjoying it and laughing at her phone (she actually told me this). That's my strength really, and what I believe it comes down to at the basic level: I'm a boy, she's a girl, I can make her smile, I can make laugh, what else is there in this world?
We'll see what happens.

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My Journal is thoughts on life game and approaches: artful-roger-journal-vt148980.html

I've been incredibly fatigued recently and I know why that is, I'm suffering from overtraining in my workouts, every time I go back to the gym I immediately feel crap afterwards and get an illness within the next 2 days - it turns into a vicious cycle. So I really do owe it to myself to take a break and just focus on diet alone for now. I'm feeling fatigued and ill right now...

I've seen a shift in my attraction now, I'm more interested in girls characteristics; so much more than looks... What I mean I know where this has come from and why, I've given up porn (I must admit I have peeked at porn, but it doesn't really do it for me now) but I'm no longer attracted to the dutty-bimbos in the pixel realm, where I imagine myself pumping a loud of seed into (if I'm lucky). So now I give myself patience to be attracted to girls of value and who will add value to my life not be a bit of trophy. Note: this is all talk at the moment I haven't implemented anything yet, I need to start some more small talk with everyone now.



I met up with some friends from an old place of work on Friday and it was great to see everyone but I just felt like I didn't fit in, I guess it's because I'm not up to scratch on the current work chat so I don't know all gossip - not that I gave a shit about that. I've noticed a tendency to not really care about anything in the past few weeks, I only care about 1. people being in a good place and happy 2. everyone getting along. I can't deal with the bullshit drama, and when they talk about that crap I just zone-out and in doing so I feel like I'm on the outskirts of the conversation, which makes me feel as if I should go else where. So while drifting in and out of these social groups I saw exactly this in action:
Everyone went off into their own prescribed social groups.

group 1, talking about person A and what they did to person B and how that made person C feel - boring
group 2, talking about dating, with a slight bitterness and pissed off feeling - I enjoyed this conversation but it was short lived, managed to input a few details as I obviously (otherwise I wouldn't be here) have strong interest in dating. The funny thing is, it made me realise I don't actually know much about dating at all.
group 3, the fun group making jokes and having some pleasant conversations - I enjoyed this too, but there were some dynamics that pissed me off being in this group. There's a girl and myself who have a mutual chemistry, it's fucking annoying as she's dating someone else. And I know we are a better match, we have so many crazy nights together that we were reeling off to each other - I had to leave this group before I did something stupid.
group 4, the party group, drinking too much, acting a fool, dancing, being essentially loud and a little reckless with no care - this is where I fit in to be honest, but there were strong elements of group 2 and 3 that I liked as well.

Back to the not fitting in, I don't watch a lot of TV or keep up with popular culture, I'm very selective in what I watch and listen to (music)...I'm finding the more I abstain from these out lets the more individuality I have breed, but it has a price of social isolation too... I kind of live my life how I want - I know what I want in life and where I'm headed, I know the amount of handwork I have to do to get there. But for some reason I just can't make it click with any girls right now, this is down to me and no one else I can accept that, and I want to change it. I drift in and out of social groups all the time and I never really feel that close to anyone I'm not sure why that is, it's not like I only talk about myself in fact.. I rarely do, well not more than necessary, I tend to have a lot of aspects to my personality I've done a lot in the 23 years of my life and tried a lot of new things, so I have experiences that lay everywhere, so I tend to "pick" parts of my personality that "click" with theirs. That's how I've always done it, always will I guess. I don't know if this is right, but it feels like the right thing to do.


I want to start taking more chances in my life now, here's an example:

On Friday, I was waiting for the night bus to get home (1:30am). A blond girl got up and came over to me, so I said "hey how's it going" we chatted, about our nights she was out for her birthday going home on her own, lost her friends apparently. I took a punt at guessing her age, "21" turns out she was 29, anyway, her bus pulled up I know she was fishing for me to go with her, and I picked up on this. but I just needed that 20-30 seconds extra to seal the interaction to make sure it was on "let's grab another drink" or something even though she lived not too far down the road. Anyway it didn't quite work out that way and in fishing for those important semantics, she got on the bus and went home. I should have just got on that bus.... that's how I'll be trying to live my life now, because in the end what does it really matter? Fuck it, fuck it all to hell.

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My Journal is thoughts on life game and approaches: artful-roger-journal-vt148980.html

Obviously, there is a connection between the two topics mentioned above. Everything is an opinion anyway but my opinion is that there is a personal balance to be found. Some guys only want 10's with big boobs. Other guys will tell you that they could not care less if the girl is fat, ugly, and deformed, as long as her heart was in the right place and he is in love. We live only once.
In terms of fitting in or not. . . there is a difference between realizing ^this versus accepting ^this. Yes, you realize it but if you do not accept it, you will cause friction with others. They will accept your awareness as long as you are not an asshole about it; this is because while everybody goes through the act, even they know (at varying levels) that all of this is in fact just an act. This is all a defensive mechanism. This is all for social survival. Have some empathy. There is a difference between 'going along with it' without awareness vs. 'going along with it' out of empathy.
Everybody I know (including myself) has had ^these moments. Hell, ask any of these commercial, pro pick up guru guys and they'll tell you they've had a whole lot of these moments. Just don't let it burn you. It's really easy to take this negative experience and carry it over to the next 'fuck opportunity' as if it's some revenge play on the same girl. Have fun with it. Laugh about it. Laugh at yourself. It happens. I could write up. . . ehm. . . well, A LOT of instances of "hook up dodging". Accept it for what it is and you'll make the right decisions next time. Actually, accept it for what it is and you will create the situations to make the right decisions next time.

There is some progress, or at least that`s my take in this. You are searching for a relationship, I think that`s why you are fishing for characteristics and personality traits rather than big boobs. And to me that`s just fine.

I`m on the same page actually; but untill we both start screening girls for what we are looking for in them, it`s not going to happen.

And it all starts with a list.
A list with the traits you like, not physical, but personal.

And it all starts with meditation.
A meditation that let`s you accept you from who you are, and what you like in girls.

Picture yourself writting here about your third lay report on the same week. Picture yourself writting about that lay report, and that week being the weakest one of your month. You`ve layed more than 10 girls in the last 3 months.

Are you here for just that? I`m not saying you don`t go ahead and give it a try, of course you should. I`ve already talked in here about abundance mentality.

But I have to admit, I don`t like sex that much for the sake of sex. This year I`ve layed a bit more than I did last one, and I have to confess it doesn`t feel any better.
It was cold simple sex, for the sake of putting my thing inside a pussy and remembering the feeling. Well, the feeling is shit without any meaning.

This is the most important part of rapport: when you are talking after the act on the bed with the girl and you realise the two of you almost have nothing in common, you don`t think the same, actually quite opposite, you know you fucked it up. You won`t be laying that girl in the near future.

You don`t have any reason to, you don`t have motivation.

This is my personal point of view, you might have a really different one.

Make a list.
Start a guided meditation habit.
Talk to girls and screen for that list.

The puzzle solves itself.

That's interesting Bond as you wrote that the day I just get to write myself another lay report, I didn't read it to before I went out, but still that's quite coincidental!

I went out Friday night and found a hook-up with a girl a little older than me. I went out for some staff drinks for a christmas party and went bar hopping afterwards with a crowd I made friends with on the night, first place we went to I saw a blonde girl on her own, went and sat next to her to chat, then her friend came over and sat on my lap. I was annoyed at first because I thought this would blow my chances, but it worked in my favour as the blonde had a boyfriend and the Polish one that sat on my lap was single. Anyway the Polish girl's phone died, and some how [most likely through] the drunkern haze, they lost each other but I was still with the Polish one. She didn't know how to get to her bus stop without the phone so I offered to take her and the terms we went via a burger place, then she told me to come back to hers and we'll watch a "film." So I DID get on the bus this time, and the rest was history as they say...Well not quite, I think there's some noticeable things to mention, we fooled around a lot, and eventually got to sex once we started we were a few minutes in and she wanted to stop, just because she felt uncomfortable that we had just met - fair enough, so we stopped and I made her finish me off.

I won't be seeing her again, but I did enjoy her company and chatting with her, but that's all and it will stay like that. I didn't get her number on purpose because of those reasons.


I had to make myself approach a "potential" at this point in the night as I had been bridging friendships the whole night through my approaches, I told myself it was either approach or go home alone and regret it tomorrow, so I choose the first option and I scored 1st time. This never normally happens like this for me, nice for things to turn in my favour for once.

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My Journal is thoughts on life game and approaches: artful-roger-journal-vt148980.html

I hooked up with the same girl from about a month ago. And we fooled around a bit before engaging in sex, it was a lot better this time and less awkward.

My SPAM and myself met his partner at the pub, for a few drinks on friday and she came to meet us a little later on. we had a few drinks some good laughs then we all went back to ours. While we sitting in the pub, at this point I thought she was still off with me, but things have warmed up since last couple of times and she must have changed her mind because she started holding my hand in the booth we were sitting at. I didn't expect this at all, I was just focusing on getting along for the sake of my SPAM and his partner.

Interestingly we were chatting while laying in bed (before sex) and she said she thought the last time I tricked her into sleeping with me (something that I can't really enter on here), I was being dead honest and she couldn't believe it. I tried to explain a little further but she wasn't having it, so I left it, and I think she got the message then that I was being genuine. But this explains a lot and why she was really sketchy in her behaviour and she even said this is why she wouldn't meet up for a drink with me, so partially hated me for a bit, because she genuinely thought I had lied to her! I think the air is cleared now. An ego boosting thing, was that she told me I was a great kisser.

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My Journal is thoughts on life game and approaches: artful-roger-journal-vt148980.html

Keeping on track with this girl I keep hooking up with, we met up 3 times this week. We finally met up for a drink on Thursday night for 2 hours, then went our separate ways, then on Friday I invited her over, she was out for drinks after work and was so tired, said she was falling asleep in the wine (via text), so I told her to bring the wine over here and gave the incentive of laying on the sofa. Anyway she stayed over, and we had sex again (it keeps getting better).

The trouble is, I'm in danger of getting connected now, because it seemed like friends with benefits/hooking up but if we keep hanging out then it could complicate things. Not that I'm against this, but I don't want to rush into anything, the truth is I don't know what I want, I have some reservations but I think that's normal, I somehow think I can do better, but then again what value do I attribute to someone else's life that allow me to do better? It's a 2 part game. The more I get to know her the more I get pissed off, in a good way that is, because we keep finding things in common and this tells me it could get better than just a hook up.

The last time I saw her was last night at a meal for my birthday (I'm 24 now), we didn't talk that much as she was at the other end of the table; we spoke at the end but she had to go home early to do some work in the office the next day. But then when I was at the bar, I was approached by 2 hot girls, they asked me if I was Swedish (I have blond hair and blue eyes) - just some bullshit question to talk to me, and I had no intention to carry on talking to them so I just ended the conversation fairly quickly, and went back to my friends. To give you depth of this, last time I was approached when out I ended up going home with them....

So I'm caught in a mental crossfire of wanting to be single and sleep around a lot, and wanting closeness and intimacy.

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My Journal is thoughts on life game and approaches: artful-roger-journal-vt148980.html

Seeing a lot of this girl recently seen her 4 days a week for the past 2 weeks. I just don't get sick of her, which is a nice feeling - I've gotten rid of this feeling that I want single life, when I think of her characteristics out of the many girls I've gotten to know and approached over the past 2 years, I struggle to think of anyone better, maybe one or 2 but they have long term partners anyway. The thing is it's on the ground of friends with benefits at the moment, and we just need to get our expectations out in the air. I like her enough to give it a shot, but I need to know that she's open to this as well, if she's not I'm going to cut the cord after the new year for my own emotional well being, because I'm in danger of getting attached; I'm not now, but I can foresee this going in that direction.

As on Sunday night (it was her birthday Saturday) she came over and I cooked her a meal and bought her a birthday cake, she was so appreciative of this - I did this on the grounds she was going to spend Sunday night on her own at home. Not an ideal birthday in my mind. Anyway she went home as she works a hectic advertising job and has shit loads to clear up on before Christmas: in summary, cooked meal, birthday cake, some TV, then no sex and she stayed at hers...still sound like FWB?

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My Journal is thoughts on life game and approaches: artful-roger-journal-vt148980.html

Don't we have enough definitions shoved down our throats? Liberal party, conservative party, terrorists, freedom fighters, passivists , activists, cool, not cool, dork, assholes, etc, etc. . .

How about just doing what you've been doing and let her feel it and react to it? Obviously, you like her a lot . . . but let me tell you something, her head is spinning every time she thinks of you. When she thinks of you, she feels like she might feint. . . so she call her friend(s), asks, tells, hopes, giggles, etc . . .

Don't ruin a good thing. Just do what you've been doing.

Thanks Kasabi, really needed that. It makes a lot of sense, you're totally right about putting a label on it, the label doesn't really change anything.

I guess what I would want to know is that she's being exclusive because I'm quite prepared to do that, I went out on Christmas eve and approached a couple of girls and danced with another but didn't feel like sticking around. The dancing was with a really cute blonde girl, and we were doing some really cheesy dance moves and the vibe was going great, but that's all it was for me a bit of fun - didn't really want it to go any further. Well at the time only if she had made the move, but in that situation normally I would have pushed for a make out and tried to take her home. Just didn't have that desire this time.

But going back to relating into my wanting to be exclusive and your comment on labelling everything. A label won't change the way she acts in my opinion, if she wants to be exclusive she will without putting a label on it, I guess I was just looking for confirmation from somewhere; but my confirmation should come from her actions.

Anyway a few posts ago you said it would be useful to use the tool of love languages, so I just wanted to point out her love language is acts of service and quality time.

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My Journal is thoughts on life game and approaches: artful-roger-journal-vt148980.html

So this christmas break from her, had some good and some bad points. Good because it made me realise I care quite a lot, because I missed her (she was actually first to say this), bad because she told me she kissed someone while she was on a night out and that was all. I kind of appreciate her honesty here, because she said she felt guilty (talk about relaying the weight of that, she probably feels guilt free now!), but my point was if I didn't matter to her then she wouldn't have felt guilty or told me. Not going to lie this hurt my feelings a bit.

She was on an honesty streak here, and told me she has a male friend possibly staying round next weekend. I didn't really know what to do here, I was confused was she asking for my permission or was she telling me. She wasn't sure, but rather than saying my answer I just simply turned the events round and asked how she would have felt if I got with someone or if I had a female friend sleeping in my room. We both agreed we wouldn't' be happy in either scenario, I left it up to her to decide.

Some other conversation that came up, we didn't know what "this" was but we both enjoyed it, and both didn't want it to end. We were talking about where it was going, she said she wasn't against a relationship but wasn't looking for one. She basically said this weird comment of she's not out looking for anyone else, but if someone else comes she's not going to say no, I don't what grounds she meant this kissing, sleeping with, dating? Who knows, all I know finding this out would tear me apart.

Kasabi you wrote something on my journal last year sometime: This example has stuck with me throughout since you wrote that, which is why I'm bringing it up now. Her actions don't match her words, she acts incredibly close, aside from sleeping together, we hold hands, and sometimes kiss in public, not to mention she invited me to a psychological history exhibition next weekend about the SPAM of mental health, and the weekend 24th/25th/26th my SPAM is away for a holiday and she asked if she could come and live with me for those few days.

Just a bit lost with it all right now, I stayed round hers last night after the conversation and things seemed back to normal today, we left her house together and waited at the bus stop and as mine came first she gave me a couple of kisses goodbye.

I'm prepared to keep going with it for now, because I don't think this will disrupt the course of my life at all, maybe I'll be a little bit sad or down for a month or two but it's not going to have dramatic impact on me, I won't even remember her or what this was when I'm 70-80 years old. I won't even remember that^ conversation in 2 years.

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My Journal is thoughts on life game and approaches: artful-roger-journal-vt148980.html