Kicking Ass and Taking Names in NYC


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 15, 2017 6:03 pm 
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Last night I put myself into the least favorable circumstances imaginable: solo and sober in an obscenely loud bottle service club that I've done poorly in before. I couldn't make the circumstances worse if I wanted to. I did it because there was a DJ who I wanted to see and fuck it, why not?

I did OK. I opened sets throughout the night and generally had pretty positive results. I talked to six or eight girls, developed a mini crush on a blonde model sitting with a promoter then left. It wasn't crazy, I did not burn the place down, I left sort of early. So I could definitely be criticized in that regard. But if you look at it in another way, it's the best I've ever done under these conditions in my life. So that's pretty cool. Let's look at the notes.

Notes

*I do 400% better when I'm with a wingman. What's that saying, the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. A wingman forces me to approach more (not even that he forces me but when he's there I feel more pressure to do good versus slack). Also, a wingman will open sets that you can join so it's not always pressure on you to open everything. Then the obvious factor of it being easier to handle two sets. Given that I know this I think I should prioritize going out with a wingman more. I can do it solo and maybe 1/3rd of my nights kick ass when I'm alone, but with a wingman usually 2/3rds of my nights kick ass. Big difference.

*I did a really good job of opening with breaking rapport last night. This idea comes directly from this report where I pointed out that when I'm in state I do all sorts of breaking rapport things and when I'm out of it I tend to ask questions. Ok cool, but there's no fucking reason I can't do breaking rapport statements no matter what. All it comes down to is saying something provocative with breaking rapport tonality. So I was very aware of that last night and made it happen. I'm working to make this an unconscious competence so that I do it automatically at all times, no thinking involved.

*The leading.. Maybe I just haven't been clear enough with myself but I have to start leading every single set that I'm in. No excuses. Every single set, go for the lead. It's necessary but I'm aware of why I'm having trouble with it. Right now I kind of suck at leading and so often when I go for it the girl says no, the interaction becomes weird, things falter. Where as if I don't lead I can usually keep a solid interaction going for a while. However, that doesn't matter. I simply have to trade some short term sucking for some long term awesome. Break a few eggs, fuck up a few hundred sets so that I learn when the exact moment to lead is. Some thoughts include:

*Leading right off of the open. When this goes well it's the coolest shit in the world, I love it.
*Micro-lead in the beginning. Move her a few feet before trying for a larger lead.
*In every bar have one place in mind that I lead to so that I'm very confident about it and there's no indecision on my face.
*Institute a rule: if I stay in a set for more than five minutes without leading I have to lead it or leave it, no matter how well it's going.
*Whenever there is an emotional high go for the lead. Actively train my brain to lead when I see an emotional spike.

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 16, 2017 6:06 pm 
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Last night was a fucking blast. Stayed out about three and a half hours and ended the night at my favorite club in NYC. Started by meeting up with my wingman who's doing a 30 day challenge with me. We don't go out every night with each other, but we do go out every night. The first bar was dead so we walked to another one, one of the classic NYC pickup places. Not much to see. We open a few sets until my wingman ends up with a cool girl but mine isn't into me.

I leave him there, bounce to a new bar. Inside I don't open immediately, which means this is the exact moment where my night forks into two paths. If I don't open in the next five to ten minutes I will end up sliding down the slope of shit and my night will never recover. Even if I manage to do approaches later on they'll be shitty and uncalibrated. Fortunately I know this. I murder my unhelpful thoughts and throw myself into a set with two girls. They immediately start hitting me with all sorts of shit tests like:

"Is that your pickup line?" and "Oh, you're just a baby"

I'm 24 and three quarters god dammit hahaha. But I plow on and end up talking to my girl for twenty minutes. Super interesting set. The girl obviously likes me a lot but logistics are not so great. She has to work at 8 in the morning and her friend is a BiTcH who is jealous of the attention her friend is getting and can't just be happy that she met a cool guy. Even though I'm paying attention to the friend, asking her questions, taking her seriously it's obvious she'll never like me. My girl likes me a lot though and I'm thinking pull. My objective is to get her to leave the friend and stay with me at the bar. If I can make that happen I feel very confident I can pull her back to her apartment. So I say things like:

"Stay with me at the bar for just 5 more minutes" and "Let's go check out this other club right now. Just 5 minutes, they have an awesome party."

No go. I'm persistent as you can possibly be without being creepy but it's just not happening. So I determine her logistics and set up the date for next Friday. Exact same scenario as two Saturdays ago only this time I don't plan on bailing on her haha.

They both leave, I start opening again. Run into one of my former wingman and he's with two guys who looked totally overwhelmed and freaked out. I know that feeling and I'm so grateful to be past it. We open some sets until I start talking to a German girl. This is a set that should end in a makeout, and maybe even a pull, but I lack the game to make it happen. I'm a bit too needy, bit too invested. She did say my German is good though and I'm happy to hear it. I try moving her several times but to no avail. So I bail. Go around the bar looking for other sets but I've already covered everything fairly well. My original wingman is MIA and I decide to go to this underground speakeasy bar that's usually pretty good.

Get there, see two girls sitting down, I open. They're from Washington and they're both super cool. One is very cute, the other one is cute. I would gladly pull either. We talk for about five minutes which means it's time to lead.

"Hey, your drinks are empty. Let's get out of here and go to my favorite club in NYC, it's just down the street." I say.

They agree and we all walk over there. I don't know if it's the second or third time I've come to this club this week but it's a lot. Once we get in though I have no fucking idea what to do. I want to isolate the cuter girl so that I can go for the makeout but I'm unsure of how to do it. The other friend is obviously not going to just leave and since they're from DC the pulling logistics are crummy. My poor brain is running at max capacity trying to figure this situation out. It's like when your computer is doing some heavy chores and it's so bogged down that you can hardly open a browser window. Totally unsure, I default to something I know to be good, leading! I lead these poor girls all over this club with absolutely zero fucking plan. I guess I just thought that if I led them around enough something would eventually happen. And it did! They left..

Things could be worse. I'm in my favorite club in NYC and there's a bunch of girls. I start opening. Set here, set there. I see a girl standing alone by the window. I introduce myself, ask where she's from. She say's:

"I'm from Copenhagen. It's in Europe, it's a long ways from here."

It's glorious when this happens. The lock screen on my phone is a picture of those colorful houses along a canal in Copenhagen. Without fail I meet at least one Danish girl a month and I always show her this. So I show this Danish girl and she can't believe that I've been to her city. We're vibing and then I do something silly. I lean in for the makeout and she leans in too. We're getting closer then I pull back! Fool, my bitch brain got the best of me again! We banter for a minute and I go for the makeout again but she turns her head. I pull back, then I go again but this time I put my hand on her chin and hold it so she can't turn and then I kiss her. She smiles and leaves. This was way too forceful, too aggressive. Damn, she was really cute too.

That basically marked the end of the night. I opened a few more sets but nothing stuck. I exchanged a few words with my original wingman who I started the night with because he had ended up at the same club. I see my two girls from Washington and exchange Facebook information, tell them to hit me up next time they're in NYC and we'll go get some free drinks with my promoter friend. Then I leave the club and get an Uber back to Brooklyn.

Notes

*It's funny how the set with the Washington DC girls went. Met them at the basement speakeasy, moved them to my favorite club in New York, then they left me. Exact same fucking thing happened a little while ago. Met two Australian girls at the speakeasy place (they were even sitting at the same table) bounced them to my club, then they left. Although that night ended much differently in that I pulled the cutest girl to date yet.

What went wrong tonight? This: the girls crushed my frame and sucked me into theirs. I didn't keep my frame as a sex worthy guy, by falling into their frame I became something more like one of their girl friends. So it's not like I made one major mistake, instead I showed through about 1,000 tiny sub-communications that I wasn't totally solid in my frame and worthy of a blowjob in the bathroom. I don't think there's anything to really fix here besides gradually building my frame stronger though hundreds and thousands of more interactions, to the point where I don't let the two outgoing, exuberant and attractive girls suck me in.

*Last night was epic and awesome because at every stage I kept approaching. As soon as I felt out of it and like approaching is the wrong thing to do, I approached! It's so fucking key and I've learned this the hard way through many, many nights that have gone to shit. At the stage where I'm at right now I have to keep approaching if I want to have a good night.

*I think that I'm leaning in too much. I use the excuse that I can't hear girls to justify it. This is 100% true but I have to find a solution so that I don't need to peck. I need to move the girl so she's talking in my ear, or just say something like:

"I can't hear you, talk louder."

*I could have stayed out longer last night. 11 to 2:30 is pretty good, but I'd really like to make it till 4 on the weekends. So instead of going home I should have found a bench, sat down, listened to a few cool songs, then gone back at it. A break from standing was all I needed, I didn't have to go home.

*My wingman pulled a girl a few nights ago and she had a thing for cum. After sucking him off she said:

"Thank you for feeding me."

Hahaha the world is a fantastic place.

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 17, 2017 6:36 pm 
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Went out last night around midnight. My only goal was to find at least one set and open. Keep the 30 day challenge going. I ended up at a lounge close to my place. I saw two girls sitting down at the bar drinking Budweiser, so I walked up and said:

"Hey, you're drinking Budweiser. I like it. Reminds me of high school. I used to get drunk in a cornfield with my best friend."

Seriously though, that's not self amusement. I had a weird childhood. Anyways, one girl is into it and the other one is totally, 100% not. She's being downright hostile to me. Frequently suggesting that I leave and that I'm a terrible human being in every conceivable way. But it's funny, she's throwing all this shit at me and I'm deflecting it like a mirror. I talk about wearing black and my watch band and Thailand and America and I flat out ignore this girl. She never puts me in my head. The friend is kind of into it but finally she says:

"Look, my friend doesn't like you. I'm going to have to ask you to leave now."

So I do, and as I'm walking away the friend yells out:

"I hope you die!!!"

Let's take a moment to step back and ask: why would one human being have such hostility towards another? I wasn't doing my ridiculous polarizing shit, I wasn't being a douche, I was just putting myself on the line and talking about clothing and some things that have happened to me. Just for doing that and talking for three minutes did I really deserve to be judged to die? I'm not taking it personally, I felt great for sticking in and not giving a fuck, but I just wonder what's up in a person's life that they feel like that?

Left that bar, walked to a house music club. Saw a very cute girl sitting down, walked up and introduced myself. Her name was Ann and she was from Egypt. It was going well and the best thing I did was get her to stand up to see how tall she was. But shortly after that she said:

"Well I'll see you around!" and she turned away, dismissing me. On a crazier night I would probably push and persist, but I wasn't feeling crazy so I left. Here's how I would handle that situation next time.

1. I didn't sit down because there wasn't enough room and to make room both her and her friend would have had to move down. I wasn't feeling confident enough to ask them to do that. Next time I'm doing it, regardless of how confident I feel. Standing and talking to her, while she's sitting, wasn't good.
2. I got her to stand up to "see how tall she was" and that was great, but I didn't capitalize. I should have spun her, kept her standing, and tried to move her a few feet away. I think there was some social pressure because of the friend there.
3. My eye contact was good, but not great. Sometimes I don't have that cool confidence to keep laser eye contact. I have to work on that.

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 18, 2017 5:27 am 
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As I've bitched about 649 times, NYC nightlife is horribly disappointing on Mondays. We went to LES and found one set worth opening. Did run into a guy I met two weeks ago which was serendipitous. I like seeing people out on a Monday, shows character.

Anyways, the one set. Opened them on the street, they were British as fuck. Took them to a bar I knew. We were 10 feet away from my buddy's Monday spot with the table but these girl were not attractive enough to justify bringing them there to mooch off his liquor. At the bar we all talked for twenty minutes, then my buddy pretended to get a phone call. We dipped outside and just left. I was dying. I've never just left a set like that, mid-sentence, without saying goodbye. Felt exciting.

We spent the next 45 minutes walking all over New York, looking for a bar with girls in it, talking about Distant Light, how long it should take to learn game, how to measure improvements in game, the fickle nature of determining success by lay count, and so forth. It was great. Tomorrow is the Tuesday spot, there will be sets, it will be good. I will meet a girl, make out with her, then pull her back to my place in Brooklyn for a fun time. My wingman pulled four fucking times last week, I've got some catching up to do. Let's make it happen!

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 19, 2017 11:49 pm 
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Man I really, really did not want to be out last night. The Tuesday spot venue is always good but I don't like it. Bunch of obscenely drunk guys and people playing pong, everyone jammed in like cattle for the slaughterhouse. That being said, the challenge is to go into a venue like this and have a blast. At this stage a good bit of learning game is simply learning how to have fun in the club, no matter what the circumstances. Ways to do so include:

1. Lower your criteria for fun, so that everything is funny to you.
2. Open immediately and often, so that you don't even have time to think about how much you want to torch the bar you're in.
3. Continually embrace the mindset of "I'm awesome" and cut off negative thoughts the moment you feel them coming on.

So last night, walk inside. I'd give about $1,000 to just walk out the door and go home, but no. Doing this. I mentally punch myself into opening a girl, and it goes OK. Start feeling a bit better. Open another girl, it goes well. Keep opening, it gets better. At some point things switch to on and I'm doing the "hard" sets. Tall, cute blonde girl with six friends. Bam, open and in. One of the cutest girls in the bar is about to walk right by. Bam, hand out, draw her in, introduce myself. Total 180 degree turnaround from my original state.

Unfortunately my wingman was losing his voice so he left early. Then I saw a pickup guy I know. He's an assistant to a very, very well known pickup dude. Seeing him gives me some ego-drive and I open three or four sets in his vicinity. The final set of the night the girl was really into me but her friends physically dragged her away, it was a bit disappointing. I haven't pulled in about six weeks and I think that there are three things at play here.

1. Pure chance. The last two girls who were into me and down to be pulled both had bad logistics I couldn't overcome. If the logistics had been different there's a very high chance I would have pulled both.
2. I've raised my standards. I've given up at least one pull, maybe two, because I've lost interest in pulling short and not very attractive women. She can be tall and not very attractive, or short and cute, but not short and not cute. Previously I have pulled the short, not cute girls and so by giving that up I'm giving up pulls.
3. My game has deteriorated in some aspect. This is insidious and so fucking hard to spot (for me at least). It's much easier for me to identify sticking points to work on than to identify things that I've traditionally done well (or unintentionally done well) then stopped doing. However, two things stand out. One is my eye contact. I noticed that it's getting worse. For some reason I think that "eye contact won't matter with this girl" when it really fucking does matter with every girl! Whatever it takes I need to improve my eye contact. The second point that I need to work on I'll address in the next paragraph.

Qualifying / Telling Her Why She's Cool

Girls want to feel special and they want to feel like you've chosen them for a reason beyond their looks. When I look back on my last two pulls I can see how I "qualified" the girl by telling her what I liked. Nia worked for SNL and I told her how cool I thought that was and I praised her on it. It wasn't game or a tactic, I was just being straight up; I thought it was cool as shit! Maya liked Jameson (my favorite drink) and she had been skydiving. I genuinely praised her for both things because I thought it was awesome! I'm sure if I looked back further I would see even more examples of me praising girls I've hooked up with.

With all that in mind, I'll say that I don't think I'm doing this enough. This isn't a tactic or a trick though! It's more like this: by talking to the girl I can find out something about her that I consider cool, I can use that to become genuinely interested in her and that will translate into her being genuinely interested in me. So basically what this idea comes down to is this:

1.Getting a conscious idea of all the qualities I like in a girl.
2. When speaking with her I can ask more questions, prod deeper until I find something to genuinely like about her (and if I can't find anything I leave!).
3. Tell her exactly why I think that's cool and praise her for it.

This is not gamey or manipulative, it's just putting more conscious focus and effort into something that I do automatically anyway. I think the results will be powerful. It gives me more opportunities to like a girl for real reasons, it shows the girl why I think she's special, it's positive for everyone.

Notes

*Overcoming that tremendous resistance last night felt glorious. It was like benching 225 for the first time

*So far me leading more has basically resulted in me hearing "I'm going to stay with my friends" and "No, I want to stay here" a lot. Not sure what I'm doing wrong, but something is amiss.

*I have to improve my eye contact. Look direct into her eyes and smile a lot so it's not so intense.

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 20, 2017 6:26 pm 
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I snuck into a coworking space in Manhattan yesterday, which is surprisingly easy to do. I used to work in this building so I know how it works. But seriously, you could probably sneak into one of these places for months without getting caught. They were having a networking event which I stole some cookies from. Then I opened the cute blonde girl sitting next to me.

Me: "Hey, you know they've got cookies over there?"

Her: "Yeah they look good! But I'd have to walk past all those people, I'm not sure I want to do that."

Me: "What are you, anti-social?" Said with a smile.

We ended up talking for about twenty minutes. She moved her seat to be closer to me and I felt good. By the end though I noticed myself getting sucked into her frame. God that sounds like such a weird, pickup way of expressing shit. Basically it came down to this: what she was talking about didn't interest me, I wanted to switch things up. But I didn't. I didn't move the conversation in a different direction that would have allowed me to make it more interesting for both of us, like I would have if I was two beers buzzed. Cool girl though, I added her on Facebook.

Later on I got on the subway and saw a cute girl sitting down with space beside her on the bench. I had my headphones in and we went a stop while I thought about the situation. The anxiety I felt about talking to her is exactly what I feel in the club (or used to feel, it's not really there as much anymore). I figure that since I get over the club anxiety every single time (there's maybe one night in my entire career where I've chickened out of approaching all together) I can get over this. I take my headphones out, sit down next to her and ask her how her day is going.

"Great! How about yours?"

And we start talking. And she was very nice and sweet. And nobody came and bashed my skull in with a club. And nobody even stared. And I felt really fucking good. I think that it's the first time in my life that I've ever opened a girl, on the subway, without being with my fellow conspirators in pickup. I've opened on the platform before but never on the train. I think I did it because I knew I was getting off in one stop anyways and no matter what the fuck happened we would only be talking for ninety seconds.

That was that. I went home and watched movies, feeling fantastic about myself! I did something that for the first time in my life, I love it. However, I'm noticing that with this 30 day challenge I'm often thinking about how I can put the minimum amount of time talking with girls and get the fuck out so I can go home and lead my life. I know it's not the right attitude, I know I should take a break, but fuck it. Ten days left, I'll do it. Then I'll go back to my regular schedule of 5 or 6 nights a week, where I actually end up spending more time at the club in a given week because I have time to recharge and I have the go hard or go home attitude.

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 21, 2017 7:42 pm 
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One set went really well last night. I was talking to her, she was into me, I thought things might happen. Then her friend dragged her away to the bathroom. I figured she'd come back but after ten minutes I assumed they just left the club. The DJ was playing some exceptional deep house so I danced for a while, until I saw two girls walk in and go to the bar. The only question was would I open them at the bar or wait till they had their drinks? I kind of wanted to open them while they were getting drinks just because it's harder, a bit more awkward, but it's good practice. However, I decided to wait so I opened them two minutes later. Not that interesting, less attractive closeup than from a distance.

Dancing some more when I see the original girl who it was going well with. She's talking a normal looking dude. I'm thinking Should I go up and open her again anyways? She looks like she likes talking to this dude, what if she's pissed I interrupt them? I don't think this was a rational concern though, more like a bitch excuse. I was scared to re-open... But then she sees me, smiles, and I come over. Start talking again, get her a bit isolated from her friend and I start getting in close, going for the makeout. But she refuses to make eye contact. So I do something that I've never done before and call her out.

Me: "Hey, why won't you make eye contact with me?"

Her: "I'm sorry, I'm so awkward!"

I try going in for the makeout again, she's acting like she's into it but then she just runs away. Maybe I was being too dominant or maybe I wasn't being dominant enough and I should have pressed even harder for the makeout. Who knows.

I open another girl on the dance floor but it's a very weak open. We've already seen each other many times, made eye contact twice, there's no where did you come from? In it. I say ridiculous, stupid things and she's cracking up. But I'm aware that you can take things too far and when I try to get more serious she tells me that she's not interested. Fair enough, it was a very weak open. I do one more set and go home.

Notes

*The amount of mental resources that I devote to learning game is way to fucking high. I'm thinking myself insane over this. Am I getting good fast enough? Am I fucking up? Will I ever get good? Why am I not pulling more? What am I doing wrong? Am I destined to be alone forever? Should I take a bootcamp? And so forth.. It's fucking nuts. I'm essentially taking the fun out of game because I'm so worried about all this crap. I really need to take some deep breathes, chill the fuck out and let things happen. I also need to balance my life again. 7 nights out a week is too fucking much for me right at now, at least at this stage. I need a night or two a week to get my fucking life together, not think about game or what venue I'll be hitting up, and just chill the fuck out. So while this 30 day challenge is cool and I'm learning a lot, I'm also driving myself crazy way more than I need to.

*I need to be re-approaching more. I'm scared to do it which means it's exactly what I need to do. Man, I love being afraid of shit, it's my compass. If we weren't afraid of things how would we know in which direction to go?

*Just talked to a cool pickup guy and it looks like me might get an apartment together in Manhattan! Psyched as hell for that. A good situation like that would make it much, much easier to pull.

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PostPosted: Sat Apr 22, 2017 7:23 pm 
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My greatest fear in this is that I'm putting in all this time and I'm just spinning my wheels. I hear horror stories of guys who do this for years and don't get better and I would rather have a lobotomy than have that happen to me. It isn't just me either. My main wingman, who is quite good at this, also worries about progress. It's understandable. You give up sleep, hobbies, and your ego, it's natural to hope for improvements. That being said, last night was arguably the best night I've ever had in my life. Not in terms of results, but in terms of how much I did, how many barriers I broke through, and how far I pushed myself. It started on the L train.

Walking along the subway platform I see a cute blonde girl standing by herself. I decide to open. From dozens of times of failing to open on the subway, I know that I have to immediately go in for else I'll never do it. So I walk up and say:

"Looks like you're going to Bushwick."

She is, we talk a bit. Then my train comes and I leave her standing there. Already the night is starting off well. I get to Meatpacking, go to the bar where I've agreed to meet my wingman. One of them, I'm going out with two guys tonight. Inside it's "Deader than a virgin's dreams of getting a bj" as I text my buddy. He shows up a few minutes later and we immediately bounce to another bar. Inside I see my other wingman and he barely has time to say hi before I grab him and pull him into a set. They can't handle our antics and leave. I immediately go open a girl who is standing with five of her friends around. I don't even consider the social pressure here. My brain is working like this "She's a girl, open" not "Omg there's six of them, they'll all stare, there's no way this will work". My girl ended up being on the brink of marriage which was annoying, but it was still fun. The leader of the this female group congratulated me.

Her: "That was very bold of you, very cool."

Me: "Thanks. I just figure you've got to do what you've got to do, you can't care what other people think."

Haha that, and approach like 2,000 sets in 11 months and it's easy! Leave that group, keep approaching. After thirty minutes we've easily opened a dozen sets, just about everything in the entire bar. Keeping in mind that my #1 goal is to lead, I was able to lead a set or two, that was good. But also my main wingman kept poking my girls in the belly and freaking them out! He would do that then they would run away. It was 90% funny and 10% annoying. My other wingman says with some regret:

"Damn dude, we've burned this place to the ground" 

I reply: "It doesn't fucking matter man! This is Friday, we have unlimited options!"

We bounce to my favorite club in New York. Inside I open within five seconds. It was a really, really good open. I walked up to the girl, introduced myself and without skipping a beat put my arm around her and started walking. She followed, I loved it! Leading off the open, that's the epitome of success in my mind. Fast forward to six or eight sets later. Three girls standing in a circle. I reach my hand out and hold it in front of one of the girls for her to take. I've been doing this all night with great success. She takes it and I pull her in towards me. We start talking, I'm getting closer and closer for the makeout. Then my perverted fucking wingman pokes her in the back! That manwhore. But this time it works out better and she immediately starts making out with me. I tell him this later and he gets a kick out of it.

This set was interesting though. We were making out, she was into me, I start to lead. And then almost immediately I start to go for the pull. I mean we've been talking like 6 minutes and I'm trying to pull her. She doesn't take this well. I push for it one more time and she leaves me in disgust. So what's the lesson? First off, I'm happy with what I did. I'd much rather push too hard and fuck it up then be a wimp and let it fade and die. But I think that by pushing so hard, so fast it was needy and just showed me to a be a guy who only cares about sex. We had hardly started talking and now I'm pushing for sex already, that's not a recipe for success (in general). So if I could redo this I would talk more, hang out more, get to know her friends a bit. Then, instead of immediately going for the pull to her apartment, I would say that we should go outside and get some fresh air. Then taxi to her place, I'll just walk you there. Then I get there, let me just use the bathroom. I think that would have been much better than pushing so hard for the pull so fast.

Flash forward to a little while later. I open two girls and I start to lead them to a new area of the club. Only I'm walking ahead of them and it's kind of weird. I do this often. Sometimes a girl isn't down for me to hold her hand and lead so I just end up walking in front. Better would be to hold out my arm and to lead arm and arm. This would be the pro way to handle this situation.

Flash forward and I see one of my favorite pickup role models. He's a fucking gangster and a half, incredible dude. Running a bootcamp so I don't want to disturb him too much but I'm definitely going to introduce myself. I'm with two girls at the moment and he's standing talking to a few people. I'm waiting till he finishes talking so that I can say hi, but I'm also talking to these two girls. This creates an interesting situation because I'm talking to the girls but I'm putting a greater effort into watching this guy to see when he leaves the group so I can say hi. The reaction from the girls is telling. They can tell they don't have my attention and they start flirting way, way more and touching me. It's nuts. I'm making them chase me and I'm doing it 100% by accident. All I can think is "how the fuck can I do this without having to be looking at some guy I want to talk to?" No easy answer. It's one of those things you can't fake. I think all I can do is keep it in mind, keep moving towards the point where girls chase me.

Good news is that I do eventually get to say hi to this guy. What a pimp, I'd love to learn from him one day.

Flash forward, it's 2:30am. I've been out for three and a half hours. Both my wingman are gone. One probably pulled, the other left. I've easily opened twenty-five girls by now, maybe even thirty. I'm tired, my brain hurts, I'm ready to go home. I'm ten feet from the exit of the club when I think, "Fuck this. I can do more" and this striking quote goes through my brain, I wish I knew it exactly but it's something like this: "To become something that you're not, you have to do things that you've never done." So here we are. This is the exact moment when I always, always leave the club. And on the rare times I do stay, I never open again. Fuck that. I'm going to stay and I won't let myself leave until I open another 5 sets.

I don't open 5 sets though.. I open 8. I stay for another half an hour and have a glorious time. Fucking awesome. I started the night by opening a girl on the subway platform and ended it by staying out longer and doing more. I've now set that precedent for the next level.

Notes

*It's taking me quite a while to learn how to balance that fine line between letting a set fade into nothing vs. being aggressive to the point that I blow it out. That being said, I learn 1,000% more from the times that I push too hard and do too much, vs. when I just let shit die into nothing. I'll continue to calibrate while also keeping in mind that going for the pull after 8 minutes is probably, in general, not the best move.

*I see this journey as the purification of the soul (that sounds a little like something Hitler would say, but stay with me). I believe that there's a massive diamond somewhere inside me but it's covered with thousands of layers of shitty beliefs, half-truths and fear. By going out and throwing myself into insane situations on a daily basis I'm stripping away the bullshit and getting a little bit closer to the diamond on the inside. The closer I get, the more it shines through. A quote that I like, "You don't attract what you want, you attract what you are"

*I opened close to 40 sets last night. I know that this is not ideal. The ideal is opening one set and pulling (like we did on this beautiful night in Berlin, or like I did a few months ago in Williamsburg). But I've been told over and over that the only way to become awesome at this is to take massive action and trust in the process. So I keep doing this, keep working on sticking points, and pray to god that I'm not just grinding my wheels.

*I told a girl about how I was going to put babies in her stomach last night. She laughed so hard. Despite my polarizing attitude I rarely talk sexual like this. It would probably be a good move though, to start talking more sexually. I don't do it because I've never ever "naturally" done it in my life haha, but if it brings results I'm down to explore it more. Besides, I've never "naturally" approached 40 girls in one night, so I'm just living a life where I do things that I've never done before.

*I don't think I've fully understood how important leading is, it's everything. That's why I'm thinking this: instead of worrying about how soon I can go for the makeout, it would actually be better to think about how soon I can lead. If I can do it off the open, great. If I takes a few minutes, ok. If I have to try three times before I get it, fine. I'm willing to try everything. In the last week I've gone for dominant leads, I've gone for subtle ones, I've just asked girls nicely to walk with me and I've asked them not nicely. I'm trying everything that I can conceivably think of to get girls to follow me. The more I get success with it the more confidence I'll have the more likely it will be to happen.

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 23, 2017 7:15 pm 
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Twenty-three days deep in my 30 day challenge and it finally happened, time to replace the condom in my wallet. Last night I approached 30+ sets and had an insane time. Tonight was 180 degrees opposite. Instead of doing a bazillion sets I only did five, but I stuck in each one for a very long time.

First set of the night started off really good but I messed it up somehow. I don't have any idea what exactly what I did wrong. I tried leading three times but no go. She seemed really into me for a while but eventually she left me to go talk to her friend. I moved on and opened a good-looking German girl. She was with four friends and I think she actually was shy. As opposed to when me and my wingman call every girl who rejects us shy haha.

Next I open a way cuter than normal Asian girl and I stay with her for forty-five minutes. I lean in for the makeout multiple times but it never happens. She's not kissing me, logistics are horrible, but I stick in. Two reasons. The first is that while approaching dozens of girls last night was a blast, I don't want to do it two nights in a row. I'd rather stay and get to know a girl. Second, I'm getting reference experience. Can I stay in for a long time and make something happen? If I stay in for an hour will she finally be ready to makeout? And so forth, lessons to be learned. Eventually though I have enough and I ask her for her number, but she says no! I'm very surprised. If I get to know a girl that well it's rare for her to say no, but here we are. I leave the set feeling confused.

Five minutes later I open a very tall girl and we immediately click. It was really cool to just hang out with my arm around her and talk. I had no agenda, I was just existing. All I knew was that I didn't want to go on an opening rampage again so I was totally content to just chill with her. I lean in for the kiss multiple times before she finally accepts it, but even then we don't make out. She says that she doesn't like PDA. Ok, everyone is different. She's really fun and I tell her:

"I can tell you're a cool person because you're laughing at all my jokes"

She laughs harder. I stay with her for about an hour but by that time I've had enough. Her logistics are impossible and if she won't even makeout in public I doubt bathroom sex will be her cup of tea. I get her number, say I'll be right back, and then I never return haha.

By now my wingman has left. It's about 2:30, I've been out three hours, spent 94% of that time talking to girls and I've only opened four sets. I could leave but fuck it, I still feel good. I go to the outside area and see a girl standing by herself. I walk up, say:

"It's a fantastic view here isn't it."

We start talking and it's just that, talking. I have zero fucking agenda or dependence on any kind of outcome. I figure at some point she'll leave and I'll leave and that will be the night. But it doesn't happen, we have a lot to talk about. Then she invites me to go to a more exclusive area of the club and I follow. We sit down and keep talking. And then something happens. We're chatting, I've got my arm around her, we're close to kissing, and then my brain clicks. I've got this. She's more invested than me. I am owning this, I am the prize, she wants this more than me. And just like that my attitude shifts and I feel great. I feel towards her the way you would feel towards your girlfriend. Sex is assured, it's not a big deal, it's just going to happen. You don't have to lead anymore, show any more value, be anything you're not. Just keep existing, don't say anything too fucking stupid and you've got this.

We're sitting with her friends and when they leave she decides to stay with me. We talk until 3:30 at which point I say:

"I need to get out of here, it's getting late."

She replies: "Me too."

Finally, after nearly an hour, we start making out. She's very into it, mouth-rape I call it haha. She's staying in a hotel in Midtown and I say I'll see her there. It doesn't matter what I say, it's happening. I get into the Uber with her, get to the hotel, tell her I have to pee. She says we can't go to her room because her friend is there but she asks the hotel clerk if there is a bathroom in the lobby. We go there and hookup. A bathroom adventure at 4 in the morning. Then I add her on Facebook, kiss her goodbye and we go our separate ways.

Notes

*It's informative to compare the statistics between my two nights out this weekend. Friday (30-40 approaches, kissed 1 girl, nothing even close to a pull). Saturday (5 approaches, kissed 2 girls, pulled). What the fuck is going on here? They say massive action is what gets you results but clearly there is something more than that. I've thought about this a lot and the best thing I can say is this: when I'm doing insane amounts of approaches and "putting in the work", I'm fucking trying. A lot.. And what happens when you try? You get outcome dependence (well, for now at least). This doesn't make me a horrible person, it's natural to wish for a result when you're working your ass off. But that's just not the way it works. As soon as you want / need to see a reward you're fucked. You've got outcome dependence which is essentially the goldenrule of what you can't have when you do this. So it's not that taking massive action is wrong, but if it leads to you feeling like you need a reward or that women owe you something, you're fucked. No matter how good your state, opener, or linguistical bullshitting ability is.

Compare that to last night when I didn't give a fuck. I just wanted to talk to a few girls and not open a bazillion sets again. The girl I ended up pulling, I spent the first half an hour not "trying" to do a damn thing. I was just talking to her, enjoying the conversation. Man, it was basically getting to know her with absolutely zero intention of having sex, and as a result of that sex happened. I still don't fully understand this, but none-the-less I'm a little bit obsessed thinking about it and how I can extrapolate this lesson to increase my future success.

*It's very possible that creating attraction is not my problem in the club. I'm a good looking dude who is very confident and sometimes even funny. And yet as I've been told over and over, attraction isn't enough. A girl won't sleep with you if there isn't comfort (in general. I'm fully aware there are plenty of girls who will fuck you in the bathroom after 5 minutes). That's why I get the feeling that I've been fucking up by trying to shortcut this comfort building stage. The point where we actually get to know each other and enjoy each others company. What I've been mostly doing is trying to skip this and get straight to the sex. Maybe because I don't want to put the time in to actually having the 45 minute conversation. But this is obviously insane! I just went out for fifty fucking days in a row without pulling, do you know how many times over I used up 45 minutes to no serious result? Damn dude, just invest the time to get to know the girl.

*Outcome independence is crucial but it's not something that I can just switch on. It's more like a general lifestyle, and building it (at least for me) takes time. I had it last night and I did very well. I've lacked it other times and gotten crushed. In general though I never have outcome independence far from my mind, and I'm always working towards a point where I care less and enjoy the process more. In terms of getting laid and also just in terms of learning pickup. Go out, have fun, push the comfort zone, embrace the unknown and let the results come as they will.

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 24, 2017 4:51 am 
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My goal tonight was to get out of the house and open one or two girls. Inside the first bar I opened the only set and she was cute. The first 15 seconds were unsure, then I set the frame of awesome and we both started vibing. Very strong eye contact, massive pupils, it was on from the beginning. However, for whatever reason her sister immediately started hating on me. Honestly, she was being a bitch. I very rarely use this word to describe a girl, but in this circumstance I will. My girl liked me, she had just broken up with her boyfriend, I was being cool, and the bitchy sister even had a boyfriend. But she couldn't accept that and she said loudly and repeatedly that:

"You look like you have a small ballsack."

Swell. So my cute girl who was into me starts being swayed by the sister and the whole group leaves. How could I have won in that situation though? If I could do it over I would do this: as soon as I sensed the hate coming from the sister I would tell my girl:

"Tell your sister that I'm gay"

Then I can ruthlessly flirt with my girl and hopefully not be hated on so much by the sister or friend. I can also probably join the whole group and do whatever they're doing.

After they left I went to the only other bar open on a Sunday. Inside, one set of three girls, one of them is very cute. I open but I chicken out on focusing exclusively on the cutest girl and instead play it safer (bitch the fuck out like a little bitch) and talk to the whole group. I do this for two minutes and then bounce. I should have put it all on the line and just gone for the cute girl, instead of trying to do the whole group. Stupid.

Notes

*There's an idea that's been rattling around in my head a lot. Some very successful PUA said:

"You shouldn't be acting any differently in set than you would normally"

I've been considering the implications of this and it seems to be good advice. Obviously in set you may be more polarizing than you would be with your grandma, but I think that in general you should be acting about the same. Otherwise it seems like you're putting on a song and dance act for girls, in other words trying. I'm still thinking about this though, it's an interesting idea.

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 24, 2017 8:41 pm 
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Decided to mix things up and do some daygame today. Got to Union Square around 1 and met up with my wingman. First set was OK but the girl was shy and I was too physical so I ended up getting blown out. Second and third sets went poorly, the girls thought I was selling something. I attribute this to poor openings and in general having the vibe of a person who is looking for something, as opposed to just kind of stumbling into a more natural open.

One set went well, the girl liked me but she was walking into a restaurant and I didn't do anything to move the interaction forward. In retrospect I would have asked her to hang out for "two seconds, two seconds" then chatted a bit more, got her number, set up a date. However, I lacked the killer instinct to pull it off.

Opened another set or two but nothing to write home about. My wingman did a much better job. He does lots of daygame and is obviously more comfortable with it than me. Overall really fun time though, I enjoyed it. Since it's getting nicer out maybe I'll start doing daygame once or twice a week. Mix it up, take game outside of the nightclubs and bars.

Notes


*In general I wish that I had approached more. Even the unattractive women. I saw the opportunity to build up this session the way I would in the club. Multiple girls, multiple opens, make it epic! It was still a blast but I never opened enough to get it to the point where things are really moving and going in the direction that I wanted them too.

*My wingman says he has zero problems with girls thinking he's some dude selling shit, whereas that was a big problem for me. Some calibration required.

*I've been getting more into the idea of approach invitations. That is, girls seeing you and giving you a sign that they want you to approach. This is something that my mentor Distant Light has talked about, among other people. What I'm realizing is that in order to actually pick up on these you have to be fairly attuned to what's happening and aware of the surroundings. Then you need the quick reflexes to act on the invitations. I lacked that today. I saw a cute girl walking towards me and we made solid eye contact. She gave a small smile, flipped her hair and made it obvious she was interested in me, but I didn't act on it quick enough. By the time I fully processed everything she was ten steps away.

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 26, 2017 6:55 pm 
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Last night was a fascinating experience. I was feeling sick, it was raining and I was cold. So I took all of these excuses, threw them in the fucking garbage and went out. I only opened one set before my wingman, who I did daygame with on Monday, showed up. We opened a set or two but nothing really hooked that well. Then my regular wingman showed up and things started to get more interesting. We work well together because we rarely work together. We both canvas the venue and open, and then at some point the other one usually joins the set. In a small place, like we were in last night, I'll open a set and then thirty seconds later my wingman pops up and is talking to the friend. It's a great way to canvas a venue and have a blast. Three sets really stand out from last night.

1. A short, rather cute girl. We started talking about what she's interested in and the conversation got deep. I was asking her all about what her motivations are and why she's doing what she's doing. She was telling me and getting more attracted by the second. Starting to lean in to me, massive pupils, and so forth. This is me (like I talked about in this report) not trying to move the interaction towards sex. It's just having a conversation, being attractive, and letting things fall where they may. I think this is so important and yet it's taken me this long to realize it. I've spent so long pushing for sex that I've never taken that step back to ask if there's a better way. This idea of getting to know a girl without the agenda of sex on the back of my mind has literally hit me in the last few days. I'm still sorting it and wondering what the implications are. Anyways, in this set I started feeling like some shenanigans were in order and I bounced.

2. Beautiful blonde girl, much cuter than I'm used to. Usually I get stifled around a girl this cute and I act like a wimp. Not last night though, I was having a blast! I didn't care if she stayed or left, so she stayed. We were singing a song, having fun, and at one point I put my arm around her and kept it there. Not in a creepy way though, it was just like something you'd do with your girlfriend. She put her arm around me to and kept it there. This is where we see the idea of baby-steps, tiny bumps up in progress. I've never had a girl this attractive be this into me and put her arm around me like that before. Who knows, maybe it's six months before this is regularly happening. Maybe a year, I don't know. But just the fact that it happened shows that I'm making progress and am headed in the right direction.

3. For the first time in my life (that I remember haha, I used to drink) I merged a set. Not just any two girls either, I merged two very cute girls with each other. It was a blast. Beyond merging I had no fucking idea what to do and it sort of faded, but hell, baby-steps! It went really well too. The girls took it seriously, they shook hands and said nice things to each other. It showed me just how much potential there is here. And most importantly, this being something I've never done before (like my first solo subway open last week), I learned that I won't be killed. Nobody is going to come in with a Katana and disembowel me. So go for it, do it more!

Notes

*I'm putting an active effort into opening everything. That means everything, even the unattractive chicks! The less I can think when I'm at the bar, the more I'll get into flow state. Right now I'm still using my brain to filter my opens, saying things like "she's too big" or "she's with some guys" or "she doesn't look happy". It's all bullshit, I don't want to be thinking I want to be opening! So while I'm getting much, much better at this, I still have progress to make. Hell, I'm not going to sleep with the ugly girl but I can still talk to her for 30 seconds or use her to merge a set or make her my homebase if I don't have a wingman. So many opportunities.

*I have to stop leaning in! I don't know why I have such trouble with this. Maybe it's just because clubs are loud, I wear earplugs and girls don't speak loud. That may be true, but I still have to find a way to have a conversation without contorting all over.

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2017 4:13 pm 
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What I dislike about last night is that I'm not sure that I really learned much. I opened maybe 8 sets but I never did anything outside my comfort zone. So I got the experience of talking to some more girls, but I didn't leave the club feeling like I took anything to the next level. Still, I think I can discern a few lessons. Let's look at a couple of sets.

1. I opened a cute Asian girl and it was going fine. She was smoking and it was blowing in my face so I took her by the shoulders and moved her around to the other side of me so the smoke would blow off somewhere else, it was funny. She was into me but her friends were ten feet away and she said she had to go back to them. I think she was feeling nervous talking to a guy with them watching. So I let her go, which in retrospect I don't like. Next time I would say "Two seconds, two seconds. I just have to ask one more thing." Then I would move her a little bit and keep talking. I would basically use this opportunity to see how long I could get her to stay with me, after she said she had to go. That's a good learning opportunity.

2. Talked to a girl in the entrance of the club. Then I opened her again on the dance floor. Then five minutes later I opened her friend by saying:

"This DJ is awesome isn't he!"

Well the girl I already talked to twice picked up on this and said to her friend:

"That's the same line he used on me!"

She had me there but I mostly ignored that and just kept talking. A few minutes later I saw this girl on the stairs and she smiled at me and looked like she wanted me to talk to her. Unfortunately I didn't process that quick enough and the moment was lost. Anyways, the point is that great things come from engaging a girl multiple times. It sets you apart from the average drunken fool and shows that you really like her. What I need to do is start reapproaching a lot more. I'm nervous to do it, so I need to do it!

3. Tall skinny Russian girl. Didn't speak much English and my Russian is so rusty that I couldn't keep the conversation going so well. Regardless, my brain was shutting me down. I didn't even think she was that cute but my cranium decided to stifle me anyways. Christ I hate that! My brain is not my friend. I start to talk to an attractive woman and it says oh boy, an attractive one! Let's turn you into a total dork and shut down all of your awesomeness! That fucking whore.

Notes

*A good night is when I go out and do a bunch of shit that I'm uncomfortable doing. In the beginning that was just opening. Now that I've got that handled, I must do other things. That includes leading and reapproaching. Even though it's uncomfortable in the moment, I feel 300% better when I leave the club knowing that I pushed my comfort zone.

*I'm being way, way too physical and I'm drastically cutting back on it. There's no reason for my current obscene level of physicality. I'm very comfortable touching a girl, it's not one of my sticking points. Girls can sense that, I don't need to molest them to show it.

*Girls are bringing out the best in me. They respond to authenticity and honest expressions. So when I exhibit these behaviors girls like me, and when I don't they tend to not like me. By talking to thousands of girls I'm basically letting them draw out my most admirable side while letting the bullshit fade away. Right now I'm just as eager to see how I can express myself more authentically as I am to get laid. What an interesting journey to be on!

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2017 9:07 pm 
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If nothing else we got some good exercise. Two plus hours of walking around Washington Square Park and Union Square. I did ten or twelve approaches. Of those only a handful went past initial introductions. I'll break those sets down to see what the lessons are.

1. Make eye contact with a cute girl sitting on a bench and I immediately talk to her. It's a solid open, I sit down next to her so we can keep talking. The initial two minutes is good but then she ceases to be engaged in the conversation. She starts giving one word answers and looking more towards her friend than me. I don't know what to make of that. I interpret it to mean the set is over, she's not interested. What would I do better? I honestly have no idea.

2. Open a girl about to cross the street, we start walking together. Very strong eye contact and things are going well. We talk about architecture and one of my favorite books, The Fountainhead. She's about to head inside and I ask her out later in the week. She politely declines, says she's very busy and has a boyfriend. Despite this it was the most solid set of the day.

3. Open a gorgeous girl sitting on a bench. She's Russian so we have some things to talk about. We chat, she's very nice and the conversation goes well. She says she's looking for a camera store and I say I don't know any. Then she finds one on Google Maps, says it was nice to meet me and starts walking off. In retrospect should have said something like:

"I'll walk with you there."

My own lack of belief stopped me though. I tend to assume that a very attractive woman like this has multiple opportunities with guys and has no need of me. There are affirmations like "believe your game is a 10" or "believe you're the best option for every woman." Ok, you can say these things but they're sort of hollow if you don't have massive experience to back them up.

4. Girl eating lunch, I came up and we talked for about five minutes. It went well and I could have probably gotten the number but she was just not quite cute or interesting enough. But then again I wasn't being that interesting either. It's confusing.

5. About half a dozen other girls that just failed to open. Biggest mistake: trying to get a girl to stop and talk when instead I should have just started walking with them.

Notes

*I like nightgame better. I like being loud, obnoxious, and doing bold approaches. I like the atmosphere and sometimes I even like the music. Daygame is tamer and things go a bit differently.

*The hand of god has been working great for me in the club but it's shit during daygame. Girls are going places, stopping them is not the best option. Better to walk with them.

*What is the essence of game? What am I missing that I'm not generating more attraction? Like that girl I opened who was sitting on the bench, that should have gone great! Very solid open, good eye contact, I was exhibiting multiple attractive behaviors as I understand them and yet it fizzled out after a minute or two. I would really, really like to understand why..

*Daygame requires running after girls, it's a must. You lose so many opportunities if you don't pursue girls who are thirty to a hundred feet away.

*I passed up two or three sets that I considered "too hard". As usual, I regret that and I vow to open those sets next time. The more I open the more experience I get the more freedom I have in my actions.

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PostPosted: Sat Apr 29, 2017 4:38 pm 
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This is a long one, may I suggest some field report reading music? Last night was insane. I went out with the idea of getting reference experience (not seeking a result) and it was a game changer. This simple shift in how I view the night had a profound impact on my game. The idea of reference experience is going to allow me to level up and break through this annoying fucking plateau that I'm on now. Hoorah to that! But let's get into the evening. Had a brilliant time, and as I was riding home all I was thinking is this: I'm 100% capable of becoming amazing at game, there is nothing holding me back..

Started off at a place that can't decide whether it's a bar, a club or a restaurant. The first set I opened went fantastic. I still don't fully understand why / how this happens, but sometimes I'll just speak and girls hang onto the words. They love it and are totally into it. When this happens it doesn't feel like I'm doing anything all that different but the reactions from girls sure as hell shows that I am. That lasted about five minutes and then I left her. In retrospect I should have gotten the number, she was cute. I tend to not get numbers because of high flake rates but I think she would have texted back.

Open another couple sets then we go to another bar. 100% dead, nothing to open. We leave and start walking towards another place. Almost there when my wingman opens four girls walking on the street. He talks to one and I have the good luck of talking to the leader girl of the group.

Me: "Where are you guys headed right now?"

Her: "Not sure, just walking around right now."

Me: "Let's go to XYZ club, it's going to be great right now."

She agrees and we all start walking. I got curtly denied from this place last Saturday but since we have 4 cute girls it's 100% we'll get in. We get there, they let us in and we immediately ditch the four girls, haha purely currency to get into the club. We start opening. I'm extremely proud of how well I did opening everything. Girl comes into my sight-line, she gets opened. She doesn't like it? Girl three feet away gets opened. At my wingman's suggestion I stand in one place and hand-of-god open three girls in a row as they walk by.

Something is off though and I can feel it (more to point, I open six sets and they all die within 30 seconds). I take a second to regain my composure. I remind myself I'm not seeking any result at all. I'm simply opening to get the experience to see what will happen. This helps me to come back to what's important and I end up making out with a fat girl a few minutes later. She's obviously very into it and I could probably pull her, provided I didn't have standards... I get her number and then go open a bunch more girls.

Somewhere in the fray one responds very well and we end up making out in less than a minute. Start talking, start dancing, and I notice that her friends leave us alone. That's a very good sign. We make out some more then I suggest we go grab some water from the bar. We do that, she introduces me to her friends, then we go back to the dance floor. Right at this moment my thinking is this: I need to pull this girl. It's going very well and I think she can be pulled. But I also vividly remember the girl from last Friday where I went for the pull too soon and immediately ruined the set. What should I do? I decide upon a course of action. I ask:

"Do you know that bar down the street? Let's go there right now."

She replies: "Is it good right now?" But then quickly adds: "Actually, I think I'd rather stay here."

Bam, everything quickly unravels and a few minutes later she leaves. I don't blame her. She wanted a strong guy to lead and pull her out. I was not that strong guy, I was a weak permission seeker. It came from a place of being aware of ruining the set last Friday by going to soon for the pull, but in this case I needed to fucking do it. Hype up the bar, get her outside, lead, lead, lead! She was down for the pull but I messed it up. That sucks, but I got the reference experience. I'm beginning to develop an eye for when the window to pull is. I'll fuck it up a bunch more and get it right sometimes, and after six months or a year I'll be deadly with this..

By now it's about 1:30 and my wingman has already left. I leave too and get in line for the bar he's at. End up talking to two girls in line and one is very cool. She runs marathons and works out. We talk, her eyes are getting bigger and bigger, there's a natural vibe here were we are both attracted to each other. Then things get fucked up. They comment on the annoying bullshit of two guys ahead of us in line, and it's my friend who is the best guy at opening that I've ever met. I yell his name out and we shake hands. He's OK at best right now but he's with his drunk cousin who immediately starts molesting my girl. I don't handle it well. I'm way, way too passive about it. A few minutes later I tell him she's my girlfriend and he apologizes profusely but by that point I've been burned by these two drunken idiots shouting out shit about winging each other and hooking up with girls and other crap. So in this same situation again I would do things very differently. From the very start I would create a physical barrier where I'm between my girl and the guy and then I would say that "We're dating right now" and then I would ignore the guy and start creating stories with the girl about us dating.

Inside the bar I open, open, open. Start talking to a girl from Long Island and she's getting massive pupils. She gives me a few shit tests which I laugh off. I think that I'm about to get my third makeout of the night (never made out with three girls in one night before) when I say something that blows the entire set. We're planning our future together when I say jokingly:

"I'm thinking about being a stay at home dad."

I had said this same thing earlier in the night and it provoked some cool conversation, but this girl from Long Island is having none of it and immediately leaves. It was almost funny. So the lesson is that some calibration can be helpful. She's talking about Long Island, how her parents have lots of money, how she works hard. She obviously values ambition and hustle. In this case I should have said I want to be a banker or some shit, Idk. Anything but a stay at home dad. That's just a manifestation of the larger principle which is that if you can figure out what the girl values you can present yourself in a way that conforms better to those values. You don't have to lie or change yourself either, you can just focus on different aspects of the same thing. For example, a girl values spontaneity. I talk about how I traveled a lot and being spontaneous was what made it fun. Or a girl values good education. I talk about how I traveled a lot and learned about lots of different cultures and how people live, which is a way more powerful experience than reading about it in a book. Same thing, you just highlight different aspects of it.

After that I open another set or two but I'm toasted. Completely worn out. It's been three hours of opening non-stop. Really impressive actually that I've made this much progress in only 11 months. When I started I could get maybe five minutes of the glorious social mood before it crashed. Now I've got three hours. In six months I'll bet I'll be crushing the entire night with energy to spare.

Notes

*I freaked a girl out by cold reading that she lives in Chelsea. Occasionally an accurate cold read can put a girl on guard, but this one really, really did not take it well. The set basically ended because she accused me of being a stalker and I argued that I wasn't and once you start doing this you're falling heavily into her frame and it's all over. So this can happen.. I still enjoy cold reading though and this is the worst reaction I've ever seen from a girl. Total drama queen haha.

*I really needed to lead that girl the fuck out of the club, instead of *asking her permission* to do so. I was trying to feel out the situation and see if the time was right to pull. Well it was, but by being so passive I missed the opportunity. Lesson learned. In the future I'd rather just go for the pull and calibrate after, versus try to suss things out before taking action.

*When your only goal is to get reference experience there can be no *bad* sets. Even if she horribly rejects me I still gain reference and so I win. By focusing on it this way I put myself in a situation where I can't lose. And as last night shows, it doesn't mean I slack off. I opened valiantly for three hours, made out with two girls, almost pulled, and had the quick instinct to steer a wandering group of four girls to the club I wanted to visit.

*At some point last night I felt like the dancing monkey. I was jumping around, being energetic and having a grand old time dancing on a table. However, in terms of attracting the girl this failed. My wingman (who doesn't tend to do these things) was just standing there with his good posture and vibe and drawing all the attention. Girls focused on him versus me. I quickly dropped the dancing monkey act. I'm not saying super-party-vibe won't work, but I was trying to *use it* and it was inauthentic. I was not totally feeling it and so girls were not into it.

*I really admire how my wingman is able to attract and pull girls even when he's tired and yawning. I tend to assume that as soon as my energy dips I'm useless and no girl will like me. His actions and results speak otherwise.

*Everything I experienced last night led to the firm conviction that one day I'm going to be very, very good at game. I'm going to consistently pull and I'm going to spend time with very attractive women. I cannot say when this will happen, but I can say with absolute certainty that it will happen.

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Daily Field Reports and Thoughts on Game: www.OutinBlack.com


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