Day 13

Objectives
-Speak to two people, at least one girl and give them a compliment

Today was an OK day, I felt a little better than yesterday when I seemingly couldn't open again. As I was going to work I felt good because someone called in to say I had made my first sale... Three actually, sold at a loss but hey it's a start.

As I was walking down the stairs from my office I saw a young lady sitting on a toilet in our showroom... (it was a showroom toilet she was trying) and I said what I was immediately thinking...


Me: [Big smile on my face] Hey if you need toilet paper just give me a shout.
Her: Haha, I'm just trying it out for our new house.

She was with her husband and they both found the funny side of my comment. As I walked into the kitchen she then asked what I would recommend. But I was out of eye shot and wanted to make a coffee so I didn't reply...

It just goes to show you always need to think on your feet. When I want to be, I can be spontaneous and pretty funny as well.

After I finished work, things are going much smoother now I've dropped some of my other projects, I decided to finish my goals today in town.

Again, it was really difficult... As I was walking around town I found it really difficult to pay a compliment. I kept making excuses.

First set
Spoke to a guy in a mobile phone shop. First off I went in with a pretend question. Inquiring about a phone contract which I was able to pull off with lots of questions. In between I looked down at his shoes and said I liked them.

He laughed and said it was part of the uniform, then I walked off. No big deal.

Then I walked around for a bit and I was getting a bit more nervous because I knew I have to speak to a girl. First girl was a hired gun. Blonde I'd say 8.5. I walked up to her and asked where the trainers were. She told me, and all I had to do was spit out the line, 'By the way I like your top.'

But I just drew a blank and walked off.

Second set
Finally, I was a girl with her back turned on a stall selling handbags.
As I walked by I stopped raised my voice and asked,'So how's things going today?' Have you sold much?'

She stopped to engage me. She seemed quite shy and answered my question. She wasn't all that good looking and from her voice I figured she was foreign.

Then I asked if selling bags was difficult. And she said something... All the time I was thinking need to compliment her... Then I started to stall for things to say... I start to blush... Before things go down south... I spit it out... 'By the way, I like your scarf.'

I turn and walk off as I feel my cheeks start to go red. I hear her reply, 'thanks.'

Phew... mission complete.

But then on the bus as I get off my stop I notice what would be my perfect ten crossing the road next to me.

In my head I daren't look at her. But I want to say something funny like,' Didn't they ever tell you at school not to cross behind a bus... Yeah I know I'm doing exactly the same. If we get knocked over by a car you can blame it on me ;

But the words just didn't come out. I guess I felt I'd completed my mission so I didn't bother. But really it's because I'm as nervous and fuck around girls like that.

My balls are on the line.

Anyway, onwards we plough. Might be going out tonight. It's been a while.

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Day 14

Going out
It's been age since we went out. Literally. I just wanted to open two sets that was all.

The first set I opened with the, 'Do you know where is good to go tonight...' And I got the rolling of the eyes. Is that a line and lots of IODs.

I hate saturdays TBH. It's full of high class women and amogs I simply can't complete with. I couldn't open the second set. Again the AA starts to set in and I make 101 excuses.

A set opened us but let's just say they were pretty ugly and way old, we're talking 40 maybe even older! She was asking me where do we want to go and if we wanted to get laid... then prompty telling us where was an easy place to get laid. This older lady had no class and short hair like a guy.

Maybe in a parallel universe I would have chased that!

Then we move to another bar, stake out our usual spot. I notice I get paranoid quite a bit. Still have issues thinking other people are talking about me or laughing at my expense. Maybe, there is a bit of truth in this... but I'm guessing most of it is just in my head.

One brunette hb6/ 7 walks by my wing, and apparently, the conversation is quite loaded.

She brushes by his knee. He's says oops sorry are you all right? She says, I'm all right but you're MORE than all right. Then she gives him the eyes like, do you wanna get out of here.

Funny stuff.

Then end of the night I feel depressed. Like I haven't done enough... And I feel slightly annoyed about some stuff at work that has transpired.

Improvements
Open more, worry less. For some strange reason when I'm out on my own doing day game I'm more motivated and the sets seems to go better than when I'm with my wing. No idea why this is...Hmmm

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My Journal
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The experiences you describe are things I have gone through too . Perhaps you lost a little momentum since it's been a while since you last went out . Anyways not sure if this is something that you would benefit from , but a wise old man once suggested to have three openers , five routines , and three closes stored in the memory . That way , you will always have a comfortable amount of material on demand .

Well , you seem to be on the right path . My journey has been a bit of a struggle myself . Props on your recent job and desk . Hope to hear about your positive future experiences . Onwards we go .

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Day 15

My phone still hasn't arrived. Last week was not so great because I was sick so I didn't do much at all. Today, I wanted to get a few things in town. I wanted to get my phone but, it has STILL yet to be fixed. It doesn't sound very promising and doesn't speak much of the company. Creating the right impression counts. This is very important.

Objectives
Today, my goal is to speak with four people now and pay them a compliment. It's still a difficultly. Today I was talking to two old pensioners at the bus stop and I opened with a comment about the weather.

It seems strange but I just couldn't compliment them.

Then as I walked into the phone store I already had a compliment ready but I just couldn't say it.

Same with the girl at starbucks, I just wanted to compliment her on her glasses but no... didn't happen.

As I sat down with my coffee, I sat down in the corner where some other people were sitting and they seemed like they didn't want me to sit there.

But this time I managed to compliment the lady on her top. And this slight change of events turned their hostility from me wanting to sit there around.

Also last week, I finally managed to break into an online site I want to sell items on. This should be good if it takes off.

I also decided I wanted to start applying for other jobs as things are going really slow at my current job and I'm starting to doubt many things about it.

Also, as I finish typing this up, I want to finish off my three sets in town.

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God damn, I just can't compliment.

It doesn't matter if it is guys or girls, I make up some excuse in my head like it is weird.

I did however, manage to have good conversations with some strangers. I opened well, was calm but the compliment never came.

It is almost like whatever goal I set myself, I achieve the one just below it. So maybe I should set myself a goal of number closing in order to get the compliment done.

Oh dear. Okay need to replan this and go out tomorrow. The weather is too nice to miss out on.

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Reflections

I'm writing this at 3.00am in the morning. Partly because i cant sleep. but I've noticed I have a real bad problem sticking to goals. This extends to EVERY facet of my life.

I dont know if it is a lack of motivation or just falling back to bad habits or maybe I think or plan too far in advance.

Take for example, work. It is real easy for me to get distracted. I'm doing one thing then thinking of something far better but into the future. This totally distracts me from the thing Im doing and so I end up not doing it.

It's like im seeking some sort of perfection and this prevents me from focusing at the task at hand. It is common in almost everything I do and it is seriously fucking me up.

Like for instance, now i have an internet dongle I find myself aimlessly wandering the net without any focus. I need it for work but again, most of the time, if i'm honest is spent time wasting. And I totally cut out facebook and other social media distractions!

Eugh, well im going to a KB show tomorrow from my gym. But I hardly speak to anyone there so that should be interesting. Again, try to be social, have fun...

If i get a chance try and compliment just one girl....

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Day 16

Objectives
-Be more social
-Try to compliment

Today, I booked a ticket to go to a fight with my local gym. I was driving so that meant giving a lift to two other people from my gym. Overall, I wanted to be more social.

I've already set a bad precedent, where I speak to NO-ONE at my gym... As a result, a lot of people must think I'm a weirdo. Today, I was driving so two other people were in my car. One was a girl, okayish looking, but I wouldn't rate her... She is slightly older and has a BF, other is a guy my build very much an AFC if I was being critical.

The point was to lead the conversations and be chatty. Which I was doing... Unfortunately, at my gym I don't talk to anyone -EVER. I know this is bad, but it got into a habit. Today was OK as I was very chatty and forgot about my previous interactions. I had good conversations with both parties and I was happy how I lead.

I can be social if I want. But I really should make it more of a HABIT, all the time -EVERYTIME. The problem is I am incredibly social at these occasions but completely the polar opposite at the gym. Obviously there is a disconnect and a raising of eyebrows, no doubt. Fuck I am socially awkward, but I'm trying to change it.

The night was great, I couldn't compliment anyone but I wasn't too bothered. I was just having fun, chilling out and enjoying the fights. I really love watching fights. I HATE football, but fights I love...

The guy I know who was boxing beat his opponent in the first round so that was a bit disappointing because I really wanted to see more. The best fight was the two thai boxers who were both girls, but were seriously putting on a great fight. Best fight of the night in my opinion.

I vibed well with all the other guys. TBH most of them are RAFCs anyway, but still being social is being social and for me that's a big step.

No compliments but, hey...

Tomorrow, I plan some more day game. Just one girl and one compliment. Let's start small again.

Also, I want to refocus on goal setting and achievements... I can't be doing with all this wishy washy crap and being distracted so much.

I'm thinking of just grabbing a train ticket and hitting another city, I also want to visit a park I love to chill out.

Oh and I have a question. I spar from time to time, and unfortunately because of my size I tend to get placed with girls as they are more my size and embarrassingly heavier than me.

Now there was this one girl, who is a really good fighter. Our gym tends to churn out top quality fighters, even the girls are in a class of their own. The problem was she is so good she was beating the shit out of me in front of the whole class.

And I didn't want to try and box her properly because, 'She's a girl lol' So I kinda got the shit kicked out of me and didn't really know what to do? I know that look doesn't boad well, but what should I do? Anyone has any ideas? Arrrrgh. LOL

Anyway.... Journal entry ended.... for tonight?

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Day 17

I'm trying to micro manage more now. Get small tasks done. I think way too far in advance and this is preventing me from achieving

my goals with WORK.

I've found I daydream way tooo much, which immediately distracts me from what I'm trying to achieve. For example, I might want to

finish a template. But this has large scope and as a result I don't do it = BAD.

What I find that helps, well at least for me, is to split the task into smaller chunks.

Such as first 'just get home page working.' I find that with this mindset I can focus just on one individual thing. In turn, this

allows me to cut out any fantasies of a the PERFECT template and allows me to complete the job quicker and on time.

No surprise really, this is what Kasabi advocates when approaching pick-up. So the same applies for my work.

It's a small ephinany...

Today, I started to teach another girl... It happens to be the younger sister of another student I'm teaching. Apparently, I'm a

good teacher. Good to hear. Anyway, what I wanted to say, although this is a bit wrong as she's only 15... (oh dear)

But this girl reminded me of my oneitis so much. She looked just like her, small frame, really pretty a little bit shy. I was a

bit taken back as her older sister looks nothing like her. There are similarites but... Anyway, I know this is really pathetic but

I couldn't even look at her, I was a bit nervous. God damit, and she's just 15. I'm writing this down as I want to just put all my

thoughts down, the raw truth as it comes out of my head, even though it's very wrong to think that of a young girl.

Anyway, although my voice was wavering from time to time I tried to remain dominent. You can't teach students if you're not

dominant. Ahh, wtf life is so fucked up. The other student who is 16 has a goddamn crush on me as you can tell when you've been

gaming where the IOI's are. She even now wears mascara on her eyes now. And she never before.

God please, just give a girl who is about my freaking age who has a crush on me and I'm more dominant! I know it's just stupid

thinking, but it feels like all opportunites are just not touchable. LOL, OK I digress.

Anyway, after that I hit the gym and I'm starting to be more talkative and dominant. I join in the beginner sessions which is

better for me because everyone there is new, and I'm in a teacher type role so I can point out everyone else's weaknesses.

The instructor is a complete idiot. He negs everyone, but it's his class and everyone loves him. He calls everyone names, he

called me a midgit today, but I'm just too far ahead now to let that AMOG behaviour bother me. I just laugh along with, it doesn't

even bother me. Some other guy he was calling a batty boy in front of the class and he seemed to be submissive about it although

he looked pretty alpha. LOL, I guess our instructor just pushes to see how far he can neg someone. TBH it's quite pathetic, and

pretty much demonstrates he is a weak character although he is in a postive of leadership. It's not something I would ever aspire

to. My definition of a leader is someone who leads and sees the best in people and doesn't have to continuously neg someone of

clearly lesser social status just to appear like the big man. Fuck that!

Anyway, after that I went to do my local grocery shopping. I won't bore you with the logistics as it hardly counts. But I wanted

to get the compliment out of the way.

So today I was able to transistion well and the compliments came out naturally. Just male workers at the moment, so I complimented

them on items such as the watches they were wearing of tattoos. Seemed to go well. I found what works is a simple question like,

'What isle is the ________ kept on' and then to drop in the compliment in passing as if it is no big deal works a treat.

Tomorrow I want to compliment one GIRL. That's it!

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My Journal
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Day 18

Thank fuck I managed to compliment.

As I was walking into starbucks I saw this okayish looking girl who works there. I would call her a shrinking violet as she not typically fit.

There were a lot of kids in front of me. So I opened with, 'Wow lots of kids out today, must be start of the holiday season. Then as I got my tea, I said I liked the patterns on her hands, and asked if she was going to a wedding. She said it was her sister's wedding in the weekend and she got her hands painted.

This is typical of indian/asian style weddings.

Then I smiled and her and got my tea.

Improvements

-I could have spoken a little louder.
-I could have cheekily asked her if she was married and if so why not... Then maybe somehow transitioned to asking for her number.

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Next to compliment two women...

If all goes well attempt a small kino... If I can to gently touch them on their shoulder. This should be done face to face with great BL...

This might be a bit later... Just chilling in starbucks the weather is amazing, and there's a really cute brunette who is working for a bank having a meeting just opposite me. This place is full of cuties!!!

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Day 19

Going out with mates to the footy. Got a few things done at work then decided to head out to a footy match. It was an opportunity to be social with my existing mates.

Still, I find myself keeping to myself and quiet. I dont ever think I'll be extroverted in my group of friends, it just isn't me... Is this a bad thing?

I don't know. Overall, the match was OK, but my mate's team lost. Oh well, it was good to reconnect with old mates.

As I was driving in my car I was dropping one of my friends off who has issues with his sexuality. It's really difficult to find or say the right things to say. I find it difficult to have meaningful conversations, which is so much different from how it used to be. I used to spill my guts out to him about girls. But now I have to tip toe, around any subject. In my head I'm thinking maybe he doesn't need to know of this. Maybe, if I talk about girls and stuff it's making it awkward for him. I really genuinely don't know what to do or say. It's such a shame as well because his life is so much harder than you can imagine. He once told me, when he was being honest, what he has to go through. And it sounded like hell on earth. The thing is I didn't react to it well at all. I couldn't help looking shocked. I should have really just pretended like it was no big deal. After all he was my best friend at the time.

To think he has to live his life through society's perceptions of what is supposed to be the 'norm.' I wonder how he manages to cope...

One of the things I feel is left unsorted is this situation with my mates. One day I hope they can turn to me, and just like he tried helping me with my girl issues maybe I could help he with his. It's just you can't say or mention anything... As the cliche goes 'It's like telling an alcoholic he has a drink problem'. I really wish I knew what is the best thing to do.

I know I should just be normal around him and treat everything like it doesn't change my friendship... But everytime I've tried this, he tries to confide in me and when it seems like we're making a break through, he suddenly does a u-turn then sits there bad mouthing me... Saying stuff like, 'Oh you've never had a girlfriend so you must be gay.'

This is classic behavior when the SUPEREGO is threatened.

I try not to react, but I just look blank faced and feel so much pity for him. I'm not surprised how he reacts. I guess noone like to feel abnormal. But I can't control my facial expressions. I do genuinely feel sorry for him.

At the end of the day, I'm not qualified to council them. And I have my own issues which doesn't help either as it must be a complete 180 from the emotions they encounter.

So for the time being I have decided to NOT go out regularly with him as any advice is falling on deaf ears and is probably having the opposite effect.

It feels good to get that of my chest. This journal is like therapy LOL. I'm just throwing anything that comes into my head down without consciously thinking about it. It's kinda liberating.


Anyway, tomorrow is a fresh day. The weather is nice, and I have no work commitments. I may just decide to grab a train ticket and hit another city...

Let's see... First I'll have a good stab at some more freelance work. If I get that done we can see how it goes. If not I want to chill out maybe hit the cinema or a quiet park.

My holiday is coming up soon. It's literally next week. I'm not ripped in fact my gym physique is slightly lighter... Disappointingly, although I'm much fitter I've lost weight.

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Day 20

Well, the day after tomorrow I'm off on holiday. TBH I'm not that excited about it anymore. I know it's just a wedding but really there isn't going to be much opportunity to game. It will just be my family there and the groom's family... All of which will be speaking another language... Portugese... I only know a little spanish.

In honesty, it will just be an opportunity to relax and connect with my family. There is going to be a villa there. I'd imagine we're all going to get pretty drunk.

My only objective is to try and be social... I'm not really going to do day game in a country where I can't even speak the language.

Anyway here are my objectives for today.

Objectives

-finish off a web template, get the dynamic menu working
-go into work, package three items and get the domain transfer working.
-get a hair cut and some shoes
-try and compliment two people
-find passport and pack stuff
-Trade in phone for calendar one

[b]Long term objectives[b]
-Start looking for other jobs
-Start putting my advert back in a supermarket for tuition
-Continue gym
-Look for ticket to France

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So i'm writing this up from holiday. So far it's been ok. On the second day i was social and made an attempt to be social with everyone. I hate weddings. It just made me really saf when my family did the wedding dance and everyone there joined in as couples i could feel a lump in my throat thinking it sucked big time. Despite that i tried to make convo with everyone. I even suprised myself by talking a little french with a lesbian couple who happened to be there. So i can speak another language as well! Well not that great but hey... Feeling a little tipsy. The bar staff seem the hotest girls here! Although much too young.

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Improvements. Well i should have carried on being social during the wedding. I couldn't even slow dance with members of my family i was that upset. I should always try to dance if that situation ever arises again. I also notice anger takes hold pretty easily for me and depresses me. It's easy for me to undo all that positive social groundwork by acting anti social during more testing situations. Coming soon some goals for the summer holiday... It's going to be a marathon pick up session

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Improvements. Well i should have carried on being social during the wedding. I couldn't even slow dance with members of my family i was that upset. I should always try to dance if that situation ever arises again. I also notice anger takes hold pretty easily for me and depresses me. It's easy for me to undo all that positive social groundwork by acting anti social during more testing situations. Coming soon some goals for the summer holiday... It's going to be a marathon pick up session

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