The Sharpest Edge


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 Post subject: Re: The Sharpest Edge
PostPosted: Sun Jul 03, 2016 11:03 am 
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Yeah i think Dec has made some great points regarding expectations

This is how I 'Got good' - maybe it might be of some use to people or yourself

Identify what is stopping you from getting laid.

For me, 1st thing was approach anxiety. I am the sort of person that will jump in the deep end and expose myself to the mass of uncomfortzones. If I wanted to get over the fear of spiders, I would jump into a bath full of them. I would not look at pics of them om the internet and slowly expose myself to more personal levels with the spiders

I dedicated the next months worth of weekends to approaching girls on a mass level. My goal in mind was the anxiety and not get depressed after each rejection. I just knew I was growing so I didn't stop till I came across my next sticking point..I said to myself:

What is stopping you from getting laid?
- I was getting rejected very early
- Worked on my fundamentals and dressed better than I did before.

After that?

What is stopping you from getting laid?
- Chickening out Phone numbers
- I made it promise to myself I would not eject from a set till I asked for the phone number

What is stopping you from getting laid?
- solid phone numbers
- I googled how to make numbers more solid, I made it a promise to myself to qualify before going for the phone number

What is stopping you from getting laid?
- Dates are not going anywhere
- Googled how to escalate and I made a promise to myself to ALWAYS escalate when I'm on a date

AND SO ON AND SO ON

What is stopping you from getting laid?
- Resistance in the bedroom
- Googled LMR tactics and then forced me to not get needy press on with the token resistance

Hope this makes sense. Often people fabricate hurdles and are just concentrating on the wrong things like threesome game when they can't even make a move on a girl lol.

Having wings really help. Ask them what they think that is stopping you from getting laid and take the constructive criticism

So, my question to you is:

What is stopping you from getting laid? Really think about it

The 2 main things of pick up are:
- AA
- Making a move

These 2 things are THE most important things, because, without them both, you ain't getting laid. They require the most anxiety due TO the fact of how important they actually are. The world is your oyster once you control these 2 things then you can really focus up making your game more smooth with the rest of the stuff there is to learn

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 Post subject: Re: The Sharpest Edge
PostPosted: Sun Jul 03, 2016 3:55 pm 
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Sounds like a good heuristic. Also reminds me of Neil Strauss approach to the game: start by perfecting the earliest part of the game you haven't mastered, before moving on.

Thanks for the advice.

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 Post subject: Re: The Sharpest Edge
PostPosted: Wed Jul 06, 2016 5:42 pm 
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I think there's something really neurotic about me. I don't know if it has to do with my depression earlier this year or something else, but damn... Last two times I decided to go out and approach, I started feeling the stress the day before. Both times, I had a short night full of nightmares (like, I put a bomb to explode in my university and all the staff was looking for who did it, and I knew it was only a matter of time before I'd be exposed). Woke up wanting to resume smoking (quitting wasn't an issue, but it looks like stress brings back bad habits). And then I was scared just at the idea of leaving the house (actually, thanks to Dragula at the moment I asked myself: what is stopping me from getting laid? and the answer was simple: I'm home. Is getting out beyond my power? certainly no).

So I went out today (lone wolf, my fellow sarger works weekdays), circled downtown for two hours and didn't approach even once. I warmed up, chatted with old ladies, asked people where's the nearest pharmacy, etc. But with pretty girls, no word exchange. I spotted a few, started thinking what to tell them ("You know, I'd never think pink and black can fit together but you totally changed my mind" or, to a girl wearing a one shoulder top "That top is cute, but then you're only gonna tan one shoulder, right? You're changing shoulders every other day?"). But I couldn't even bring my feet to start walking in their direction.

I'm gonna try again Friday and Saturday, see how it goes. Thinking about trying Dutch courage on Saturday if I reiterate my failure on Friday. Also considering starting by going to a pretty girl and telling her something like "Excuse me, I decided that once a day I'd tell a pretty girl she's pretty. Tag, you're it. Bye."

Gee, I don't know where my courage's gone. I use to go tell girls I find them beautiful with the easiness of "It's a pretty sunny day, hu?". I even remember a time when I'd sit next to girls in the train and start telling them poetry (I was young and reckless, I loved poetry and thought I'd share it with the world).

Insha'Allah the future will see me do better.

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 Post subject: Re: The Sharpest Edge
PostPosted: Tue Jul 12, 2016 5:33 pm 
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Another afternoon full of AA.

Got a good warm-up talking with random people, I even overdid it when I spent one hour discussing with a dude playing the bagpipe in a park. Stopped by the optic store to order contact lenses, had a nice chat with a girl working there. I was actually burning with the desire of asking her number, but I chickened out.

Then I walked the streets, but couldn't bring myself to approach. Twice I started following a target with quick steps, trying to catch up with her, but I got a flash of her laughing me off and turned on my heels. Damn.

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 05, 2016 11:09 am 
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Just got back from a tour of East Asia (Japan-HK-Taiwan-Korea), was great to let go of all the stress. Now preparing to move to Seattle for a new PhD life. In Asia I got used to moving alone from place to place, showing up in bars and starting talking to random people. Got decent at it. Hopefully that won't fade away once in America.

I don't know how much freedom I'll have over there, both in time and money, but I got a few things I want to include in my schedule. Non-negotiable will be going out to bars at least once a week, hit the gym two or three hours a week and develop my skills at the piano. If possible I'll be working on my novel, learn about how to create an internet business, and spend some time hiking in the mountains around Seattle. And if I can add some salsa or street dance lessons to that I'll be more than content.

About the game, from what I experienced in Asia I will have to pay attention to:
- learning to channel my energy (some guy in Taipei said I looked like a kid going from group of people to group of people, always excited to discover what they were talking about; I wanna add a more mature touch to my persona);
- working on my eye contact;
- keeping my posture in mind (I found a couple of pictures where I look just like a standing spoon);
- working on my speech tone (again, after a friend took a video of me I realized I sound very unsure of myself).
Far from me the idea of wanting to become somebody else, but the character I'm aiming at is something between Mad Men's Don Draper and Roger Sterling. Sometimes rock-solid, authoritative and trustable, kind of a father figure, sometimes light-hearted and debonair, the player with a kid's spirit.

Let me then see how I fare in America.

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 Post subject: Re: The Sharpest Edge
PostPosted: Fri Sep 16, 2016 4:29 am 
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First week in the US.

Lots of girls around campus. I try to give my best, already got a date on Saturday (need to increase comfort, a kiss seems out or reach but not impossible) and might have a chance to get isolated and k-close another girl on Sunday, with whom I already established a decent comfort. Eye contact is good, posture is good, speech tone is hopefully good (don't know if that's a good thing, but a few people, of both sexes, have told me they love the way I talk).

Openers: in social situations, BBQ or student gatherings, I open in pretty smooth and situational way, it never feels awkward. On another hand, on street game I'm still finding myself watching pretty girls passing by and wondering what I can say. I need to experiment in the future, direct and indirect openers, and see what works.

I sometimes catch myself doing bad DHV, I must be careful about not bragging. Also, I still need to calm down a bit when in social mode, become a more poised guy.

And first and foremost, I must research kissing routines, k-closing being now my weakest points.

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 Post subject: Re: The Sharpest Edge
PostPosted: Tue Sep 27, 2016 12:37 am 
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Second week in the US. Pretty good progression, but now finding myself on a plateau.

Saturday girl (let's call her Alice): had a well-rounded date, I took her to 5 different venues, the conversation was flowing naturally, some teasing here and there, good kino, from hand on shoulder, to the small of her back, to touching her hair. I brought her back to my apartment with a dinner bought at the local Chinese. There I blocked: our faces were 30cm apart, I could touch her cheek whenever I wanted, bring her hair back over her ear, but couldn't bring myself to kiss her. Eventually she left, some homework to do.

Sunday girl (Betty): had other plans so we couldn't meet in the end. On Tuesday, I bump into her at a party. I talk to her a bit, then leave her group and have fun with other people (while keeping an eye on her). I get back to her later in the evening, we grab a drink and I lead her outside, we sit on an isolated bench. I tease her about her height (she's less than 5 feet tall), lead the conversation to our personal experiences, lead my arm around her shoulder, keeping the fingers in motion, caressing her shoulder while the hand is resting on it. Though I can feel some resistance, with time she's getting used to the contact. I point at the stars, show her Vega and Cassiopeia. At a moment the conversation dies off and I have a go with the line "I kind of want to kiss you right now," she asks "Are we friends?" to which I reply "I wanna be more than friends." She doesn't say anything, I kiss her.

I had a date with her yesterday, any time we'd be isolated she'd jump on my neck for a French kiss. Brought her back to my apartment ("I bought a couple of shirts yesterday, want your opinion on them"), very easily we end up in bed, she's got her periods so I settle for dry humping and the promise of a better tomorrow.

Meanwhile Alice and I keep texting, some tease and sexy convos. She invited me to salsa classes. But she knows Betty and I probably won't try anything with her.

Tentatively I want to stay exclusive for 1 month or so with Betty and later have a conversation about open relationships. Might as well start now, but having been single for more than a year now I just want to enjoy the BF experience again.
Meaning, I stopped any attempt at daygame/social game, which is not necessarily a good thing. I must get back to it. A good occasion would be: I haven't been to any bar so far. I have to try some.

That apart, I started the workout sessions (Betty is actually considering going to the gym as well, I'm thinking about offering to go together), subscribed to salsa lessons, and doing some piano exercises. I need to set a definite weekly schedule, for both piano and novel. And a few professors at the department are trying to recruit me for their lab.

So, good week. I feel the love.

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 Post subject: Re: The Sharpest Edge
PostPosted: Tue Sep 27, 2016 5:02 pm 
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Stoliar wrote:
Tentatively I want to stay exclusive for 1 month or so with Betty and later have a conversation about open relationships. Might as well start now, but having been single for more than a year now I just want to enjoy the BF experience again.
.



Hmm, why not keep dating her until she brings it up ? Then you can lay it on her. If you're pushing the relationship buttons she will eventually bring it up. Always has been the case for me. I don't know about the exclusivity mindset and then talking about open relationships. Kinda seems backwards don't you think ?

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 Post subject: Re: The Sharpest Edge
PostPosted: Tue Sep 27, 2016 5:29 pm 
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Stoliar wrote:

Goal: becoming confident in every stage of my interactions with women. Concretely, I'll make out with an 8+ this year. Or die trying.







.....another post about a man wanting to score with 9s and 10s...and here I am getting blamed for asking why men prefer 10s.....OK.


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 Post subject: Re: The Sharpest Edge
PostPosted: Tue Sep 27, 2016 5:34 pm 
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HT23VWY67 wrote:
Stoliar wrote:

Goal: becoming confident in every stage of my interactions with women. Concretely, I'll make out with an 8+ this year. Or die trying.







.....another post about a man wanting to score with 9s and 10s...and here I am getting blamed for asking why men prefer 10s.....OK.
Lol...good job in making someone else's post about you.


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 Post subject: Re: The Sharpest Edge
PostPosted: Fri Sep 30, 2016 10:53 pm 
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Mr. Assertive wrote:
Stoliar wrote:
Tentatively I want to stay exclusive for 1 month or so with Betty and later have a conversation about open relationships. Might as well start now, but having been single for more than a year now I just want to enjoy the BF experience again.

Hmm, why not keep dating her until she brings it up ? Then you can lay it on her. If you're pushing the relationship buttons she will eventually bring it up. Always has been the case for me. I don't know about the exclusivity mindset and then talking about open relationships. Kinda seems backwards don't you think ?

I'm sure that's true from an American perspective, but she's both Japanese and inexperienced. In her imagination couples date three or four times (no sex, no make-out), the girl falls in love, and the guy asks for her to be her girlfriend, kisses her and leaves the restaurant holding her hand. The girl never does anything, never brings anything up, she just follows. (I'm not saying all Japanese girls are like that, there's a lot of them out there who have a realistic idea of what to expect from men and will be active in the process leading to a relationship; just saying, Betty is not one of them)

About the order of things, I understand your point but I suspect girls are more disposed to go for an open relationship if they trust their man, if they had the time to assess that the guy is not treating them like a dick-wiping tissue. So I'm gonna start a series of discussions, telling her that there's a lot of girls on campus, that I'm horny pretty much all day, that it's normal for a guy, that checking out a girl's shape is not incompatible with me respecting/desiring/enjoying spending time with her (Betty). And lead that to discussions of polyamory.

At any rate the order and manner of opening a relationship is something I'll be exploring in the next few years.

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 Post subject: Re: The Sharpest Edge
PostPosted: Sat Oct 15, 2016 11:32 pm 
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On the pillow I told Betty about my views on relationships and that I would only do them open. Good sign, she didn't get angry, she listened and asked questions about my perspective.

We had several talks about it this week, she expressed doubts and fears, I kept reassuring her that she's special to me, that she shouldn't worry that she's not "enough" (considering that no girl has ever been "enough" to prevent me from being interested in other girls), and that I see exclusivity as an unfair restriction to my freedom to love. She keeps saying that she understands, but also that she's having a hard time agreeing.

Discussion is ongoing, but I got two green lights flash out, namely 1) after lovemaking earlier this week she asked me if I had found another girl yet, and 2) she told me a few days ago that she didn't mind her boyfriend having one-night-stands.

So I'll start from there and keep the discussion going. Important thing is to keep asking her about her fears and doubts, so that nothing grows so big as to overshadow her trust in me.

That apart, I engaged a Korean blonde last Sunday in the smoking area, took her number, we started texting but it led nowhere.

So it looks like I'm back in the game.

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 Post subject: Re: The Sharpest Edge
PostPosted: Sat Dec 03, 2016 6:14 pm 
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Been busy.

After a couple of weeks of not mentioning it Betty told me she couldn't do open relationships, and argued in every possible way to try to demonstrate that it would be morally wrong (like, I would be keeping her as a side pet, etc.). I had a rebuttal for each one of her arguments, having thought about it for a long time (I'm actually researching for and writing a book on open relationships), but I knew it was hopeless so I concluded by "anyway, if you don't feel like you can do it, then nothing I can say will override the way you feel." Common wisdom being, people are gonna act by emotions rather than by arguments.

So that's one experience in disfavor of the "boyfriend-then-talking-about-opening" plan. Mr. A I owe you a drink! I should try it again with a more mature, more open-minded girl, but for now I'm back in freewheeling mode.

A friend came to visit for Thanksgiving and we hit the bars almost every single night for 5 days straight. Amazing experience, I could seriously feel myself improving from one day to the next, in so many aspects. Probably one of the most helpful realizations since I started, so let me put this in bold: if you wanna improve, set a week apart when you're gonna be out every. single. night. Will definitely try this again around Christmas.

Got a couple of numbers out of these outings, but none replied. So the next steps are:
  • keep working on opening;
  • develop the mid-game, creating a solid connection;
  • develop the text game, so as not to sound like the average dude, "hey whatsup".

One last note: you guys remember about Neil Strauss's cube story? I bought a book called Kokology, which is all about these kind of "imagine you are in XYZ and tell me what you do." One night I used one of these stories less than a minute after opening a girl ("Hey, whatcha doing hanging around the water dispenser? You look like a traveler in the desert who's afraid to leave the oasis... Wait, that actually reminds me of this crazy story. I never tried it, you wanna be the first? But you gotta be honest with me, okay? Alright, imagine you're in the desert..."), it went smooth as hell. Will definitely be studying more of these kokologies.

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 Post subject: Re: The Sharpest Edge
PostPosted: Mon Dec 19, 2016 7:05 pm 
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Short story to tell about one night last week.

Went out with two friends (one guy one girl) from the uni for pizza and drinks. Once we finish the pizza the guy friend starts checking his phone and tells us he needs to head back home to Skype his gf. I'm left with the girl (call her Cassy), we end up in a quiet bar, we talk.

I start thinking that I want to make a move but anxiety is anchoring me. I try to calm myself, counting the IOIs: she's laughing at my jokes, she's compliant, following my lead wherever we go, and she starts telling me about how she broke up with her bf last month. I force myself to start kinoing her, touching her shoulder, touching her hair. She lets me do. After I've brushed her hair off her forehead twice I decide that the light is green for a kiss, I go and we make out.

I know that she's living nearby so I gather my courage and tell her "let's go," she asks me where, I reply "to your place." She tells me, almost excusing herself, that I shouldn't expect sex tonight, I say no problem. We end up in her bed, we make out, we talk. I tell her that I'm promiscuous, she says she has no issue with it.

Lessons to retain:
  • Start the kino as soon as possible, because it really gets awkward when you start it in the middle of the night.
  • Count and trust the IOIs.
  • Take the lead. I hesitated a few seconds as for how to phrase the bounce from bar to bed, in my "nice guy" nature I wanted to say "shall we go?" or "what about moving to a quieter place?", then I remembered Ryan Gosling's line in Crazy Stupid Love: "let's get out of here." Never ask, always take the lead.
  • Make sure to unashamedly state your philosophy on the first night. Nobody's gonna put their name on my penis, and if you're not happy with that, too bad and let's just be friends.

That apart these days I'm getting back to social mode, going to events and practicing being at ease with talking to anybody. I will go out at least once this week alone just to make approaches, and a couple of other times to practice my social muscles (especially eye contact, posture and presence).

Going to the gym thrice a week, started taking whey proteins two weeks earlier, and the results are there. Got the sound body, now need the smooth mind.

Will find some time to start Tinder and OkCupid this week too.

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 Post subject: Re: The Sharpest Edge
PostPosted: Fri Dec 23, 2016 4:42 pm 
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Goood stuff man. The more you pull the easier it becomes. Those thoughts or old habits will die off soon.

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