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PostPosted: Sun Aug 24, 2014 9:33 pm 
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Hi,

This is my first post. I searched for a few things to try to find the answer to this question first, but nothing similar enough came up. Hope I'm posting in the right place.
I started Game about a month and a half ago.
Anyway, I approached this HB8 or 9 on the metro, didn't think I'd get anywhere but actually she took it pretty well and we went on an instant date.

It's great that I had this early success - what a confidence booster! - and she's a really great girl, and she seems really into me too. I was getting plenty of IOIs, e.g. I wasn't texting her but then she would text me. The thing is - and this is the point of this thread - I have just started Game and I really want to develop my skills. If I get into a relationship with her, then I don't think I'll have a chance to learn; and if I do and then break up because I want to game other girls and develop my skills, then I might hurt her, which I don't want to do, as well as look like a huge dickhead.

Ideally, I want to see how things pan out, have some sex, and then move on, with nobody getting hurt. (Some background: I am in my mid-20s and have only ever had sex once, about a year ago. I was in an LTR for about 4 years before that, much of which was long-distance, with a girl who believed in no sex before marriage. So I am kind of looking forward to having sex with her a few times if possible.)

I spoke to my friend about what to do, and he suggested that I should try to close early to take the pressure off. So we arranged another date, with an early k-close. Couldn't f-close due to logistics. She was really enjoying herself (as was I). Then a second date, where I got her to come to mine at the end, but the f-close didn't work out (I Gamed really well up to when she was in my bedroom, at which point I stopped thinking strategically and assumed it would just happen, which it didn't). She said "Sex is fine, in a relationship" and "let's leave it to the next date". So I carried on showing her holiday photos and occasionally kissing.

I guess the best thing is to be open at this point (right?), so that she knows where we are and there are no nasty surprises. I have a terrible history with this kind of thing - girls always seem to take things the wrong way, which probably means that I'm saying them the wrong way. I need to know how to speak to her about this without offending her or scaring her away.

So basically, how do I talk to her to tell her that I recently-ish left a relationship and don't want anything too serious, or at least don't want to commit too quickly, without it coming off as (a) "I don't want to see you again", or (b) a creepy guy who just wants to have sex? And is there a way to have sex with a decent girl for a while and then stop and move on, without anybody getting hurt in the process?

Trying to follow PUA ethics: "Leave her better than you found her. Don't ruin her for other guys."

Apologies if this post is longwinded. I would really appreciate a quick answer. Thanks a lot! :)


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 06, 2014 6:42 am 
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Joined: Fri Oct 29, 2010 10:41 pm
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Dude, I'm having a very similar situation on my hands there too, no answer though unfortunatly. I met a girl on a film set, were i`m the Assistent Director and negged the shit out of her. We met for dinner and stuff after the shoot. All went pretty well, we went out a couple of nights later. But then she already started asking about my previous LTR (which I just got out of a couple of weeks ago) and told me that she met alot of assholes and doesn't want me to be one. And I really don't want to be, but like you, I'm not gonna jump into the next relationship. I want to use and develop those skills and see where it takes me.

So yeah, there we are. Same problem. Want to f-close, don't want to hurt her. Also logistics suck right now too, because I don't have a furnited apartment yet (lived with my LTR).


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 06, 2014 12:28 pm 
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A couple of dates does not put you at monogamy unless you want to be. You can see other people without hurting her. Guys usually let some kind of idea about ethics and morality guilt them into screwing things up, often subconsciously.

It all comes down to what you want, a relationship or be good at game. If you want a relationship then you've potentially got it and you need to make a decision. However, developing game develops you in other ways. The better you get then usually the better you get as a person (and partner). If you go straight into a relationship then you are still the person you were when the last one ended.

My advice, pursue the girl but also pursue the game. Ethics and morals are artificial, they have no basis in anything. Don't get hung up on them.


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 12, 2014 11:02 am 
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But it's a tough line. I don't want to actually verbalize my intentions and ruin the thing, but I don't want to FC her and then have her believe we're a couple. But I think I just fucked it up in my early game, the ratio of building rapport to physical escalation was probably poor. Too much comfort, without going for the FC obviously leads to her thinking, I want more.


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 12, 2014 1:27 pm 
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To conclude on what happened:

We're together now, and I'm very happy with it. She is a really good girlfriend and I don't feel the need to have sex with other women. At least that's how I feel right now.

In terms of Game, I'm now doing two things. One is that I'm approaching a lot of strangers in public places and meeting interesting people (often WITH my girlfriend), which is really fun. The other thing is that I'm currently applying the sorts of things Game made me aware of in my work, trying to benefit my students as much as possible, particularly by being more sensitive to the psychological side of my work and how I can influence my students to overcome their psychological difficulties and achieve their goals. I am using lessons from Game to achieve this.

I still feel that this is a really positive learning scenario, without the need for me to have sex with a lot of different women (I'm happy with this one).
Quote:
Ethics and morals are artificial, they have no basis in anything. Don't get hung up on them.
I find this sort of metaphysics to be quite awkward. If you take it to the logical extreme, very few social concepts have any basis in anything. You could say that you and I don't exist either (in the sense that you could imagine that only subatomic particles exist, and that anything composite is only something that our minds perceive as a single object, rather than really being one).

Ultimately the reason that I am very concerned with this sort of thing is that I don't want to hurt people unnecessarily, because I'd feel bad about it. I think it's part of being a man. You have to not be so AFC that you end up overstating how much you like them, which obviously could drive them away as you seem too needy, but if they responded to it then you've effectively led them on. By being more PUA about it and not being needy, but just authentic, then they can't get these mistaken impressions, and nothing bad happens. As Style says, "you have to be willing to lose them in order to get them".


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