How often do you hear women tell you the following?
“I haven’t felt butterflies like that in years.”
“Wow, how do you do that to me?”
“We shouldn’t be left in a room alone together.”
Master the triggers for sexual attraction outlined in this article, and beautiful women you’ve just met will make the above statements regularly.
There are five elements to creating an irresistible sexual attraction: Intent, tension, eye contact mystery, and sexual conversation. Fortunately, there are simple, practical tricks you can learn that will allow you to master each of these elements with ease.
Intent can be such a murky concept. Although it might seem like you’ll have to fine-tune your chakras or meditate in a cave to master intent, it’s actually a concept grounded in human psychology. Put simply, intent is your expectation of what is going to happen in an interaction with a woman. Intent is mostly expressed emotionally. Humans evolved mirror neurons that allow us to feel what other people are feeling. Because of these neurons, if you are nervous, a woman will feel your anxiousness, and she will feel repelled. Your intent will make her lose interest in you. Conversely, if you feel confidently attracted to her, she’s much more likely to feel the same for you.
So, if you expect a girl to like you, she’s more likely to become attracted to you. How do you learn to project a strong intent? No, you don’t need to align your chakras or meditate in a cave. You can build your intent through a technique that psychologists use to treat anxiety: conscious reinterpretation.
Harvard scientists ran a study in which they caused participants to feel socially anxious by making them give a speech in front of an audience. The first group wasn’t given any special instructions, and unsurprisingly, their levels of social anxiety were high, and their performances suffered accordingly. The second group was given a very simple exercise to practice. Whenever they felt nervous, they were to tell themselves, “I feel excited.” They were instructed to reinterpret anxiety as excitement. The audience scored the second group as performing significantly better, and participants in the second group also self-reported feeling more calm and confident.
How do you use this to change your intent? If you are nervous talking to a girl, you can do exactly what participants in the study were instructed to do, tell yourself, “I am excited.” Over time, as you practice this, your anxiety will turn into excitement, and she will feel this excitement off of you, and therefore, feel more positively towards you.
But you can take this even further, when a girl makes you feel nervous, you could interpret your emotional state as anxiety, but you could also interpret it as sexual attraction. In fact, the experiences of nervousness and attraction are almost identical. Both cause butterflies in the stomach, a fast heartbeat, and even sweaty palms. If you think these symptoms are signs of anxiety, they will make you feel uncomfortable. However, if you feel that they are your body’s way of telling you a girl is attractive and that you should meet her, they will be positive. Whenever you see a girl you like, you can change your intent by telling yourself, “Damn, she’s attractive, I need to talk to her.” This reinterpretation will help you to understand that what you thought was anxiety can just as easily be viewed as genuine attraction. When you do this, you will feel better about talking to the girl, and she will feel your positive intent, and feel more attraction towards you.
Negs, pushes, emotional spikes: these are all techniques used to build sexual tension. Unfortunately, they are also the most misused techniques in the pickup community. When I first learned about ‘the neg’, I would walk up to a girl I thought was particularly attractive and start berating her with insults. I was overtly teasing her to raise my ‘perceived value’, and to make her feel a lack of validation. Suffice it to say, this didn’t build attraction, it just led to uncomfortable, and short, interactions.
For any teasing technique to work, there’s an important nuance that must be understood. Before you tease, you and a woman must be in rapport for it to have a positive effect. If you and she aren’t on the same wavelength before you tease her, than teasing techniques are meaningless.
However, if a girl is connecting with you, and then you strip her of validation by teasing her, it will build a powerful sexual tension. To get her validation back, she will start to chase you. There are innumerable lines you can use to accomplish this.
Here’s a tease you can use in literally any interaction, when she gives an answer to a question, say you hate her answer. For example, if she says she’s from California, you can say, “I hate California.” If you were already in rapport with her, this will feel invalidating, it will make her wonder if you really like her. This creates a psychological vacuum effect, to ease her discomfort, she will start to chase you to earn your validation back.
There are numerous effective techniques, the key is to only use these techniques after you’ve already built rapport with a girl. When used effectively, the power of this simple technique to build sexual attraction will shock you.
Eye contact can trigger attraction on its own. Famed evolutionary psychologist David Buss writes in his book, Why Women Have Sex, “In one study, forty-eight women and men came to a lab and were asked to stare into each other’s eyes while talking. The effect of mutual gaze proved powerful. Many reported that deep eye contact with an opposite-sex stranger created feelings of intense love. Another study had strangers first reveal intimate details of their lives to each other for half an hour, and then asked them to stare into each other’s eyes for four minutes— without breaking eye contact or making any conversation. Participants again reported deep attraction to their study partners. Two of these total strangers even ended up getting married!”
Eye contact is powerful, but how do you improve it?
Play this simple game whenever you are in a location with an abundance of women:
Anytime you see a woman, look at her eyes, if she doesn’t look back at you, avert your gaze after 3 seconds (to avoid being creepy). But if she does look back at you, hold eye contact (with a slight smile) until she looks away from you.
Over time, this simple technique will lead you to make powerful eye contact effortlessly in all of your interactions with women. Your ability to create attraction will be significantly magnified.
Like intent, mystery can be a vague, hard-to-understand concept. In high school I learned that it was attractive to be mysterious, and I heard that to be mysterious meant to be cool and quiet. So, to become mysterious, I just didn’t talk to girls. Maybe this did cause me to create an aura of mystery, but I might have been missing the point.
Practically speaking, being mysterious simply means that people who meet you want to know more about you. Mystery is attractive because it shows that you have depth, women get bored of the constant barrage of uninteresting, simple guys that try to get in their pants. Show that you are different, offer her some mystery, and she will find you magnetically attractive.
Women are used to being chased by men, you can create an aura of mystery by reversing this dynamic. To accomplish this, send mixed signals. Make strong eye contact, be flirtatious; emotionally give her every impression that you are interested in her. But at the same time, say things that make her doubt whether you like her.
You can accomplish this with the following:
You: You know why I really like talking to you?
You: Because you’re like the sister I never had. I feel so comfortable around you.
As soon as a woman becomes unsure whether you are sexually attracted to her, it creates a mystery which will intrigue her. No guys do this, and she will not only want to know more about you, but she will see you as the prize, and want to win you over.
You can also create mystery with a line that will shock her system. Say one line that she won’t be able to get out of her head. Tell her something she doesn’t usually hear, something provocative, something that will make her wonder about you.
My personal favorite line to accomplish this?
“I bet you don’t meet a guy like me every day.”
This line has an insidious effect. Few men would say something so cocky and this will make you stand out, and despite cultural norms, cockiness is attractive. Even better, saying this line proves itself. Other guys don’t talk like that, so of course she doesn’t meet guys like you every day.
This line creates mystery because she will wonder exactly what it is that makes you so different. She will want to know why you would say something like that, she will wonder why you have so much self-confidence. She’s going to want to solve this mystery, and the only way to do so is to spend more time with you.
What happens when you think about sex? Assuming you don’t have some kind of dysfunction, you get aroused. If you talk about sex, you will make a woman more attracted to you because of a strange phenomenon called the misattribution of arousal.
In the now-famous bridge study, participants crossed a dangerous, swaying bridge with low hand rails and a daunting 230 foot drop to the river below. When they reached safety at the end of the bridge, participants were approached by a female lab assistant and given a short survey. Afterwards, she gave them her phone number so they could call if they had any further questions. Half of the participants called the lab assistant after crossing the rickety bridge, and many even asked her on a date. This is in stark contrast to the participants who crossed a safer, more stable bridge; none of whom asked the assistant on a date.
This is because, like I mentioned earlier, the symptoms of anxiety and attraction are very similar. Participants who crossed a dangerous, rickety bridge were brought into a state of heightened emotional arousal. They were still in this state when talking to the lab assistant, and afterwards they decided to ask her on a date because they felt that their anxiety from crossing the bridge was attraction for the lab assistant.
Similarly, if you bring sexuality into a conversation, it won’t make a woman attracted to you directly, but thinking about sex will turn her on, and she will naturally associate her feelings of sexual arousal with the person she is interacting with, namely, you.
How can you bring sex into a conversation without it being uncomfortable or awkward? Play the question game. The rules are simple, you each ask questions of each other, the more personal the better. Questions can’t be repeated, and if either of you are uncomfortable with a question, you can ask to have it replaced with another question.
To build attraction, tell a girl you’re interacting with you want to play the game, explain the rules, and start the game with moderately sexual questions like, “What was your first kiss?”
As the game progresses, ask increasingly intimate questions. For example, ask her if she’s ever been in love. Later, you can ask her questions like, “What are your turn ons?” and “Have you ever had a one night stand?”
Questions like these will not only help create sexual attraction, but they will also make her comfortable about being sexual around you. Women are often afraid of being judged about their sexuality, by having an open, non-judgmental conversation about sex, you are giving her an opportunity to let her guard down.
It’s best to weave in non-sexual inquiries into the question game, don’t just barrage her with questions about her sex life, ask her questions about a variety of topics, but come back to sexual topics sporadically as you play the game.
Because you’re playing a game, nothing’s off limits. If she’s uncomfortable with something you ask, just dial it back and ask a non-sexual question instead.
The question game will allow you to comfortably bring sex into your conversation, and as she thinks about sex, she will naturally associate those thoughts with you due to the misattribution of arousal.
Integrate these five triggers for sexual attraction into your interactions with women and most women you meet will desire you. Women want to meet men who turn them on, but so few guys get it, so few men understand what really make a girl feel sexual attraction. Most guys try to prove themselves with impressive jobs, nice cars, and big muscles. But women don’t want any of these things as much as they want a man who makes them feel good, use the techniques outlined in this article, and you can be confident in the fact that you will give women what they really want.
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