Asking her out.


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 Post subject: Re: Asking her out.
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2017 10:53 pm 
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Arch Stanton wrote:
DynEira wrote:
I know this still comes across as weak behaviour and I need to try and be more of a leader. Make decisions for the group rather than tag along.


Make decisions for YOU.


Yeah that sounds better. Will have to look at improving my leadership skills. Would help improve several different areas I'm sure.

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I struggle with the going out alone idea. I have two places that are quite close, but still a few miles away. Also, I would know a lot of people out there and I just think it seems a bit strange for someone to be out alone. Don't know if it's a UK thing.



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You know what's strange? Guys who embrace a couching lifestyle, spending tons of time indoors, and only hanging with males most of the time, jerking off, and living a terrible life.

That's fucking creepy and strange.

I prefer to go out and meet women alone. The hottest women love a lone wolf or a bull moose. It shows you don't need to hang out with the spike bucks to have a good time. You're a man, an adult, and you can create your own great time.

Ever notice how the bull elk regards the herd of spike bucks that hang at the periphery of the bull's harem? He simply doesn't give a fuck unless one of the dumb spike elk challenges him, and then the spike elk gets maimed.

Stop with the excuses. Build a lifestyle that gets you a harem, not a group of spike bucks. you do this by focusing on self-improvement through fitness, career goals, literature, and mind expansion. NOT from PUA tricks or "magic words".


Love how direct you are with your advice. And how I can mostly relate to what you're saying but haven't got the guts to implement it yet. I have to be honest with myself and the going out alone will probably be the hardest part to accomplish. In the meantime however, I will be working towards self-improvement an hopefully it can help me go out alone. But I will look to approach more when out otherwise as well.


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 Post subject: Re: Asking her out.
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2017 10:59 pm 
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crevus wrote:
If you see her you should act totally cool and continue escalating.

Most guys get thrown off by how women behave around them or what they say to them, but a real man, knows how to keep composure in spite of this.

Whenever you have the opportunity, escalate.

Even if she didn't return your call. Even if she flaked. Even if she said you're just a friend to her.
Or that she has a boyfriend(well maybe not then, depending on your principles).

HOWEVER, escalate in a respectful, self-confident way. Don't force kiss her, grab her, grapple her or do whatever shit people get convicted for.

How do you escalate? Be fun, bring positive emotions, flirt, tease, kino escalate until you get very touchy with her etc.

Here is a a kino escalation ladder presented in a more theoretical way, so you get the idea:

http://www.slideshare.net/vhie130501/16 ... tionladder

If you escalate right you can turn girl from neutral to interested.

In order to escalate right, you have to neither come
-> too strong, by being too pushy, aggressive or sexual too fast, or
-> too weak, by not flirting, teasing or getting sexual at any time.

You have to find the right balance.

So, how can you learn to escalate right? This comes with experience.
It's like lifting weights or learning to play the guitar. At first you'll be bad at it, but in time and with perseverance you'll get better.

This is why I advise you to approach other girls. In order to build much needed experience with escalating.

So when you see this girl, act cool, pretend like nothing happened and immediately begin to escalate.


Thanks for the link. I'll have a read over that and see what I can learn and what I can use. What you've written is exactly what I did wrong on my meetings with this girl. I was too weak. I think I'm OK with the teasing aspect, could be better of course, but OK. However, me flirting is poor and I'm bad at moving things to make them sexual. If the conversation leads there, I tend to change the subject. Which in turn displays my inexperience and is surely eliminates any attraction that was there previously


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 Post subject: Re: Asking her out.
PostPosted: Thu Feb 02, 2017 1:45 am 
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crevus wrote:
How do you escalate? Be fun, bring positive emotions, flirt, tease, kino escalate until you get very touchy with her etc.

Here is a a kino escalation ladder presented in a more theoretical way, so you get the idea:

http://www.slideshare.net/vhie130501/16 ... tionladder

If you escalate right you can turn girl from neutral to interested.



Thanks for the info and the link. I've read over it a few times and can see how it'd help. I'll be looking to put it into practice at the earliest opportunity. It's something that I didn't do with this girl at all.

Is there a similar guide or book to help with confidence that you know of? Most books I'm aware of try and make you act like someone else. I want to be able to be myself around strangers, and be confident in doing so.

Also, if a girl asks why you haven't contacted her for a certain amount of time, what's the best way to react? Thanks


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 Post subject: Re: Asking her out.
PostPosted: Fri Feb 03, 2017 7:54 pm 
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I've just received a snapchat off this girl. Haven't heard or sent her a message for nearly two weeks. Doesn't say anything in specific, but kind of hints that she's bored. Should I send one back or ignore it?


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 Post subject: Re: Asking her out.
PostPosted: Fri Feb 03, 2017 8:03 pm 
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Do a pull away response. Tell her she should go out and do something.


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 Post subject: Re: Asking her out.
PostPosted: Fri Feb 03, 2017 10:07 pm 
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Or do the exact opposite and invite her at a bar tonight. No need for chit chat.

"You went off the radar for a while. Let's catch up at X bar."

"My cat birthed two kittens, let's celebrate at X bar."

"I don't know what to text you, so let's meet at X bar tonight."

If she rejects, don't reply or just say "k" and wait for her to initiate contact again in the future.


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 Post subject: Re: Asking her out.
PostPosted: Fri Feb 03, 2017 10:09 pm 
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crevus wrote:
Or do the exact opposite and invite her at a bar tonight. No need for chit chat.

"You went off the radar for a while. Let's catch up at X bar."

"My cat birthed two kittens, let's celebrate at X bar."

"I don't know what to text you, so let's meet at X bar tonight."

If she rejects, don't reply or just say "k" and wait for her to initiate contact again in the future.

This girl is seeking attention now that he's taken it away from her. Asking her to meet up with him when she does that is a rookie move. Give the shift in power some time to happen.


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 Post subject: Re: Asking her out.
PostPosted: Fri Feb 03, 2017 10:40 pm 
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I went with what Jack suggested. She hasn't opened it as of yet so no response. I'll wait and see if she responds after opening it.

If she does respond positively, what would be the best way to play it?


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 Post subject: Re: Asking her out.
PostPosted: Fri Feb 03, 2017 11:02 pm 
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JackZero wrote:
crevus wrote:
Or do the exact opposite and invite her at a bar tonight. No need for chit chat.

"You went off the radar for a while. Let's catch up at X bar."

"My cat birthed two kittens, let's celebrate at X bar."

"I don't know what to text you, so let's meet at X bar tonight."

If she rejects, don't reply or just say "k" and wait for her to initiate contact again in the future.

This girl is seeking attention now that he's taken it away from her. Asking her to meet up with him when she does that is a rookie move. Give the shift in power some time to happen.


Interesting. I think I could learn from this too.

Do as Jack says and keep us updated.


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 Post subject: Re: Asking her out.
PostPosted: Fri Feb 03, 2017 11:39 pm 
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I went with what Jack suggested. She hasn't opened it as of yet so no response. I'll wait and see if she responds after opening it.

If she does respond positively, what would be the best way to play it?


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 Post subject: Re: Asking her out.
PostPosted: Sat Feb 04, 2017 12:07 am 
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DynEira wrote:
I went with what Jack suggested. She hasn't opened it as of yet so no response. I'll wait and see if she responds after opening it.

If she does respond positively, what would be the best way to play it?

Your goal here isn't to get her to respond positively or negatively. Your goal is to make her uncertain of where she stands with you. When she's uncertain but interested, she's going to work to get your attention. That's what her "bored" message was about. "He's not giving me attention, so I'm going to dangle some bait in front of him." Now that he didn't take the bait, she's going to have to go a step further to get his attention.

When she goes that step further it's more than likely going to be something along the lines of, "is everything ok" or "you seem distant lately." This is where you have the upper hand and set her on her heels. You respond by saying, "I asked you out and you didn't seem interested." If you're bold enough, "I don't have time to keep playing games." This usually leads into her defending her actions or giving an explanation of how she was trying to let you down easy but still be friends. Then decide what you want to do from there.


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 Post subject: Re: Asking her out.
PostPosted: Sat Feb 04, 2017 12:33 am 
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JackZero wrote:

Your goal here isn't to get her to respond positively or negatively. Your goal is to make her uncertain of where she stands with you.


Agree with this.


Quote:
You respond by saying, "I asked you out and you didn't seem interested." If you're bold enough, "I don't have time to keep playing games." This usually leads into her defending her actions or giving an explanation of how she was trying to let you down easy but still be friends. Then decide what you want to do from there.



Completely disagree with this. Complaining about her not meeting up is needy/stalker behavior. A man with options wouldn't complain to a woman like this. It's also an emotionally-uncentered response.

If she asks, "what's wrong, you're distant lately," simply say "I've been having a blast with my career and a few other things lately", and leave it at that.

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 Post subject: Re: Asking her out.
PostPosted: Sat Feb 04, 2017 12:45 am 
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Arch Stanton wrote:
JackZero wrote:

Your goal here isn't to get her to respond positively or negatively. Your goal is to make her uncertain of where she stands with you.


Agree with this.


Quote:
You respond by saying, "I asked you out and you didn't seem interested." If you're bold enough, "I don't have time to keep playing games." This usually leads into her defending her actions or giving an explanation of how she was trying to let you down easy but still be friends. Then decide what you want to do from there.



Completely disagree with this. Complaining about her not meeting up is needy/stalker behavior. A man with options wouldn't complain to a woman like this. It's also an emotionally-uncentered response.

If she asks, "what's wrong, you're distant lately," simply say "I've been having a blast with my career and a few other things lately", and leave it at that.
When you tell a girl the reason that you're no longer interested in her doesn't equate to stalker behavior. This is especially true if she's reaching out to you after you blow her off and she's the one that is seeking answers from you. If you told a girl the reason that you are not interested, do you really believe the rational response is stalker?

To tell her "I've been having a blast with my career and a few other things lately" totally takes her off the hook for her actions completely. Fuck that. A man can tell a woman that she's the one that fucked up and walk away. Anyone that thinks he's a stalker for doing that isn't in their right mind.


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 Post subject: Re: Asking her out.
PostPosted: Sat Feb 04, 2017 12:58 am 
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JackZero wrote:
When you tell a girl the reason that you're no longer interested in her doesn't equate to stalker behavior.


Why say anything to her in that context? That's a classic sign of butt-hurt. It conveys she got to you.

You recommended this line, too:

"I don't have time to keep playing games."

That's a lot of emotion and more butt-hurt. If a man isn't getting laid, he should at least act like it. This kind of emotional impatience with a girl early on conveys otherwise.



Quote:
To tell her "I've been having a blast with my career and a few other things lately" totally takes her off the hook for her actions completely. Fuck that. A man can tell a woman that she's the one that fucked up and walk away. Anyone that thinks he's a stalker for doing that isn't in their right mind.



What "hook"? This is a woman the man has never had physical relations with. Why the need to punish a girl for showing lack of interest? Seems a bit emotional and vindictive. It also comes off as if you're soooo butthurt. Not dominant behavior.

Again a guy with options isn't going to respond this way.

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 Post subject: Re: Asking her out.
PostPosted: Sat Feb 04, 2017 1:25 am 
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Arch Stanton wrote:
JackZero wrote:
When you tell a girl the reason that you're no longer interested in her doesn't equate to stalker behavior.


Why say anything to her in that context? That's a classic sign of butt-hurt. It conveys she got to you.

You recommended this line, too:

"I don't have time to keep playing games."

That's a lot of emotion and more butt-hurt. If a man isn't getting laid, he should at least act like it. This kind of emotional impatience with a girl early on conveys otherwise.



Quote:
To tell her "I've been having a blast with my career and a few other things lately" totally takes her off the hook for her actions completely. Fuck that. A man can tell a woman that she's the one that fucked up and walk away. Anyone that thinks he's a stalker for doing that isn't in their right mind.



What "hook"? This is a woman the man has never had physical relations with. Why the need to punish a girl for showing lack of interest? Seems a bit emotional and vindictive. It also comes off as if you're soooo butthurt. Not dominant behavior.

Again a guy with options isn't going to respond this way.
Arch, you worry about stupid shit. I've told so many girls that I don't have time to play games with them and walk. I've told women that they need to grow up and walk away. You know what happens? Of course you don't because you worry about how women perceive you. What happens is that they apologize right there and then on the spot or sometimes the next day. They go out of their way to make it up to you.

You preach a lot about being brutally honest but then you hide because you fear what she thinks. This is why so many new guys have a hard time. They spend most of their energy pretending. If it pisses you off that a girl does something wrong and you want to pretend you don't have any feeling on it either way, don't bite your tongue if you are asked about it.

Finally, how do you view this as punishment or being vindictive? You're pointing out her behavior was something that you don't want to deal with because she asked. If she feels like she's being punished then that's on her and it only feels that way because she knows she's done something wrong. If she thinks you're vindictive for it, then it's probably a really immature girl.

Not to insult your misguided beliefs...I am a guy with options. I'm not saying this to brag, but I have more options than most and I wouldn't hesitate doing this.


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