Was this the "What are we?" Talk?


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PostPosted: Sat Feb 18, 2017 10:44 pm 
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Dated this girl for about a month.
My cousin introduced us and told me that she's from a traditional family and she is looking for something serious not a fuck boy or fuck buddy.

There was passion from the beginning. I really liked her and we both started each other like we were in LTR. Had sex 2,3 nights a week.
After 2 weeks or so she asks me if I've said anything to my family about her.

The last time we were together, after sex she tells me:"we fuck a lot and that we'd better start using condom" I suggest pills she says she doesn't like pills.

The day after she says she's supposed to see her guy friend. I say that's ok with me. She then says she doesn't want to see him and that he keeps texting her. She asks me to give him an excuse not to see him. I play it cool and say it's ok and she should go see him. She insists that I give her an excuse to give him in order not to see him.

Anyway, I think I should've told her to tell him she's with her boyfriend or something. But didnt say anything. She got cold and distant after that and for the next 2 hours or so didn't talk to me or let me go near her. I could somehow see hate in her looks toward me. She just kept crying and finally said we had to break up.

I left her alone but she called me half an hour later crying. So I went back and we had sex and she said she really liked me because I cared and went back to her. But same thing about the guy friend again she says she's supposed to see him and asks for my advice. I tell her to cancel the plan with the guy friend and she asks for an excuse again. I don't give her an excuse and she turns cold again and says that were done again!

She tries to leave but I ask her to stay. I start arguing and she doesn't wanna talk. Tries to leave I refuse to let her go but finally she leaves after I cussed at her and called her a skank.

5 days later I sent her an apology text, no response.

A few days later she sees my cousin and tells him she doesn't want a relationship.

A few days after that I call her one night and try to talk to her but she says we're done and hangs up. I keep calling and texting until I notice ahe has blocked me on every single app and her phone!!!

Now my question is if that's the case and she hated me for not committing, is there anything I can do at this point? Maybe through my couin while not looking like a stalker? Any advice (other than the classic "date other girls") is highly appreciated. I am dating 2 other girls in the mean time bit can't stop thinking about her and the guilt is killing me.


Last edited by pprince on Sun Feb 19, 2017 12:11 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sat Feb 18, 2017 11:54 pm 
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Yes...that was the talk. You didn't handle it correctly and then made it worse.


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 19, 2017 12:09 am 
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JackZero wrote:
Yes...that was the talk. You didn't handle it correctly and then made it worse.


Jack,

Is there anything I can do at this point? I know I fucked up. One reason is all the shit I've been reading about that discourages idiots like me from talking about relationship with new girls. Normally I would've said something like "tell him you're with your boyfriend". While I've learned some stuff from this PUA thing, I sometimes don't speak up my mind out of fear. And that's a side effect of reading too much.

Please tell me if I should try to talk to her and tell her everything. I don't want to look stalkerish but since she's blocked me everywhere I can only ask my cousin to set up a meet and then show up unexpectedly.


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 19, 2017 12:28 am 
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You've made this thread before, PPrince. It went to several pages, if I recall.

You blew it with this girl by blowing up her phone in a desperate fashion. I gave you repeated advice, throughout the ordeal to not over-contact the woman.

Any attempts to contact her will make your pain worse, and make her even lose more attraction for you.

Move on.

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PostPosted: Sun Feb 19, 2017 12:33 am 
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Arch Stanton wrote:
You've made this thread before, PPrince. It went to several pages, if I recall.

You blew it with this girl by blowing up her phone in a desperate fashion. I gave you repeated advice, throughout the ordeal to not over-contact the woman.

Any attempts to contact her will make your pain worse, and make her even lose more attraction for you.

Move on.


Arch,

I appreciate all the advice you've been giving me. And I know I've fucked up terribly.
I am trying to move on by dating other girls. But, if my theory is right, would there be any way to explain everything to her and have a heart to heart conversation?

Do you think my theory is right?


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 19, 2017 12:35 am 
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pprince wrote:
JackZero wrote:
Yes...that was the talk. You didn't handle it correctly and then made it worse.


Jack,

Is there anything I can do at this point? I know I fucked up. One reason is all the shit I've been reading about that discourages idiots like me from talking about relationship with new girls. Normally I would've said something like "tell him you're with your boyfriend". While I've learned some stuff from this PUA thing, I sometimes don't speak up my mind out of fear. And that's a side effect of reading too much.

Please tell me if I should try to talk to her and tell her everything. I don't want to look stalkerish but since she's blocked me everywhere I can only ask my cousin to set up a meet and then show up unexpectedly.
Let her come back to you and don't be so cold. Well, that's if she decides to come back. Calling her names isn't a good move.


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 19, 2017 12:43 am 
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pprince wrote:
Arch,

I appreciate all the advice you've been giving me. And I know I've fucked up terribly.
I am trying to move on by dating other girls. But, if my theory is right, would there be any way to explain everything to her and have a heart to heart conversation?

Do you think my theory is right?



Anything is possible. but what you are doing right now is the correct action (not contacting her).

IMHO, you turned her off slightly by being cold when she tried the "what are we talk" in a roundabout way. But that wasn't the "deal breaker". The deal breaker is when you became emotionally-uncentered and blew up her phone with negative emotions. We men can make a lot of mistakes with women and repair them. But when you get nasty (IE, calling her a skank), a woman who knows her value will walk.

I'd say your chances are LOW of getting her back./ But what you are doing right now, is essentially a "needy cleanse". By not contacting her, you are proving to yourself and her you can control your emotions. This can have the effect of wiping away her negative emotions about you.

Keep dating other women and see if she contacts you. you'll probably find someone hotter and better in bed. If the sex was good between you two, she might hit you back in-between beta chumps.

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Last edited by Arch Stanton on Sun Feb 19, 2017 12:44 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sun Feb 19, 2017 12:43 am 
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JackZero wrote:
pprince wrote:
JackZero wrote:
Yes...that was the talk. You didn't handle it correctly and then made it worse.


Jack,

Is there anything I can do at this point? I know I fucked up. One reason is all the shit I've been reading about that discourages idiots like me from talking about relationship with new girls. Normally I would've said something like "tell him you're with your boyfriend". While I've learned some stuff from this PUA thing, I sometimes don't speak up my mind out of fear. And that's a side effect of reading too much.

Please tell me if I should try to talk to her and tell her everything. I don't want to look stalkerish but since she's blocked me everywhere I can only ask my cousin to set up a meet and then show up unexpectedly.
Let her come back to you and don't be so cold. Well, that's if she decides to come back. Calling her names isn't a good move.


After all the name calling and stopping her from leaving and all the fuck ups I seriously doubt that she will ever come back to me.

That's why I'm trying to figure if I should try to see her and explain everything to her. Does that work with women usually? Talking heart to heart after pissing her off and making things this bad??


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 19, 2017 12:46 am 
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You want to couple the apology with her coming back to you. When you have an outcome that you are hoping for with the apology, that normally won't work. If you want to apologize for acting the way you did, go for it, but don't explain your reasoning for handling yourself the way you did and don't expect her to come running.


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 19, 2017 12:48 am 
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Arch Stanton wrote:
pprince wrote:
Arch,

I appreciate all the advice you've been giving me. And I know I've fucked up terribly.
I am trying to move on by dating other girls. But, if my theory is right, would there be any way to explain everything to her and have a heart to heart conversation?

Do you think my theory is right?



Anything is possible. but what you are doing right now is the correct action (not contacting her).

IMHO, you turned her off slightly by being cold when she tried the "what are we talk" in a roundabout way. But that wasn't the "deal breaker". The deal breaker is when you became emotionally-uncentered and blew up her phone with negative emotions. We men can make a lot of mistakes with women and repair them. But when you get nasty (IE, calling her a skank), a woman who knows her value will walk.

I'd say your chances are LOW of getting her back./ But what you are doing right now, is essentially a "needy cleanse". By not contacting her, you are proving to yourself and her you can control your emotions. This can have the effect of wiping away her negative emotions about you.

Keep dating other women and see if she contacts you. you'll probably find someone hotter and better in bed. If the sex was good between you two, she might hit you back in-between beta chumps.


I like the idea of "needy cleanse", but if my theory is right, I don't want her to move on. She hates me now which is better than indeference IMO. But again do you think explaining things to her will work? If done in a non-needy way?


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 19, 2017 12:50 am 
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JackZero wrote:
You want to couple the apology with her coming back to you. When you have an outcome that you are hoping for with the apology, that normally won't work. If you want to apologize for acting the way you did, go for it, but don't explain your reasoning for handling yourself the way you did and don't expect her to come running.



I don't want to explain the reason for my actions to her. I want to apologize to her, acknowledge that she's right to hate me. And tell her that I know why she was disappointed and broke up with me twice in one day. AND ask her to let me SHOW her through my actions that I know what I did wrong.

I know chances of that are very low but I think I can make things better by doing all that, and then hope that she'll think about it and someday come back to me, because the way things are right now I think there's no chance in a million years that she will come back.

What do you think?


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 19, 2017 1:03 am 
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pprince wrote:
I like the idea of "needy cleanse", but if my theory is right, I don't want her to move on. She hates me now which is better than indeference IMO. But again do you think explaining things to her will work? If done in a non-needy way?



She has already unilaterally chosen to move on.

You have to accept that.

There are only two stages of breakups:

1. A man is emotionally-uncentered (needy, clingy, called mean names, acted beta, blew up her phone, kissed her ass, pleaser, etc) and the sex was just okay. Usually, in these cases the sex was only "okay" for the woman because in all aspects, the man was not dominant and a man who behaves like this does not have the experience to develop great bedroom skills. A woman will not dump a centered, fun, dominant male.

2. A man is dumped for being cold/distant, but the sex was great.


You can only get the girl back if the scenario is #2. And you do this by telling her your real feelings and showing vulnerability.

I hate to say this, but you are in the #1 category with this girl. you've already spilled your feelings to her, and blew up her phone with emotions. So the "I was too cold" part is way, long gone over man. You went from too cold to crazy, with no middle ground.

Your only hope is to live your life, and improve yourself to the point where if you happen to run into her again, she notices the tangible results.

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Last edited by Arch Stanton on Sun Feb 19, 2017 1:21 am, edited 2 times in total.

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PostPosted: Sun Feb 19, 2017 1:17 am 
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pprince wrote:
JackZero wrote:
You want to couple the apology with her coming back to you. When you have an outcome that you are hoping for with the apology, that normally won't work. If you want to apologize for acting the way you did, go for it, but don't explain your reasoning for handling yourself the way you did and don't expect her to come running.



I don't want to explain the reason for my actions to her. I want to apologize to her, acknowledge that she's right to hate me. And tell her that I know why she was disappointed and broke up with me twice in one day. AND ask her to let me SHOW her through my actions that I know what I did wrong.

I know chances of that are very low but I think I can make things better by doing all that, and then hope that she'll think about it and someday come back to me, because the way things are right now I think there's no chance in a million years that she will come back.

What do you think?
What I highlighted in red is the exact thing that will ensure that your plan won't work. "Let me show you that I've changed." That negates the whole apology. The reason that you want to apologize isn't because you're sorry. The motivation you have is that you're trying to get her back and ,I repeat, that it will not work. You have to let her come to you if you want to give her another chance and if she hates you, as you say, learn from your mistake and give that energy to other women.


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 19, 2017 1:22 am 
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Jack is right.

Story for you OP, that is similar to yours:


I was too needy with a girl I REALLY liked. She was just gorgeous and had this awful effect on me. I simply lost my frame around her. She dumped my ass, coldly.

So how did I get her back on her knees blowing me a year later?

I completely ignored her for a year. I hit the gym, and gained muscle, and I showed up at her work with a really cute girl.

You cannot "explain" to a woman (who dumped you for neediness ) that "everything was your fault". That very action is needy behavior and reinforces her original decision.

What you can do, is show her you've moved on, that you're fit as fuck, and that you're a catch. You get these women back by SHOWING, not telling.

And you have this big, grand design to go and tell.

It won't work.

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PostPosted: Sun Feb 19, 2017 1:23 am 
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If you want this girl to come back to you, DO NOT CONTACT HER for at least 30 days. You are being given this advice because it works with a 50-50 odds for success. The way you want it done has a 1% if not 0% chance for success. It has worked for me a lot of times and so with other guys as well.

In this forum, be careful on who you take your advice from. Always test infield whatever advice you take. When I was new to this forum, I took several advices from a forum regular who writes good sometimes and sucks at it sometimes. 100% of his advices didn't work for me. He's a very popular poster here. Maybe he is not the right fit for me or maybe the paid ghost writers who write under his account for his coaching business are simply great creative writers but actually suck with women.

It's a caveat. Always test infield if a particular course of action works or not. As it is, the way you want it done is NOT working for you. It's about time you tried another way.

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