Getting into a flirty vibe can be hard if you aren't used to it.
Really, "teaching yourself to be a natural" is nothing more than putting yourself in a certain mood under a certain set of circumstances. Nobody's asking anyone to be flirty all the time; there are times when it simply doesn't make sense (work, family events, funerals). But getting good with girls first involves identifying the feeling of the "flirty vibe" in yourself, and then calling it up whenever you want to be in that mood.
The flirty vibe is fun. There's no approach anxiety, there's no social fear, there's no nervousness. There's just happiness and desire. There is no second thought about opening a hot girl; she is pretty, therefore you go talk to her. Simple as that. No other variables. You don't run out of things to say because you don't worry yourself about what will come out of your mouth. You just let it flow. And because you're in a happy, flirty state of mind, only happy, flirty things come out of your mouth. No tactics, no "game." You run totally on autopilot.
And if your calibration and logistics are reasonably good, you get laid like I usually do: without knowing beforehand that it's even going to happen, and usually without even trying.
This is kind of a tangent, but hopefully looking at it like that can help remove some of the ego entanglement from "getting good with girls." Nobody is "better" than anyone else if they can get laid at will. They just happen to be tuned to the right emotional frequency. Anyone can do it once they're tuned in. It's just a matter of learning how to call it up.
One of the reasons why a lot of guys have trouble finding the right "channel" is because they have trouble changing their emotional channels at all
. They've got a "default" station and they're stuck there. This station usually doesn't involve being very talky; in fact, it involves a lot of nervousness and "just trying to get by."
I think that a big reason for this is how we're raised. For thirteen years, from the time you turn five to the time you turn eighteen, most of your waking hours are spent in a place where you are not allowed to speak without permission. Hell, depending on where you went to school, you might not even be allowed to go to the bathroom without permission. You are made to be quiet and pay attention. Not to express yourself (except in predetermined ways), but to shut up and obey.
I'm really not dissing the educational system here; it would be hard to teach trigonometry to a class that's constantly saying whatever they want as loud as they want. But this is simply one of the results of being raised this way. You go into "task mode." Your focus is on completing whatever objective is placed in front of you. You may not even enjoy doing it; this can be a very miserable state to be in. But we train ourselves to be in this state because we want to get good grades.
There's another set of circumstances where you can end up in this frame of mind: playing video games.
We're all internet dudes here. I suspect that there are a truckload of gamers here as well. I'm one of 'em. I likes me my video games. But gaming is another activity that puts you in that goal-oriented frame of mind. Gamers play to reach an objective. And once they reach that objective, they want to reach another objective. And once they reach all the objectives, they want to go back and reach them again in as short a time as possible, or using the smallest amount of resources possible, or some other self-imposed challenge.
That moment of victory is sweet. But the attitude of constantly striving for it will NOT help you in pickup.
You may have noticed that this goal-centered attitude spills over into other activities, as well. Reading a novel? One you allegedly bought to enjoy? How much does it suck if you find yourself just wanting to get to the end of it? Same goes for movies, songs... anything, really. This frame of mind is pervasive. I'm not saying it's bad, because it's great if you need to get something done in a goal-oriented fashion.
But this frame will NOT help you in pickup. It will hurt you and it will hurt you bad. It will make you afraid of making mistakes and give you the various forms of Anxiety. It will convince you that "rewards" are only the result of "hard work," and therefore backwards rationalize
that prettier girls will blow you off because you "aren't good enough to talk to them yet." It will make this backwards rationalization before you even talk to the girl.
The flirty vibe is NOT future-centered, which the goal-oriented mindset of school and work IS. The flirty vibe is experience-centered. It's about being where you are, at that time. Not thinking about the future or the past.
When was the last time you actually enjoyed doing something? Not at the end when you finished it, but as you were doing it
? Not a feeling of "woo, glad that's over," not a feeling of "huzzah, that was hard, but I accomplished it," but a feeling of "this, RIGHT NOW, is awesome. I am enjoying myself doing this."
After several months of Tolle meditation, I get that feeling a lot. I'm enjoying the hell out of typing this right now. Just letting my thoughts flow from mind to hands to screen to Internet. It's a fun process. I'm in no rush to finish.
Well, some of you may not be quite ready for meditation yet; you may get impatient with it, and quickly. It's a tricky medium to work in if you aren't used to it.
And I've got to admit, I've cheated a little bit in my journey. Smoking the ganj has definitely helped me take a few shortcuts because it enables me to explore the inner workings of my own mind and experience things in different ways. Remember Jon Stewart in Half Baked
? ...yeah, I'm kinda like that.
Please note that I am not encouraging drug use. Marijuana is a terrible, TERRIBLE substance. Yeah, yeah, I know. It's impossible to overdose on it, it has not been proven to have any ill long-term effects, and it's all-around safer than either alcohol or tobacco in every conceivable way. It is not addictive, it's cheaper than booze (even though it's illegal), it does not cause hangovers, it does not make its users violent, and it really should be legal.
But it ISN'T legal. And therefore, it is an evil, evil substance. Hooray United States government! So I'm definitely NOT recommending that you expand your consciousness (no hippie psychobabble here; that's actually what you can do with weed) by smoking a perfectly harmless plant that has been used by people of various cultures without ill effect for thousands of years.
Alright, enough of that. No bud for you. But I've already identified another medium that we're familiar with: video games.
BUT STORMY, I THOUGHT YOU SAID VIDEO GAMES WERE BAD!
No, the way people PLAY them is bad. And to be honest, most video games are designed to be played in that very Point A to Point B goal-oriented fashion that you SHOULDN'T be trying to pick up girls in. Remember, this game is emotional, not logical.
But here's a video game that is NOT designed to be played that way.
The game is called Knytt. It's got a very simple plot: you've been abducted by an alien, and the alien's craft has been hit by a meteor or something and it has crash-landed on some unknown planet. You have to get the pieces of the spaceship that flew off and bring them back to the ship so you can repair it. Once you do that, then the alien who abducted you will probably thank you by bringing you back home.
From a strict gaming perspective, it's a fetch quest.
But that's not how you're supposed to play it.
The game is all about ambiance
. It's about experiencing everything that each area has to offer. If you just hold down the "A" key and try to go straight to your objective, you'll find yourself frustrated and probably not having a very good time.
But if you play the game to enjoy the experience of playing it, you're on the right track.
You'll find yourself taking the long way to get wherever you need to go because you like the ambiance of a certain area more than another. You'll say "meh, later" whenever it's time to reach a new objective because you want to explore the area you're in. You'll stick around in a given location for a good long time to see if there are any secrets there... and even if you don't find any, you'll realize that nothing of value was lost. The search was fun. You were where you were because you liked being there.
You may stick around on the same screen, not even moving, for several minutes at a time just because you like that screen and its music. Maybe you like the animals there. Maybe you want to sit on top of a mountain and contemplate your universe. That's fine. That's how you're supposed to play.
There's no map function. Not that it matters, because if you're playing right, it really isn't possible to get "lost."
There are very few things in Knytt that can kill you, and the game is very generous with save points. There are a few puzzles, as well. But most of the game just lets you go wherever you want. And this is as it should be. You aren't "stranded" on a distant planet. You're on a sightseeing tour there. You're enjoying the exploration. You're enjoying where you are and what you're doing.
If you can find yourself in this frame of mind while playing this game, you're on the right track. If you find yourself getting frustrated, just wanting to get to the goal, take a step back and realize that you're playing the wrong way. You should be relaxing and exploring, not stressed over achieving a goal. You should be playing this game in the Now.
Doing this is NOT a substitute for field experience. It's a way of helping you troubleshoot your state issues if you find yourself having problems in that area (and who doesn't?). It's a form of guided meditation. It's a quick way to change your internal state to one other than a goal-oriented state. It's a way to help you enjoy what's going on around you.
At the very, VERY least, it's a different channel than the one you find yourself locked in most of the time. No goal-oriented grind here. It's all about the experience. In fact, if you think you play video games too much, you're probably better off playing this one than any other game. It's a step in the right direction, at least.
Emotion. Not logic. Emotion.