Dressing Sexy vs Dressing Well


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 24, 2013 3:04 pm 
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Let’s start this off by a simple question – when it comes to women, what first impression would you like to make?

    The Stylish one?
    The Rich guy?
    The Best Friend Forever?
    The Entertainer?
    The Sexy one?
    Etc.

As we are having this discussion in a seduction forum my guess would be “the sexy one”, right?

Because from the start it would be obvious that you’re a sexual man, who doesn’t judge people (neither women nor men) for being sexual, which in turn makes it more likely that women will open up to you.

Furthermore, when women have this impression and decide to approach you it’s not because they want you to entertain them or buy them a drink. Instead they are there to figure out if you have what it takes to take them home.

Fair enough so far?

Then question comes to mind – why, oh, why so many men insist on trying to look like they are about to meet her parents, or go overboard with edgy/attention grabbing stuff and look like lame mascots.

I would like to think that people in general are actually quite smart and they make such mistakes not because they enjoy making interactions with women more difficult and less sexual, but instead it’s a simple case of misinformation and lack of awareness what signals their image sends.

What It Means To Dress Sexy

Let’s start with an easy example:

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Here we have two very beautiful blondes and even though we could argue whole day which one is prettier, etc. It’s unmistakable that blonde in the first picture dressed “sexy” and the dress in second picture is more about being “pretty/stylish”.

What would happen if the girls exchanged the dresses, same story – the woman in the white dress will always be considered (by most) to have the “sexy” image.

Now, let’s take a step back – when you look at those two pictures, what assumptions pop into your head?

Personally, I find the woman in the second picture to be more attractive, for some reason a date with a glass of wine pops into my head. But when I look at the first picture there’s only one thought – SEX. As in, I don’t care about what and where, but I know I would like to ravage her!

Would be interesting to hear what’s on your mind, share, don’t be shy

Now here’s a kicker, everyone makes assumptions like these and yes, especially women.

In other words, within moments she notices you; she will have made tons of different assumptions about who you are. And wouldn’t it be great to naturally for into the “SEX” category? How much easier it would whole further interaction?

One last note here,

As you’re looking at the “sexy woman”, do you care how much her dress cost? Do you care if she has a car? Would you give a second thought about her cool hobbies and other DHVs? Does it matter to you what’s her status?

No, no and no!

Now, I’m sure the following will get a lot of hate, but this needs to be said – when it comes to purely short-term sexual relationships WOMEN DON’T CARE EITHER.

All that other stuff only starts to matters if you initially fall into “maybe fuckable” category in her mind and you must move from maybe to a “yeah.. alright, I needed some sexing anyway”.

Or, in most cases, when the woman has some other hidden agenda from the start: maybe she’s looking for a boyfriend, wants you to buy her stuff or simply shower her with attention.

In other words, after a certain point if your image signals qualities like status, financial stability, etc. you are moving away from “Ravage me tonight!” territory and into “You should totally meet my parents” one.

Note here: there is a threshold to be met, in other words if you look like an actual bum, there will be problems :) I mean that’s obvious, right?

What It Means To Dress Sexy For A Man

Now let’s take a look at another example,

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Once again we have two really good looking people, just this time, men. Both could easily get laid based on looks alone and yet the two images a very different. So let’s see, can you intuitively guess which one is the “sexy one”?

Hopefully it’s as obvious for you as it is for me – the bottom one. But I don’t like dealing in opinions, so let’s go through main steps what makes his image sexy:

    From the top – Facial Hair – women very one-sidedly have reported that for sexual encounters and short term-dating prefer men with short beards or stubble. For long-term relationships – clean shaven men.

    Thick casual jackets vs Leather Biker jacket - studies show that for sexual encounters women look for masculine (risk taking, dominance, rebellious behavior – qualities associated with high T and, in turn, masculinity) men and stability, socially safe behavior for relationships. Naturally, leather jacket gets a sexy point here.

    Thick materials in the first picture hides guys superior physique, on the other hand, in the second picture slim, well-fitted pieces emphasizes developed shoulder/chest area and near perfect shoulder-to-waist ratio.

As I am a new member I cannot actually set links to sources (studies/articles/research), so you’ll have to take word on the analysis or just pm me and I’ll send you the links, if you want to read more.

One more thing to notice here, notice neither picture has “peacocking” pieces? That’s because “LOOK AT ME!!!” is needy and NOT SEXY.

I’ll probably write another thread soon, to explain in more detail why peacocking as a concept is ineffective and, in many cases, hurt your chances.

One last disclaimer I need to put here: when talking about what women find sexy, we are talking about statistical majority – yes, there are women who find nice looking guys to be “the sexy ones”, just as there are men who prefer obese women, so you can’t appeal to everyone, but you can increase your chances to drop into “sexy” category by following the rules of what women find visually attractive for sexual encounters.

The Takeaways

    Based on your image women will form opinions about you and treat you based on that initial impression

    “Dressing sexy” and “dressing well” are not mutually exclusive but still very different.

    You don’t need to “peacock” to fall into “SEX” category.

    When you’re after ONS/short-term dating and from first impressions drop into “ravage me!” category in a woman’s mind, you can forget about DHV’ing/Status/etc.

    There are rather universal rules what defines “sexy” image and they are based on what women prefer for sexual encounters and short-term dating and not long-term dating.

    Your Image Will Impact What People You Attract

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 24, 2013 5:14 pm 
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It depends on what your goal is.

If you're looking to get laid and just have sex, a groomed beard, open chest and sexy clothes are the way to go.

If you're looking for a long-term girlfriend, then clean-shaven and smart clothes are the best bet.


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 24, 2013 5:36 pm 
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Hey Hunter_Foxe,

You're absolutely right!

As someone who enjoys his libertine lifestyle, I wrote this from the perspective of image for ONS/Short-term relationships.

But as you pointed out, it works from another angle too, if someone is looking for something long-term they better make sure their image reflects that too.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 25, 2013 4:15 am 
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I think sexy dressing are liked by every one in these days and cause of a big attraction for every one. No doubt males and females both are interested in these use of sexy costumes and spend a lot of their time in dress selection and related terms.What is your opinion about it share your thinking about it.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 25, 2013 6:16 am 
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Hey Alissa_smith,

From my own experiences it's not all sunshine and rainbows:

When women dress sexy they are often slut-shammed by other women and "white knight" men;

When men dress sexy they are often hated by other men and sexually unavailable women (or women who don't think they have a chance with you);

It boils down to unfair advantage in the sexual market - people who demonstrate desirable sexual qualities are prefered vs those, who play it safe and visually hide their sexual nature.

You're right that both men and women tend to spend quite a lot of time worrying about looking their best and want to look attractive, the main difference here is that most people try to dress "well" instead of "sexy": it's safe, you still get attention like "Oh, you look so nice tonight", etc. and its unlikely that people will disapprove.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 25, 2013 6:26 am 
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is this article a reprint from Mens fitness or Details magazine?


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 25, 2013 7:13 am 
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Haha,

Neither, imho men's magazines are terrible for this stuff (in most cases). Anyway, the article is 100% original if that's what you're wondering.

Edit: Okay, not 100% original, the photos were googled and mashed up

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 25, 2013 11:59 am 
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If you don't have inner game though, all of the above is meaningless.

Look the best you possibly can, yes, but don't just rely on looking good because this will make you lazy.

I used to rely on my looks to get me laid. I would wait for girls to approach me. But the only girls who approached me were 6's and 7's so I ended up selling myself short. It wasn't until I started approaching 9's and 10's that I started getting any real success with higher quality girls

The problem with focusing too much on clothing / outer game and neglecting your inner game is that it can lead to thinking it is looks alone that get you laid. Looks give you more opportunity, but you won't get laid with quality women if your game sucks, even if you are Johnny Depp / Brad Pitt. Focusing everything on your looks can also make you vain and there is nothing more repulsive to a woman than a man who is constantly preening himself in the mirror like a woman.

You are wrong when you say "women are the same as men" when it comes to judging how attractive somebody is. Good looks help, but attitude is just as important. A rough ugly bald alpha male will be more successful than the weak, preened boyband wuss.


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 25, 2013 1:57 pm 
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I'd rather this no go too far off-topic, so just main points

1) Yes, this is not some sort of "magic bullet"/"fix all" - that would be just plain silly.

2) There's nothing wrong with being a bit "lazy" when it comes to seduction: some guys enjoy doing zillion approaches with success rate in single digits, others prefer to have as much advantage as possible so that they need to invest as little extra time as possible to have a satisfying sex life - for each is own.

3) "vain and there is nothing more repulsive to a woman than a man who is constantly preening himself in the mirror like a woman" - Sure, the idea behind this article is not how to be "the pretty boy", but about making the distinction between being pretty/handsome and hot/sexy.

4) I was very specific about adding the "when it comes purely to sexual encounters" and still stand by it. Because if we look at the actual studies whether we're sexually attractive or not are decided from the first impressions (aka within moments, aka before we even can a chance to say our first words). So style + body language (which of course is affected by inner-game) plays the dominating role. And that first impression is very very persistent :)

But seriously, let's not go into the "looks matter/looks don't matter/it's all about game/etc" argument, it's boring and there's not enough hard data (that I'm aware of) to move beyond speculations and KJ'ing. Though I really appreciate you sharing your points.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 25, 2013 10:41 pm 
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I agree with much of the post - and your replies to other posts below. However, to summarise it all, you're basically saying that stubble, a leather jacket and fitted clothes = sexy. I used to have a leather jacket ages ago with a terrible hood on, and a ridiculous logo on the back. It was not sexy at all. Likewise, some of my best work shirts fit like a glove, they make me look hot in a "hot businessman" type way, but it's not the same as "sexy". And stubble, if you can only grow a patchy beard, or your hair is brown and you grow a ginger beard, then it can look pretty terrible!

I think the points you give are worth following to an extent, but I think the difference between dressing well and dressing sexy is really all about a certain "je ne sais quoi". As the French term suggests, it's something which you can't really put your finger on, but which I will try to.

It's often about the small details rather than what you're actually wearing. What you should do is dress well first and foremost. But then it's about adding an element of "I don't give a shit" to the outfit. Look again at the bottom picture of the man, the one I agree would look more "sexy" of the two. Give him a shave and tuck his shirt in properly and he doesn't look sexy. He looks well dressed still, but far less sexy. The stubble gives him an element of "I don't give a shit", because if he did give a shit, he'd shave every morning. But even more important to the whole look is an element you didn't mention - the shirt. Look how it's tucked in. That is sheer class, it screams "yeah I can't be bothered to tuck this in properly and I don't give a fuck if I look a mess" whilst at the same time he clearly knows he doesn't look a mess.

This is really where peacock theory comes in. Now, I'm not talking about the ridiculous peacocking like wearing bright red hats with wavey hands coming off the top or shit like that. But peacocking in a far more subtle way.

Take for instance a basic outfit of jeans, white button up and navy blue blazer. You tuck the white shirt in, undo only the top button (or maybe 2) and you're looking well put together, stylish even, but not really sexy. Now then, make a couple of these adjustments and you're looking sexy - pop the collar of the jacket up, roll the sleeves of the jacket up, unbutton 3 or 4 buttons on your shirt, tuck the shirt in like in that second picture in your original post. You've still got exactly the same clothes on, but you've worn them in a sexy manner.

Take a man in an ordinary, well fitted suit. It looks good on him, he looks stylish and smart. But you pop open that top button, pull the tie down a notch, tuck the shirt in as above, and he's looking a lot more "sexy".

Now, take the first "less sexy" picture of the man in your original post. The thing is here, he's just not dressing well in the first place. It's a horrible jacket, they're a poor pair of jeans, it's a nasty scarf and it's a kid's tee shirt. You can't make bad clothes look sexy.

Again, the dress well + "I don't give a shit" idea can be seen with the pictures of the women in your first post. Both are dressed well - classic white dress. Both are wearing almost the same outfit. But one is wearing a plain white dress in a "I care what people think about me" way, whilst one is wearing a plain white dress in a "I don't give a shit" way by having a plunging cleavage and slightly shorter in length. But both are essentially just plain white dresses worn in a slightly different way.

So really, whilst I agree with the principles you've put forward and everything in your post is great, I would say that you can't simply identify three things (stubble, fit and leather jacket) as sexy, nor should you make such a differentiation between dressing well and dressing sexy. In order to dress sexy you NEED to dress well first and then add an element of "I don't give a shit" to your outfit.


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 25, 2013 10:54 pm 
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Oh, and if I may pick up on a point that both you and Hunter Foxe seem to be making, albeit in slightly different angles, I think your "dressing sexy not well" and HF's "rough ugly bald alpha male has more success than weak preened look" come together if you're using the 'dress well + I don't give a fuck added element' idea.

If you pushed me to give one defining feature of an alpha male, I would say that they were so comfortable in their own skin that they just didn't really give a fuck about what other people thought. Now, that could mean dressing in scruffy ass horrible clothing because you don't give a shit. Yeah, fine, but that isn't helping you because you look scruffy. Yeah you could dress well and preen yourself, but as you both point out, this gives you a "he looks nice" edge rather than a "fuck me now" edge. Combine the two by dressing well and adding elements which show you don't care for normal rules and you're going to wear your clothes however you want in a slightly 'different to normal rules of society' fashion, and you've got the best of both.


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 25, 2013 11:22 pm 
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It depends on you, not what you see a professional model looking like in a picture(That's been spruced up, had hair, make-up and clothes aligned specifically for the shot -- something that won't stick on a night out).

For example: Scarfs can be sexy. If you have the hair, eyes and nose for a scarf you can really sex it up as it draws attention to that portion of your face. If you have dark eyes a scarf is excellent for this. Women will naturally be drawn to your eyes as the lower half of your face is basically missing visible areas(The jaw line for instance and chin if you don't wear it loose) so if you have naturally dark eyes(Something women find sexy and attractive) you're a shoe in if you wear a scarf in winter. If you don't have a dark sexy look a scarf could be a hit or miss.

Not everyone would look sexy in whatever style it is. Basically if you want to look like that you need to go for that entire style.

Just work with what compliments you best and what you feel comfortable in.


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 26, 2013 6:22 am 
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Now that's quality commenting :)

I admit, the "leather jacket, stubble, fit" is quite a lazy example and bit of a cliché. But it does suit the criteria for sexy quite well.

Regarding facial hair, there's an interesting poll done:

-Men with short beards/stubble are found dominant and most attractive for short-term relationships and sexual encounters.
-Clean shaven men were found moderately attractive and preferred for long-term relationships.
-Men with full beards were found most dominating but least preferred for any kind of relationships.

Now, 7000, you're of course right that if someone can barely grow any facial hair should just clean shave. But for those who can, it's a solid way to add the "I don't give a shit" factor.

---

Regarding the "I don't give a shit", again I can only agree, attest and maybe add some backing why it's important:

It's no surprise that women highly prefer masculine men, and some of the qualities that are highly masculine (affected by testosterone) are:

-Risk-taking
-Rebellious behavior (In most studies regarded as "aggressive behavior", but from what I've read the aggressive part was debunked)
-Can stand out/lead.

So "I don't give a shit" factor in the outfit does exact that - adds the masculine edge = sexy.

My problem with peacocking is that the line between "rebellious/standing out/risk-taking" and "HEYYY LOOK AT ME!!" is very thin; one is sexy, the other is needy. And from what I've seen really few guys pull it off right (at least here)

---

Regarding the first guy in the photo, yeah, his outfit is very mediocre at best. Though I was really happy to find that one, simply to show, that one can have a face of a male model and (likely) a physique of a Greek god and still look rather average.

---

Last point I would like to add for now,

I don't think "dressing well" and "dressing sexy" are mutually exclusive, but at the same you can have one without the other (to a certain extent).

I mean of someone is really well dressed there will be at least some sex appeal and if someone goes purely for "sexy" look without any clue about the style basics, it won't work.

So the main difference is which quality we want our image to represent as the "primary" one.

"Dressing well" + "I don't give a shit" (sexing it up) definitely works, though I'd say there's more than adding edgy details:

-Visually adjusting physique (for bulkier/skinnier guys) to get closer to ideal male physique
-Appearing visually taller (shorter guys)
-More proportionate (taller guys)
-Drawing attention to the "hot spots" (shoulder/chest area or crotch)

In some ways this does correlates with "dressing well" and yet I'm not sure if "well" covers every aspect. Eh, but I guess that's just semantics now.

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PostPosted: Sat Oct 05, 2013 12:31 pm 
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Is anyone else having trouble seeing the pictures? All I see are the written attachments.


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 05, 2013 2:50 pm 
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You know you have nailed your style when girls compliment you ,and your close friends call you gay.

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