What happened to me and how do I recover?



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PostPosted: Tue May 09, 2017 8:05 pm 
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I think I've always kind of had a jaded interpretation of the world. I'm VERY idealistic and life has therefore always come up short for me.

Anyway, when I was growing up I was ALWAYS around friends and other people. I existed with other people. They energized me. This was the way my life was all the way through grade school and high school. I considered myself a big time extrovert. It even got to the point where in high school I charmed the hell out of my would be second gf to the point where she wanted so much sex with me that it was actually more than I cared for. When I pursued her I had no worries because I KNEW that I could get her and I didn't have a fear of escalating with her.

Fast forward about 7 years to where I am now. My Dad passed away unexpectedly, my gf ends up cheating on me and I begin working isolating office jobs. I feel alone so I start going to huge college parties and meeting tons of people and mingling with tons of girls, but I am not happy by any means. I eventually meet a girl online who I am able to charm at first. We stay together for 3 years but during those years she is distant and judgmental. I become VERY introverted and isolated and throw myself into more intellectual pursuits. Ever seen the show House MD? I feel like I turned into that. I have even had times where I've scared myself because I wasn't able to empathize with a nice person talking directly to my face.

What are your guys' thoughts on how I lost so much ground in my social prowess and what do you recommend as far as getting it back?


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PostPosted: Tue May 09, 2017 9:42 pm 
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Hit the gym every other day. Then go to bars and grocery stores. When you see a woman you're attracted to, say hi, and ask her out.

Rinse, repeat.

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PostPosted: Wed May 10, 2017 3:02 am 
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So in other words, get out of my fucking head and just "do"?


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PostPosted: Wed May 10, 2017 6:25 am 
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Yes.

Man of action, not man of hesitation. Movement is required for success. Small victories mentally and physically add up to big ones, and keep momentum in all phases of life.

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PostPosted: Fri May 12, 2017 5:35 am 
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In 2007 when I first got into the game. I was a huge WOW gamer. I sat down after a hard days work to do a raid with my guild and for the who knows consecutive night doing this. I realized, holy crap my social life is in the dumper.
I told my guild leader. I have to go. I'm not going to be playing WOW for an indeterminable amount of time.
I had become socially awkward, again. I was just starting to not feel like crap from returning from Iraq in 2005. PTSD can do that. I bought some books online, they were ok, but It jump started me into REALLY trying to improve myself.
I forced myself into socially awkward situations. I forced myself to be happy, and think positively. Maybe its time for some books on meditation if your having extremely cynical thoughts. It helped me.

The gym can help build confidence, but its usually only after 4 or so months when you've put on 15 or more lbs of muscle. I'm not discrediting the previous post. I just think more would help.

My friend it sounds like inner game is your issue. Remember almost every PUA had to fake it, before he made it.


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PostPosted: Sat May 20, 2017 5:52 pm 
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You have to create an plan of action, write it down, and small chunk it until its completed. Go through the list and start marking off items. Most guys' problem is their inner game. But it is only a problem because their outer game prevents them from being successful with women. They are broke, shabby, skinny, or fat, socially isolated, and haven't invested much in themselves as far as being individuals of higher value. So you start improving your outer game, the tangible materialistic sorts of things, and then you'll see your inner game confidence improves.

I'm more in Arch's camp as far as the gym. I've been hitting it hard for about three months now and put on about ten pounds of swole. If I stay at it, which I'm determined to do, I will be shredded by the end of the summer. Along with a bunch of little stuff I am slowly improving on along the way, this road to self-improvement in all facets of my life will eventually give me the confidence, skills, and opportunities that I require in order to live a more fulfilling life. And that's not just when it comes to women, but with a lot of things.

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PostPosted: Mon May 22, 2017 1:10 pm 
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If you were previously extraverted and were able to be around people and happy, then that person is STILL inside
of you. Who you are at the moment is probably not the REAL you.

You mentioned one thing was a turning point - your dad dying suddenly. And I am really sorry for your loss.

A very similar thing happened to me. I was very extraverted, happy, social, and then my grandad died suddenly.
I didn't really know how to handle it, I was very close to him, and it was my first experience with losing someone.

I suddenly became more introverted, my relationship failed, I became anxious and went into a depression. It was
very difficult to get out of it, it took me literally years to come back to where now I am happy, open, confident
and strong again.

What I needed to do - and what you should do as well - is go back and deal with your dad's passing away. You
probably have a lot of grief still, which you never processed fully, and is blocking your personality.

When you deal with the grief, you'll feel more at peace and at ease to just BE, and you'll naturally feel more
open with people again.

If you'd like me to help you with this process, send me a pm and I'll give you the first steps on dealing with
this.

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