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 Post subject: Confused with this LJBF
PostPosted: Mon Jan 12, 2015 12:55 am 
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This is sort of a long story but I'll keep it as short as possible..

A good friend of mine introduced me with this good female friend of his. We gathered together at least 5 times per month and regularly chatted on Facebook on other days. After 6 months of great hangouts, parties, gigs.. getting high and doing all sorts of silly things.. she kind of grew on me and became cuter and cuter with time. Recently we started hanging out alone. At first, I didn’t want to risk breaking the gang apart but I went for it. We made out. Then we got together couple of days later where it escalated with some touches and neck kissing on the bus stop and got kind of hot.

Now, these are the things that led to this LJBF:
1) She found my online dating account 7 months ago, about which she heard is for arranging sex meet-ups (it is not).
2) Latelly, she was curious to see my pacemaker scar. I couldn’t show it publically so I told her I’ll send her a pic. Couple of days later I sent her one (after she sent me one sexy picture of hers in a leather mini skirt). And wait for it.. I had no shirt on! Wow who would have thought that I’d have to take off my shirt to take a picture of my chest scar..
3) I did one erection joke on Facebook (it was hilarious btw). We joked on the sexual subjects loads of times and it was always hilarious.


But it did make her sort of blow up (as it turned out, I was sending her almost naked pics and mentioning my erections), saying that she is not that kind of girl, that we’ve just met (what??) and that she wouldn’t just sleep with anyone she met on the street (again.. what??).. Kind of stunned that I was, I apologized as she was definitely considerably upset, and said I will be more considerate next time. It hastily diffused and ended up on a high note. I wanted to meet up with her before she’s gone for the New Years and feel up the situation. We met at her place, made out a lot and she sort of purred, snuggled and gently bit me a few times on the arm that was on her shoulder. It seemed like she was enjoying it more. I walked with her to the taxi and there she went.

(all of the following happened on Facebook)
I guess it sort of stewed in her (in the 10 days that she was gone) and said that for the reasons above: "I feel that you only care about sex. I don't know, I might be wrong, but I've made the wrong choice so many times that one more mistake would be too much. Things like that would bother me in a relationship. I know myself, the thought wouldn't leave my mind and I'd snap eventually. So it is better to cut it off in the roots but I'd still hate it if we didn’t remain friends and continue super fun get-togethers as we did before." The next day we had a 20 min conversation about it where I tried to explain my point of view (in the hindsight I shouldn’t have done that). Right after that we went friendly like nothing ever happened.. not mentioning it for the next 5 days.

We agreed to meet up alone at her place one time before all 3 are there, so we defuse the potential awkwardness. This is happening in 2 days and it is our first meet-up since.


Now.. I have no problem being her friend as I loved her company in the first place but..
How in the world could she conclude such things? We’ve spent like 100s of hours together chatting and doing fun things.. I enjoyed every minute of it and she could see that. Do I want just sex from her because I sent a shitless pic or because I said a regular joke? Which one is it?

Also, I have to note that I’m sort of good looking (bulky and cut), cute (as she put it) and intelligent.
Is this some sort of test? Is she playing hard to get, so I'm more carefull in the future? Or do you feel this is unsalvageable?
Can I do anything besides reverting back to what we had, for at least couple of weeks and gouge her attitude and body language?


I have to thank you for reading this far and for your future oppinions. I truly tried to make it short.
Cheers!


Last edited by IAmMaynardJamesKeenan on Mon Jan 12, 2015 1:40 am, edited 4 times in total.

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 12, 2015 1:21 am 
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She's testing your frame. In my experience, when a girl says "I'm not that kind of girl" she's ready to get laid.

There are many ways to close this. One way is to agree with her and then you railroad ahead for the f-close. This approach works for me. If it doesn't work for you, try other approaches.

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 12, 2015 1:36 am 
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Thank you for your reply. I edited her second reply as I feel like I shouldn't just skim over it and instead quote her.. The thing was very long and thought out. Around 20+ sentances. This is the main part of it:
Quote:
I feel that you only care about sex. I don't know, I might be wrong, but I've made the wrong choice so many times that one more mistake would be too much. Things like that would bother me in a relationship. I know myself, the thought wouldn't leave my mind and I'd snap eventually. So it is better to cut it off in the roots but I'd still hate it if we didn’t remain friends and continue super fun get-togethers as we did before.
It sort of feels serious to me.. but I had a post of similar length (where I pointed my view on the matter) right before that, so she might have felt obliged to respond in a similar fashion.

Any change of thoughts?


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 12, 2015 2:06 am 
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I got BOTH short and litany versions before of "I'm not that kind of girl."

What I did (and this worked really well for me) was say, "You're right" or "I agree," then I go on anyway with my foreplay until I'm banging the girl. Happened a lot of times. It's a very reliable pattern on the human mating sequence; at least from my end.

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 12, 2015 9:31 am 
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Thank you very much for your help.

What she said in her litany version was less of "I'm not that kind of girl" and more like "I feel like you only want sex from me. I respect that but I'm just not into that kind of thing" (is it the same?). I feel this is not a regular "I'm not that kind of girl". Maybe this is a test to see if I'm a relationship material, or a test of a kind that you think it is, or maybe she simply means what she says in an attempt to save this little group of ours. Sex is not my goal SPAM and I want to keep our group together if she truly wants to stop all od this.
Quote:
..then I go on anyway with my foreplay until I'm banging the girl. Happened a lot of times.
How should I proceed when we meet for the first time after the serious talk, tomorrow? I don't feel like we can continue where we stopped right away like you imply (makeouts, toutches..) after agreeing to go back to being friends. It is a little unclear of how fast I should continue.
Should I give her some time.. a couple of meet ups of just being friendly and some light flirting? I don't want to rush this and now I feel like showing her that I'm cool with this and that I'm there for her company is the way to go in couple of the following meet ups.

I realize all of this depends on my feel of the situation after seeing and reading her, but i'd need some general idea.
Thanks again, your insight means a lot to me. I've never tried something with a friend so have some patience, please :D

PS: At least I agreed with her so that's a good start :P


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 14, 2015 9:20 pm 
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Quote:
This is sort of a long story but I'll keep it as short as possible..

A good friend of mine introduced me with this good female friend of his. We gathered together at least 5 times per month and regularly chatted on Facebook on other days. After 6 months of great hangouts, parties, gigs.. getting high and doing all sorts of silly things.. she kind of grew on me and became cuter and cuter with time. Recently we started hanging out alone. At first, I didn’t want to risk breaking the gang apart but I went for it. We made out. Then we got together couple of days later where it escalated with some touches and neck kissing on the bus stop and got kind of hot.

Now, these are the things that led to this LJBF:
1) She found my online dating account 7 months ago, about which she heard is for arranging sex meet-ups (it is not).
2) Latelly, she was curious to see my pacemaker scar. I couldn’t show it publically so I told her I’ll send her a pic. Couple of days later I sent her one (after she sent me one sexy picture of hers in a leather mini skirt). And wait for it.. I had no shirt on! Wow who would have thought that I’d have to take off my shirt to take a picture of my chest scar..
3) I did one erection joke on Facebook (it was hilarious btw). We joked on the sexual subjects loads of times and it was always hilarious.


But it did make her sort of blow up (as it turned out, I was sending her almost naked pics and mentioning my erections), saying that she is not that kind of girl, that we’ve just met (what??) and that she wouldn’t just sleep with anyone she met on the street (again.. what??).. Kind of stunned that I was, I apologized as she was definitely considerably upset, and said I will be more considerate next time. It hastily diffused and ended up on a high note. I wanted to meet up with her before she’s gone for the New Years and feel up the situation. We met at her place, made out a lot and she sort of purred, snuggled and gently bit me a few times on the arm that was on her shoulder. It seemed like she was enjoying it more. I walked with her to the taxi and there she went.

(all of the following happened on Facebook)
I guess it sort of stewed in her (in the 10 days that she was gone) and said that for the reasons above: "I feel that you only care about sex. I don't know, I might be wrong, but I've made the wrong choice so many times that one more mistake would be too much. Things like that would bother me in a relationship. I know myself, the thought wouldn't leave my mind and I'd snap eventually. So it is better to cut it off in the roots but I'd still hate it if we didn’t remain friends and continue super fun get-togethers as we did before." The next day we had a 20 min conversation about it where I tried to explain my point of view (in the hindsight I shouldn’t have done that). Right after that we went friendly like nothing ever happened.. not mentioning it for the next 5 days.

We agreed to meet up alone at her place one time before all 3 are there, so we defuse the potential awkwardness. This is happening in 2 days and it is our first meet-up since.


Now.. I have no problem being her friend as I loved her company in the first place but..
How in the world could she conclude such things? We’ve spent like 100s of hours together chatting and doing fun things.. I enjoyed every minute of it and she could see that. Do I want just sex from her because I sent a shitless pic or because I said a regular joke? Which one is it?

Also, I have to note that I’m sort of good looking (bulky and cut), cute (as she put it) and intelligent.
Is this some sort of test? Is she playing hard to get, so I'm more carefull in the future? Or do you feel this is unsalvageable?
Can I do anything besides reverting back to what we had, for at least couple of weeks and gouge her attitude and body language?


I have to thank you for reading this far and for your future oppinions. I truly tried to make it short.
Cheers!
You've missed the point mate... you havn't been friended... Quite the opposite. Think about it. She wouldn't be freaking out like that if she didn't like you.

The thing is, she's wants to feel something coming from your end. This is where it gets a bit difficult and by the looks of your post you're young and something of a newbie (don't take this the wrong way). What I'm talking about is almost spiritual.

What she wants from you is solidity. She wants to know that you are who you show yourself as. Simply having sex is not a problem. If Leo Dicaprio showed up and offered her some dick, this whole "im not that kind of girl" thing would not even cross her mind. No, women adore sex, but she wants to feel your masculinity. For instance, when you tell her you want her, do you mean it? Can she trust you? Not in a "you wont cheat on me" sort of way. She needs to feel that she can trust you at her worst. That you can take her shit like a man without breaking, without bending, without retreating into your head (or this forum).

She wants to see the indomitable spirit of a warrior mixed with the curiosity and passion of a child reflected in your eyes.

I'm getting awfully poetic.
Anyway before I say more, I'll judge your comprehension and maturity based on your response and will take it from there. Regardless, I hope this helps.

Just keep your head on your shoulders and remember that she's just a girl... Show her you care mate :)

With love and respect
Mack
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 16, 2015 11:39 pm 
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Hey, thank you for your response. I didn't expect any more hence this late reply.

I undertand what you're saying and a friend of mine told me exactly the same thing.
I should be strong, sturdy, be confident in my actions and choises, be someone she can rely on (which I am from the day 1 anyways).. but this is not the problem.

I wrote more in a pm sent to you, so it would be nice if we could take it there.. cheers!


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 17, 2015 2:37 pm 
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Quote:
How should I proceed when we meet for the first time after the serious talk, tomorrow? I don't feel like we can continue where we stopped right away like you imply (makeouts, toutches..) after agreeing to go back to being friends. It is a little unclear of how fast I should continue.
Just hold her hand when you meet and act like holding her hand is no big deal. Hold it longer than you should. Most women feel good when a dude they're attracted with holds their hand. It's the oxytocin release associated with hand holding bro. Oxytocin is the trust hormone. She'll trust you more when you hold her hand.

Next, lead her hand to your chest in this position like this:

Image

Next, while guiding her hand, rub your chest with her hand. Do this nonchalantly while you two are talking and you are looking deep into her eyes.

Next, hug her for any reason you can think of and verbalize your reason such as:

1. Happy Birthday
2. Belated Happy Birthday
3. Advance Happy Birthday
4. Happy New Year
5. Belated Happy New Year
6. Advance Happy New Year

You get the drift. All girls smile when I do this. It might work for you.

Take it from there until you have isolated her somewhere private and you're sucking her nipples or rubbing your penis on her panties while hitting her clitoris underneath the silk. Most girls will let you do this when you say lines like: "Promise. I'll just rub my penis on your panties. I'll not put it in."

Then when she's so horny (reddened ear lobes, reddened face, reddened chest) and moaning, put your cock inside her wet pussy.

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 17, 2015 2:42 pm 
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Basically, I don't feel I'm friended but I don't think this is sort of a test you believe it is.

To cut the modesty bullshit.. I am funny, a bodybuilder, a Mensa member, totally cute (her words) and doing loads of interesting stuff in my life. On the other hand I have this permanent "disinterested" face.

I feel like she's becoming attached to me and that she just feels vulnerable. I believe she was hurt in the past (which was brough up by my picture/erection joke thing) and that any further attachment would be hurtfull to her, unless I first 'prove' it to her that I'm serious about all of this and that I'll be by her side.

I think she wants to convince me it's all over, so she sees if I'll give up on her.. proving it that I only want sex after all. So after all of this, I believe I should keep hanging out with her and show her that I'm with her for her company (aka: in for a longer ride) and that soonish we will be back to being intimate again.

Maybe that's what the two of you meant by the "test", but I think we're well past those kind of games.
Besides, the ways I can show her my solidity, masculinity etc. are many and all of this is arguable.

I don't see how else I can manage this besides going slow.. giving her time and soon enough make out again and go back to what we had.


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 17, 2015 2:46 pm 
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Sorry Hellhound, I posted this at the same time as you.. read my previous post.

We already agreed to be friends, she is avoiding meeting me one on one at her place. She said things like
"Just to make it clear. Our hangouts are continued, this story isn't. End of discussion. So there isn't any missunderstanding."

I can't do what you've said, not right now anyways. If I suddenly go stronger then before, I'll just prove her right.. that all I want is sex and that's all I think about. And that might result in me losing her.

This is not a regular "let's be friends". This is more of a "let's go back to being friends" as we've been friends for 6 months and then had something more for a week.


Last edited by IAmMaynardJamesKeenan on Sat Jan 17, 2015 2:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 17, 2015 2:52 pm 
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Quote:
I don't see how else I can manage this besides going slow.. giving her time and soon enough make out again and go back to what we had.
Just FUCKING hold her hand and make her feel good. Just FUCKING hug her and make her feel good.

Don't FUCKING over think what needs to be done. Make her feel good.

Dude, I've escalated hard to f-close so many girls who said "I'm not that kind of girl" and other variations of it. And even with one who claimed to be a rape victim as a kid; she was 27 when I banged her.

Make her feel good. Release those oxytocins. Physiology versus Psychology. Psychology is mind games. Physiology is trigerring her biological needs for oxytocin.

Just stop your mind games and DO what needs to be done.

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 17, 2015 2:53 pm 
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Sorry Hellhound, I posted this at the same time as you.. read my previous post.

We already agreed to be friends, she is avoiding meeting me one on one at her place. She said things like
"Just to make it clear. Our hangouts are continued, this story isn't. End of discussion. So there isn't any missunderstanding."

I can't do what you've said, not right now anyways. If I suddenly go stronger then before, I'll just prove her right.. that all I want is sex and that's all I think about. And that might result in me losing her.

This is not a regular "let's be friends". This is more of a "let's go back to being friends" as we've been friends for 6 months and then had something more for a week.
Just say, "I agree. We should just be friends" and then fucking hold her hand and hug her.

Make.

Her.

Feel.

Good.

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 17, 2015 3:02 pm 
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Quote:
Quote:
Sorry Hellhound, I posted this at the same time as you.. read my previous post.

We already agreed to be friends, she is avoiding meeting me one on one at her place. She said things like
"Just to make it clear. Our hangouts are continued, this story isn't. End of discussion. So there isn't any missunderstanding."

I can't do what you've said, not right now anyways. If I suddenly go stronger then before, I'll just prove her right.. that all I want is sex and that's all I think about. And that might result in me losing her.

This is not a regular "let's be friends". This is more of a "let's go back to being friends" as we've been friends for 6 months and then had something more for a week.
Just say, "I agree. We should just be friends" and then fucking hold her hand and hug her.

Make.

Her.

Feel.

Good.

Well now you're making some sense.. On the previous one you lost me on sucking her nipples and rubbing my dick on her panties.
That's what I wanted to do.. maybe not on the first gathering with our friend, but the first time we see eachother alone.


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 17, 2015 3:19 pm 
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Making her feel good is one thing and going for fuck close straight away is another.

I bet you believe I'm a noob but I've been in this for 6 years. I laid 9 girls last year even though I wasn't really motivated with having 3 fuck buddies. I had loads of "let's just be friends" and I always do what you said above (and it usually works). On the other hand, this is my first time gaming a friend and I believe friend's "let's just be friends" means a little bit more.

All of this is a numbers game and I care about this girl. I don't want to lose her by going too strong.

Do you understand what I'm talking about?


EDIT: Just curious.. how many times did you get "let's just be friends" from a good friend, went as strong as you described, and fucked her?

It took us 6 months to get it going for gods sakes.. that is why I believe she'd prefer it if I don't go straight for her pussy the first time we meet.

EDIT 2: Thank you for your help. You convinced me to go stronger/faster then I intended.


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 17, 2015 8:02 pm 
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The best way to a man's heart is through his stomach. On the other hand, the best way to a woman's heart is through her pussy. Make no mistake about it. A girl loves the guy who is banging her than the dude who just takes her out to dinner. Meanwhile, a man loves the woman who prepares his meals on the regular than the women divas who have nothing to offer him but their pussies.

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