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Distancing from me after we made out on first date

Wed Jan 11, 2017 1:09 am

I had this girl on facebook for like 2 years and she liked almost every my post,I knew she had a boyfriend all that period and when she broke up with him I decided to contact her. The connection between the two of us was wild, we had feeling like we know each other for years and you could feel the vibe through phone while we were talking. We were talking almost 24-7 for 2 weeks before our first date. Before the date there was a huge foreplay in our texts, me and her already knew how the date was going to look like, I was telling her I was gonna kiss her at the first sight and shw got turned on ans thought it was sweet and stuff and she was then telling me how she's gonna sit in my lap and stuff, you know... We went on a date and we started makeing out after few minutes, went to caffe shop, on pizza, date was great it lasted 4 and half hours and it felt like second to us. After the date she texted me how she felt great this evening and stuff and I really thought something gonna happen with me and this girl in long term. Then suddenly I woke up this morning, opening my inbox where I got message from her that she needs to cool off for a bit because all stuff that happened last night were a little bit touch and too soon for her since she broke up with boyfriend 2 weeks ago, she deactivated her Fb and whats app, I can't contact her anymore. I understand she's fresh out of 2 year relationship but hoe could it be that she can change her mind that much in only one night. Literally, she went sleeping in love with me and woke up cutting me of and saying she needs some time for herself. Am I an idiot here? Am I missing out something? I really can't understand her, I'm trying but I cant cause she felt so real when she was with, I usually notice when girls aren't true with me, but this was true and that's why I cant understand her.

Re: Distancing from me after we made out on first date

Wed Jan 11, 2017 7:42 am

She didn't change 'her mind', her emotions changed. Which is to be expected when she's in the emotional shitstorm following a breakup.
What I don't entirely understand is why you didn't shift the date at your place is everything was going so amazingly well.

The Joker 1308 wrote:Am I an idiot here? Am I missing out something?

You're missing out on the fact that you're a rebound.

She newly single and likely wants to have some fun. What she doesn't want is to jump head first into another commitment. Stop thinking "long term" after one date. That kind of implicit pressure is what will scare her away.

If you want something to come out of this be light and offer her the excitement she wants without the unnecessary string. And don't take it too seriously.

Re: Distancing from me after we made out on first date

Wed Jan 11, 2017 1:53 pm

What I don't entirely understand is why you didn't shift the date at your place is everything was going so amazingly well.

That's because I m only 21 years old and I dont have my place to bring girls home, I live with parents.

I hear what you said and to be honest I have a serious problem with that thing. It happened to me before that after succesfull first date I bond with that girl a lot and I start thinking long term and every time it resulted with girl snubbing me off.
I will listen to your advice in future cause I see what I did wrong. Can you tell me is there any material about this issue here on PUA, something that can transform me from being Ted Mosby and bonding strong with every girl I hook up to Barney level hahaha. My "problem" is I love and respect women too much.

Re: Distancing from me after we made out on first date

Wed Jan 11, 2017 2:41 pm

I doubt you immediately love and respect someone simply because they happened to be born with a vagina and a pretty face. Those sentiments are to be earned, not implied.

Regardless, your problem is lacking options. And that makes you needy.

If you want a book pick up Models by Mark Manson. Get the audio.

Re: Distancing from me after we made out on first date

Wed Jan 11, 2017 7:43 pm

The is all so common..

Women can fluctuate emotionally.. They're like the tide, they come in and they come out. And depending on their own level of emotionally stability some will do this much more than others. Where guys go wrong is that we expect them to be like us; we expect them to be all the way consistent and so we hold them to their words the way we would hold onto our friends words. The thing is.. they're not our friends. Especially not after 2 weeks of knowing one other.

When a guy and a girl come together what guys seem to forget is that women have "game" just as much as we have "game". A guys game instinctually is to try and pump ourselves up, we present ourselves as smarter, stronger, more skilled, talented, and experienced than we actually are, because we understand instinctually that women are attracted to a man with the potential to provide. Women on the other hand understand that a guy will like them to the extent that they mirror him and inflate his ego. So when you say " We both felt this amazing deep connection" what you're not understanding is that she was simply mirroring the vibe/connection that you were projecting, because if she didn't you wouldn't have liked as much as you do now. If a girl likes you a little bit and thinks theres some potential she can't tell you " slow down buddy... I only like you a little bit" while you're projecting all of this hollywood romance on her unless she wants to 1)hurt you ego and 2) cause you to back pedal and reconsider how inspiring you truly find her.

She becomes charmed by how quickly she's been able to make you fall in love. Its powerful and intoxicating to her. And by not playing along, she risks giving that power up. So she'll fall into the moment, have a good time and play "house" with you, but after that moment their is still more to consider than that moment. While you're holding onto the memories of yesterday she is considering this moment. You're not longer there will all of the funny jokes, charm, kisses, and good looks; all that is there is that moment and whatever is around her then.

So thats what you're missing.. When a woman says " I love you" she is saying "i love you" to the guy you are being in that moment. If you allow her saying " I love you" to change ANYTHING about you or ANYTHING about how you feel about her she no longer loves you. She loves the guy you were being just that moment right before she said those words; because it is that guy who inspired the words in the first place. The guy of that moment, not the new guy you became as a result of her.

This guy that posting on the forums, confused, and asking a ton of "what went wrong questions" is not the guy that she was mirroring those emotions for. You weren't doing this during the date.. So how could you expect her to feel that now? When you acknowledge that you are not being the guy of that moment today, you'll have the answer to why she's not being the woman she was at that moment today. She follows you.

Re: Distancing from me after we made out on first date

Thu Jan 12, 2017 4:01 pm

Eddie thank you, It's a little bitnl clearer to me right now where it went wrong. But, what should I do now? How do I act? She said she needs some time fo herself. If in a month or two she texts me, What's a proper way to act in that situation? Letting her know that she made mistake when she cutted me off or being full od understanding for decision and accepting the fact I went to it too fast?

Re: Distancing from me after we made out on first date

Thu Jan 12, 2017 4:50 pm

When a woman says she needs time for herself, it means you've been overbearing, clingy, and too serious, too fast.

Respect her, and yourself by ceasing all contact. Go out tonight and game other women..she'll probably text you in a few days while you're fucking a new girl, and then when you reply back you'll have some abundance menrality and have your emotions in check.

Re: Distancing from me after we made out on first date

Thu Jan 12, 2017 6:39 pm

I get the point now, damn, whole my life I was so wrong, but hey, after this I can only grow. Thank you guys, really.
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