hmm we have a lot in common on how we analyze and reflect. It's never comforting for a man to have his power taken away by a woman. It's not natural and usually both parties arent happy.

For your anger, keep yourself busy and workout or do boxing. Get enough sleep as well. This should help a lot. If you're still angry after, proper meditation will change your life.

Now since youre going away for the long weekend, she will probably make contact first. Just tell her you already made plans with your friends. Don't stay on the phone so much. If she texts during that time to ask how it is going, take your time to respond. If she says something bitchy, freeze out for entire weekend.

After the weekend passed, if she still cares about you she will initiate contact then you can start gaining your power back. Reward good behaviour, punish bad. If she doesnt even care to contact you anymore then either dump her, have a closure face to face talk on why you're dumping her so you can move on, or see other women. When I do that, I generally stop caring about the girl since she fucked up, which naturally makes me more alpha. I also become more wild and physical and fuck harder without ever apologizing for my behaviour. At this point even if the girl wants to break up then I dont care cause I got other women, but usually the girl gets more attracted by this attitude and dominant behaviour.

Yeah fair enough. Thanks

This is gonna sound totally un-alpha but to be honest I don't really care about the loss of power so much. What is the problem here is that in losing my power I have lost her respect and her attraction. Not sure if that always need be the case, but obviously based on her actions in the last month or so it seems to be the case. She still wants to see me but then doesn't show up on time or re-schedules. What I am really trying to get back is our attraction for eachother, and the freeze out is the one strategy everyone has suggested to do that. In the last several weeks I thought we were done because of the way she was acting and then she would end up asking me to meet up and be all normal when we would see eachother. So I am projecting a lot without knowing what she is really thinking. As a friend of mine said to me yesterday, she could just be overwhelmed by her work/studies and doesn't know how to handle all that and this relationship. The big tell tale sign is that she is the one who initiates the request to meet, not me. Does a girl who wants to break up do that? Well maybe to string a guy along or keep her options open but it's a strange way to tell me to go away.

Other thing is when she's upset or feels like she did something wrong she tends to withdraw a bit. It's not my nature because I come from a loud confrontational family that prefers to talk things out, but for her, she prefers to throw herself into her work and somehow a few days later she's all fine.

So the goal of this freeze is to repair the relationship, to make her realize what she has (or decide if she wants it), and try to get back to a good place. If there was a better way I would do it, but I don't know what that is, and yes, if she doesn't reach out this week or latest after the long weekend, she's obviously has no regard for me.

On the women front, I agree that I need to get busy with that. Nothing will help my head more than getting some attention from some other chicks right now.

I won't lie though, I am tempted to send her a non-challant text just for the hell of it because I don't think it will help or hurt the cause. The only thing it does which is shit is that then she gets reassured that I am still there for her and we stay in the current pattern. If I cave in like a drug addict and reach out to her because I need to get my fix, then will deal with the consequences.

Dont text her bro. Its okay to contact her after she does to you since you are rewarding good behaviour, but if you keep going after her, you are rewarding bad behaviour, come off as needy and continue to lose value. Be strong, you got an exciting weekend coming up.

If it ever comes up that she asks why you havent contacted her, say you know she was really busy with school so you wanted her to succeed and that you knew she would let you know when her schedule would clear up. Try to mention that you have been busy with things as well. I know you dont like playing games and jsut want a good relationship but with women it's always a game even if they don't do it intentionally. Just like in a game, if it's not challenging anymore, it becomes boring, predictive and no fun. That's when you throw it out and get a new game.

Yeah I hear you. Thanks for the message, bro.

If I am honest with myself I guess I realize this thing is coming close to a breaking point and I have no control over that and it's hard to accept that fact. I had plenty of opportunities to back off and show her the stuff wasn't affecting me but I couldn't do it and showed weakness. Now it's almost like I already know I'm bleeding so I am asking her to put me out of my misery and just end it if that is the only path forward. i don't like admitting all this but it's useful to put it out there to diffuse it a bit. It's seriously fucked up how destructive we can get if we don't step back and take control over our emotions. On top of that, no woman wants a man who can't deal with this uncertainty.

Anyways, you are right Sly_Wolf and will take your advice. At least got to stay away from reaching out till after the long weekend, and then decide what to do next week. I read somewhere that women who have very hectic jobs are the least tolerant of drama and all this crap, because they don't want their relationship to be a second job. They want it to be something that they look forward to after they finish work.

Just gotta chill out for now even though the mind just runs endless scenarios to try to fix this. It's beyond my control.

That's good, if nothing else you will learn from this and come out smarter and stronger for the rest of your life. Think of it that way, this experience will be a great help to you and your future happiness. For now, do something productive, read a book, workout, or meet friends. There's only a few days till your trip.

Another option is to go out and get a few girl's numbers. You don't need to fuck them or anything. Just keep them for next week so if it happens that you decide to dump your gf, the other girls are a phone call away from getting fucked. You'll feel much better with more options.

I try to maintain a positive tone here but i'm having difficulties with it.
Shall i tell you where you started to go wrong;
You didn't fuck up that moment you were arguing
You didn't fuck up that moment you asked her to forgive you
You fucked up the moment you started to "game" your girlfriend.

You felt you did something wrong that day you were arguing and you wanted to compensate by comming across as "A cool PUA dude". So you do a freeze out on a girl that was trying to obtain a relation with you. To know you. To figure out what drives you. To share her feelings with.

You are doing things to make her respond and if she doesn't respond the way you want to you feel sad!! You have allowed "game" into your relationship and suddenly you can lose.

BUILD A RELATIONSHIP!!!!!

- You are feeling needy and that is why you project yourself needy
- You are feeling needy because you are supressing your feelings by pretenting to be non-needy.
- If there is one person in the world you should share your feelings with it should be your life partner.
- Your feelings tell you to be with her SO GO! AND BE WITH HER! TEL HER YOU WANT TO!
- There should be nothing you can't say to your girlfriend

However you have to start from 0,0 again because you have alienated yourself by gaming her. Don't focus on coming across non-needy, focus on coming across as her partner in life! The man that has to offer advice/protection/comfort/trust

Love star

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in other words.

Call her

you: He sweety how are you
Her: I'm fine/ little busy, you?
You: Well i don't feel too good today!
Her: Ahh watsup
You: Yeh i havn't seen you in a long time i think i miss you


easy, don't be proud, be honest

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Love Star, I agree as a concept playing the game is not good and in a relationship one should be straight and open, but how can I approach her after how she's been treating me lately. Sly_Wolf is right, it will only reinforce bad behavior, which is all I have been doing for the last month. Bear in mind that she invites me out and on wednesday confirms friday is good and looking forward to seeing you etc and then tells me last minute that she is still stuck at work and has her study group still. This has happened more than once, and there is a simple apology but does she say I will make it up to you, or I will do this and that for you? No...nothing. Again, objectively looking at the situation, I am either being played or seriously taken for granted. Even after the fact now she doesn't reach out to say look I am really sorry about friday etc. I mean, I sugar coat her behavior because she's doing a lot of stuff right now, but it's pretty bad if I am honest with myself. At some levels it's some sick twisted way to push me away because she doesn't have the gonads to break up. Again i am not sure. All I know now is that she doesn't put in any effort, so how am I gonna saw, hi baby I miss you? Honestly that would be like the abused wife sweet talking the beater husband dude. I am exaggerating of course, but sometimes I really think I am a total schmuck here. Two days before friday she's telling me sweet things and saying I can't wait to see you etc. Maybe she's insane I don't know haha

The more I think about it the more I think it's a really fucked up situation. I have had such giving girlfriends my whole life and maybe it was because i was an asshole to them. The last two were amazing in how they would come home from a long day's work and make me dinner etc. I didn't even need all that and I didn't exactly deserve it based on how I treated them, but dude this girl is the complete opposite. Totally focused on her career and everyone is her bitch. To be honest i really respect her because she's got this crazy super confidence about her, but I gotta take a different approach here if there is any chance, because you can't tame a lion with a cupcake, and this chick is a serious lioness! I literally have no clue what her deal is. Is she a nice girl who is overwhelmed, or a sly fox who is totally outsmarting and outplaying me at every turn. Dude, if I don't change the direction of this ship, she will chew me up and spit me out like a man-eating snake.

I mean it's torture, but at the same time, I am so impressed with how strangely effective and cunning she is in being a total mystery to me. I think she might be Dr. Evil!

I think this community creates some illnesses. Why hide your feelings?!! I've had 7 years of LTR and have seen all stages of it. Dude i cry'd to my gf when i'm sad. In the first years she told me; "i don't want this anymore we should break up" maybe 80 times (i'm serious here). Do you think that i didn't feel sad/angry/disappointed. I did bro! And when i did i made sure she saw that!! And yes sometimes i would even cry and than i would show it to her!! Do you think she ran away for it. Ofcourse not, as long as you be her man on other moments!

She told you she's looking forward to meeting you etc (lets believe she did)
She cancels because she is busy (lets believe she was)

What i know about her so far
- She is emotionaly independent
- She has devotion to her work
- She has confidence
- She doesn't bind rapidly

Those are some of the most important character traits i look for in a girl! Seriously there's nothing healthyer than engaging a ralationship with someone like that! In the past when you "gamed" your gf you binded her to you because of a fear of loss.

Because she's so independant it's not going to work on her and you should be glad, this is why; She told you she had this with all her exes. The thing is; she wants emotional connection with you before she gives herself to you and will bind. You should be happy because once you have established one she's going to be the most loyal gf you ever had. She's not some monkey girl swinging from guy to guy! You can leave her alone for a month and be 100% sure no guy is going to steal her because she doesn't have that connection with him.

In other words you have to make her your best friend as well as your lover!
- She is on your team!
- You share everything with her (including emotions)
- You are her man
- You lead her
- You give directions and advice

Right now you feel sad. LET IT BE! dont hide it, that makes it circulate. Ventilate it out! Don't be the cool PUA guy, be a normal person like all of us, she'll accept that! And if she doesn't......well than i agree with you she has bad behaviour because that is bad behaviour.

Tell her that you have been feeling sad lately.
But anyway you are a mature person and you are going to figure this out. I'm confident about that! This is my personal perspective

Her being busy
I have to add this because it might comfort you a lot. I've been in the same situation as her (studying 80-100hours per week) and i can tell you it was not easy for my partner. I couldn't give her the attention she wanted and she became more and more frustrated like you. I saw her only once every 2 weeks and we would spent that time fighting because i was stressed like hell and she wanted the attention i couldn't give. It would feel like such a relief when we would simply talk about it so we could be hones to eachother and talk about our feelings.

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Yeah those are some great points Love Star and yes you are right, her confidence, independence and non-neediness are very attractive to me. If I can get past this maybe we have a great future together. But what did I show this chick for the last month - neediness, clinginess, and dependence. Do opposites attract? Maybe, but in her case, I know that that her attraction level has been falling since I became this way. That is not me being PUA. That is not me gaming her. That is me just trying to be aware of what is the problem from my perspective. She is somewhat mysterious (which I also like obviously). People tell her she would make a great poker player because she is very hard to read. But your assessment of her main qualities are correct (as far as I know her). She can also be very sweet. All I know is she was raised pretty well without the weird weak complexes of most chicks.

But honestly I am feeling angry right now. I need to get myself in a cooler state because drama is the one thing she hates more than anything. She told me how annoying some of her gf's who get all emotional about their bf's get. So if I become like one of those guys (and I have been a few times in the last month), it is a big turn off. Do I want to be a fake guy to her? No. Do I want to live my life playing a game to her? No.

But right now all I cannot make peace with is why SHE is asking me to meet up and then canceling/being late. Is it a game or is it just a busy work life. I don't know why a girl who is 'not into me' continues to express that she wants to see me when we talk. A friend of mine got played out by a girl recently and she was not like this. She never suggested they meet but would keep him strung along in the meantime. When he finally forced the issue she met him two more times and then dumped him. Am I in this same situation? Dont know. Sometimes I think I am, sometimes I think I am not. But we can chose to believe what we want and if I chose to be positive or hopeful for now then maybe that is good enough for now.

Two days before last friday she's telling me, really looking forward to seeing you, and let's do something fun etc etc I don't think a girl who wants to break up says that. But a girl who wants to string a guy along does say that. So who knows. She's really busy right now, and is not some random slut, so having a guy with a penis around when you need it is convenient. This is the possible cynical scenario.

She obviously has seen enough of my 'emotional' side that if it was a complete turn off we would've been done by now. So there is something that still binds us but I can tell you that she really hates it when I behave that way.

I will admit...I totally agree with you that this over emphasis on PUA gaming methodology is fucking up how guys and girls behave with eachother. No one is normal to eachother anymore. Just want to take some time to do two things : create some distance from all that whiny shit and two is clear my head of this obsessive thinking.

Obviously her reaching out to me would make this so much easier and better, but she never makes it easy and let's face it, nothing truly worth it in life is ever easy to get.

Busy thing
I think she's genuinly busy right now! And i think that you think the same. The thing is, your mind goes creasy because in cave days girls didn't have no careers. I think just accepting she is busy and that it has nothing to do with you is important.

her aversion to drama
Wouw thats wonderfull dude! I have only met such a girl once and that was 2 weeks ago. Her gf's called her the robot because she doesn't like drama. This together with all her other caracter traits make her the ultimate parter for a guy like you.

It will be hard to get her binded to you but once you did you can have a verry healthy relationship where you both let yourselfs for who you are. I think that can last a long time. When the time comes (after 2-3 years of LTR) I even think she's rational and inteligent enough to tell her you can't ignore your insticts and want to fuck girls on the side. (Or maybe i'm the only guy that wants that )

Naming things
What i would do in my LTR when there was friction is this; I would reason myself a way out. I wouldn't go for drama in this case, but say something like this.

"I know you have a busy life and i admire your devotion to your work a lot. And you have to know that sometimes your focus on your work confuses be a bit. I mean rationally i understand its you being busy with your work but my emotions sometimes leave me confused. I have to say i never had this before. But ofcourse i have to deal with the fact that this is not the time where i can expect major investment from your side. So i'll simply have to accept that for now the initiative is more on my side. "

"On the other hand you have to understand that our relationship is young and we are giving it a sort of imbalanced start. So somewere along the track you have to catch up [give her a good wink here and your back in control]"


Question: how often do you contact her right now?

Since we all know and accept she's just busy
Why not drive to her house and make her a dinner with your crapy cooking skills after her busy day. She'll be surprided and you'll just walk into her kitchen and take over controll in her house like you do this all the time (watch me girl). And afterwards enjoy a good glass of wine with her and bring up the conversation i sketched above" You can be verry cool and alfa while doing this. Give her winks like don't worry girl i'm just here to save you!

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Well when things are good we would talk/text multiple times a day. Now I haven't spoke to her since saturday. But the conversation on saturday was pretty positive/joking around. it's not a very good sign that she hasn't reached out once, even to ask how my week is going. there is no good reason for that, except that she wants to stay dominant and make me be the one who always approaches her.

I've tried that talk about understanding her work situation and was playful with it as you said below. She didn't really improve nor did she say much about that. Just think she doesn't like that kind of stuff because I think she sees it as weak (she's quite alpha and driven obviously).

In the past I have always broken my freeze outs and she would ask to meet me and be fine on the phone/text, but again the late/re-schedule for the meetups were still happening.

She needs to initiate a little now. I think

Also we were planning on going away for a weekend which i think would take our relationship to the next level but now it's awkward to bring it up obviously. It would be like saying, well since you are being so cruel to me and not considerate at all, let me reward you with a trip to some resort.

It's fucked up. I try to put myself in her shoes, and as I say I have a friend who's also finishing his residency who literally is in her shoes, but he doesn't behave this way to his chick. His opinion is she obviously is placing all of her priorities on finishing her stuff, but he can't rule out if she's not really into this relationship anymore and doing some other stuff on the side. They don't know eachother.

Anyways I'm leaving for a vacation tomrw. if she contacts me before or during the weekend then fine, if she doesn't then i have to do some hard thinking on monday or tuesday if i just stay in no contact mode or what. it's all so weird.

for as far as i can see your outergame it pretty good! Your last call ended positive/joking. She's focussed dude, i've had that myself at times (studying 80-100hours a week) Dont worry! She'll come into calmer waters (dutch expression )

Wait for your moment! and from there you can enhance the realtionship BIGTIME. Once you did, ty to think about it asif your on the same team. Let it grow grow grow GROW!

have a nice vaction, keep us up to date!!

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Thanks a lot bro. Hope you are right.

Yeah will be good to get away and try not to focus on this constantly.

I don't believe that problems in a relationship are bad or insurmountable, but when people stop wanting to reach out or make excuses not to meet and put in effort, there is definitely trouble. I know a lot of guys would say I am putting up with too much and I should dump her right away because of how she has been to me, but either I am too attached or I want to go with my intuition and just see how things play out. If she says I don't want this anymore, I will understand why things have gone in that direction. Think she knows and I know we are both not happy with things as is. I have to set my boundaries and just be ready to make sure she or anyone else doesn't cross them. It's not fun being with a chick who is a doormat, nor is it great being with a chick who is totally trying to control everything. I don't think this chick is liking her status in this relationship lately either, and wants me to grab back some balance if this is gonna work. It's only a matter of whether we can both go back to the drawing board and try again. I'm willing to obviously, otherwise I wouldn't be on this forum writing so many entries on this subject. Whether she is, and whether she will really try this time, only time will tell.

Be back with updates or thoughts when I have them.