Went out last night, blew it...

The Chef · Posted: Fri Oct 12, 2007 5:25 pm Post subject: Went out last night, blew it...

Ok,

So last night was the first night I been out to a social gathering since I broke up with my girlfriend...

I'm a total AFC, i can talk to everyone else in the world, except an attractive female, and last night was no exception...

We went to a total of 5 bars, and there was at least one set in each bar, and every time I choked...I just couldn't find the balls to go up and start conversation...There was even a two set in the first bar that was giving us pretty clear IOIs and I noticed but that didn't overcome the immense felt when I thought about approaching...

I keep reading Mad Dash's creed because I think it's a good motivation and confidence builder...

So today I am gonna go out to the store and attempt an approach while I'm out...Like Style says, you have keep trying...

WIsh me luck guys, this will be the single hardest thing I have done.

Trezza · Posted: Fri Oct 12, 2007 5:57 pm Post subject:

Hey man,

I know it is easy to say, but try not to worry about this, every single guy on this board has been or is going through the exact same problem.

I am sorry to hear about you splitting up with your gf - always hard times, but I think you did the right thing by going out, however from reading your post, I get the impression you went out to pull, and this can only lead to bad things because then every interaction you have you will feel like you have to get something from the interaction such as a phone number, e-mail, kiss etc

When I go out, I go out with the only intention that I am going to have an awesome night, have some incredible interactions and meet some cool new people. With this mindset, I give across the impression that I don't want anything from the interaction with the woman/group. If I meet a woman who I am attracted too and we exchange information, kiss, fuck, then it just makes an awesome night evenm better, however, is not the sole purpose of going out - and I have found that this leads to better results, becasue the women can feel that you are just out for fun.

A lot of guys go out and force themselves to approach, and as a result end up failing, becasue they are acting like approaching and meting women is a chore, I should know, because I used to have the exact same mindset/problem, however, now I have so much fun meeting new people, purely becasue everyone has something interesting to say. If I get rejected, then so what, how can the people who reject you know who you are purely from whatever you say to open? 9 times out of 10 they are in a foul mood, for whatever reason and are not feeling very socialble.

But dude, just hang in there, keep going out. At times it can be rough, but just take the positives from the interactions, learn from them and put them behind you.

Plus you also have access to this awesome message board! Very Happy

The Chef · Posted: Fri Oct 12, 2007 6:42 pm Post subject:

Thanks Trezza,

That is so great advice...I do really need to get into that mind frame...I think about it too much, lol

I appreciate the comments bro...I will definitely take those to heart

Trivial · Posted: Mon Oct 15, 2007 6:47 am Post subject:

It doesn't seem like you are doing warm up sets. Go to sets and people you are not interested in and shoot the shit

JSmooth · Posted: Sun Oct 21, 2007 6:55 am Post subject: Give it time

I agree with "TRIVIAL" here. Open sets just for the sake of opening sets, especially if you're not interested. It's good practice, less pressure, and it builds confidence.

I just went out sarging for the first time tonight with a friend who hasn't done it either. You know what we failed more than we suceeded but we know next weekend will be easier, and so will the week after that, and so on.

Hang in there, and don't come down on yourself too hard. If possible try not to go alone.

-JSMOOTH

The Chef · Posted: Wed Oct 24, 2007 10:57 pm Post subject:

Update-

I seemed to have gained some confidence back guys. It feels good.

I didn't close or get any numbers but i did approach some HBs and I have to say it really put it all into perspective for me again.

We went to the movies and I decided, "Ok dude, just talk to people, fuck who it is, just talk to them"

I did.

I approached a HB8 and asked her what time it was, I then made fun of her phone and got a nice laugh out of her.

Two girls were standing at a booth giving out hand lotion and I asked them what time it was and they pointed to the wall where a clock was, and then I turned around and kinda frown and said, "oh I see, so you can;t just show me a watch or something?" And the girl closest to me reach out and grabbed my hand and laughed, then I turned to her and said oh you have soft hands, are you stealing your own product? and she laughed some more and then I said good night and ran to catch up with my buddies.

Overall I felt really good about last night, and tonight it's gonna be another warm night so I am gonna go out and try it again.

-The Chef.

Slie · Posted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 5:41 pm Post subject:

I don't get a chance to go out much because of school. But in college, there are unlimited opportunities for practicing and some opportunities for opening good sets. Sarge whenever you can, how ever you can. Sly out.

Trezza · Posted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 7:18 pm Post subject:

Hey dude,

I am glad to hear that you have gained some confidence back - I can tell just from reading your update compared to that which started the thread that you seem more positive and happy!

The way you go about talking to people is cool as well, you seem to be approaching interactions with a playful approach not looking to get anything from her!

The key is to take little steps, and eventually you will improve in leaps and bounds! Too many guys come here looing for a quick fix, that magic line etc. but you seem like someone who truly wants to improve, which is awesome! Very Happy

Keep going as you are, go out and talk to people with a positive mindset with the intention that you are going to have an incredible night! If you have this mindset when interacting with people they will find it contagious and open up to you!

The Chef · Posted: Sat Oct 27, 2007 6:53 pm Post subject:

Thanks Trezza!

i appreciate the help that this forum has given me so far, I am going to go out tonight with some buddies and I am gonna have fun with it.

I'll post something up in the field reports section in a couple days and let you guys know how i am doing...

I definitely want to improve my life beyond just spitting out a few random canned lines. I want to be a better PUA and a better person in general.

Thanks,
The Chef.

xxIcexx · Posted: Sat Oct 27, 2007 7:07 pm Post subject:

not bashing you, but this cant be the hardest thing you'll ever do, break it down into simpler stuff

all you are doing is talking to someone, human has done this since the beginning of time and thats what we are programmed to do

it would make sense if the hardest thing you had to do was memorize the pie(the math thingy), but this is simple, dont build that mental block in your head, you have a mouth, they have a mouth, use them

Ermorden · Posted: Sat Oct 27, 2007 7:17 pm Post subject:

The Chef · Posted: Sun Oct 28, 2007 3:21 pm Post subject:

djrock21 · Posted: Mon Oct 29, 2007 7:24 pm Post subject:

I must say...This thread ALONE has opened my eyes to all new worlds!!!

"Go out just for fun..." Every time I go out, my focus is Ass or Bust..." so when I don't get it...it becomes a major failure and my night is ultimately ruined and I just don't feel like going out again...

Its like having the mentality of a minor league baseball player --> if I go up there with the idea of hitting a home-run, and I strike out - then its a failure. Even if I hit a single and get a girl to look at me and smile - still a failure.

Plus it makes it a little more difficult when all my friends and other dudes out there - getting "home-runs" or what I believe are home runs...

Oh I wish I found this site back in high school!

JSmooth · Posted: Sun Nov 04, 2007 5:35 pm Post subject: Good Advise

Chef,

I'm glad to hear that you have gained a new found confidence. The difference in your two posts are incredible. As any professional athlete will tell you, you have to practice the fundamentals. Do we think Michael Jordan was just magically able to walk on the court and kick butt. No he practiced his jump shots, free throughs, and 3 pointers all his life. These steps are our fundamentals in the PUA world. You have the right frame of mind with the playful fun attitude. Keep up the fundamentals!

J SMOOTH

Mr Fakename · Posted: Tue Nov 06, 2007 1:21 pm Post subject:

If you need to build your confidence on a basic level I recommend you game people in shops.

Just think up some pretty general products, preferably ones you actually need, and go into shops with pretty girls and ask for it / about it. Prolly best to start gaming them with a DHV story like - “I am looking for some fabric glue, I bought this $100 tie for special occasions and I’ve ripped it with a chipped nail”

Another good group to game are charity collectors, they’re always at my local malls. Give them good eye contact so they talk to you about their plead, then follow the game. Start with Negs like - “Oh noo! You want my money don’t you! I want to see your I.D. Ooof that’s a bad photo”

I know it sounds stupid, but it works! They’ll be nicer to you than a girl in a bar as they’re at work. Also because of the situation you can leave at any point if you feel it isn’t going so well. It will also allow you to get away from the canned stuff as daytime chit-chat is pretty free flowing.

I must say I’ve never gone out with the intention of gaming girls in shops. I was just shopping and it happened. I could give you some success stories and situations........ but I am feeling lazy.

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