Hi,

I just had a life changing situation about a month ago. Wife and kids moved out.

Now I sit here alone pondering this; I honestly don't know who the f*** I am anymore.

I've defined myself the last 10 years as a boyfriend, husband, father... I've lived 100% for this and rearranged my life to be about this. I'm defined by all these years of family life and the daily rutines that go with it.

Right now I'm a wreck. I lack good people to talk to about this kind of struggles and I'm hoping this could be a place to fill that gap. From what I understand this forum has some good potential for meeting wise men with similar experiences and a mindset of turning it around for a better future.

I'm drawn to this arena because of a need to focus on inner game, self confidence and building myself up to be the best man I can be. To make amends with what has been and to build the necessary skills and mindsets to make sure the best part is what to come.

I've got no motivation towards finding a new partner, or to date other women at all. My motivation is purely driven by the need to find myself again. Define myself if you will. Whatever my lust or drive towards other woman might be in the future I want to make sure that I leave my baggage here and don't go into my coming years as a wounded man, bitter, resentful and full of issues.

Friends of mine in similar situations started partying, sleeping with women. One of them ended up with twins with a new woman because of this behavior. That's not the road I want to take. I want to "get over this" before I start making bigger choices about my future. Not to have the choices controlled by trying to escape from bad feelings.

Now what I do is to sit around alone while thinking about what was, what could have been, unsure of what the future brings. A lot of bad feelings. I guess you can say I'm depressed. But this is no plan for the long run. I need and want to allow the bad feelings to do their thing and not just try to escape them, but then what? Where do I go from there? How long is it okay to linger with this shit before I need to slap myself in the face and pick my sorry ass up and move on? When is enough? And what then?

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The best way to predict the future is to create it.

A lot of us have been there Bro.
You are a Man, reach down grab your balls and reassure yourself.
And that's why you are here, to fix yourself, that's what men do. Fix stuff.

Is it your main desire to have this woman back? For one thing she will ALWAYS be in your life somewhere in the background, you have kids.
I call bullshit! Pussy is what drives us as men, just as oil drives the USA.

You still like pussy right?

You came to a PickUp site Bro.

Why even think like that, she either already has new dick, or is actively seeking some.

What's your take on why it ended?
How old is the invention of condoms?
Good you do not need one to complete yourself, always remember this.

Always know you will be fine without one.

I'm not knocking relationships, I'm just sayin you must be secure in yourself.

#1 Start working out.

#2 Start doing all the things you missed while attached. A sort of bucket list if you will.

#3 Focus on your career.

#4 Stop needing her. Don't call, don't email, don't twitter, don't text. Don't give HER any money, cut out everything except the needs of your children.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

I came from the opposite end. I left my daughter and her mom. Girl won't cook shit for me everytime I came home late from long travels at work until I banged lots of girls and steered clear of the monogamy. That motivated her to do better but by the time she's cooking great hot meals for me on the regular, I had already lost attraction.
If you don't have any medical condition, do 3 one-minute sprints every morning for the next five days. Rest 2 days. Then amp up the reps gradually until you're doing 20 minutes worth of sprints every morning 5 days a week. No jogging or slow running shit. One hour of slow running will do you harm than good. It will lower your testosterone.

Likewise, go to a gym and do strength training. Get a good trainer to motivate you, prevent injuries, and make your workout more efficient.

Fix your feel-good, anti-depression natural body chemicals FIRST before you fix anything else. This is the easiest thing to start and fix. Stay away from soda and cut down on sweets.

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Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

Heywood Jablowme really told the truth and I loved the way that he did

There is only one thing I feel that needs to be said...

CONDOMS DO NOT ALWAYS WORK...

But just because you are sexual with a woman doesn't mean you have to penetrate her pussy with your cock..... there are many, many, many more satisfying things and things that are more adventurous than that for both of you.

AND EVEN IF YOU DO PENETRATE THAT WAY... IT DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU HAVE TO CUM INSIDE THE CONDOM... CUM IN HER MOUTH, ON HER...

I've had many sexual encounters where it was just exchanging oral sex, fingering, and being really, really hands-on and mouth-on DO NOT BE AFRAID TO EXPLORE THIS AND EXPLORE ALL THE THINGS THAT TURN WOMEN ON MORE, THINGS THAT CAN BRING BOTH OF YOU PLEASURE LIKE YOU'VE NEVER HAD

I'm just kind of getting sick of that basic shit where it's always just limited to that or that always has to be a big thing and then people panic over it. ENJOY IT... WHATEVER WAY FEELS RIGHT AND WHATEVER WAY YOU WANT

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Your mission is to get your shit together...

1. FOCUS ON YOURSELF

2. BUILD YOUR INNER-GAME(SELF-IMAGE) BECOME A BETTER MAN FOR YOURSELF, NOT YOUR WIFE, NOT YOUR FAMILY

3. WORKOUT, FIND HOBBIES THAT YOU ARE PASSIONATE ABOUT AND ONES THAT KEEP YOU BUSY AND THAT WILL GAIN YOUR CONFIDENCE IN YOURSELF

4. GO OUT, BE SOCIAL, DATE WOMEN... DISTRACT YOURSELF FROM DRAMA/DEPRESSION/STUPID BULLSHIT AND FROM HER (TRY TO NEVER BE THE FIRST ONE TO CONTACT HER/ONLY RESPOND WHEN NEEDED)

No, my main desire is to find myself and make my choices based on my internal values and not external pushing factors.

We might get back together, and we might not. I'm not stressing with that. The way we have lived together is a way we cant. So time will show if we work better together or not, and until then I want to find myself. Sure, I like pussy, but I'm not controlled by it. I'm not going to have a week moment of getting some but ending up regretting it later. If I want to dip into some new pussy I'll make sure that that's what I really want before I do so.
Well, I see it as a lack of respect for each other and a missing ability to nurture each others needs accordingly. We were more in a fight mode than love mode..

I've got these under check. Started working out, and I'm a business owner and currently continuing to build the business. We talk, but at my premisse. And it's often with kids involved. I figure that she is still the mother of my children, so being an asshole just because I can wont make things better. We will have to interact in one way or another because of they kids anyways, so my goal is to make sure that we interact as good as we can no matter what our status as a couple or not ends up being.

But the bucket list, there I guess I could do some more.. work less, play more.

What I read from your reply is basically "use time on yourself".

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The best way to predict the future is to create it.

Nice. This is also something I'm working on. I'm not much of a runner, but I push weights.

_________________
The best way to predict the future is to create it.

_________________
The best way to predict the future is to create it.

Sounds good. Strength training is for testosterone boost up. Sprints are good for endorphin boost up. Those are two different hormones that our body as men needs especially when we're depressed.

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

Whats up Elephant

Big welcome to the forum.

First I'll point out that it was pleasant to read a clear form of self expression, and as ironic as it seems your situation is common in todays world. I believe we've completely lost connection with that which makes men men and that which makes women women. How we're difference, the ways we're alike, and how we much function because of these differences.

I would recommend you give this link a read: viewtopic.php?f=25&t=190620

And if you're depressed its usually a result of depleted testosterone levels, due to stress, poor diet, lack of activity, etc. etc.

See this: http://www.anabolicmen.com/increase-hgh-in-24-hours/

Proper sun light, cold showers, physical fitness, meditation, reading, and expressing yourself are all contributors. Emotional bonds are created through a chemical called oxytocin and testosterone nullifies oxytocin which is one of the reasons men can have no string attached sex a lot easier than women. Get those testosterone levels up and many of the bonds and connections you feel to your old situation with begin to be removed.

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Nice. Guess I should set aside some time to run like a mafakka then. In short bursts. Thanks for the tip and details to why do this.

_________________
The best way to predict the future is to create it.

As always, awesome info Eddie. I didn't know this until now.

elephant, you're one lucky dude. You have Heywood and Eddie backing you up. You're in good hands.

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

Thanks for the welcome and kind words, Eddie.

I just read this and found some interesting ideas and theories. At some level I know these things, but I don't know how to do them without getting a different result than wanted.

I.E: "Enforcing and maintaining boundaries" as one lad coins it; how to do this without it being a negative act? Also, this is an important aspect for me because I have this woman that I do have kids with and that I have to engage with in one way or another at least until the kids are 18++.

Can you please give some examples on how you would set boundaries in a way that doesn't give a negative impact and give them a reason to call you an asshole, but rather makes the girl see these as standards that you hold and won't budge?

I just read this and you link this with getting good results quick when training, correct? Or is it another tidbit I'm not catching on to here?

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The best way to predict the future is to create it.

*bump*

I was really hoping to see some good responses on my last post.

_________________
The best way to predict the future is to create it.

By setting your boundaries and standards, without budging. What she thinks of you for that shouldn't be of any consequence.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Sorry, but that didn't clear up much..

_________________
The best way to predict the future is to create it.