xplosiv wrote:I had been asked this before and I wasn't sure how to answer it.
Obviously being able to have game and speak to women no matter what you are wearing shows true confidence (think Barney from How I Met Your Mother) but something about certain clothing does make one feel better. I noticed when I wear a suit as well, I get treated a lot better or in some cases worse, depending on who I am around.
For me, some items I wear does increase my confidence. But is this a bad thing? Is this like a crutch?
It's funny that you mention this because it is a crutch, and i do use it..but i also purposely do the opposite to strengthen my inner-game and make it more dense. AND IT'S BEEN WORKING FOR ME!
When i'm doing sarging sessions (4 days a week - whether it's solo or with my wingmen)..which is basically when i approach 5 + hot girls during the day or night..that's when i'm wearing nice clothes that makes me feel the most comfortable and gives me the most confidence.
But days when i'm not sarging, i'm alone just running errands..i do 1 to 2 hot girl approaches on those days. I look like shit, and wear dirty, ripped, stained, or holey clothes (kinda like a homeless-man look basically). And i actually do this on purpose to work on my inner-game. When i go out like this, i'm forced to ignore my self-image, and deal with my inner-insecurities as they come up while i'm talking to these chicks. Or as i'm talking to anybody really, not just cute and hot girls. I found it to be very humiliating, and excruciatingly painful mentally and emotionally.
Imagine that you are approaching an HB9 at the grocery store or on the street, looking like a straight up bum!
To say that you are a deer in headlights when you're doing this is an understatement. The anxieties that will come up inside of your body (sweaty palms, dry lips, not fully being able to look into peoples' eyes, approach anxiety, social anxiety, inexplicably stumbling over stuff, mumbling, stuttering, looking around to see who's watching you as you're talking to this hot girl, because you're a bum approaching a hot chick out in the open..so why wouldn't people stare at you?) is unreal. And the list goes on and on...But doing this shit will toughen your inner-game up. It will strip the bullshit from your ego and strengthen your identity. No Bullshit! So when i go back to wearing the clothes that makes me feel confident..the depth of my confidence is alot deeper.
By the way..i stole this frame from homeless people (there are alot of homeless people where i live). I noticed that whenever i have conversations with them..they always seem so grounded, down-to-earth, friendly, outspoken, and outgoing (and i'm talking about the non-crazy, and relatively normal homeless people - i actually became friends with a few of them)..even more so than successful, stuck-up, business people. I was perplexed by this.
And since they already lost everything and looked like shit..their grounded-ness had to be real, and not held by any superficial crutches. So during my 3rd year into pick-up..i explored this to see if it could help me with my game, AND IT DID!!! Real recently..i was able to pick-up a hot punk looking black chick (HB8.4) downtown in my city during the day, while looking like shit! I was able to pull her back to my apartment looking this way. I eventually ended up closing the deal with her several hours later that night - for the Same Day Lay!!!!!
It's tough because before i always do this on my off days..i'm always like "Oh shit, i have to do this shit again today
". It takes so much courage and will power for me to do this shit. But in the end..it does pay off for your baseline confidence (or your "baseline state") - without you being "in-state". It forces me to not rely on "Getting Into State". Since i'm only approaching 1 to 2 girls..that is not nearly enough approaches to get me into state. So i'm forced to approach these girls at whatever state that i'm currently in at that particular time. When i started my 3rd year into game..i found that always relying on "getting into state" in order to be confident talking to hot girls, was unsustainable, and very energy draining. So this was a solution to me relying on "getting in-state", so i could actually work on being charismatic while being in my normal state..or even out-of-state, which is definitely sustainable. Your "baseline state/normal state" is the way that you are when you are in your comfort zone at home alone, when you are with your best friends, and when you are with your close family members (like your mom, dad, brother, and sister). You don't really need to feel like you need to "be in-state" whenever you are with your best friends and close family members do you? Of course not. If you felt like you always had to "get into-state" whenever you were around them, that would actually be weird. And your close friends and family members would also think that you're weird for doing that. Especially if you're not naturally like that all of the time. The same applies to being around girls. For a newbie..it's actually fine to seek "getting into-state" or wearing clothes that make you feel confident whenever you are approaching girls
. That's what i did for my first 2 years into pickup.
But eventually..you will discover that situational confidence - that you can get from dressing up, or wearing your best clothes,..and "getting into state"..both are unsustainable, and inherently "try-hard" and "approval seeking". These 2 crutches will help you in the short-term with girls..but it will hurt you in the long term with them also. Not only with girls..but it will hurt your personal growth long term as well. It will especially hurt you when you have to hang around a hot girl for hours..while she goes here..while she goes there..meets up with this friend..meets up with that friend..yatta..yatta..yatta..(all day and maybe all night) just to have a shot at fucking her late that night when you finally have her with you in isolation from everyone else. Your facade - that you're hiding behind with those nice clothes, or you hiding behind you being "in-state" it's all temporary. Until you have her in isolation..because you have to be around her for hours (which means maintaining your state, while staying in-set for hours..not minutes..hours!!!), in order to have any chance at fucking her..those crutches won't be able to hold up for you that long. And once your facade fades..trust me..so will the girl's attraction for you.
During my first 2 years, i used to go through "state crashes" alot. But every since i started doing this inner-game work in my 3rd year (i'm in my 4th year now) that i explained in the paragraphs above..i don't really have state crashes anymore. And my state holds even when i'm being rejected, blown-out, ignored, or shit tested by girls. I still feel the emotional pain of the rejection..but it isn't nearly as intense as it used to feel, and my recovery time from rejections are alot quicker now. Plus i know how to quickly spike my state right back up after it drops slightly. This is a bit on the extreme side. But i will do whatever it takes to get me greater results in the field and in my every day life. You don't have to do this, it's just something that i discovered last year, and that i continue to experiment with that works wonders for my inner-game. I just thought i'd share it with you guys.