A 2 date weekend: analysis and observation

neogamer

First date Saturday night: thin, tall, attractive. Like many women in her 40s, she of course truly believes she looks MUCH younger than her age, which of course she doesn't. Divorced 6 years and still bitching about her X. Has 3 kids the youngest one the result of unprotected sex a couple years ago.

Dinner, dancing, and some drinking. Some IOIs, low grade kino, hands, kisses but no make out. Her "key" was that she was a mom first, a mistreated woman second, and guarded third. Tough to make headway there. It was fun night, did venue changes, a few negs, but she just wanted to vent. The thing about older women is that they are even more screwed up than younger women, have more baggage, and are not as horny.

Date 2 was lunch date today. Similar story. Woman 3 years post divorce, lonely, hasn't dated much since. She liked me quite a bit, no kino though. She's the anxious sort, but easy to be around, and wants to please me. May get some decent sex yet.

neogamer · Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2007 8:21 am Post subject:

Looks like my success as a one date wonder continues....I really liked the girl I took out Saturday. She had practically begged me to ask her out. But I had a whole variety of fuck ups on the date. I had her somewhere in the attraction phase, thought I had moved on to comfort, and then, as usual I STALLED. Probably did not complete attraction.

I had a couple of real screw ups/backfires during the night. For some reason I felt the need to share with her my best recent sexual experience, and she said "too much information." I was trying to DHV myself with a story of potency and virility, post-divorce.

Then, yet worse, because I was tipsy and we had driven a fair distance to our club, I playfully suggested we get a hotel room. Seemed like a logical progression after being together about 5 hours and mildly escalating kino. Man did she get defensive! You'd have thought I dropped my pants in the middle of the club! "I am NOT getting a hotel room!" I tried to soften the effect by saying that it was ONLY because we both had had a few drinks and that nothing need happen physically.

I recovered after that, and we spent another hour or two together, a little hand holding and light kissing, but I could tell I had STALLED/hit a WALL. Not only could I tell I would get no further that night, I could tell I would likely not get another date. And so far, I haven't.

The date was Saturday night. I made no contact Sunday. I sent one brief neutral email Monday, and she fired back a brief neutral email of her own. I left a brief message on her phone, and, no call back. Whereas last week before the date I got a same night call back with a long talk.

So, my own analysis is that this girl held the STRONGER frame, which, was inevitable based on her level of dating experience versus my own. She was negging me by the end of the night, not the other way around. My own neg game is very weak, because it goes against all my AFC training and instincts to always "be nice."

Also, because I am pretty decent looking, I'm often somewhere in the attraction phase with these women off the bat, and maybe I'm lulled into a false sense of security or confidence and skip the neg phase.

But skip the negging and the attraction doesn't ramp. I've learned that. It seems that even if I get that initial attraction, and try to build on it, without the negging and enough DHV, you end up in AFC-ville. Women are tough that way, constantly probing, testing, looking for weaknesses to "protect" themselves from that initial attraction (kind of an early anti-slut defense).

Oh well, looks like I won't become the step-father to the 3 children of an impoverished school teacher who still has some weird fixation on her abusive X and whose third child was by a different man. Live and learn. Still trying to shed the AFC skin into my inner PUA.

Surreal · Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2007 11:11 am Post subject:

Sounds like you let her flip the script on you. Don't be to upset over it drinking and trying to play the game is tough. I'm not good enough to get drunk and remember the process. If you haven't built up the comfort lvl and the kino to where your AT LEAST making-out then I would never suggest a hotel that puts the b-shield up immediately unless the comfort lvl is high enough. If I'm at a club and they let you leave and return I'll usually ask if she wants to go sit in the car for a bit and that's only after some heavy k-closing and then progress it from there. I would let her sit it off and if she doesn't call back just chalk it up as a learning experience. If she does call start gaining back the ground you lost immediatley with some negs and such.

~Surreal

neogamer · Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2007 10:52 pm Post subject:

Excellent advice my friend. I have work to do and need to avoid alcohol (I'm a light weight drinker) while gaming.

She called me today and asked me for $1000 to make her mortgage payment. Crying. Semi-frantic. We went out on one date with no make out.

Life is strange, keeps getting stranger....

neogamer · Posted: Mon Oct 01, 2007 10:35 am Post subject:

You can't make this shit up. The saga continues. She really did call me for money. I stammered, and while I was stammering she came up with a plan to get the money without me. So she's falling all over herself apologizing for having panic attacks last week about even asking me. Fine. Finally, I'm on top here.

She's busy last weekend, so she says. Fine, I have 2 dates lined up. She calls Saturday afternoon (she says she never calls guys). I do not answer. Wants to know how my date went. Jealous perhaps? Calls again on Sunday. OK, I answer. Wants to know how my dates went. Fine of course. Asks me if I've met my soul mate? Not yet, I reply.

We're on for late next Saturday night. Lucky she's nuts, or I never would have recovered from my AFC crush on the first date and after. Now it's cool and relaxed and funny. She either comes to me or I pencil in someone else.

I'm learning, no?

Surreal · Posted: Mon Oct 01, 2007 12:59 pm Post subject:

Looks like your finding your groove with this stuff so grats on that man, as many have said it takes a couple dates to get that confidence instilled in yourself as well as over those feelings that come with years of programming. I think you did a good job and this girl is definately chasing the string, just make sure she's not lining you up for a sugar daddy position.

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