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Monkey
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 Posted: Tue Sep 12, 2006 12:53 am Post subject: The Kino Barrier |
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So I've been running into a strange bit of problem lately. Things will be going well in terms of conversation and conversational escalation, and I've established kino previously, but in two seperate instances an HB has placed a spoken barrier against kino that I feel strongly against breaking (I only go as far as she's comfortable; general rule).
The first instance was my second meet with Coffeegirl. Everything was going great, I'd established a bit of kino, and the talk was something like 75% sexual. A lot of direct game. But when her body language screamed UNCOMFORTABLE, I called her on it. She replied she's uncomfortable with most people (a shit-test, I'm sure), and having felt like I'd treaded on some strange line, I asked her where "I'm uncomfortable" turned into "I'm leaving." She replied "When they touch me." BAM. Gigantic wall between she and I that seemed utterly impenetrable. Go beyond her wishes and give her a reason to run off, or drop any sort of kino escalation and give up on any kind of physical close? I went with the latter, figuring it had only been four hours or so, but the former was sorely tempting a few times.
Earlier today, a girl I'd been gaming at work sent up a similar wall; I poked her in the side (one of the most innocent ways I establish kino), and she told me not to poke her. "I have enough guys trying to touch me in the bars, I don't need it at work too," she says, like I'm some sort of bar molester (I never molest without permission!).
In the second case I froze her out for a bit, but it got exactly the wrong kind of response. I think it came off less as "Whatever, then. I don't need you," and more "I'm angry you won't let me touch you, you frigid bitch;" I've never been particularly strong with freeze-outs, and they tend to come off as sullen. Besides which, we weren't really at a place I could freeze-out effectively; it was mostly an experiment to see if she would try to build back our rapport and get my attention again. She didn't.
I'm sure I'm not the only guy out here who's experienced this. What's the best strategy for dealing with LMR-style defenses against kino? How do you escalate properly with a girl you can't touch? Am I establishing kino too early? Too late? |
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xfman
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| Posted: Tue Sep 12, 2006 1:10 am Post subject: |
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Most of the PUA advices are to get kino as fast as you can , early in the conversation.
Monkey try this:
Try some Mirror techniques to built confort
On a basic level, we like people who are like us. One way to help rapport to develop is to mirror the micro-behaviours of those we wish to influence. Any observable behaviour can be mirrored, for example:
Body posture
Hand gestures
Head tilt
Vocal qualities (pace, rhythm, tonality)
Key phrases
Blink rate
Facial expression
Energy level
Breathing rate
Anything else that you can observe…
To mirror another person, merely select the behaviour or quality you wish to mirror, then do that behaviour. If you choose to mirror head tilt, when the person moves their head, wait a few moments, then move yours to the same angle. The effect should be as though the other person is looking in a mirror. When this is done elegantly, it is out of consciousness for the other person. However, a few notes of caution are appropriate:
Mirroring is not the same as mimicry. It should be subtle and respectful.
Mirroring can lead to you sharing the other person’s experience. Avoid mirroring people who are in distress or who have severe mental issues.
Mirroring can build a deep sense of trust quickly. You have a responsibility to use it ethically.
1) Practise mirroring the micro-behaviours of people on television (chat shows & interviews are ideal.) You may be surprised at how quickly you can become comfortable as you subtly mirror the behaviours of others.
Pacing and leading
Pacing and leading is one of the keys to influencing people. It refers to meeting them at their map of the world (pacing) and then taking them where you want them to go (leading.) Rapport is a basic, behavioural signal that you have met someone at their map of the world. The simplest, most effective test for rapport is "if you lead, they follow."
2) Choose a safe situation to practise mirroring an element of someone else’s behaviour. When you have mirrored them for a while, and think you are in rapport with the person, scratch your nose. If they lift their hand to their face within the next minute or so, congratulate yourself – you have led their behaviour!
Skilled communicators have a wide range of behaviours they can mirror to build rapport. You can find a way to mirror virtually anything you can observe.
3) Increase the range of behaviours that you can mirror, and introduce deliberate rapport-building into situations where it will benefit you and others (nb. Use your common sense and choose low-risk situations to practice in.)
Then try to get a little bit of kino and make a test, cold reading; The cube or even better for your case some palm reading , then your going to get higher kino 
 XFMAN |
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Saros
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Joined: 07 Jun 2006
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Location: Toronto (Mississauga), Canada
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| Posted: Tue Sep 12, 2006 1:51 am Post subject: |
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I'm in high school, and I'm constantly surrounded by naturals. I have a friend, who does nothing but kino (he knows nothing about the community though). When he meets a girl he likes, he just touches them on the arm and starts random fluff talk. During this time, he's grabbing the girl's arm, touching her earring, fixing her hair and brushing "dirt" off her shoulder all in the course of 5 minutes. The girls' body language screams "uncomfortable!!"--but he persists like a machine. After 3 days of nonstop kino and really pushing the limits of casual kino (ie hugging the girl he just met 5 mins ago, getting close and smelling her hair) He's kissing her while she's giggling about it and he gets to touch her like crazy (he knows his limits though).
Now, when I see my friend in action, he has a calm/cool aura surrounding him. His body language says "kino is inevitable--let it happen" although he doesn't consciously show it. I believe that this is his key to success, because he honestly doesn't give a damn about how the girl feels, he just kinos them constantly until they kino him back.
So, I say continue kino, on the condition that you can make it seem natural and part of the conversation. If it gets awkward as if you're consciously calculating where to put your palm on her arm, then it's your call on whether or not you should be touching her.
Also somethign that I do -- try imagining yourself through the eyes of your target (ie Coffeegirl). Was your body language or could your body language have showed that you were "desparate" to touch her? I mean there are a lot of factors that could result in a bad reaction, many of which are subtle and that you won't remember but you could try and solve it through this so-called "third-person" view. |
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xfman
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| Posted: Tue Sep 12, 2006 2:14 am Post subject: |
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Touch her cheek, Like if you were removing a hair etc...
try to be antural when kino , dont force kino |
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