i bookmarked this page and have been checking up on it every now and then to see if you post something new. your posts are just inspiring.
i hate reading long posts, but your post is definitely totally worth it.
Thanks, dawg. You know you can just do a thread setup thing where you get email notification when a reply is posted, right? That'll save you a little time.
Also, I totally welcome all comments up in here. I appreciate the positive feedback, but if you've got a cool reframe of something I'm saying, or you want to add something to a part that I didn't flesh out enough, or if you just flat-out disagree with something, hit me with it. Your experience is just as valid as mine.
THE LEARNING PROCESS
I figured out a while back that the process of becoming more attractive is more a process of shedding, of discarding, than a process of adding. Note, by the way, that learning game is not about learning how to attract
, as in something you actively and consciously do
. Wait... you know what? Screw it. I'll come back to the learning process later. Let's just talk about attraction right now.
Guess what: girls like you.
If you're in a day-to-day environment with a lot of girls (I'm thinking college here), a given percentage of them have a crush on you. Right now. They might be single, have boyfriends, be a cheerleader, volunteer in the library, or be that hippie girl that comes to class high every day. There's no telling.
And by "there's no telling," I mean "there is absolutely no logically deducible reason why girl x or girl y likes you." Maybe you remind her of a guy she used to have a crush on. Maybe you remind her of a guy that she used to hate because he was mean to her little brother or something, but you're nicer than he is, so her emotions are being pulled in two different directions when she sees you. Maybe she likes the way you carry yourself. Maybe you gave a presentation in class on something she liked, and she felt like she had some rapport with you.
It could be absolutely anything.
And the "caliber" of girls that have crushes on you is likely to have no relation whatsoever to the amount of "game" you have. If only two girls have crushes on you, it might be the one with a serious hygiene problem and an eating disorder AND the one that has a modeling career ahead of her and is only going to college because her parents wanted her to. Really, as your attractiveness improves, the only thing that will change on this front is the number
of girls you create emotional spikes in, and therefore the number that will be attracted to you, all up and down the spectrum.
Girls that have admitted crushes on me (usually after I started hitting on them myself) include a gothy artsy chick (the one from Republic), a sweet little virginal anime fangirl (actually, there were two of those, one more virginal than the other), a BDSM-practicing barfly, an Italian-as-olive-oil barista who had just gotten engaged before she met me, a forty-year-old stripper who still looks DAMN good for her age, and a career-centered West Coast girl with a very intense and very well-hidden flirty streak.
I can't think of any
one thing that all of these girls have in common that would cause them to be attracted to me. Except that they all knew me for a period of time and ended up liking me a lot.
But you really, really
shouldn't be thinking about this when you're out and about. Forget about making girls attracted to you and just focus on the vibe. Trying to get people attracted to you is reaction-seeking and needy, and you don't play dat. Remember? You should be out and about having the best time you can and bringing other people into it. Thoughts about theory have no place in the field. This game is emotional, not logical.
Your "attraction game" is not something you do in the first phase of an approach, in order to make yourself more attractive in the eyes of the people you're talking to. It's something that you do to yourself
over the course of your entire learning process to make yourself more like what you want to be.
THE LEARNING PROCESS, TAKE TWO
When it comes down to it, I think that the biggest difference between the results that a natural gets and the results that an AFC gets is that the natural "goes for it" more. He gets shot down more, for sure, but he also pulls more. Any given dude, in his present state, could walk up to at least half a dozen girls that know him (who have crushes on him), get a day2 (I'm playing this conservatively because of variables in the girls' ASDs), and pull home after the day2. And that's just girls that know him. That doesn't include cold approaches. Nor does it include girls that know him who just haven't been in a position to feel his vibe yet.
But the AFC isn't going for it. He's languishing in chode hell, not approaching, not showing interest in girls because his ego is afraid that he'll be rejected, and generally not making it happen. Not taking action
is the only reason why this guy isn't pulling.
Why does a natural go for it and an AFC doesn't? Because the natural doesn't give a shit. If a girl blows him off, his ego isn't hurt at all. He knows that he just hasn't opened the girl that's going to go with him that night yet.
He'll take a blowout, shrug his shoulders, and keep approaching. Maybe this next girl has been eyeing him up while he wasn't looking. Hell, maybe even one of the girls who blew him out is kicking herself for congruence-testing him too hard and blowing her
value in the process and will come back to talk to him later. It happens.
Those of you familiar with inner game stuff know what this mindset is: the abundance mindset.
HOW TO GET THE ABUNDANCE MINDSET
Like I said earlier, becoming more attractive is primarily a process of shedding, not of adding. Scarcity mindset, the opposite of abundance mindset, is a result of mental dead weight holding guys back. It is NOT a result "not having enough" of something good. It's a result of having too much bad stuff.
I'm not going to get into where this bad stuff comes from; that's covered far more thoroughly in Blueprint
than I could ever cover it. So, for that matter, is how to get rid of it. But I can give you some highlights.
First, your ego. Get rid of it. Tolle.
Second, believing that you're unattractive. This belief itself is what makes you unattractive. Pygmalion effect all the way. Do some low-key, low-risk, friendly approaches to help yourself get rid of this one.
Third, being judgmental about sex. Just... ditch this one. Seriously. There is no such thing as a slut. Girls put up the amount of resistance that they do because people (guys AND girls) judge them for wanting and having sex. If you project yourself to be one of those guys, then the girl might be attracted to you, but she'll want to make you wait for teh secks because she doesn't want you to judge her as a slut. Don't try to communicate that you aren't judgmental; that's impossible, and if you try it, it smacks of overcompensation. Just don't BE judgmental so that you don't give off the vibe of being judgmental. I linked to http://www.bristollair.com/inner-game/n ... ciety.html
earlier, and I'm doing so again because it applies here too. Godfather Soporno has some phat material on this subject also. Watch his videos.
Fourth, if you're feeling hardcore, do a ten-day positivity challenge. This is difficult as a motherfucker
, but the benefits are gigantic.
As you work on this stuff, you will get more and more positive reference experiences, and your mind will realize that your previously-held negative beliefs were just plain wrong
, as in having no relation to the real world at all, and discard them. Your game will begin to self-correct.
Let me see if I can describe what shedding a belief is like: it's not like when you first got into pickup and started to view all of your interactions through a filter. Rather, it's like your vision of the world clears
. Filters that you didn't even know you had, because you're so used to them, fall away. It's like driving fifty miles in a car with a dirty windshield, and then getting out of the car and seeing the world far more clearly than you're used to seeing it.
Discarding, not adding. You're removing barriers between yourself and the rest of the world.
THE TEN-DAY POSITIVITY CHALLENGE
This is a Tony Robbins thing that I learned about from Jlaix. I did one earlier this year. It took me thirty-two days to complete.
Here's what you do: for ten days straight, you are not allowed to entertain any negative thought for more than two minutes. You can't be angry, you can't be scared, you can't be sad. Deal with the negative emotions however you can: reframe them, ignore them and focus on the Now, deal with the real-world situation that's causing the bad emotion, whatever. But if you stay in that negative headspace for more than two minutes, you fail the challenge and have to start over from day one.
This challenge has several purposes: it will help you to realize how often bad thoughts crop up in your mind and how pointless they are, and it will train you to deal with them as they arise. It will eventually shift your "default" mental state to a more positive one than you started with, simply by you getting used to positivity. And I think you know what this will do for the vibe that you bring to your interactions.
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to allow yourself to be happy. Can you do it?
Fuck yeah, you can.
CONSISTENCY, NOT PERFECTION
I didn't really understand what this meant until recently. Here's my take on it.
Becoming more attractive is an ongoing process. You aren't moving towards a singular goal that you will then stop at. You are steadily becoming more and more attractive all the time. You won't suddenly become "good enough to start approaching" after enough study. There isn't some benchmark where you're "good enough" to try something out. You don't need to "be a player" to pull a girl within two hours of meeting her.
You are good enough to do all of that already. Yes, RIGHT NOW. Even when you're just starting out, you're good enough to open and not get blown out. You're good enough to get a number. You're good enough to get a makeout. You're good enough to pull.
The only thing that changes as you get better is how often
you can go for those things and succeed
. And guess what? Even if you're a total newbie, even if you think you suck, you're still good enough to do these things successfully a certain percentage of the time. Yes, even with the "hottest" girls.
Remember? As you become more attractive, the number of girls that are into you will go up, and it will go up all up and down the spectrum. There is no such thing as "good enough to pull a 7" or "good enough to make out with an 8." Hotter girls are not "more difficult." Your ego just makes them seem that way because your ego wants you to think that you suck. That's its job. It can't survive unless you listen to it, and it wants to survive.
At any given point in your progression, there may be a 5 that will blow you out before you even finish your opener and a 9 that will go home with you if you just ask. You won't know until you approach.
You're good enough to get at least something done, right now. So enjoy the rewards of being as good as you are, and know that it's only going to get better.
Consistency, not perfection. You aren't going to pull one hundred percent of the time. You're just going to pull more often. And the only way to pull is to go for it.
HOW TO JUMP-START YOUR ATTRACTIVENESS
Your attractiveness takes a big
leap when you do one very simple thing: approach.
Guys will passively attract girls that they're not even interacting with if they accidentally catch the girls' attention in some way. We already know that.
But you can actively
get girls attracted to you by approaching and putting your vibe right in front of them, instead of having them accidentally wander into it. By approaching, you give them a chance to be attracted to you that they may not have had otherwise.
And the act of approaching is attractive. It shows initiative. It shows balls. It shows that you aren't constrained by your ego, because you ARE willing to walk up to a girl and talk to her. You're the kind of guy that actually does that. Doing it well
only pushes it even further.
A few small steps for a man, a giant leap for his sex life.