I always been slightly reluctant about these b/c I've always assumed that guys would generally be assholes and screw the girl over, esp since girls often can't help but get emotionally attached to a guy they are sleeping with.
I had one FB before. It lasted ~6 months. I broke it off with him for a LTR with a guy who was willing to give me the real time of day. To my surprise the FB was devastated and turns out that he had real feelings for me after the 6months, whereas he never crossed my mind again, so I guess I ended up being the asshole there.
More recently I had another one, but his behavior was very erratic. One week he'd be all over me, then disappear for a week or two then be an asshole then be nice and so on. I kind of liked him and took this as the asshole sign and broke it off. He told me that while he can't give me what I want (consistent attention that I'm so use to) he still really likes me and wants me to stay. Yea right. Then I ran into him a month later and its the same story, except now he's willing to stop chasing other girls too.
Take me out on a date and we'll talk about it, I said. I already took you out on three last time and all you give me is drama, he said. I want another one, I said. I really do like you S and I still can't give you what you want in terms of how much attention you want but I really do want to be with you when I can, he said. Again, yea right.
On the one hand, I feel this is kind of BS, on the other hand, I have given this guy so much shit to put up with, I can't believe he's actually still talking to me, much less trying to hook up. From reading these boards, it seems like you guys don't put up with more than a couple of days of resistance. This is like two months of back and forth BS on my part. I mean, the dude is half natural/AFC and not the hottest thing around, but has enough social skill to get others girls, I think.
The general thing I've always been fed is that a guy either likes you or doesn't and that any FB situation is like throwing yourself down the toilet. Obviously, this is false but this is what lots of girls are told.
There is no need to address my specific situations, and I realize that everyone is different but I'm just trying to understand the general thought process behind these situations from the guy's perspectives rather than my point of view. They got me thinking about how guys generally view FB and how FB remain FB but why sometimes they turn into more? What behavior, if any, do girls have that gets them out of the FB category? etc etc etc
First stella, are we talking Friend with Benefits, Fuck Buddy, or Booty Call?
Friend with Benefits
Comfort and Rapport--->Friend Zone--->High Buying Temperature--->Sexual Arrangementt
Sexual attraction--->Close--->Comfort and Rapport
Sexual Attraction--->Close--->Sexual Attraction--->Close
In a Fw/B situation, it will almost ALWAYS result in a terrible ending--this is because although one of the persons who agreed is doing it because they secretly like the person. You two are friends before you start anything; you build up a relationship and then one day you two are both horny and decide that hey "we are adults, we both have needs, lets help each other out." Except one person is secretly thinking: wow, what an awesome friend...I like her. Then having sex pushes that "like" over the edge.
With the Fuck Buddy, this is pretty much the opposite of Fw/B. Instead of being really really great friends, you just meet the person. Things go off great, and you end up "closing." From there, you realize that ehhh...the physical attraction was there, they sex was good...lets just keep it a surface thing. But then, over time as you two hang out and continue to have sex, the passion and emotional connection builds. But since it was a no strings attached thing, neither wants to admit it (leading to the conflict like you had, in the end).
And then there is the booty call.I personally think if anyone is going to go the route of having a sexual partner that is going to stay strictly a sexual device, then they have to keep it a booty call. Neither parties want anything more but sex; you don't hang out, you don't make each other food, you don't have deep discussions, you don't build rapport. You have comfort and sexual attraction. Thats IT. And you keep it that way.
How to get one? You have a one night stand in which you provide awesome sex for the other person. You act casual, be consistently sexual AFTER things are done, and then non-chalantly tell them how you are a sexual person, you enjoyed that, they enjoyed it, there will be a future of enjoyment. Then if things fall into place, BAM. Booty Call. Call them when you are horny, and make sure they know it is fine to call you when they are horny.
[size=20:7c51ae7520][color=red:7c51ae7520]email is a better option: firstname.lastname@example.org